When the officiant pronounced Austin and Corinne husband and wife, he kissed his bride with so much tenderness and obvious love that I needed to use my free hand to wipe away a tear, then he reached out and reclaimed the baby from Helena’s arms. Linda gave my hand one last squeeze, then released me and joined with the rest of the audience in applauding.
Holding the baby in one arm with an ease that told me he’d been far more involved in her life than I’d have expected, Austin said, “Husband and wife, and daddy and mommy to Jenna,” and we all clapped again as Corinne leaned in and kissed him.
Melissa, tears pouring down her face, rushed over and hugged them and soon everyone followed suit. After introducing me and Owen to Corinne, Austin gave his mother a nudge. “Saw you crying, I think. Never thought I’d see the day.”
“I was not,” Linda said, raising her head and giving him an imperious wave. “Don’t be ridiculous. I never cry.”
He laughed. “Okay, Mom, if you say so.”
“I do.”
She was lying, and I didn’t know why. Crying at your son’s wedding? Not weird at all.
At least, not weird for someone who couldn’t feel all the emotions behind her tears.
*****
Melissa smiled at me when she arrived, then gave Corinne a grin and said, “Happy one-week anniversary.”
She grinned back. “Thanks. So far so good. Haven’t wanted to kill him more than twice.”
Melissa and I laughed and as she took her seat she said, “For Austin, that’s pretty low.”
“He can be infuriating,” Corinne agreed. “Usually on purpose. But he’s been great this week. Arranging all the lawyer meetings so he can officially adopt Jenna. And he’s got her right now so I can’t complain.”
“And Nicholas has Nolan, which is why I’m late. Nolan’s favorite toy went missing right before I left and I didn’t want to make Nicholas search for it.” Melissa shook her head with a wry smile. “Turned out the cat had stolen it. But when I left my boys were both happy, although the cat might not have been.”
We smiled at her, and I realized that her pain over having a boy seemed to have faded away. Someone must have been able to help her where I hadn’t, and though I wished I’d been able to make things better for her I was glad someone had.
“You were only a few minutes late, so no worries,” Corinne said, and I nodded although it had felt strange trying to chat with a woman I didn’t know.
A few days ago, Corinne had gotten my email address from Austin and had suggested that “Linda’s daughters-in-law” ought to get together and get to know each other better. I’d agreed, even though I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be one.
Owen had congratulated Austin and Corinne after their wedding with appropriate enthusiasm but that was the last enthusiasm I’d seen from him. We went to work together and came home together but we might as well have been roommates. Distant roommates. Roommates who tolerated each other.
We hadn’t discussed what would change after Lawrence left at the end of the year, but I was terrified. I didn’t want to lose Owen, but I could feel him withdrawing from me and I didn’t know what to do about it.
“I have to say, Austin did an amazing job planning your wedding. And in less than a day!”
“I know,” Corinne said, shaking her head. “I thought he’d had you help him but--”
Melissa cut her off. “All him. Right down to that gorgeous lacy dress he got for Jenna. No idea how he found something peach-colored in such a short time for his ‘peach’. He thought of everything. Pretty cool.”
Corinne gave a dreamy smile, then said to me, “And I hear you got married there too. That’s neat. I guess Austin liked it.”
“I guess so,” I said. “And your Jenna is adorable.”
“Well, now you’re my best friend.”
The conversation lurched along like that for a bit, awkward but well-intentioned, but after several glasses of wine each Corinne blurted out, “What’s Linda got against marriage?”
Melissa and I shrugged and I said, “She did seem happy with Raul, but--” Realizing Corinne wouldn’t know him, I began to explain but she said, “Oh, I heard about him. On the cruise.”
The cruise I didn’t attend.
Feeling left out, although it had been my choice, I said, “Okay, well, they did seem happy.” I turned to Melissa. “Right?”
She nodded. “And then he was gone, and ever since she’s just been a nightmare about marriage and commitment. The stuff she said to Austin before you guys got together... unbelievable. And she still won’t talk about Raul, you know. I suggested telling him about Nolan’s birth and she just about ripped my head off.”
Corinne winced and I said, “I guess we’ll never know.”
“She dumped him,” Melissa said, “so he must have done something she didn’t like. But what? The guy was such a sweetheart.”
He really had been. “I saw them fight once, though,” I said. “At your wedding.”
Melissa raised her eyebrows and Corinne said, “So maybe things weren’t perfect there.”
“Where are they?” Melissa said, and she and Corinne shared a look that said their marriages were perfect and made me feel left out.
“How about you?” Corinne said, turning to me again. “Perfect?”
To my horror, my throat tightened against tears. “It’s fine,” I managed to say. “We’re fine.”
“I told myself I’d be fine with Owen, but I wasn’t,” Melissa said, her voice slurred, then looked at me with horror on her face. “I’m so sorry. Damn this wine! I told myself I’d never talk about my relationship with him. I mean, he’s your husband now. You guys are in love and everything.”
I sucked down the rest of my drink.
When I didn’t speak, Corinne said, “Celia? Are you okay?”
I looked from her concerned face to Melissa’s, letting my guard down enough to tell that both of them were genuinely worried for me. “I don’t know,” I admitted, and the relief of it made tears fill my eyes. I hadn’t realized how hard it was carrying this alone. My dinner last week with my friends had been a nice break from the silent condo but telling them about the mess of my marriage hadn’t seemed possible since I knew they’d doubted my decision to marry Owen from the start. But with these two, it felt different. I took a deep breath and spit out the truth. “We’re not in love and we never intended to be and that’s okay but the way things are now... I don’t know. But don’t tell Linda.”
In unison they said, “Never,” and we all laughed although mine was partly sobs.
Melissa leaned forward. “What’s going on? I thought you guys were all right together. You seemed like it after we were on the cruise.”
“After Vegas, and Disney.” I nodded. “We had a good time there.” I felt my cheeks growing hot with memories, and felt sure they’d noticed, but Melissa said only, “I’m glad. But then what happened?”
I leaned back in my chair and gave an enormous sigh, pushing away the threatening tears. “I don’t know,” I said again, and told them that we’d married because he wanted the promotion and I didn’t want to be alone and that it had worked for a while but then he’d gotten so weird about Austin, and I also told them how distant we’d been lately. Part of me couldn’t believe I was spilling everything to them, but I had to. I was obsessing constantly about what was going wrong with my marriage and I had to get it out, and somehow it felt easier with them. Maybe because they were legally my family now. Not that I’d ever felt comfortable sharing things with my real family.
When I’d run out of things to confess, I ended with, “So what’s going on? Is it just the way things are? But they weren’t like that. So... I don’t get it.”
“Me either,” Melissa said, but Corinne looked uncomfortable.
“What?” Melissa and I said together.
Corinne wrinkled up her face. “I don’t want it to be this.”
“Be what?” I said, wondering if I should.
&
nbsp; “Well,” she said, rubbing her forehead, “it kind of sounds like he’s fallen for someone else.”
Shock sobered me instantly. Could that be?
“Owen? I doubt it,” Melissa said, then quickly added, “Sorry, I just... he’s not the ‘fall for someone’ type.”
“He was, though. With Michelle.”
Corinne said, “Who’s Michelle?” and Melissa just stared at me.
“You don’t know?”
She shook her head. “I’ve never heard the name in connection with Owen. Who is she?”
I licked my lips. I’d assumed she would know, but if he hadn’t told her I didn’t think I wanted to either. “Someone his friend Tam told me about,” I said, trying to sound casual. “No big deal. But I think... do you think he has fallen for someone?”
“He’s distant,” Corinne said, with the air of someone ticking things off a list.
“And not as into you as... as he was, right?”
I had to nod at Melissa, though I hated it.
“And angry a lot, like he feels...”
Corinne didn’t finish but I did. “Like he feels guilty,” I said with another sigh. It did all fit. I didn’t want it to, but it did.
Except... “But he was jealous about Austin. That wouldn’t fit with him having someone else, would it?” I blurted out.
“It might,” Melissa said, “if he’s trying to get the suspicion off himself. I had a guy do that to me once.”
Enough had done it to Dawn that I knew she was right. My last hope fading, I propped my elbows on the table and dropped my forehead into my hands. “Damn it.”
“The possibility must have occurred to you, though,” Corinne said gently, her voice full of sympathy. “When you guys got married the way you did. That either you’d fall for someone else or he would.”
“It should have,” I agreed, “but it didn’t.” Remembering Owen’s utter blankness, I knew why. From his side, anyhow. But I could have fallen for someone else.
With anyone else, though, I wouldn’t have had the safe place to learn how to be an empath.
I didn’t need him for that now, not as much anyhow, and he didn’t need me for his career at all with Lawrence about to depart.
Had he found someone to love?
Chapter Thirty-Three
Kelly clapped her hands and grinned up at Owen. “Wow, I had no idea she was pregnant, did you?”
Owen shook his head. “Of course I don’t work with her all that much now,” he said, his eyes leaving Nadine as she left the Christmas party stage where she’d just made her announcement and focusing on Kelly.
The moment where asking me if I’d known would have made sense went by without a word from Owen, and I couldn’t bear standing next to him and Kelly for another second. Lawrence had said his final goodbyes before Nadine took the stage, so now Owen’s reason for marrying me was gone and his last bit of interest in me seemed to be gone too.
I took a breath to say, “Excuse me,” then just turned and walked away. Why bother fighting any more?
Joining the line at the washroom I felt an awful sense of déjà vu. I’d been here last year, then I’d gone out and seen Owen and Kelly dancing and for the first time I’d felt possessive of him. I felt that even more now, but it wouldn’t make any difference. Nothing had changed in the two weeks since I’d told Melissa and Corinne how completely my marriage had fallen apart, and it never would. He’d be dumping me any time, I knew it, and there was nothing I could do.
Once I’d had my turn in the washroom, I returned to the main room and though I didn’t want to look my gaze shifted to the dance floor.
Sure enough, there they were, my husband and the man-stealing bitch Kelly, smiling into each other’s eyes as they slow-danced. They were in the traditional position, his left hand holding her right, but they were closer than they’d been last year and they looked happier too.
Last year I’d gone and split them up. This year I simply couldn’t see the point.
I got a glass of wine and found a chair where I could sit with my back to the dance floor and wait until Owen was done with her and ready to go home. After only a few sips, I heard, “This seat taken?” and looked up to see a clearly drunk Troy smiling at me.
“Why would you care?” I said before I realized I was going to, but upon reflection I didn’t regret it. He’d been nothing but obnoxious to Owen throughout, and though my marriage was on its last legs I still didn’t appreciate that.
He sat, ignoring my lack of invitation, and said, “And a Merry Christmas to you too, Celia.”
“Seriously, what do you want?” I picked up my wine and took a deep drink then said, “A bit late to pretend we’re friends now, isn’t it?”
He leaned toward me and I could smell booze on his breath. “What if I don’t want to be friends?”
I blinked. “We aren’t--”
“What if,” he said, leaning even closer, “I think we should have sex?”
I pushed my chair back to get away from him. “Pretty sure your wife would mind.”
He laughed, and I realized too late what I should have said even as he said, “Owen wouldn’t, though? I knew your marriage was fake.”
“Says the guy who’s suggesting cheating on his wife and the new mother of his child. How old’s little Max again?”
“Not old enough to care,” he said, drawing closer to me. “And Hayley and I haven’t had sex since he was born and she says she doesn’t want it ever again. So...” He ran his hand over my arm. “If she doesn’t care, and Owen doesn’t, then...”
“I care,” I said, jerking away from him. “I’d rather never have sex again than have it with you!”
I fled the table and started to head to Owen on the dance floor to insist we go home, but seeing him holding Kelly far too close with both arms wrapped around her lower back while she had hers locked around his neck and her head on his shoulder made me change direction again and go straight out the door, where I got a taxi to take me home.
The whole way, I kept picturing them, more hugging than dancing, and I hated them for being together and myself for caring.
And a damn Merry Christmas to all.
Chapter Thirty-Four
I sat in Owen’s car, remembering the fun we’d had last Christmas morning and wishing I could cry, as we drove to Linda’s place. Last year we’d had a relaxed breakfast together followed by sex. This year Owen had left the condo before I was even up to go for a long walk then had returned in just enough time for us to pack up the presents for his family and the ones for each other that we hadn’t yet opened and go to Linda’s. Last year we’d been close. Not in love, but connected and happy. This year the silence in the car was so thick and dark I felt like breathing it was poisoning me.
As we turned onto the street before Linda’s, Owen said, “You don’t plan to stay with me, do you.”
It wasn’t a question, it was an accusation, and it shocked me, especially with how he’d been with Kelly. I’d have thought he’d want me to leave to save himself the drama of kicking me out. “Why would you say that?”
“We’d have a kid by now if you did.”
“Stop the car.”
He didn’t.
“Stop the car. Now. We are not going to Linda’s before we talk about this.”
He jerked the steering wheel and sent us into a parking spot in front of a closed-for-the-holiday shopping plaza, then turned off the engine and folded his arms. “Well?”
“I told you I wouldn’t be ready for kids for a few--”
“It’s me, though. Right? You don’t want to have one with me. You see Nicholas and Austin with their kids and you don’t want that with me.”
I took off my seatbelt and turned to face him. He didn’t turn toward me, and I could see the tension in his jaw. I didn’t understand why he cared so much, since I knew he didn’t believe in single parenting and I couldn’t imagine we’d still be together in nine months, but though he’d hurt me I couldn’t let him bel
ieve I didn’t think he could be a father. “It’s nothing to do with you, Owen, really. Seeing Jenna and Nolan actually makes me want it more, not less, but I’m just not ready for a kid right now, for that--” I almost said ‘that intimacy’ but stopped myself because he wouldn’t understand. “It’s a huge deal. And I’m not ready. Me. It’s not about you.”
“You said two years. It’s nearly two years.”
“Nearly isn’t the same thing, though.”
“Never will be,” he muttered. “Right?”
“Not right!”
After the tiniest pause, he turned to me and snapped, “Yeah, or maybe it’s Troy? Saw you with him at the party. You gonna have his kid instead?”
His snarky tone infuriated me. “Don’t even-- I saw you snuggling with Kelly at the party, so don’t you dare accuse me when you’re the one messing around.”
He looked at me blankly. “Kelly?”
“Oh, for-- yes, Owen, Kelly. Pretty little bitch at work? All over each other on the dance floor? Ringing any bells? Because it sure does for me! I can still see it when I close my eyes.”
I hadn’t meant to admit that, even though it was true, and as he took a breath to speak I kept going because I couldn’t stand to hear him either admit he wanted Kelly or try to blow off what had happened. “And you’re acting all innocent and accusing me of cheating to hide your own guilt. But I won’t let you. I did nothing wrong. If this marriage is over, it’s because of you.”
He sat for a second, while my own words rang in my ears and maybe his too, then he slammed the car back into gear and pulled out onto the road.
I shut my eyes and leaned my head against the car window, wishing we were going anywhere but Linda’s. How were we supposed to pretend to be a happy couple when we couldn’t even speak to each other without fighting?
*****
The atmosphere at Linda’s house was no less tense than what we’d had in the car. At first I assumed we’d brought the anger with us, since Owen was clearly still furious, but when I let myself peek at his emotions he wasn’t leaking any.
Safe Harbor? Page 16
