Ready For Flynn,Part 3: A Rockstar Romance: Ready For Flynn Series

by K. L. Shandwick

  The wedding couldn’t have come at a worse time. I was feeling restless after what had happened with the pictures of Flynn in New York. I still didn’t know the full story about that because in my pig-headedness I wouldn’t allow him to tell me. Taking Liam to Chicago for a few days had scared me, and I didn’t scare easily.

  We’d both been to dark places in our young lives and lived to talk about it. On the surface, Flynn had appeared completely rounded, and I’d been impressed at his ability to weather the horrible events from his past. My insecurities had pushed him to a point where he couldn’t cope because he felt vulnerable and was sure I’d thought he was lying. Perhaps I may have given him the impression I wouldn’t believe him. I knew that pictures lied, and I was 90% sure, it was that smidge of doubt that almost made him throw in the towel.

  During the time leading up to the wedding we had dealt with Jonah’s situation the best we could and we’d both been busy with our duties as maid of honor and best man. Flynn knew I was stressed even though I hadn’t voiced it. I’d catch him watching me intently as I moved around the room, but he allowed me the time to absorb my thoughts and feelings, without question.

  It wasn’t until the night before the wedding that I had another real low in feeling the loss of Martin and Adam. The rehearsal dinner was especially tough because I saw how happy Amber was and silently wished the life we had was different. She was lucky she didn’t have the pressure of groupies and seasoned stars falling over themselves to get to her man.

  When we’d moved from the church to the restaurant everyone around the table appeared to bask in the glory of Kayden and Amber. A sea of happy faces all glowing with joy for two of the loveliest people we knew.

  Looking at Flynn I had expected to see his smiling face, but he was already looking at me, and the expression he wore was so sad it choked me. Slipping my hand under his, I felt his fingers automatically respond and curl to hold it firmly. He’d been too quiet and I’d asked him if he was okay, kind of expecting his, “I’m fine,” and a smile in reply. Instead, he gave me a forced smile, but the answer he gave me I called bullshit on and asked him again.

  When he said, “Not now, I’m okay, just thinking,” my heart almost stopped at his abrupt reply. Whatever was on his mind he wasn’t prepared to share, but the tone in his voice sounded frustrated…almost angry.

  All week long the wound in my heart had threatened to burst open on many occasions leading up to the wedding. When I’d heard the way he spoke, it hadn’t taken much for it to slash open and pour fresh blood as I sat feeling a rift between us. Flynn knew exactly what I needed, and his hand cupped the back of my head, pulling me forward to kiss my temple. I felt relieved and reassured by his gesture, and we settled to watch my only surviving brother talk about the ones we’d lost.

  It was tougher than I’d imagined hearing Kayden say he was close to suicide, and my distress began to weigh heavily in my chest, squeezing my lungs tightly, and it was clear no amount of swallowing would stop my tears from filling my eyes. I couldn’t hold them back while I listened to the words Kayden had spoken about how much he’d suffered and the dark thoughts he’d bravely fought against. The sweet, quiet girl sitting next to him was his rock, his savior, his guardian angel. Amber had kept him alive and gave him hope at a time when the combined love of our parents and I weren’t enough. Once again, I silently thanked God for her.

  Flynn glanced at me with concern, his own face changing to reflect how my hurt affected him and reaching out he put his arm around me and pulled me to his chest. I somehow managed to get through the meal with his help, and then we headed home.

  Knowing the following day was going to be hectic and emotional, I headed straight for bed. Flynn and I barely spoke because I think he knew that no matter what he said, it wouldn’t change how I was feeling. Instead, he just slipped in behind me and held me tightly the way he’d done the night before when I’d been upset, and he had allowed me to cry again. He knew I needed to do that.

  On the morning of the wedding, Liam was a welcome distraction, chattering about his big entrance carrying the ring for Kayden. He seemed to have this sense of importance which amazed me at his age. He was coming up for three years old, and a fast learner that seemed older than his age. I had begun to mourn the loss of his baby-talk as his language became more elaborate. I’d felt it a sign I was missing too much.

  Kissing Flynn and Liam I left the house to head over to Amber’s place and when I reached the garage Flynn had placed a white Peony flower under the windshield wiper. I was touched by his gesture. It was romantic and he’d never really done anything like that until he’d taken me to Florida with the others.

  Opening the car door, I found a small blue velvet box on the seat, I lifted it and slid inside. A piece of music paper rolled up and tied in a bow by a guitar string accompanied it. I glanced at Rita who had slid into the passenger seat and opened the note.

  To my beautiful girl. My Valerie. Mine.

  I know today is another difficult milestone for you. So many feelings and emotions can and will flood your body. I just want to say it’s okay to feel every last one of them, Valerie. Sad, happy and angry it’s what makes us human. All I ask is that you roll with them, but don’t absorb them, and take a minute of time to breathe. Babe, know I stand beside you. I’ll be whatever you need me to be to help you through. I am here for you, and I love you. When I see you hurting, I wish my heart could connect to yours on a greater level than it already does so that I could have those feelings for you. You already own my heart, but if it meant I could absorb all your pain on this day, then I’d gladly claim it back filled with all your pain for this one occasion. I wish that because I’d love to know your heart for one day where it was filled with only the purest joy.

  My heart is not perfect or free from its own aches. Kayden is claiming his bride. One day maybe I’ll get to claim mine. Until then, I’ll take you whichever way I can have you. I’d wait a lifetime to call you my wife because you are all that I need and everything my heart yearns for.

  Deep in my soul you have carved your name in a way that is so perfect and so indelible — I know without a doubt that Valerie Darsin has claimed copyright to have that name there.

  So you have my soul and my heart, Valerie. You already know you have my body. It’s yours to use at will. All I have left to give you is my name. Whenever you are ready. It’s waiting for you to take ownership. Meanwhile, please take this small gift and wear it close to your heart. It was made to represent my love for you and our son. A simple, inexpensive gesture, but perfect for what I want to share. The ink I wear on my chest is a symbol of undying love for you and Liam. A mark for life to show the world what is important to me. I’d never place something on my body that wasn’t for keeps. VFL are who we are as individuals, but the D pulls us all together and makes us one.

  One day I will ask you to marry me, Valerie. I’ve tested the waters on that and know I’ll just have to bide my time. I get it… that you’re not ready. Meanwhile, I need you to understand that I’ve only ever given my whole heart to one person. You. It’s yours to keep. All that I am is yours to keep. I want to keep you in return. I promise with every bone in my body to keep you safe and never knowingly hurt you. I said “I get it,” because I truly do. You’ve been to hell with those other guys, and that makes you wary, I understand. What I’m asking you to understand is I’m not them, babe. You have to know that after all this time. Nevertheless, I’m here, and I’ll always be here. And I’ll wait. No matter how long it takes, I’ll wait. For you, I will always be patient, and when you’re ready for me, I’ll know.

  I love you with all my heart, see you soon.

  F x

  Seeing Flynn’s feelings in writing made me face my own. I’d wanted to belong to Flynn since day one, but so did almost every other woman on the planet. With two failed relationships behind me at eighteen, I doubted my ability to keep the interest of a man. Both guys had sought other women for
sex. It was one thing to have relationships broken by a partner being unfaithful, but as far as I was concerned it was something else entirely for a marriage to fail.

  It was the only area of my life where I lacked confidence in my worth, maybe because I had no control over the thoughts and actions of others. There had been times when I wondered what Flynn felt when those girls threw themselves at him. Observing them flirt outrageously with him, and stalk him. They were pretty and flagrant in their actions, but Flynn had chosen to stay by my side. I had a lot to be thankful for.

  As Flynn’s manager, I’d learned the true value of those pictures in New York from Clayton and the reality shocked me. It shocked Lee terribly as well because it was the second time he’d not been able to protect Flynn despite all his security routines.

  As for me, it wasn’t a choice to love Flynn. From the moment I’d met him, I’d been falling in love with him, and every day since I was still falling. I was made to love him, and I’d been a fool when I’d pushed him away during those times when he skirted around marriage, but it had been almost four years since he’d been back and I had finally realized how stupid I’d been. Flynn had rarely done anything remotely wrong.

  He worshiped me, and I’d behaved immaturely because of my limited experience with men; my bad experiences with men. At sixteen, I’d listened to Martin’s descriptive account of how his friend Flynn had corrupted the minds of many young girls, and in turn allowed him to sow seeds of doubt in my impressionable, naïve mind. I had trusted Martin, and believed what he had to say. Why wouldn’t I? He had been my main protector in life, long before I’d had those new, unfamiliar feelings, and I’d never had cause to doubt my brother in the past.

  Martin had known the reckless college kid Flynn was back then, not the man I had grown to know. However, my brothers, along with Brad and Daryl, had made me close my mind to the concept that someone would be willing to share their whole life in a monogamous relationship with me.

  That led me to believe that on the occasions when Flynn had mentioned marriage, I’d questioned his motives, as to whether he’d been testing the ground, but for what? To see if I’d become too clingy? To see how my mind worked and what I thought? To ascertain whether I had a vision of a house with a white picket fence, and several kids playing in the yard with him?

  I handled most things without much effort, but there had been several events that had made me question our relationship. There had also been several choke points for me on Kayden’s wedding day. The first was when I helped Amber into her wedding dress. She looked stunning and the smile she had when she looked in the mirror was one of a girl in her perfect moment.

  “Are you nervous?” I asked.

  “Of the wedding or marrying, Kayden?”

  “Both, I guess,” I answered, honestly.

  Amber scoffed and smiled warmly, “Are you kidding? Neither. I’m not. I can’t wait. I have an awesome guy who treats me like a princess, who’s always there for me no matter what, and I can’t imagine living my life without him. I’m not nervous, Valerie. I’m excited and heady and…well, I just can’t wait for that moment when we exchange vows and stand before God as man and wife.”

  Hearing Amber’s frank and open view about giving herself to my brother made my chest tight. I knew Kayden felt the same, and it made me think about Flynn again. He’d asked me the question but not in a way that had made me think he was serious. One of the times, I was pregnant with his baby. Another was when Liam was still tiny, and it was at the end of a date night. The last time was a few days before the wedding and loaded with the question of another baby. None of them exactly thought out.

  I didn’t handle the last one very well, and after my initial outburst, I’d found myself pouring my feelings out to him. Telling him I wanted to spend more time with Liam and him. I shouldn’t have been surprised that Flynn was supportive as always. He wanted what I wanted. And I wanted to spend more time with him. Take time out from managing the band to be with the band. To not have the responsibility for the day to day bull that went with negotiating his worth in the circles that controlled his every move, and as Flynn himself always told me, time to breathe.

  “Can I ask, and tell me if I’m overstepping here, but why haven’t you and Flynn gotten married? I mean you have Liam, and Liam is a Docherty, right?” she asked looking a little worried that she’d intruded my private business.

  “Honestly? First, he’s never proposed to me properly. Second, whenever the subject has been broached in a natural way, I’ve always told him we didn’t need it.”

  “Why, Valerie? You don’t need it? You don’t want to marry, Flynn?”

  I bit my lip and hesitated for a second, but I knew I could trust Amber with the truth, “Of course, I do. I need it and want it just like you do. Marrying Flynn would make my world complete. He’s never asked me properly, and I was scared of what it would mean for me and Liam’s future.

  “What are you worried about? You could live your whole life like this, Valerie. This isn’t like you. Have you ever thought he could be afraid of rejection? Have you considered that he’s waiting for you?”

  I twisted my lips and tears brimmed in my eyes as I blinked hard to stop them from ruining my make-up. “Strange you should say that,” I said as I reached into my bag and pulled out the only hand-written love letter he’d ever sent me.

  “Read this,” I said gesturing at her with his letter.

  Amber took it from me, unfolded the music note paper, and her eyes scanned over the paper. She stopped after a couple of seconds and began to motion me to take it back, “Valerie, I can’t read this, it’s a private letter between you and Flynn.”

  “I want you to read it. I want someone to tell me what to do. I tell everyone else all the time, but with this…I just need someone to tell me—”

  “All right, but I’m not happy reading Flynn’s private thoughts to you,” she said, as she reluctantly began to read again.

  “Oh, Valerie. You want to know my opinion? Do you really want to hear it?”

  I nodded, anxious to hear her thoughts.

  “I don’t want to upset you, Valerie, but this man…your man is hurting badly. He’s scared of rejection and sounds resigned to you calling all the shots. If you want this guy, you are going to have to put him out of his misery. If Kayden had written a letter like that to me, I’d have melted into a puddle right at his feet the first chance I got. What did you tell him after reading it?” she asked.

  “Nothing, I haven’t spoken to him since I read it. He left it in the car for me this morning, and Rita was there with me.”

  “Valerie, he’s romancing you. He’s trying to win your heart.”

  “He already has that.”

  “He knows you love him, but from this letter? He has no idea where you’re going next. Sounds to me like he’s struggling with his feelings and doesn’t want to share them with you because he doesn’t want to be brushed off when the time comes for him to air them in the open with you.”

  “You’re sure he isn’t saying what he thinks I want to hear?”

  “No, Valerie. I think from that letter, Flynn would give anything to be walking in Kayden’s shoes today.”

  I closed my eyes because I felt embarrassed. Amber was able to see clearly what I could not. Flynn was telling me he’d take me any way he could have me in the letter, and I’d been crazy to think otherwise. I vowed after we’d gotten through that day, I’d do everything I could to make that right.

  Chapter 29

  Beautiful

  Valerie

  Flynn reassured me as the couple left the church that I’d done a great job of holding myself together even if I had cried. I comforted him in return, making a joke that he didn’t have to feed me, the one thing he focused on when I’d been emotionally strung out in the past. For a second I almost said, “I wished it was our wedding day.” If I had, I’m sure he’d have made light of it and put it down to my emotional state.
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  I took most of the official pictures myself from outside the church and at the wedding reception luncheon, after that, it was left to a guy I trusted who had been filming in the church during the service. I knew him well, and he’d been using my studio in town as his for most of the time since I’d been with Flynn.

  Liam did great and added to the cuteness factor the whole day for us. His sense of purpose and the way he carried out his duty with the wedding ring made my heart melt with pride and love.

  Kayden was superb at delivering his wedding speech, and though he hadn’t dwelled on Martin and Adam, he did mention them again but moved on quickly to talk about his wife and their future life together. During his speech, Flynn appeared reflective and for a couple of days prior to the wedding, he’d seemed a bit off. I’d assumed it was because the wedding was making him feel a little uncomfortable about our status, especially after Amber’s assessment. Then I wondered if, like me, he was worried about the problem we had to face about Jonah.

  *****

  The reception went well, and Flynn was his usual patient self when almost all of Amber’s friends grouped around asking him and the other band members Kayden had invited questions. Each one of them snapped pictures with him, and although it bugged the hell out of me they were doing that at my brother’s wedding, I sucked it up because it was just one of those things we accepted as part of what went with being in a band. Everyone wanted to be associated with them, and I sat back and watched the ‘peen-chasers’ as Craig called them, flock around my man.

  Flynn excused himself and headed for the bathroom while Kayden asked me to dance. “I never had the chance to tell you how gorgeous you look in that dress, Valerie. You look almost as good as my bride today,” he said, with an affectionate smile.