by John Goode
When I turned around to the court for tip-off, I ceased being Danny Monroe, nervous and apprehensive teenager, and allowed my instincts to wash over me. As I stood at center court, a part of me realized that I never felt as alive as I did while playing basketball. It felt like the person I was most of the time, stumbling through my life not knowing what came next, was an act. A mask I wore to hide the person I was on the court. The guy from their team walked over to stand across from me, and I smiled. He looked up at me and swallowed hard. I was six three in sneakers, and he wasn’t.
“I want a clean game,” the ref said, holding the ball between us.
“Take a long look,” I said to him as we both crouched. “Last time you’re going to see the ball this close for the rest of the night.”
His eyes grew wide as the ref blew the whistle and threw the ball up into the air. We both launched ourselves skyward at the same time, but as the ball began to fall back toward us, I was a full five inches over him easy. I batted the ball to Tommy and saw him spin around, trying to lose his shadow. He passed it to Cody, who passed it to me. I turned, looking like I was going for a layup, and saw the guy guarding me bear down to block me. I dodged past him, blew past another guy, and went up for the shot.
By the time my sneakers hit the court, we were two points ahead.
I scored another eight points before the other team called a time-out. We headed over to the coach, who seemed incredibly pleased. “Okay, he’s about to tell them to double-team Danny and most likely pulling a guy off of Paul.” He looked over at the shortest guy on the team, who seemed deflated by the action. “So, Paul, get ready to teach them the error of their ways.” He looked at me. “Paul is it, got it?” I nodded, and he actually laughed in glee. “Okay, this is going to be fun. Our game starts now. Pay attention.” We called out “Tigers” and trotted out to the court. Cody was next to me and asked before he moved off to his spot, “You could probably score even with two of these guys on you, couldn’t you?” I looked over at him and gave him a sharklike grin that seemed to answer his concerns.
Sure enough, as soon as the ball was in play, the guy who had been guarding Paul moved off to join my guy. I saw Paul station himself over by the basket, and I nodded to Tommy, who shot me a grin. I burst into movement. Their guy was trying to find a guy open to move the ball forward when I came at him. He began to dribble sideways for a moment as he glanced over at the shot clock. He had less than ten seconds to take a shot or lose possession of the ball. So he had ten seconds to either try to take a shot and have me steal it or stand there and do nothing and give it to me anyway.
He decided on the first one and dodged to the left, trying to get past me. I took the ball from him and went to drive forward. My two shadows tried to stop me, and I passed it to the first open guy I saw. I feinted to the left, looking like I was setting myself up for a layup, my two guys on my heels. Tommy had the ball, and I indicated for him to pass. He threw the ball to me and when I turned, looking like I was going to take the shot, I saw another person shift to block me.
I tossed it to Paul, who was literally standing under the basket by himself.
It was the easiest basket I’d ever seen made. Three more like that and the panic began to descend on the other side. Each time they moved back to man-on-man, I would blow past my guy and score. When they grouped to block me, there was always someone else waiting for the ball. By halftime it was obvious we were running the game, and the other team was just struggling to keep up.
In the locker room during the break, we were ecstatic.
We were already celebrating when the coach came back and began to yell at us. “Did they call the game and not tell me?” he asked as everyone grew silent. “Did they decide to cut the game in half and just forget to announce it?” We were silent now as he began to pace. “We haven’t won yet, you idiots, so stop celebrating. So far it’s working, but I can assure you they are in their locker room right now and their coach is trying to find a way around it.” He looked at me. “Am I wrong?” I shook my head, knowing he was right. “So trust me when I say the second half is going to be all uphill. They are going to move to zone defense, which means we need to try working around it. Switch to a ground game, try and keep the passing to a minimum. Danny, time for some bombs.” I nodded, knowing he meant I needed to try for as many three-pointers as I could.
I looked over at Tommy and said, “Your guy is paying too much attention to me.” He nodded. “Lose him. Every time I move towards the basket, he ignores you.” I could tell he hadn’t seen that, but he didn’t say anything out loud.
“Okay, we got it?” the coach asked, and we nodded. “You guys are kicking ass. Stay on your toes and do not think you have this yet.”
We stood up and surrounded him as we put our hands into the circle. “Tigers kick ass on three,” I said, looking at my teammates.
They all stared back, and we shouted “Tigers kick ass.”
We beat them easily that night, 56-38. I had never felt like this before, not just part of a team but part of a group of friends. Everyone patted me on the back and congratulated us for a fantastic win. I tried to push through the crowd and look into the stands. I saw my dad when the game ended. He was sitting in the stands, taking to the guy next to him rapidly. He was pointing at me.
It was the first time I saw my dad bragging about me. It was the best feeling I had ever experienced.
CHAPTER FOUR:
PERSONAL FOUL
MY LIFE moved into a pretty sweet groove after that game.
We began winning game after game, and with each win we became more popular in school. That was an odd correlation, since I wasn’t really aware all that many people were basketball fans in the first place. Our school was more known for its baseball and football programs; our basketball team had always been an afterthought, as I had understood it. Except for this season.
We began really working as a team, and it showed on the court. Our tactics stopped being gimmicks to fool the other team and began to form into a strategy that was fast becoming unbeatable. Better yet, with our new-found popularity came a whole other level of perks we hadn’t been exposed to before.
Namely girls.
Carol had made it clear she’d walk across broken glass to date me, which was flattering, but I was all turned around about girls because of Cody. No, wait, that’s not fair. I was turned around about girls way before Cody, but right now, the image of him dressing out was seriously fucking with me. I was fifteen on the edge of sixteen, which meant I spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about sex. I spent more time with my dick hard, pressed into the side of my jeans, than I didn’t. My only saving grace was that, with the baggy jeans and boxers I wore, it wasn’t blatantly obvious that I was sporting wood, though more than once I saw Cody’s stare fall to my crotch, and then he’d look at me with a grin that said he knew. I didn’t know if that meant he liked it or not. I simply hadn’t spent enough time being friends with other guys to know the protocol for whatever might happen, and I was terrified I’d do the wrong thing.
Carol wasn’t the only girl who made a pass at me that first couple of weeks, but I wasn’t really sure they were serious or just wanted to chat up the new guy. I knew both Tommy and Cody got new girlfriends by the third game, a fact they liked to crow about every chance they got. My stomach got tied in knots every time I saw Cody with his arm around Tina, a nice-looking sophomore who hadn’t given him the time of day before he was a winning jock. Tommy had actually hooked up with Susan, which surprised everyone since she had been dating a baseball player before him. It was a pretty big coup for the basketball team, one of our own stealing the head cheerleader away from the star baseball player. Tommy’s success reflected on the rest of us.
I just couldn’t find a girl who made me feel like Cody did.
At first I thought I was safe, everyone else too busy with their own squeeze to notice that I was still stag, but that thought was quickly dispelled. We were on a five-game winni
ng streak, and it looked like there was no stopping us when Tommy took me aside after one Saturday practice to talk.
“So lemme ask you,” he said casually, completely different from the open hostility we’d shared a month ago. “There a girl you like?” I felt the panic rush through my limbs like some kind of phantom stroke paralyzing me in place. “Because I never see you with anyone, and I know you’ve had offers.”
I felt myself get light-headed as I realized I wasn’t breathing. I shook my head and choked out, “No, no girl.” I winced mentally because that was a stupid response. Why did I say girl? I should have just said no and leave it at that. With no girl it sounds like yes, I have someone, but it isn’t a girl, which can only mean a guy. I broke out into a cold sweat as I began to panic. Did I just out myself? Am I in? Was that it, was I gay? I felt my hands shaking as I waited for him to respond.
“Awesome, ’cause Susan said Carol is sweet on you, and she wanted me to find out how you felt about her.” The smile on his face conveyed much more than his words could. It was the familiar grin all boys had when talking about girls to other boys—part wolf, part shark, all bullshit as we passed along in a not so subtle code that we were in fact talking about fucking. Most of us had never gotten that close to actual sex before. “She’s cute, and I know she’s dying to see what’s under those trunks,” he said playfully, swatting at my crotch. I bent my knees away from the blow; it was one of the things I had become accustomed to with these guys.
A massive number of quasisexual gestures seemed to exist among the guys on the team, and they were seriously messing with my head. Slapping ass, flicking at someone’s dick, coming up behind someone and pretending to fuck them, one hand grabbing the shirt, other hand slapping back and forth, and then there was the hand kiss. That was when a guy came at you as if to kiss you, pressed his hand over your mouth and then proceeded to make out with his hand. Let me tell you, the first time someone does this to you, the real challenge is not falling backward on your ass in shock. Cody seemed to love this maneuver, catching me when I was not even close to being ready as he’d lay one on me. Everyone thought it was hilarious every time, because the way I reacted was just straight panic, but not for the reasons they thought.
The last time he’d done it was at a party at Paul’s house for our fifth victory. We’d all had a couple of beers, provided by Paul’s brother home from the military, who thought every age was the right age to drink. Cody was buzzed, and I had to admit, I was too. He was saying something and then turned, slapped his hand over my mouth, and kissed it. As his tongue licked his hand, my mouth opened by instinct, and I licked his palm. His eyes flew open as we stared at each other across his hand. I swirled my tongue around in a circle as I pressed forward. I wasn’t sure what was going through my mind as the guys howled, not realizing what was happening. I opted for the most guy thing I could think of and went to flick his crotch….
And felt my finger bounce off his hard cock.
He jerked back, cursing out loud. I saw him wipe his palm on his shorts, but he didn’t say anything other than “You fucker!” to me in response. I laughed, finished my beer, and ducked into the bathroom before my hardness was clear to anyone through my own shorts. I locked the door and leaned against it as I pulled my shorts down and began to stroke my cock heavily. I could smell him on me, and the thought he had been hard while “kissing” me made me cum in less than a minute. I shuddered as I felt the warm liquid drip slowly down my hand. I instantly felt embarrassed and ashamed when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I pulled my shorts up and washed my hands thoroughly, making sure there wasn’t any evidence on the tile or counter before I walked back out to the party.
All this rushed through my mind as Tommy laughed at making me flinch. “So can I tell her we’re going to double date after the game?” I nodded, not sure why I felt absolutely nothing at the idea, but I somehow knew it was the smart choice to make. “Awesome! That new 3-D thing is playing. We can catch the ten o’clock showing and then grab some IHOP. Sound good?”
Again I nodded, not sure what I was agreeing to.
When the rest of the guys were leaving, Cody caught up to me and gestured at Tommy. “What’d he want?”
“Um,” I stammered, for some reason not wanting to tell him I had just agreed to go out with someone else. I swallowed the feeling quickly and said, “Carol asked him if I liked her and if I’d go out with her.”
He paused for a second and then asked, “What did you say?”
I looked at him for a moment, not sure what his sudden shift in tone meant. “I said yes. I mean, why wouldn’t I, right?”
“Sure,” he answered, quickly looking away.
“I mean, you’re seeing Tina, right?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“So what if I am?” he shot back, almost angry.
I wasn’t sure how to answer that, so I just shrugged and quipped, “So yeah, it’s a date.”
“Fine,” he said in a clipped tone.
“Fine,” I shot back, angry myself now.
“Hope you have a blast,” he said as he ran toward the parking lot where his mom was waiting for him to finish practice.
“I will!” I screamed after him and marched off toward the bus stop.
I had no idea why I felt this bad, but I knew I was heartbroken.
I had honestly thought there was no deeper confusion I could wade into than the one I was already in, but that night I lay in bed wondering why Cody had been so angry and why I felt this miserable. The next day Carol met me at my locker and threw her arms around my neck, pulling me down into a hug. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou!” she exclaimed as I hugged her back carefully.
“Um, sure,” I said, wondering why this made me feel even worse than before.
“Can I sit with you at lunch?” she asked, her eyes pleading with me silently.
I nodded mutely, not sure how else to answer.
Another squeal of pleasure, and she hugged me again. “I’ll see you at lunch!” she cried before skipping away with Susan, who looked back and smiled at me. I closed my locker, not sure why everything had become so fucking confusing.
“Looks cozy,” Cody snarked, standing off to the side. I glanced over at him, that feeling of guilt washing over me suddenly.
That guilt burned away to anger almost as quickly. “What the fuck do you care?” I shot back.
“I don’t!” he snapped, raising his voice.
“Well, awesome,” I said, my voice dropping into a deep growl. “Have fun with Tina.”
“Oh, I will,” he said, scoffing in my face.
“I bet you will,” I retorted, ignoring the way it felt like I was about to blow chunks at any second. We glared at each other for a second, and then the bell rang for class. We took off in opposite directions, neither one willing to look back at the other. By noon I had no idea what we were fighting about, but there was no doubt we were fighting. Tina sat on his lap, which was new since most of the time it was just us guys eating lunch together. He looked like he was making a show of having her there with him, ignoring us completely and trying constantly to kiss her. No one said anything, but it was weird nonetheless. Carol leaned over and whispered, “Are you sure it’s okay if I sit here?”
I pulled my eyes off of the happy couple and nodded. “No reason you shouldn’t be here,” I said loudly enough for him to hear. I’m not sure why, but I slipped my hand around her waist and pulled her closer. She didn’t resist, in fact she seemed happy about it, though all I did was watch him for a reaction. I caught him looking over at us for a second before going back to making out.
I pulled her closer and seemed ready to kiss her myself when Tommy looked over at Cody and asked, “What the fuck is up with you?” Cody paused and looked over at him. “If you want to make out, take her behind a backstop or to your car, man. No one came to school to see you try to swallow your girl’s tongue.” Cody blushed, and Tina shrank away, like she suddenly realized where she and Cody were and what the
y were doing.
Tommy shot a stare over at me. “And if you’re about to start… don’t.” Carol inched away from me slowly as Tommy went on, “I’m not sure what the fuck is going on, but it isn’t happening at this table.” Tina stood up and said something quietly to Cody before walking off.
“See you after school?” Carol asked me as she stood herself. I nodded absently as she leaned down and pecked my cheek. She walked away, leaving Cody and me staring angrily at each other.
“Look, girls, if you two are going to fight? Just fucking fight and get it over with,” Tommy said, going back to his lunch. “But get it over with by Friday, because if you two fuck up the game, I will personally take you both out back and beat you to death.” We both looked at him, and he nodded at us. “I will fucking beat you to death. That’s a promise.”
Cody and I looked at each other and then down at our shoes underneath the table.
“Get out of here and make up,” Tommy ordered. We looked at him in shock, and he nodded. “No joke, get lost.”
We both stood up slowly, waiting for him to say it was a joke or something, but he was deadly serious. We walked away from the table in confusion, neither one of us knowing what to say. We silently made our way to the gym, which was thankfully empty this time of the day. A ball was jammed between the rim and backboard, and Cody looked up at it and then to me.
“Well, there’s no way I can reach it,” he said with half a grin.
I jumped up and pulled it down. The sound of it hitting the boards as I bounce-passed it to him echoed around us. He dribbled the ball a few times and then fell back and attempted a three-pointer. The ball bounced off the rim and began to wobble away from the basket before I leapt up and tipped it in. I passed the ball to him, and he checked it back to me as I leaned in and began to press toward the other basket. He instantly saw the seriousness in my face and moved to intercept me with both hands out in defense.
