“It’s not that simple,” I tell her as I walk the few steps back to her. “Listen, I’m not being like this to enjoy the feeling of having him do all of this stuff, but I do have my reasons. It’s hard staring at a person who you once loved and fail to see the old them. The old him is in there somewhere, but I can’t see it. That time apart, I built up the wall because of what I thought had happened, and the other is there to stop me being hurt. For God’s sake, he had some hooker on his lap and Josie peeing up his leg in the first twenty four hours. To top it off, he’s going to that damned thing with someone else. I know that was because I’m not going, but my point is, the old Kyle didn’t flit from woman to woman. This new one does and I don’t want to be one of those women. Can’t you understand that I’m trying to cling to the happy memories that I have? Not destroy them with new bad ones.”
She licks her lips and her eyes narrow before she starts walking again. “I get that,” she mumbles, “but that doesn’t mean that you can’t bring the old him out. You can’t just run scared of the worst case scenario to stop from hurting. For all you know you could bring him back to life.”
I get her point too, and I have made progress with one of them. Once I’d realized that he had no idea, the mortar holding it all together slipped away but the bricks still stand. I just need to reach up and grab that first brick, but I need Kyle to help me get to it. It won’t move otherwise.
“Are you coming in?” Nod asks holding the door open and staring at me like I’ve lost the plot.
I don’t even know how I got here. I don’t remember much after our little talk. “Yeah, sure.” I smile, hopefully a convincing, sane one.
As we step into the bustling bar, the smell of delicious, freshly cooked meals hit me as it mingles with the smell of beer. Nod heads towards the back, waving at a couple of people as she passes their tables. I on the other hand make my way to the nearest bar stool and plonk my sorry ass on it, ordering a wine while I drown away the feeling of confusion.
Do I really need to make more of an effort with Kyle? Do I need to cut him some slack and embrace what’s happening, or do I hide away from it like I have done, trying to steer clear of anything that will emotionally attach me to him again? The thoughts and scenarios keep shooting around my head and no matter what I think about, my old plan comes back screaming at me, telling me it’s the right decision to halt it to prevent any further torture. I’ve already had too much. I need to tell him and I have to do it when nothing else is affecting our judgment. He needs to know the truth and then I have to let him decide for himself how he wants to be. If I embrace a relationship of some sort with him where I become dependent on him again and then I tell him, I’ll re-live my life all over again and I can’t do that.
Kicking my shoes off and chucking my purse in the kitchen once I walk through the apartment door, I go to the fridge and grab another glass of chilled wine, downing it and refilling it to top the night off.
I head to the bathroom and run a bath. Bubbles, oils and soft, relaxing music. Just what the Doctor ordered.
Slipping back into the bedroom, I go to get undressed, when a black silhouette scares the living crap out of me in front of the window. My heart’s beating a thousand times a second. Flicking on a lamp, my eyes squint at the floating shape and a shocked gasp escapes my lips as realization hits me.
I go over, running my hand over the sheer, dusky pink dress; the delicate beads sewn in a pattern all over the garment, sending a shiver down my spine as my finger tips run over them. The price tag also catches my eyes and my hand flies up to my mouth, a fluttery breath escaping at the extortionate cost.
“I hope it fits, it took ages to find it.” Kyle’s voice startles me from behind. I turn, looking at him wide-eyed, tears brimming, threatening to explode.
I gulp, looking at the dress and back to him. “Please don’t tell me you went and spent even more money on me. I told you I wasn’t going. Why are you trying to make me? I already owe you God knows how much money for the couches and then you go and add a few more thousand bucks on the tab for a dress.”
“C.J., I’m not expecting you to pay me back. I got it as a gift. I just really want you to come.” As he steps in to the room and starts walking over to me, wariness imprinted on his face.
Gesturing with my hand to stop I take a seat on the end of the bed, my emotions threatening to get the better of me. “Kyle,” I whisper, glancing up at him and see a fresh scowl. “K.C., I don’t want the dress, or anything from you. Besides, you’ve gone to one of these things before without me, this time won’t be any different.”
He walks over, hands in his pockets and crouches down in front of me, before cupping my hands in his on my lap. “You’re right, I’ve been to these events a million times, and I always go with some meaningless woman, drifting through the night, talking to people I can’t remember names of and smiling a fake smile because I’m expected too. “I finally have you back in my life, someone who sees past all the money and the front. You know the real me and don’t see dollar signs when you look at me. I swear to God I went on this one date, and that’s all it was. One. Date. On the way back to her apartment, she was planning a frickin’ wedding.” He laughs.
I know I’ve thought about him being with other women, but to hear him talk about it, cuts deep. “Who picked the dress?” I ask, sighing, glancing at the dress again and then back to him. Staring into his eyes, I feel like no matter what argument I start over this, he’ll win, always does. His thumb rubs tenderly on the back of my hand, sending shivers down my spine. Damn him and his touch.
“I did. Do women really need so many options? Jesus!”
I chuckle and free a hand from his, gently rubbing his cheek. “We do. I guess I’d better get up early and finish what you started though. I can’t go in my old heels can I? Not when the dress costs a fortune.” I laugh, trying to shake the tears away.
A wide grin spreads over his face and my stomach drops.
He gets to his feet and heads into the lounge. I shout after him, asking what he’s up to, because I’m not trusting that smile.
He comes back through juggling white boxes and places them in the middle of the bed.
Twisting round, I stare at them, mouth hanging open and speechless.
He shoves a box towards me, snapping me out of my daze. “Open them.” He urges almost to a point where he opens them himself. You know, like when you watch children at Christmas and they take an eternity to even peel the corner off. Just like that.
Cautiously, I take the biggest one, untying the shimmering red ribbon. Taking a deep breath, I remove the lid and remove the tissue paper. Inside, is a pair of cracked silver, Jimmy Choo heels. I close my eyes and reopen, hoping that this is a figment of my imagination. It isn’t. He got me Jimmy Choos. “What the hell. How much have you spent?” I ask breathlessly.
Smiling and completely ignoring me, he nudges another box over, and then another. I’ve got a matching Jimmy Choo clutch purse and teardrop, Tiffany earrings. My emotions are now off the scale. I can’t talk, I feel sick and I’m seconds away from letting the dam break and release the streams of tears I’ve fought back since the dress.
“Wow. So you thought of everything huh?” I ask trying to laugh but it sounds pathetic and not as convincing as the first time I tried it. I want to strangle him and hug him stupid for this. I’m amazed that he spent so much just to get me there. “No underwear though?” I joke.
“Do you…? I can….” he stutters. And I’m decided, I should just hug him for it. He didn’t have to do all this, but he has.
I get up and go around to him and wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly, pouring everything I’m feeling into him. “No, you don’t need to do anything. It was a joke.” I say, nuzzling into his chest. “Thank you for all of this, but I really could have gone and gotten something cheaper if I’d chosen to go.”
He kisses the top of my head making me smile. “I know baby, but I wanted you to have the best.�
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Pulling away, I look up at him, and then tiptoe, placing a gentle thank you kiss on his lips before removing myself from the situation completely. “Looks like I have no excuse now.”
“Nope.” he beams, shoving his hand in his pocket as he produces yet another box and carefully places it in my hand.
With an eye roll and a defeated sigh I remove the wrapping of the, hopefully, last gift. Lifting the lid I look in and find a delicate bracelet with a diamond daisy on it. I’m done for. The dam cracks, my legs give and I crumble in a heap on the floor, sobbing like it’s going out of fashion. Once I stop blubbering I try and make a coherent sentence and just about manage it. “Please tell me that’s the last one, I can’t handle any more.”
He comes and sits on the floor in front of me, pulling me into his body and holding me tightly. The smell of him seems to calm me a little bit, and the soft kisses against my temple a little bit more, but I won’t stop crying until I get it out my system.
About ten minutes later I do finally stop.
Pushing me backward, Kyle looks at me, smiling, but checking my face, I’m guessing for another, irrelevant outburst. “I wasn’t expecting you to do that. I thought you’d be screaming from happiness not …” he waves his hand at me, “this.”
I giggle and wipe my tear stained cheeks. “You know I’m not your average girl. You know I like to do the complete opposite.”
“Yeah I do. That’s what I love about you. You’re beautiful, selfless and make me have a heart attack every time I see you. I’m sure you get more gorgeous every day.”
I sniffle as I laugh again. “Even like this?”
“Even like this. I wouldn’t change you. I’m just glad they’re happy tears and not sad ones. As long as they’re the only ones I make you cry, I’m fine.”
I pull away so I can face him and melt the moment I look in to his eyes. I get goosebumps from it. The turquoise blue hypnotizing me and for a moment I’m lost in the old times, the good times. Nod was right, if—and that’s a big if—if he wanted to try again, I’d do it. He said so himself, only I truly know him, the him that I loved so much no matter what and I can’t run scared from him and my thoughts. I’ll just take this one day at a time and see where it goes. I owe us that.
I’m not one hundred percent certain that Nod will make it through the night. After her massage, which had its own soundtrack filled with moans and groans as she was worked into a puddle of goop, Nod had sat and had her hair and make-up done and hardly stayed awake through it. Jenny, the beautician—who I also discovered to be Ryan’s sister—had to snap her back to the land of the living on a few too many occasions.
“You are the worst kind of client, you know that, right?” Jenny snaps at Nod as she once again yanks her head into the correct position.
“Ouch, will you be careful. I’m trying to keep my head up but you have sent me into a deep sleep. If this is anyone’s problem, it’s yours. You only have yourself to blame.” She yawns to finish the sentence off and emphasize her point.
Jenny shakes her head and pulls a disgusted face at Nod in the mirror as she replies, “That’s right, it’s my fault I’ve done as you’ve asked. You know what you’re like when you’ve had a massage. I told you not to have it done.”
“It’s always my fault.”
Jenny smiles then, looking pleased. “I’m glad you’re learning. I thought Ryan would have taught you that from day one. I don’t do nothing wrong.” Which makes both me and Nod laugh to ourselves.
As Jenny checks Nod’s hair over one final time I put the magazine down that I’ve been reading for what feels like days and grab my glass of wine, which has been refilled numerous times. “Are you still okay to do my hair? If you’re too busy and running behind I don’t mind.”
Jenny raises her head slightly and looks at me as she sprays the rest of the can of hair spray on Nod’s up-do. “No, you’re fine. Someone made sure I changed my plans tonight so I could get you in.” She winks.
Regardless of said wink, I feel guilty for her changing any plans, even if she is joking. “Are you sure? You don’t have to listen to sleepy over there. I can do it myself.”
“Honestly, it’s fine. Have you got a date for tonight? I didn’t think to ask.”
I want to say yes, but I know realistically I don’t because the person I would want to go with and the person who’s made me go has another date. “No, I’m just tagging along with these two. It’s a long story but I wasn’t planning on going. It seems I can be easily persuaded, though.”
Nod gets up from the chair in the middle of the lounge and almost busts her gut laughing. “Easily? Jesus, the guy’s spent a fortune on you to get you to go and I’ve been begging you for days. You and easy shouldn’t be in the same sentence.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” I smirk. “Regardless, I’m not going with him, I’m going with you two like a third wheel.”
Jenny pats the empty seat which I take as my cue that it’s my turn. “I’m intrigued,” she smiles. “Who’s the guy?”
“No one important.” I get in as quickly as possible but not as quick as Nod who shouts “Kyle,” as she pours more wine in to the empty glasses in the kitchen.
A look of horror washes over Jenny as her eyes find mine in the mirror. “Cooper? Ryan’s friend?”
I don’t know what it is about that look but it sends a chill through my bones and I start rethinking my plan for tonight. Maybe I could just, not go. So what? I planned to stay home. This whole night has disaster written all over it and I hate it. On the way over here I second guessed myself. Could I really last a whole evening watching him with Penelope and trying to steer clear of that thing that gave birth to him? How am I supposed to have a good time and relax when I have those two things hovering over my head, weighing me down?
“That’d be the one. You look disgusted by that, though.”
Nod walks back into the lounge and takes my spot on the couch, looking at Jenny who has followed her every movement since she picked the glasses up. “Why are you encouraging this? You know he’s an ass to women, so why let her go through with it?”
Suddenly I’m no longer in this conversation.
Nod purses her lips before ranting, “Sometimes you have to forget people’s past Jen. I know the guy has a bad reputation but for once I actually believe that he’s doing this because he cares about her. It’s not as if he’s just swanned in to her life and tried to drag her in to bed and left. They have history.”
“History?” she snickers back. “She’s been here months. Did she actually say no, the first hundred times? Did he have to work that bit harder compared to all the rest? It doesn’t make him a reformed man. I’ve known Cat, less time than you but I still wouldn’t want to see her hurt. You’re supposed to give a shit.”
You can see the color rising in Nod’s cheeks the more they shout at each other, I want to butt in, but I can’t.
“Jenny, I love you, but I think on this occasion I’ll take the fact that I’ve taken a hell of a lot more than you into consideration. I’m aware months isn’t history but years is. If you could see what they’re like around each other, you’d know.”
When Jenny looks my way, and I realize that I’ve not been forgotten. “Years?” she asks.
“Years. But thank you for your concern over him. Trust me, I have my own, I’m just trying to split the old Kyle and the new at the moment. But, as I said earlier, I’m not going with him. He has a date, which I told him to do because I wasn’t going and it made his Mom happy.”
Jenny’s mouth opens and closes quickly before she asks, “Rebecca?”
I don’t know why, but I feel like I’ve been hung out to dry during a tornado. I don’t want to ask but I know I have to. “Who?”
“You said that he’s going with someone else, I was just wondering if it was someone called Rebecca?”
“No. Penelope. Who’s Rebecca?”
Jenny’s expression softens as she looks between me and
Nod, tapping the comb against her finger nails. “One of my clients. She came in and had the works. She said that she was feeling in a good mood because she’d had a date with Kyle and he’d asked her to this ball. I didn’t really ask questions though. You’ve heard one story, you’ve heard them all.”
Jenny immediately covers her mouth with her hand. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think before I said that.”
“Forget about it,” I smile even though deep down I have a shark attacking my insides. Another woman. Not only that but the whole time he’s been feeding me bullshit and trying to sweet talk me into everything, he’s still been dating other women and asking them to go to this God damn ball! I’m fine if he wants to date other people, to some degree, but when he’s dragging me through the mud in the process, it’s downright disrespectful. “You know what, forget about the hair. I’m not really bothered about going anyway.”
“Oh, no, you don’t.” Nod pipes in getting up of the couch in a careful manner. “You said you were going and so you are. You don’t know if what she said was true. It’s just word of mouth and if he was going with her, he wouldn’t have asked you or Penelope.”
I want to scream that it doesn’t make it all okay but I’m hardly in the position too. I can’t argue and fall out with the only friend that I have. “Why do you think that all of this is easy? I’m protecting myself here. Do you know what this feels like?”
“No. But you’re so eager to take everything at face value and believe what’s being said rather than talking to him and listen to his side of the story. You can do that you know, talk to him. You have known him longer than all of us. Use your gut instinct to figure out the truth rather than believing other peoples’ words and over someone you once loved.”
Fair point. “I’m not believing other people, I’m just taking into consideration.”
“Consideration my ass. You can tell by the look on your face that you believe them. Just go tonight and enjoy yourself. You can either spend the night with him by your side, showing everyone else how to snag the guy or if—and that’s a big if—he’s spending his night with what sounds like a few dates, you can show him that you don’t need him. I’m rooting for you two to sort your shit out, but it’s not the be all and end all. I want him to prove himself to you, him and all the other women out there that he can be a normal man. You said the other night that he used to be a one woman man. It’s got to be inside him somewhere.”
Coming Home (Only Time Will Tell #1) Page 9
