The sound of footsteps drags me out of my thoughts. Nadine walks in the office, a huge smile on her face as she prances over my outstretched legs and sitting at her desk. “I want to know everything. Don’t leave anything out, I want every single detail,” she says before I’ve even had chance to say, “hi”.
“You’re wanting gossip? That’s new.”
She scowls at me disapprovingly and scrunches up a piece of paper just for my head. “Less of the chit-chat. You’ve had a whole weekend with him. Tell me.”
So, I tell her everything. Minus Kody still, though. I also manage to squeeze in a lecture about her wasting trees by throwing balls of paper at me daily.
By the time I’m done and she’s asked her questions it’s lunch time and I’m over the moon about that. I need a break from story telling.
I head out alone to grab a sandwich from the deli down the street.
As I’m waiting in the queue my cell rings. I dig it out my purse, check the screen and answer a little too excitedly. “Hey, you okay?”
It sounds like he’s smiling. “I am now. What you up to?”
“Nothing,” I sigh. “Just grabbing a bite to eat. You at work?”
“Yeah, it sucks. But, like you said the other day, as soon as it’s out the way and I’m all caught up, I can see you without thinking about it. If only they could just build a God damn hotel on their own,” he chuckles.
I swear my heart just swelled at the sound of it. “You know it makes sense. Anyway, I have to go I’m next in line.”
“Okay baby, I’ll probably not talk to you till tomorrow, got a meeting in about ten and I have no idea how long it’s going to last.”
“That’s fine.” It’s not, because my heart just sank after that. “Bye.”
He hangs up as I head to the counter to grab a freshly made tuna sandwich. I take it back to the office and eat at my desk, enjoying the quiet, as I’m sure Nod is. She must be sick of the sound of my voice. I know I am.
As the last hour kicks into gear, I sit back in my chair and just stare into the unknown. I’m finished with my jobs for today and I’m already wishing for some more time off. I look at the three girls concentrating, staring at their monitors and decide upon myself that it’s been quiet for far too long. “I have a question. I never told you where I was going this weekend. I just didn’t turn up Friday, so how did you know what was going on?”
Nod gives me an awkward smile. “Ryan,” she says as she starts playing with the cuffs of her long sleeved white blouse. “He spoke with Kyle on Thursday and he told me about it.”
“You knew and you never thought to give me a heads up?” I scowl. I’m not mad at all, but I want her to think I am.
“No. We didn’t know what he’d do. Last I knew he was going to think about it,” she says, getting on the defensive. “All I knew was that he’d called up sounding all frantic, unsure about letting you go or not. Ry told him to calm down and to stop acting like an idiot. He told him to just let you go and if you decided to stay then there was nothing he could do about it, or if you came back he could talk with you then. We never thought he’d sneak on an airplane and stalk you back there.”
It’s hard not to laugh at her when she’s like this, so I do. “Next time make sure you factor in stalker-ish behavior when you’re thinking about what he’s going to do. At least then you can prepare me for irrational Kyle.”
“Noted,” she salutes.
It’s really cute that he gets panicked like that and feels the need to call Ryan— even if it is a bit girly.
I’m sitting on the couch eating a bowl of soup, watching the television when the computer starts ringing. I get up, discarding my soup on the coffee table while I answer.
It’s my Mom.
“Hi, Mother-bear. What you doing up so late?” The little clock on the desk telling me it’s gone midnight.
“Worked late. Just thought I’d see if you were online.” She yawns into the camera.
“You know, I keep this thing fired up to be on the safe side. If it’s not on, I’m sleeping.”
“I know. A little bird told me we missed you this weekend. Didn’t you think to tell us?” A slight bite enters to her tone.
Shuffling in my chair I reply, “It wasn’t like that. It was a last minute thing and you were already on holiday. I promise the next time I visit I’ll give you plenty of notice.”
“Good! Your Dad was really upset that he missed you. It’s not often he gets emotional but you’re his little girl and he hates not seeing you.”
“I know. I get it. Tell him I’m sorry and that I love him. I love you all while I’m at it.”
She yawns again. “We know you do. That little bird also told me that you didn’t come alone, you got yourself a boyfriend?”
Shaking my head at the screen I tell her, “No, and that damn bird needs shooting,” which makes her laugh. “He’s just a friend, like I told everyone at the party.”
It was bad enough that my family would click on to me and Kyle but I really don’t want to have to tell my parents over the computer. I’m sure they’d understand in the end but it’s going to bring back all the pain they felt. Watching me suffer is bad enough but to lose a grandson makes it a million times harder. I know for a fact they tried to hold themselves together for my benefit even though they’d crumbled inside too.
“Hm hmm.”
“Less about me though, how was your holiday?”
She rubs her hands over her face, I think sleep is coming to her. “It was great. The kids had a great time, your Dad got drunk most nights and your Brother and Rose got new tattoos. Other than that, it was just normal holiday stuff: swimming, the beach, donkey rides…you know how it is.”
That I do. “Was that donkey there that’s always itching?” I ask, remembering a trip we’d taken a couple of years after we’d moved over.
We had all taken a walk along the promenade, as we approached the town center we spotted a bunch of donkeys waiting to go on their next trips out with laughing kids on their backs…except one. He had the name Mickey across his harness and was scratching his neck vigorously against a street sign. I laughed at the time but the poor thing must have been really irritated.
A couple of days later, we did the same walk, this time the kids wanted a donkey ride. I asked my Mom if she thought the donkey would still be itching himself against the post, laughing again about it. When we found them we spotted Mickey immediately, scratching his backside against that same post. At that point I wasn’t sure what I felt sorry for, the itchy donkey or the post shoved up his ass.
“Not sure, we didn’t pay much attention to the donkeys. It was too warm to have a hairy animal between your legs.”
I can’t help giggling. “Is that what you tell dad?” Realizing what I’ve just said, the image pops into my head and I squeeze my eyes shut trying to get rid of the image. “Don’t answer that, I’ve tortured myself enough, I need to gouge my eyes out.”
When I look at the screen my Mom’s sat there shaking her head and suppressing a laugh. “That’ll teach you. Anyway, you’ve bored me enough, I’m ready to call it a night,” she says winking at me.
“Thanks, bitch-bag. You know, if you weren’t my mother and I didn’t love you, I’d hate you for that comment.”
“I know princess. Talk to you soon, I love you to the moon and back,” she smiles.
My chest gets a bit painful, I hate saying goodbye. “I love you, to the moon and back too, and again, just so you know I really love you.”
She waves and blows me a kiss before shutting the call down. I miss her.
Getting up with a sigh, I collect the bowl of soup that looks less appealing now and dump it in the sink.
It’s only eight, but after my Mom’s yawning I feel quite sleepy.
I run myself a hot bath, making too many bubbles as I do. I add a few drops of lavender oil and four handfuls of Epsom salts. I leave it to dissolve and for the room to steam up while I light a few candles and fi
nd some relaxing music on my phone to complete the setting.
Getting in, I sigh at the tranquility I gave myself. The sound of the whales destressing me instantly. A homemade spa, just what the doctor ordered.
The lavender works a treat; I must have dozed off and not realized it. The water is almost cold, the music is gone off and I’m as wrinkly as an old woman — what a great look.
I clamber out, wrapping myself in a towel, blow out the candles and grab my cell before going into the bedroom. I lay on the bed, still wet through and just relax. You can never relax enough. Checking my phone, I see it’s almost nine—oops! And I have a text from Kyle.
Kyle: Hi u ok?
Me: Yeah I’m good. U?
I wait a few moments, gripping it in my hand waiting for a reply. I start to think that he’s not going to when it vibrates.
Kyle: Yeah. Missing you though.
Me: That’s sweet. You get everything done?
Kyle: Pretty much. What’s the chance of you coming over tonight?
Me: Slim, I just got out the bath and I’m stupidly tired.
Kyle: Please!! I’m going to bed too so you can just come over and sleep?
Me: Sleep?
Kyle: Honest to God, just sleep, I just want you to come here. I’m missing you like crazy.
I ponder it for a moment. I have missed him too but I’ll be seeing him tomorrow, a few hours ain’t going to kill him. But then again, I slept a hell of a lot better with him beside me. Maybe I could go over…
Me: Fine. Touch me Cooper and I’ll cut your hands off.
Kyle: I can’t promise that. The code for the elevator is 0103.
Jumping off the bed I chuck on some skinny jeans and a cute little shirt before grabbing my purse and running out the door. If I carry on doing this he’ll think I’ve flown there, and nobody wants to seem that eager.
I stick out like a sore thumb in this place. This is very Prada, while I’m Target. But I try and walk with confidence through the foyer.
As soon as the elevator doors open I hop in and punch the code in—a number I won’t forget because it happens to be my birthday.
How can you miss someone this much? I’m hopping on my feet as it slowly heads up to the apartment. It’s always the same when you want to be somewhere, everything takes fifty million times longer.
Arrrggghhh.
But maybe this time is good. Maybe, this could be the opportunity I need to tell him. We’re not angry or craving each other. We’re going to be together with level heads. I can’t think of any better time to think of telling him. It’d be better now than weeks down the line when we’re too much involved in each others lives. In the next twenty four hours, I’ve got to find a way of getting the right words out of my heart, head and mouth.
The doors open and I walk into…a very quiet apartment, which I guess it would be if he’s gone to bed, already delaying the pent up anxiety that’s brewed. Or maybe it’s adrenaline.
I kick my converse off and cautiously walk towards his room, waiting for Josie to jump out from behind a door to strangle me. But she doesn’t.
Flicking on the light I head down the hallway to his room, still slightly on edge.
The door is ajar and the lights are off. I start to wonder if he’s already fallen asleep. I push against the door quietly, and peek my head in. “Kyle?” I whisper but don’t get a response.
I open the door wider and go in, planning on just sliding into bed beside him, but something catches my eye.
Squinting against the darkness, with the only light coming in from the hallway, I notice he’s in bed, completely conked out.
He has a blanket covering him from the waist down and Josie lies across his naked chest, barely covered.
A wrecking ball slams into my chest—well it feels like it has. I wish it had! Maybe then, I’d be dead and this wouldn’t hurt so much, seeing both of them, like this. Sleeping with their arms around each other…just like me and Kyle had been only last weekend.
To think I was actually considering telling him about Kody. I actually thought that me and him were getting somewhere and I felt like it was okay to tell him the biggest, life changing event in my life…our life. But no, he has to prove me right, and everyone else for that matter. I was stupid and I don’t know why I let my heart get so involved with him. Why did I set myself up to be hurt by him? He’s taken my heart and my soul and trampled all over them, stamping on them both. The sight of them is making me want to go over to them, tear them apart and scream at him. Tell him everything I feel and felt. How can someone play with your feelings so much when they said they loved you?
It’s quite clear from where I’m standing that my feelings and I meant shit to him.
Life doesn’t seem real. I’m there, but my body feels like it’s free falling from space, waiting for the impact of my body to come crashing back to earth. I’m such an idiot.
I’m standing there shaking, cold sweats breaking out everywhere. Tears start streaming down my cheeks. I cover my mouth to stifle my sob as I turn and run.
Grabbing my shoes I run straight into the waiting elevator, angrily punching the number into the keypad.
On the way down I repeatedly bang the back of my head against the wall. I was so stupid. I am just like everyone else. I’m no one special. I have a pulse and I’m female, that’s all that matters to that son of a bitch.
I hate him! I hope that one of these days, he’ll actually grow another heart and fall in love with someone who fucking tears it out his chest and feeds it to wild dogs!
What was the point in asking me to go over? What was the point in coming to England? What was the point in anything?
Did he think it would be easier to just find out rather than tell me? Did he think that at least this way it was him hurting me rather than the other way round? Come to think of it, I don’t think he thought at all because he just doesn’t know how to. He’s thinking about himself.
God! This hurts! My heart feels like it has a million stab wounds to it.
I don’t know if I’m sad or angry. If I’m angry, who is it with—me or him? Either way, my heart is being locked up from now on. I’ve been hurt by him too many times and he doesn’t get to keep doing it, even if the first time it was unintentionally. As far as I’m concerned…he’s dead to me.
“Cat, you okay?” Nadine asks warily over her desk. It’s the first time anyone has spoken today and it’s almost finishing time.
I look up at her over the desks, practically ready to growl at her for disturbing me. Needless to say that I’ve kept myself busy since I got here. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? You’ve beaten the crap out of your keyboard and worked through your lunch. I’m concerned about you, that’s all.”
I look at her as she gives me apologetic smiles. “I said, I’m fine I’m just not in the mood for useless gossip that’s all.” Looking back at the monitor I continue tapping away.
Nadine however, doesn’t give up. “Has something happened between you and Kyle?”
Sighing heavily I rake my hand through my hair before slamming it onto the desk with force that actually makes it tingle in pain, which is something I actually enjoy. It makes a change for pain to be elsewhere in my body other than in my heart. “Ya know what, I don’t want to talk about it,” I grit out through clenched teeth. “In fact I don’t want to talk about him, or me, or us for that matter. As far as I’m concerned he’s dead to me.”
I’m not looking her, but I can see out the corner of my eye that she’s staring at me, playing with her pen nervously.
After that she just keeps quiet about it…and anything else she might ask or say.
Part of me feels guilty because I’ve created such an atmosphere. I must be radiating with all things bad in the world right now, like I could create the damn apocalypse. But then the other half of me thinks…fuck it. People have their bad days, it’s swings and roundabouts. If they want the good one day, they’re going to get the bad the next.
>
I continue working, almost breaking the keyboard and calculator with each key punch and keep myself occupied so I don’t keep going over everything in my head from last night. Anything that will keep the image of those two at bay. Not even the sound of those three clearing away and saying their goodbyes stops me, well it didn’t until Nadine slammed her hand onto mine as I moved the mouse.
“Seriously Cat, stop! It’s time you left.”
I slowly move my head from the monitor to her face, scowling at her, which she matches. “Let go of my hand.”
“No,” she shouts. “I know something has happened and I want to know.”
“Why?” I shout back. “So you can go blab to Ryan, who will ask Kyle? And for what, so he can tell Ryan his bullshit? I’ll tell you about it when I’m ready to, because at the moment it still hurts like hell.”
Her expression slowly softens as she pats my hand and removes it. “Okay. But I can keep it a secret from Ry, he doesn’t have to know.”
I nod and give her a tight-lipped smile, which for me today is a bonus. “Thanks. Sorry about today, I’ll try and get it out my system by tomorrow.”
She attempts a smile too, pats my shoulder and then leaves. I have no right to make her life hell because mines up the shitter.
I finish off what I’m doing before I leave for the day. While I’m on a roll, I might as well keep going.
I grab my purse as the computer shuts down, and while my head’s down, I hear footsteps behind me. “I’m leaving I swear,” I say, assuming it’s Nod, who’s come back to check that I actually leave this place tonight. Swinging round on the chair however, I find it’s not her but one of the people I hate at this point in time. “What do you want?” I ask, my tone irritated and bitter.
Josie gives me an awkward smile as she sits down in Nicole’s chair, delicately and femininely in her navy blue shift dress. If it was me doing that, I’d have sat down like a sack of potatoes. I’ve never mastered the art of elegance.
Coming Home (Only Time Will Tell #1) Page 17
