It Must Be Christmas

by Jennifer Crusie

  “There’s not much to tell.” Chloe’s demeanor changed. Her gaze wandered, no longer focused on him and she picked at her sandwich as though looking for a distraction. “I started working for the Make-A-Wish Foundation right out of college. It was great, but I wanted more control. The work was rewarding, but hard. So much sadness. I wanted to make kids’ lives better, but I wanted to shift my focus to underprivileged and at-risk kids. Sports were always a really big part of my life growing up and I wanted to share that with kids who might not know how good it feels to be an athlete. So I rounded up a few donations and started my own organization. We’ve kept it local so far. It takes a lot of money to keep a charity afloat. I’d like to branch out eventually. Go national. Or global. This isn’t about recognition for me. I just want to make the kids’ lives better in any way that I can.”

  “Sounds like a sweet gig,” Nate remarked. “Doing what you love.”

  She gave him a soft smile. “The foundation means everything to me.”

  They ate in silence for a few minutes. Nate was too wrapped up in his own head—to preoccupied with Chloe—to talk. Unlike Nate, her passions ranged far and wide. Her intensity in the bedroom didn’t come from a need to quiet her mind and live strictly in the moment. She had a passion for life. For her job. And that fire translated into the way she kissed, touched, fucked. Nate envied that fire. On his best days all he felt was a gnawing desperation and numbness that he couldn’t escape. He hadn’t loved anything—or anyone—in a long damned time.

  “How about you, Nate?” Chloe’s soft voice pulled him from his thoughts. “What gets a soon-to-be non-billionaire fired up?”

  “You,” he replied without guile.

  Chloe’s cheeks flushed. Damn, he loved the way she looked. “I’m serious.”

  “So am I.”

  “Did you love the Navy?”

  Nate’s gut knotted up. He’d started this. Drawn her into conversation to learn something about her. Now he was agitated that she wanted to know more about him? “I loved the challenge,” he said after a while. “The excitement. And the thought that I was serving a greater good and protecting people. The SEALs were my family for six years.”

  Chloe studied him. Her green eyes were round and wide. Her kind, caring expression damned near gutted him. “Why did you leave?”

  Nate swallowed against the golf-ball-sized lump that rose in his throat. “I could have reenlisted,” he said. “But I lost two team members and an asset during an extraction mission. Nothing was the same after that, so I got out.”

  “I’m so sorry, Nate.” He didn’t want her pity. Couldn’t stand the compassion shining in her beautiful eyes.

  “Don’t be.” He immediately regretted the harshness of his response. “It comes with the job.”

  The last time someone asked about his time with the SEALs, Nate had answered with a resounding, “Fuck off.” Chloe wasn’t just some curious asshole who thought the job was one big action movie. He sensed her sincerity. The lump in his throat grew bigger. Goddamn it.

  “I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose someone in that situation. You prepare for it, sure. But when it happens, it still blindsides you.”

  Exactly. Jesus, she understood him like very few people did. “It does.”

  “I used to see it a lot. The families that came to Make-A-Wish—they were at the end of the line. They knew what to expect. They’d spent months, sometimes years preparing but when they lost their child, it was always a shock. It still hurt.”

  Nick rubbed at his sternum. The familiar anxiety slowly crept up on him, tightening his chest and constricting his airway. His ears rang and his heart pounded. If he didn’t get some air, he was going to throw up. Or pass the hell out.

  He shot up out of his chair with enough force to send it toppling to the floor behind him. He didn’t look at Chloe—couldn’t—as he rushed past her and threw open the sliding glass door that led to the balcony. He gripped the back of his neck and laced his fingers together as he took several deep, cleansing breaths. There wasn’t enough fucking oxygen in the world to clear his head. His world was slowly unraveling.

  “Nate?” Chloe’s voice caressed his ears, so gentle it speared his heart.

  “I need a second.” What a way to make an impression.

  “It’s an anxiety attack. It’ll pass.”

  “I know it will.” Snapping at her wasn’t going to help anything. She was trying to help, for shit’s sake.

  “Come inside. I’ll help you take your mind off of it.”

  Nate let his head drop between his shoulders. She could see right through him, couldn’t she? Two nights together and Chloe had his number. Knew why she was here and what he was using her for. Shame welled hot in Nate’s throat. He was a son of a bitch for allowing this to happen in the first place. And he was a low-life bastard because he was going to go back in that room and fuck her again. Fuck her until his brain and body were too spent for anything else. In letting Chloe distract him from his past, Nate feared that he was developing a far more debilitating addiction. Because after tonight, he didn’t think he’d be able to let her go.

  * * *

  Chloe should have never broached the subject of his enlistment. She knew better than to open festering wounds. Had dealt with countless families who lived with grief, loss, and helplessness on a daily basis. The more they talked, the wilder Nate’s expression had become. Like an animal caught in a snare with no other choice but to chew its own leg off or die. She’d pushed him too far.

  She reached up and wrapped her fingers around his elbow. He wouldn’t let her coax him to relax his grip. His hands were locked behind his neck, the knuckles turning white. Tense didn’t begin to describe the way his muscles bunched at his back, fanning out from the solid wings at either side of his torso and tapering down to his narrow waist. He wouldn’t budge and so Chloe changed her tactics, stepping behind him to lay her palms to the muscles she’d just been studying.

  She’d ease his anxiety and tension whether he wanted her to or not. It was going to take more than a pit bull expression and a few barked words to scare her off.

  Chloe reached out and gripped the mounds of muscle that rounded his shoulders. She massaged in slow circles with the pads of her thumbs, kneading every individual knot until she felt them loosen. Nate let out a slow breath and his hands relaxed their grip a fraction of an inch. Downward, she traced each vertebra until she got to the small of his back where it met the gentle swoop of his ass. So much power in his body. He exuded strength. The man could have been cut from marble.

  Outward to his torso, Chloe focused her efforts on his laterals, pressing with the pad of her thumb and allowing her fingertips to splay out over his ribs. Nate’s breathing grew deeper, more even, though he refused to release his grip on the back of his neck. For almost a half hour, Chloe continued. Over his shoulders, down his spine, up the sides of his torso, and then she started again. When he finally unlaced his fingers and let his arms drop, Chloe knew he’d finally calmed down.

  She rose up on her tiptoes and spoke close to his ear, “Let’s go inside, Nate.”

  Without a word he turned and followed her back into the room. She grabbed his hand and led him to the bed. “Lie down.”

  Again, as though he had no choice but to do as she said, he eased himself down onto the mattress. Chloe knelt down beside him and began to massage the solid muscles of his arms and across his chest. “It’s okay to freak out, Nate.” He let his eyes drift shut but she knew he was listening. “No one could go through that and just brush it off. You can’t beat yourself up for it, either. It’s okay to feel. And you don’t ever have to be embarrassed about it. Especially with me.”

  His body relaxed into the mattress and Chloe soothed him with gentle touches and smooth passes of her palms, interspersed with harder concentrations of her thumbs and fingertips. His breathing grew more even and the deep furrow that marred his brow eased until he no longer appeared distressed. She thought that maybe Nat
e had fallen asleep until his hands reached out to grip her wrists.

  Chloe paused and her heart began a wild rhythm in her chest.

  Nate’s eyes opened, the intense hazel depths boring straight through her. Her breath caught as he sat up. He released his hold on her wrists and unbuttoned her shirt before dragging it down her shoulders. Chloe shrugged it the rest of the way off and it fell to the floor with a rustle of fabric. Nate reached up and cupped her cheek as he brought her mouth slowly to his. The kiss was slow, sensual. A lazy caress that drew Chloe’s stomach tight and caused her blood to race through her veins. When he pulled away, Nate simply stared for a long moment before pulling Chloe down beside him on the bed. He tucked her body against his and the heat from his chest nearly burned against her back. A long, exhausted sigh escaped from between his lips. Nate wrapped his arms around her, hugging Chloe tight to him as though he was afraid she might try to get away.

  Long, quiet moments passed and Chloe listened to the sound of Nate’s breathing as it transformed from short little clips to long, easy pulls of air. His arms relaxed around her as sleep overtook him. Chloe wished she could find the calm necessary to sleep but her heartbeat refused to slow as it pounded in her chest.

  Her fingers drew a lazy pattern on the muscled length of his forearm as she stared off at some unknown point on the opposite wall. Whatever this was between her and Nate, she suspected that they’d just crossed into territory from which there was no return. And she wasn’t entirely sure if it thrilled her, or scared her to death.

  SEVEN

  When Nate woke, Chloe’s body was still tucked tight against him, her arms wound with his as she hugged him to her. It had been a long goddamned time since Nate had felt any kind of peace. Hell, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d fallen asleep next to a woman without having exhausted himself first with sex. That’s not to say she hadn’t relaxed him. Her full-body massage had left him feeling downright boneless. After one motherfucker of a panic attack, he’d expected her to tuck tail and run. But Chloe was made of sterner stuff. She’d eased every ounce of tension, cleared his mind without the need to fuck those horrible thoughts out of his brain. Instead of tripping into a fitful sleep, he’d fallen on a cloud into a dreamless void.

  The stillness and quiet of last night was worth more than tens of billions of dollars.

  Nate smoothed the hair away from Chloe’s face and kissed her temple. She stirred in his arms, a sleepy smile tugging at her lips. “What time is it?”

  He leaned up on an elbow to check the digital clock. “Seven-thirty.”

  Chloe groaned. God, he loved that sound. Hell, she’d probably sound adorable grunting and wheezing after a twenty-mile run. There wasn’t anything about her that Nate didn’t like. They barely knew each other, but Nate found himself wanting to learn more about her. This wasn’t about only sex anymore. Last night had proved that. The spark he felt for this woman went far beyond a simple physical attraction.

  “I need to get ready for work.” Her eyes were still closed and she didn’t even try to get out of bed. “I have a meeting at nine with our board and—”

  “Skip it,” Nate said. The thought of her leaving for even a second made his stomach want to heave.

  “I can’t.” Chloe turned in his embrace as her eyes slowly opened. The smile she gave him made the sun seem dull in comparison. “Good morning.”

  He lowered his mouth to hers for a quick kiss. “Good morning.”

  “I’ve already put this meeting off twice. No more skipping out for me. Plus, I promised Derrick that I’d take him out for lunch.”

  Nate played with the silky strands of her hair, loving the way it felt when it slipped through his fingers. “Derrick?” He couldn’t do anything to keep the possessiveness from his tone. Who in the hell was Derrick?

  Chloe bestowed him with a wry smile. “Jealous?”

  The hairs at the back of Nate’s neck prickled. Something was up. Her demeanor changed in an instant, her body no longer soft and pliant against his, but tense. It could have been work stress. Hell, for all he knew, that sense that she was keeping something from him was his own damned paranoia.

  “Maybe.”

  She gave a nervous laugh which did nothing for the tension that pulled his muscles taut. “Derrick is one of the kids in our program. He’s sort of my pet project. He’s bounced around between too many foster homes to count and he works the system better than any kid I’ve ever seen. I try to keep an eye out for him because even soccer can’t keep him completely out of trouble.”

  “Ah.” Nate wondered at the relief that flooded his body. “Lucky kid. I bet you’re good for him, though. You’ve done a pretty good job of keeping me in line so far.” Chloe flushed and it made Nate want to say something else, something far dirtier to coax that color to her cheeks. “When will you be free?”

  “Hmm. Probably after six or seven. What about you? Don’t you have another full day of lawyers and yes-men kissing your newly moneyed ass?”

  “Unfortunately.” Nate was more than ready to have this business of his father’s estate over and done with. Miranda was champing at the bit, more than ready to take ownership of the company’s controlling stock and the money that had been Nate’s share of his father’s legacy.

  “Nate, can I ask you something?”

  Chloe faced him once again. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth. Was there anything she did that wasn’t goddamned adorable? The uncertainty in her voice gave him pause, though.

  “Sure. Ask away.”

  “Why do you want to get rid of this money so badly?” Her brows drew down over her brilliant eyes. “Did you ever consider that your father was trying to patch things up with his sons by leaving everything to you and your brothers?”

  Nate had never really given it much thought. He’d spent so many years being mad at his father that he’d never bothered with whether or not his father felt bad about what had happened between them. “I guess I figured that he was rubbing my nose in it. Like he knew I’d never make anything out of myself and so he had no choice but to leave it me. To save the family name or some shit.”

  Chloe reached up and cupped his cheek. Nate fought the urge to close his eyes and fall into that comfort she gave him without even trying. “No one is saying that you have to trade in your jeans for three-piece suits and move to Dallas. And I’m sure you don’t have to quit running cows in exchange for long days at the office. I just think that if you sign your inheritance away, you’ll regret it. Once it’s done, you can’t take it back, Nate.”

  “You sound like my brothers,” he said with a snort.

  Chloe smiled. “I’m sure they’re all extremely intelligent and equally wise.”

  “What if I don’t want to be Byron Christensen’s son?” The familiar lump rose to Nate’s throat and he swallowed it down.

  “I hate to break it to you, Nate, but even if you give every dime of that money away, nothing is going to change the fact that you’re his son.”

  “I didn’t tell him when I came home.” Admitting it to Chloe lifted a huge weight from his shoulders and at the same time, filled him with shame. “After I was discharged, I moved to Sanger. A couple of hours away, and he never knew it. I probably don’t deserve that money. I wasn’t any better of a son than he was a father.”

  “Nate.” The sadness in Chloe’s tone sliced through him. He wouldn’t have been able to stand her pity, but this was something else. Empathy. “No one’s perfect. That doesn’t mean we’re not deserving.”

  He didn’t say another word. Couldn’t. His own emotions would get the best of him if he opened his mouth. Instead, he lay his head back on the pillow and tucked her body into his. For long, quiet moments they lay in silence. When Nate could finally trust himself to speak, he said, “I’m headed home tomorrow. I want you to go with me.”

  * * *

  “I’m headed home tomorrow. I want you to go with me.”

  Chloe stared at her computer screen, the numbe
rs on the spreadsheet nothing more than jumbled symbols. Nate’s words had been running a loop through her head all day to the point of distraction. As well as the response she’d given him without an ounce of thought: “Yes.”

  What had she been thinking? What had started out as a ploy to convince him to help bail out her foundation turned into something that Chloe had no control over. And though she still needed his money like a drowning person needed a lifeline, her motive in convincing him to keep his inheritance was no longer selfish. She’d meant what she’d said: turning his back on his father’s legacy would be a decision that would haunt him.

  “Hey, you okay?” Hailey poked her head into Chloe’s office and leaned against the doorjamb. “That was one bitch of a board meeting.”

  Understatement. The board meeting had been catastrophic. “Nothing like being told your number is up,” Chloe replied. “I’d rather have all of my teeth pulled—without anesthesia—than tell these kids that their clubs and programs are going away. We’ve kept them motivated. Out of trouble. All of that is going to end. They’re so used to disappointment. I never wanted to be just another person to let them down.”

  Hailey sighed. “You won’t have to do any of this alone. I’m here ’til the bitter end.”

  Chloe gave her a rueful smile. “I’ll give you a glowing recommendation wherever you apply. You’ll find a job in no time.”

  “Oh, I know.” Hailey brushed a hand down the length of her body. “All this and a killer set of grant facilitation skills … puhleaze.”

  Chloe snorted. She hoped she’d be able to find a job as easily. Otherwise she’d be living off of tap water and saltines. “I’m thinking about taking a few days off…” Thinking? She’d already told Nate she’d go home with him. “Would you mind holding down the fort until Monday?”

  “I think I can manage this asylum without you,” Hailey remarked. “So … whatcha doin’?”

  “Nateaskedmetogohomewithhim,” Chloe said on a whisper of breath.