by K. E. Saxon
Over the next two hours, Maryn vacillated between sorrow and worry over Daniel’s continued absence. She wanted to beg his forgiveness for the rude words she’d given him as he was leaving earlier, and she hoped that he would do the same in return, so that they could mend this breach and begin anew. She was not sure how she was going to deal with her anxiety over his continued close friendship with his ex-betrothed, but the thought of living in a state of anger and resentment was even more unacceptable.
Maryn gazed, unseeing, into the flames of the hearth, worrying the tip of her thumbnail with her teeth. She would do what was needed to make her marriage work. Even if it meant giving her body to Daniel before she was convinced that he cared more for her than he did his beautiful friend.
Her decision made, she turned and settled in the chair by the hearth to await her husband’s return. She fell asleep, but awoke an hour later. Her eyes and face were swollen from the tears she’d spent and her heart was a leaden, sore weight in her chest. Daniel had still not returned and the realization that he did not intend to do so finally began to dawn. This new sadness added another load of suffering to her already overburdened heart and she forced herself to rise and go to bed. She dearly hoped that Daniel’s anger would wane, that he would be amenable to working things out with her in the morn.
CHAPTER 7
Daniel stayed in one of the tower chambers of the keep that night. It was bare except for a cot and a few blankets. Because he had not wanted the household to know of the argument between himself and his bride, he had searched out the chamber in stealth, well past the midnight chimes. Then, after gathering a lamp and a few candles for warmth and light, he had brought them to his temporary lodgings. But he’d been too restless to sleep. Throughout the long, dark night, feelings of anger, hurt, and guilt broke over him in separate, pain-filled waves as snippets of the argument echoed bitterly in his mind.
He knew that he should never have allowed himself to say the cruel things he’d said to Maryn. And the sense of doom he felt would not abate, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that he’d not made her despise him.
He finally gave up trying to get any sleep and rose well before dawn, leaving his purloined candles and lamp behind. He did not intend to share a bed with his bride again until Maryn agreed to be a true wife to him; she was too much of an enticement.
Daniel broke his fast and went to meet with Derek, his lieutenant. He’d only just met the man this day past but was thus far impressed with what he’d seen. The tall, stout warrior was a similar age to himself, with a keen mind and a thorough understanding of the newer methods in castle defense, a subject Daniel looked forward to exploring more fully with him.
As Daniel took the steps down from the entryway, he heard Jesslyn call a greeting to him. He waved at her and waited for her to approach.
“What brings you here so early? Is Alleck well?” he asked.
“Alleck is fine. Lady Maclean introduced him to some of the lads in the village and he’s playing with one of them now,” she replied. “I came to see if I might be of assistance to your wife or your grandmother. ‘Tis the least I can do for the use of the lovely cottage.”
Daniel shot his arm out, checking Jesslyn’s entry. “’Tis not the best plan, at least for now. Maryn’s still a bit tired from the journey. I would like to inspect your new lodgings to make sure you and Alleck have everything you need, will you walk with me?”
Jesslyn nodded. “My thanks.”
He heaved a mental sigh of relief. Maryn would not have appreciated any offers of help from her, on this he was clear, and it had been a stroke of good fortune that he’d been there to curtail the effort. “I would also like to check on Alleck and make sure he’s adjusting to his new home.”
“He will like that.”
Daniel placed Jesslyn’s hand in the crook of his arm and began strolling toward the gate. “I hope he will not miss his friends from the MacLaurin holding overly much.”
“Nay, he seems content.” She hugged his arm in a familiar show of affection. “Worry not.”
As they continued across the courtyard, Daniel mentally weighed whether he should tell his friend of his current problems or not, for he was in a great amount of pain and desperately needed to speak to someone about it. “I slept in one of the tower chambers this night past,” he said finally.
“What? Why?”
A voice in the back of his head told him that this was not a good idea, but Daniel was unable to stop himself. Jesslyn had been a boon companion to him for many years, and he needed her advice right now. “I allowed my hands to roam a bit too far afield and she bolted. I pushed her to allow me to bed her then and she refused. So I became angry and said the most vile things I’ve ever said to anyone in my life—I’m not proud of that—and then I stormed out.”
“She still declines to let you bed her?
Daniel’s lips thinned. “Aye.”
“Well, it has been almost a sennight since you wed. I know no other man who would have been so patient, including my husband, Graeme.” Her look turned curious. “What vile things did you say to her?”
“I told her I made a bad bargain, wedding her.”
“Daniel!”
Daniel groaned and scrubbed his palm over his forehead. “I know! God! I told her I was going to find comfort in another’s bed and that I should have wed you instead! I even called her a cold trout! I played on all of her fears and now she will no doubt want to go back to her father’s holding, convinced that I am just as she had been suspecting.”
Jesslyn patted his back. “Those were awfully harsh words, I must admit. Especially the bit about the trout.” She tsked and Daniel felt lower than a toad. “For shame,” she said. “But, unfortunately, ‘tis the people we care most about that we can hurt the deepest—we know all their fears and insecurities. Graeme and I had some terrible arguments early on as well.”
That made Daniel feel better. Graeme and Jesslyn had had a very loving relationship and if they had fought and it had not destroyed their marriage, then mayhap his was not yet spoiled either. “How do I fix this, then?”
“I’ll wager Maryn is feeling just as badly as you are, Daniel. You should talk to her.”
“Aye. And my conscience is screaming for me to beg her forgiveness as well.”
*
Maryn had not slept well the night before either and came down to the great hall in search of Daniel. One of the servants told her that he had just left not ten minutes prior, so Maryn rushed out to try and catch him. She did not want to allow their bad feelings to fester one moment longer.
She stumbled to a stop outside the entrance when she caught sight of her husband walking arm in arm with his ex-betrothed. The woman was shamelessly rubbing herself against him! Her mind reeled. Had they spent the night together, then? Tho’ he had told her he would find comfort with someone else, she had finally convinced herself that his words were false, that he’d said them in anger.
After another moment of intent study, Maryn’s worries eased. Daniel seemed oblivious to the brazen action of the widow and continued to look ahead as they walked. Mayhap they had not been together after all. And if that were the case, then it was imperative that she and Daniel mend this break in their relationship in all haste.
*
Lady Maclean opened the door behind Maryn and stepped out on the stoop next to her. She gazed ahead at the two figures strolling together and asked, “Who is that woman, Maryn? I’ve noticed her unseemly attachment to my grandson and I’ve seen your unhappiness as well.”
Maryn sighed, knowing she must try to explain to Daniel’s grandmother about the widow. For Lady Maclean lived in the same home with them, and she would no doubt soon see that her grandson and his bride were not on the best of terms. And, mayhap, the older lady would have some sage advice to impart to her new daughter-in-law to aid her in her heart’s struggle.
“She was Daniel’s betrothed until the day he agreed to wed me. She’s also a lon
gtime friend of his, as was her husband, who was killed in battle some years ago. I forget how many.” After a short pause, she continued, “I’ve been worried that my husband and Jesslyn are in love with each other—and are sharing a bed.”
Lady Maclean gaped at her. “My dear, dear lass. I never would have believed that he could be capable of such callousness. To flaunt his mistress in front of his wife and expect her to accept it! ‘Tis glad I am that his grandfather did not live to see this.”
A very new, but quite persistent, nagging suspicion that her own insecurities might be the true cause of the problems in her marriage prompted Maryn to say, “Lady Maclean, ease yourself. Daniel has assured me that they are not lovers, and that he cares for her only as a friend.” She heaved a sigh. “I am trying to believe him.”
“Then why on earth did he bring her here?”
Exactly. “He hopes that she will meet an eligible man to marry. He feels responsible for her and her son and he wants Alleck to have a father and Jesslyn to have the security that a husband affords.”
Lady Maclean patted her on her shoulder. “’Tis a relief to know my grandson did not bring the widow for himself. What did your father say to this arrangement?”
“My father knows naught of this,” Maryn replied. “I did not want to burden him with my worries until I knew for sure that they were solidly based.”
“Maryn, my dear, you must not fret so about Daniel’s feelings for the widow, his heart is not hers. ‘Tis yours, I trow.”
Maryn’s heart tripped, soared, then sank. “I wish I could believe you.”
“’Tis not for me to convince you, but for my grandson to do so.”
Maryn shrugged.
“Why, he did not even remember agreeing to allow her and her son to dine with us until I reminded him of the fact when they arrived for supper last eve.”
That brought an instant smile to her lips. Her mood lifted, she realized she was ravenous. “Will you join me for the morning meal, Lady Maclean? I would like to get some instruction from you on my duties to the Maclean clan.”
“My dear, you must call me ‘Grandmother Maclean’, and of course, I shall be pleased to instruct you on your duties.”
As they broke their fast, Maryn began asking Lady Maclean questions. She was sensitive to the fact that her new in-law had been the lady of the keep for many years, so the transfer of duties would need to be a slow one.
The remainder of the morn was spent touring the keep and meeting her staff. She had not seen her husband since his departure from the courtyard with Jesslyn. Maryn decided to search him out and ask him to join her for their nooning meal. She wanted to use the afternoon to meet some of the other clanspeople living in the village and hoped that Daniel would go with her.
*
Maryn assumed that Daniel would be in the main bailey training with his soldiers, so she headed there and was pleased to see she had been correct. Daniel was with a group of young soldiers training them in balance control. The older soldiers were further down the bailey performing weapon drills led by the lieutenant.
The men her husband was training were much younger and obviously less seasoned. Her eyes followed Daniel as he moved among the soldiers, giving instruction as they paired off and began wrestling. She admired the fact that he was respectful and patient as he trained them. He was thorough and expected excellence from each and every one, but he never became abusive in his dealings with them. Some men, she knew, preferred to train by intimidation and humiliation and the results were not as good as what she was seeing with her husband’s trainees.
As she watched, Daniel removed his tunic and shirt, leaving only his braies. He began wrestling with a young soldier, showing him how to keep his balance while at the same time upsetting his opponent’s.
Maryn’s heart pounded at the display of working muscles in her husband’s arms and back while he struggled to keep his footing. The two men turned, and now her husband faced her. Her eyes wandered down his chest, following the line of dark hair as it trailed over his abdomen. Her fingers hummed with the desire to run them over the exposed muscles there. Imagining the feel of that hairy chest against her naked flesh made the tips of her breasts pucker and her womb throb.
Her husband must have noticed her staring at him, because all at once that massive chest loomed toward her. She blinked, shifting her gaze to his, and her cheeks suffused with heat. By the lopsided grin on his lips and the raised brow with the knowing look he gave her, ‘twas clear he had read her carnal thoughts.
“What do you here, bride? Have you an itch to study hand-to-hand combat, perchance? I’d be happy to give you a lesson on the finer points of wrestling,” he offered smoothly. “There is a trick to keeping your balance when you’re on top, however.” With hands on his thighs, he bounced twice in quick succession. “’Tis all in the knees.”
Her face burned hotter still. ‘Twas clear by the twinkle in his eye that he was making an indecent suggestion, but she knew not its meaning and refused to fan the flame of his ribald humor by admitting her ignorance. Instead, keeping her eyes fixed to a point on his left ear, she said in a rush, “‘Tis almost time for the nooning meal and I wondered if you would care to take it with me in the great hall?”
In answer, her husband turned and whistled the signal to take a break. His lieutenant heard it and followed suit.
He retrieved his tunic and shirt and put them back on before taking her elbow and guiding her through the archway leading out of the main bailey and into the courtyard of the keep.
They walked in silence, both wanting to mend their differences, but unable to find the words to begin the conversation.
Daniel led them to an alcove of the courtyard near the chapel. Once there, he said, “I must beg your forgiveness for the vicious things I spoke last eve. I should never have allowed my anger to override my better judgment. I very much want to be wed to you and I pray that you want the same.”
A flood of relief crashed through her. “I do. I do forgive you, and I do want to be wed to you.” She lifted her hand and placed it on his arm in unconscious supplication. “And I, too, must beg your forgiveness for the harsh things I said, but did not mean.”
He smiled and cradled her cheek in his hand. “There is naught for me to forgive. ‘Twas I who spoke first—you simply reacted. The generosity you show humbles me.”
Their close physical contact wove a sensual spell around them. Time stood still as they gazed into each other’s eyes, each wanting to give so much more, but pride and fear holding it at bay. When a maid came around the corner carrying a basket of candles for the chapel, they startled apart.
Turning, they continued on into the keep for their midday meal. They were pleased to see Lady Maclean already seated when they arrived and the three spent a lively hour, conversing and laughing at each other’s tales.
*
A while later, as Maryn strolled out of the great hall hand-in-hand with her husband, she said, “I believe I shall walk to the village to meet some of the clanspeople living there. Will you join me?”
“Nay, I cannot. I’m expected back on the training field to continue my instruction.” But he did walk with her as far as the entrance to the main bailey. “I’ll see you this eve at dinner, then,” he said before brushing a quick kiss across her mouth.
When her husband lifted his head, Maryn smiled up at him. “Aye,” she replied dazedly, happily. She’d give her body to him this night, she thought then, for he already owned her heart. And then, mayhap, he’d give her his heart as well.
*
Thoroughly enchanted by his bride’s tender smile and shy wave as she walked towards the gatehouse, Daniel stood transfixed, unable to look away. The doom he’d felt upon rising was now departed and in its place, a new sense of purpose. He would not risk the fragile peace they’d come to, so he would refrain from speaking on the subject of their marriage bed for the time being. Unfortunately, he must also continue to sleep in the tower chamber, for his inabi
lity to control his desire and the actions it provoked made the separation necessary. But, with any luck, it would not be a long banishment.
*
The evening meal was not the ordeal Maryn feared it would be. Jesslyn was subdued, speaking mostly to her son. And tho’ Daniel was attentive to his friend, he was not overly so, and that eased Maryn’s nagging misgivings about the depth of his feelings for the lady.
Maryn spent most of the meal being entertained by the stories of Alleck’s adventures with his new friends. He was full of energy and already planning his next day’s activities. Lady Maclean had declined to join them, saying she would take her meal in her bedchamber and catch up on her needlework.
After wishing their guests a good-night, Maryn retired upstairs with Daniel. Just outside their bedchamber door, however, Daniel paused and turned her to face him. “Sleep well.” He gave her a tender, much-too-brief kiss, turned and strode in the direction of the tower stair.
Stunned, Maryn stood transfixed, watching his receding figure and swallowing the protest that rose to her lips. Her wounded pride would not allow it. After another moment, she turned and walked inside. Dejected, she closed the door and, with a forlorn sigh, leaned against it.
“He is not going to tryst with his beautiful friend,” she told her niggling doubts.
Closing her eyes and resting the back of her head against the hard wood, she did her best to calm her wayward thoughts, refusing to spend another night as she had the last one. She and Daniel were in a better place now than they had been, even prior to their argument, and she would trust that he was not breaking his wedding vows to her.
*
They both spent another restless night apart, each missing the comfort of the other’s body to which they had grown accustomed since the first night of their marriage.
*
The next morn, Maryn fastened the girdle Daniel had given her around her hips and went in search of Lady Maclean. The kitchens were full of cook staff when Maryn arrived. She noticed the bannock cakes in the basket on the table and thought of the first morn she’d met Alleck. She asked the cook if she could have a couple, thinking to take them to the lad when she was done with her morning duties. The cook nodded her head in ascent and Maryn placed them in the pouch hanging from her girdle.
