Ready For Flynn,Part 3: A Rockstar Romance: Ready For Flynn Series

by K. L. Shandwick

  “I didn’t run away. I’m not staying in a relationship where I’m not trusted. If she seriously thinks I’d do something that shady, then I can’t stay. I’m done,” I heard myself say out loud.

  Niamh’s eyes popped open wide, and she gasped, shocked at my statement. She rounded the countertop and placed a hand on my bicep, “Damn, Flynn. Do you even know what you’re saying? Think about it. You and Valerie are meant to be together. She loves the very bones of you. Every last one of them. You’re soulmates. How can you even think about walking away from what you have? What about Liam?” Niamh questioned.

  “Liam will get to spend time with both of us. I’ll push all of this hurt aside for him. He’ll grow up knowing his mom and dad love him more than anything. Better that than living in a home where there’s constant fighting and suspicion. I’ve been there as a kid, and it doesn’t work. It’s not happening to my kid. I love Valerie, but Liam’s a child. He has no choice in the matter and I won’t have his childhood marred by jealousy and lies.”

  Lee walked into the kitchen, and his eyes flashed to mine as he walked over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. Shaking it in my direction, he asked, “Want one?”

  I nodded, and he tossed it to me. Opening it, I sucked in a long draw on the bottle and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

  “Just heard what you were saying, Boss. The tail end of it anyway, but I got the gist of your conversation, Flynn. If you’re serious about this, how’s it gonna work? I mean she’s your manager and the manager for the band. Then there’s Niven, how you gonna feel about him being with Valerie twenty-four-seven because that’s what your decision means. Where are you going to live?”

  “You’re supposed to be on my side, Lee. Where the fuck was your loyalty earlier? You even questioned me, and you were with me. Maybe you need to go as well. I don’t need people who doubt me. I’ve had enough of it. I’m not willing to keep proving my innocence. If I say I didn’t do something, I expect the people around me to accept that. Niamh did.”

  My cell phone rang, and I fished into my jeans pocket and glanced at the screen. Valerie’s ID flashed. I thought about ignoring it, but I knew she’d want to know that Liam was settled, so I answered the call, stood and walked into the den for some privacy.

  “Well, that was a dramatic move you made today, Flynn. Going on the offensive and taking my son away from me because I wouldn’t just accept what you said.”

  “Nothing dramatic about it, Valerie. I’m hurt you could think that I’d fuck some random chick the first chance I had away from you, and came home figuring you’d believe me—that nothing happened.”

  “You have to admit—”

  “All I had to admit to my woman was nothing happened and she should have believed that to be the truth. I don’t care what the fucking pictures showed.”

  “Huh.” She said indignantly, “So, you say it’s so, and I jump? Accept everything without the opportunity to challenge or question? Is that how we’re playing this now? Not fucking likely, Flynn.”

  “I told you nothing happened when we were face-to-face, Valerie.”

  “Well, my past track record with men—”

  “Your fucking record of men cheating on you expired the day we got together because I’m not those guys,” I interrupted.

  “Come home, we can talk about it,” she said in a small, tired voice.

  “I am home, Valerie. I’ll bring Liam back to you on Sunday, then I’ll find a place to stay nearby in Iowa so I can spend time with him as much as possible when my schedule allows,” I couldn’t believe what I said. I was in such a temper that I didn’t feel she’d given me any choice.

  If Valerie couldn’t see past what those other two guys did to her, then I figured we’d be at stalemate every time someone stirred the shit for me. I had heard what Niamh said, but when it came down to it, I needed to be trusted as much as Valerie needed to trust me.

  “And there it is. That’s exactly what I’ve been waiting for,” she said in a smug, sarcastic tone.

  “What the fuck does that mean?” I asked feeling a wall building between us.

  “For you to find an excuse to get out,” she said in a voice laced with venom.

  “No, Valerie, you did that. You’re the one that pushed me out. I just let go when I got tired of holding on. You’ve repeatedly questioned my trust when you had it all along, and I can’t do that shit any more. I’m sick and tired of it. My heart is bursting with love for you. I’ve never made a secret of that, but I can’t live with the constant accusations and insecurities about the normal guy you live with, and Flynn Docherty, the rock star who gets hit on because of who he is and what he can do for people.”

  Valerie fell quiet at the other end of the phone, and my heart cracked in two. I knew she was devastated, but so was I, “I’m gonna get to bed; it’s been a long and tiring day. Liam will be up early, and I want to have patience for him. I won’t if I’m tired. Good night, Valerie. I’ll speak to you sometime when I’m bringing Liam back.” With that, I hung up on her and shoved my phone back in my front pocket.

  I felt destroyed by my decision, but I’d been so fucking frustrated that Valerie didn’t seem to have the capacity to accept my love for her was the once-in-a-lifetime kind. The kind you don’t fuck with, even when others try their hardest to disrupt what you have.

  Wandering down the hall and up the stairs, I noticed how empty the house felt without her, and instantly regretted the decision I’d made. I almost caved in and called her back, but I didn’t because it wasn’t taken lightly. I’d felt it was necessary to keep my sanity because her mistrust would have eventually destroyed the love we had at some point anyway.

  When I was ready for bed and slipped between the cold sheets, my heart felt heavier than it had ever felt in my entire life. For me, I was doing the right thing, for Liam and her. I felt that living in dread and fear that you were going to lose someone you loved was worse than losing them. Once you’d lost them, you lost them. You healed and moved on, but living in fear of that day coming meant that every day had that potential. I didn’t want her to live her life wondering day after day if that would be the day I’d let her down, and I couldn’t accept her thinking on that either.

  Staring at the dark gray ceiling with tears blurring my vision, I’d thought it impossible that I’d ever get over her. She was it for me. Anyone else would never own my heart like she did. Even though I’d made the decision not to be with her, I knew no one else would ever be able to take her place. I punched my pillow and turned on my side. I felt sick to my stomach because what had seemed an infinite possibility with her only a few days ago was now virtually beyond my reach. My life is never going to be the same without her.

  Chapter 12

  In pieces

  Valerie

  “He did what?” Kayden bellowed angrily at the top of his lungs and made me flinch at the sound.

  Tears sprang to my eyes and I blinked rapidly as I tried to keep them in check.

  “He said he’d call me to say when he’s bringing Liam back,” I said in a defeated tone.

  “What the fuck is going on? He’s the one who has something to prove, and he’s left you? What a dick. When he calls, tell him I’m meeting him at the airport. He’s got a reality check coming. In fact, let’s not wait that long,” he said, pulling out his cell phone and scrolling the screen for his name.

  “Please don’t call him, Kayden. Maybe he was looking for a way out? I find that hard to believe after everything he’d said to me right up until the day before he left for New York, but those pictures…” I said, sniffing as I wiped my nose with a tissue. Fighting back tears was another fail to add to my lengthy list from the previous twenty-four hours.

  “Does Mom know?”

  “That he’s gone?” I asked, hugging myself as I tried to clarify what he meant.

  “Yeah. Does she know he’s left you?”

  Hearing Kayden say the word
s out loud made it all too real and the dam I’d been trying desperately to hold together burst wide open. My tears fell completely unchecked as I turned to face him and sobbed into his chest. “No.”

  “I can’t believe he’d just up and leave like that. What the fuck is he doing? He’s crazy about you, Valerie. This has to be some kind of temporary insanity or some shit like that,” he said, rubbing my back.

  “Unless he really was with that girl and he can’t bear to admit it,” I reasoned, but with everything he said it just didn’t make sense.

  “To be honest with you, Valerie, I can’t see him doing that at all. Not for a minute. Give it a day. He’ll be back, just let him work it out in his head.”

  “Meanwhile, what do I do? It’s less than three weeks until your wedding, Kayden. I have no idea how I’m going to face that without losing my temper and telling him what a jerk he is. Tell me I’m not insecure to want the truth about those pictures?”

  “Get your priorities straight, Valerie. Forget about the wedding this is more important. Yes, he should have stayed and straightened it out with you, and no that isn’t you acting insecurely wanting to know the truth about the photos, sweetheart. That’s called self-preservation. You haven’t done anything and he’s flipped his lid for some reason. My best guess is the pictures were the tipping point for other things locked away in his mind,” he said.

  We stood silently contemplating my situation until my cell phone rang. My heart leaped at the sound and I grabbed it from the table, I’d hoped it was Flynn and he’d changed his mind. When I saw that it was my hope instantly changed to anger at the way he’d just left me and my quick temper beat the hope from my thoughts.

  All of my feelings of hurt came flooding to the front of my mind as I answered his call. I was unable to hold back my anger, and instead of discussing what had happened rationally, I verbally attacked him for walking out and taking Liam with him. I kind of half expected an apology and that he’d tell me he’d acted rashly, but when I heard his clipped angry tone as he spoke, his distant stance jolted me to my senses. I’d tried to reason with him about why I felt the way I had, but he cut me off, his words cold, and the only emotion I heard was frustration.

  In the back of my mind, I’d always felt he’d leave me at some point in my life, but I always thought I’d see it coming. If we’d hit a bad patch, I might have understood what the pictures meant, but when he left to go to New York I was the happiest I’d ever felt in my life since my brothers’ deaths, and once again, fate had intervened and robbed me of something great.

  During the exchange on the phone my whole world collapsed in one sentence, and when he’d told me he wasn’t coming back, my body shook as the impact of what that meant for me and Liam took hold of me. I felt physically sick and totally unprepared for any of what had happened in the previous twenty-four hours. The man I loved more than life itself was done with me, and the hurt I felt inside my chest engulfed me to the point where I could barely breathe.

  I couldn’t speak and listened as he told me everything that he had planned, and when he ended the call, I felt broken and sobbed uncontrollably. Kayden wrapped his arms tightly around me and pulled me onto the sofa beside him. I fought my way out of his arms and rose to my feet. Panic threatened to consume me, but the thought of losing Flynn and what that meant to Liam and me as a family was incomprehensible.

  What felt like a million thoughts crushed my brain all fighting for priority. How can I live without him? Would he fight me for custody of Liam? What about the band? How can I manage the band? How can I see him here using the studio day after day and not be with him? What if he finds someone else? Suddenly living and working in the same place—worse, at my parents place—seemed like a terrible idea.

  I didn’t want to face my future. I felt anxious and terrified at the thought he’d never hold me again. How could we have gone from meaning everything to each other to acquaintances who shared our little boy in a matter of a few days? I was in a state of shock and Kayden hadn’t wanted to leave me alone, but I insisted. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore that day. I didn’t want to do anything except be alone. It took a lot of persuading for him to leave, but eventually he did after I agreed to call him the following morning.

  After Kayden left, I didn’t care that it was 2:00 p.m.; I stepped out of my jeans, pulled off my sweater and climbed into bed. I was devastated and didn’t want to think because it hurt too much. I felt I couldn’t have done anything differently. The pictures were real. That was the only thing I knew with any real certainty. Curling up I rolled onto my side and sunk further into the mattress. I cried myself to sleep because I thought the next time I saw him I’d have to watch him walk away.

  I woke to the sound of my cell buzzing as it vibrated on the nightstand. Rolling onto my side, I leaned over and picked it up. When I saw Flynn’s picture, I cleared my throat as adrenaline flooded my body, and my heart raced. An instant reaction to him even in bad times, but this time the reaction was because I feared he’d deliver yet more bad news.

  Pushing myself up against the headboard, I answered the call.

  “Hey,” I said, quietly and wished I’d had the words to make the last few days go away.

  “Hi, Valerie. I’m just letting you know the arrangements for Sunday. Lee’s arranged an afternoon flight back, and we should be there by 4:00 p.m. at the latest,” he said, flatly.

  “Flynn…” I started, but was lost for words, and a heavy silence grew between us as he waited. I swallowed past the lump in my throat. My heart wanted to say I was sorry, my head was still confused about why he wouldn’t fight for us.

  After a pregnant pause, I heard a long sigh and my chance to open a dialogue again was gone, “Okay, I need to run. Liam and Teague are waiting for me. Lee and I are taking them to a water park. See you on Sunday, Valerie. I’ll call tonight to let Liam say goodnight.” We ended the call and I scooted back down on my pillow as fresh tears streamed down my face. I turned and grabbed his pillow, hugged it to me and inhaled his scent deeply in an effort to comfort myself. Heartbroken and defeated I pulled the comforter over my head and I could only hear the muffled sound of my own ragged sobs.

  Exhausted from crying, I fell asleep again. I had nothing to get up for anyway. My world was having fun in Chicago without me.

  *****

  Loud knocking dragged me back to consciousness. I lay numb for a moment, and then my eyes stung when I tried to open them. For a moment, I wondered where I was, then I heard a key turn in the latch. For a second I thought Flynn had come back, but Kayden’s voice called out, “Valerie? Are you upstairs?”

  I slid my feet from my bed to the floor and walked across the carpeted floor, “Yeah, sorry I was taking a nap,” I lied.

  “I figured you’d be upset and wouldn’t have eaten so Amber and I stopped and picked up some takeout. Make yourself presentable and get your tush down here.”

  Kayden had stepped into protective mode. This was the Kayden from my past, but there were elements of Flynn there too. Whenever I was upset, I would forget to eat. Flynn used to make sure I ate and slept while I struggled with something emotional. Except he was the reason I was upset and he wasn’t there for me in that way anymore. I was almost twenty-three, and I had another major failed relationship to deal with.

  Making my way downstairs, I heard Kayden chatting to Amber about their upcoming wedding and my heart ached. I don’t want to hear this right now. They had what I craved, in that they were planning a normal future together. A wave of emotion clogged my throat and threatened to attack my weak attempt at a brave face, but I swallowed past it and tried hard to paint a cheerful expression as I walked through the great room and into the kitchen.

  Turning to look at me, I knew instantly I’d failed when Amber hurriedly stood and flung her arms around me. Enveloping me in a tight hug, she said, “You’ll work it out, Valerie. Flynn’s reaction is a bit extreme, but I suppose if he’s innocent and everyone thin
ks he’s not, that must be an awful thing for him to deal with.”

  My hands curled around her forearms, and I pulled out of her embrace, angry that she was viewing things from Flynn’s perspective. “So, there’s no need to wonder what your thoughts on the matter are Amber. Fortunately, you’re not in my position,” I said, feeling an immediate hostility toward her.

  “Valerie, Flynn loves you. If that were Kayden—”

  “It isn’t, and my brother isn’t a rock star who has people fawning over him all day long.”

  “Just because he isn’t a rock star doesn’t mean women don’t make advances toward him, Valerie. I’ve seen the way girls look at Kayden—like he’s walking around naked. They salivate, wink, offer numbers, but I have to trust him otherwise I’d destroy what we have by my jealousy. I can’t afford to be jealous if I want to be happy.”

  Glancing at Kayden, she was right, he was a beautiful man; gentle eyes, amazing features and whiskey-colored eyes that the light danced in when it hit them just right.

  “She’s right, Valerie. It happens. I ignore those girls because Amber is the only girl in here,” he said, tapping his chest with his middle finger.

  “Jealousy is a bitch, Valerie. It destroys trust. It can wreck relationships, and it can make situations hopeless,” Amber said, wisely.

  “And if there were pictures like the ones I’m dealing with you’d blindly accept anything Kayden told you? You’d have no suspicions whatsoever?”

  “If I had been faced with those pictures and Kayden told me he had no explanation, I’d have asked myself who would do that to him? Why would they do that to him? I’d be worried they’d gotten that close to him. Good grief, Valerie, how did she get so close to him? What if she’d harmed him? It all depends on how well you know your man. The message you’ve sent Flynn is you don’t think you know him well enough to accept his explanation. In this case, he has none, and that in itself was an honest answer. You said it yourself, Valerie. Flynn’s a rock star. He’s got girls fawning over him. There’s got to be more than a few willing to make malicious attempts to split you up.”