by Andria Large
I laugh. “It has been a while.”
“What happened to that guy you were seeing?” she asks.
“Meh, he just wasn’t doing it for me. The sex was kinda blah, nothing great,” I mutter.
Krista snickers. “That’s because you like shit freaky.”
I gasp in mock outrage. “I do not! But hell, I liked to be fucked, not made love to. Especially from someone I’m just messing around with. I want it hard and dirty, none of that lovey-dovey shit. Fuck my ass, make me come, and get the hell out.”
Krista cracks up and gives me a playful shove. "You're horrible."
"What? It's the truth!"
She rolls her eyes at me and shakes her head. "Get to work."
"You get to work," I huff in return.
+
EZRA
It's been about a week since the whole drowning episode at the beach. After Spencer got out of the hospital the next day, I went to work on looking for group counseling for gay teens. I was actually able to find out a place in town that has weekly sessions for LGBT teens. Spencer has already been to counseling because of his mother passing, but I feel like he's starting to close back up again now that he's told me he's gay. I want to get him help before he becomes unreachable.
During my lunch break, I head over to the counseling center to sign Spencer up for the group sessions. A bell rings when I open the door into the cozy little seating area. A soft noise machine is playing and nice smelling candles are lit around the room, giving it a soft and inviting feel. There is a desk with a computer, but no one is sitting behind it. I can see a bunch of doors throughout - some closed, some open.
One of the doors to my left opens and a man steps out. He smiles brightly and I immediately recognize him. He's the lifeguard that saved Spencer's life. I didn't get a really good look at him last week. Now, though...Jesus, the man is breathtaking. I can't remember the last time I thought that about a man; it's been years.
He has stormy gray eyes that seem to see into my soul, making me shift uncomfortably on my feet. His smile is bright, with straight, white teeth. Of course I notice his teeth, I am a dentist after all. He's a bit shorter than my 6'3" height; he's probably more around 5'11" or so.
He gives me a funny look before pointing at me. "I know you from somewhere," he states.
One side of my mouth lifts into a small smile. "I believe you saved my son from drowning last week."
His eyes light up. "That's right! Spencer, right? And your name is...Ezra?"
My grin widens. "Wow, that's a pretty good memory," I say as we shake hands.
He winks at me. "It's a gift. I'm Ferris, if you don't remember."
My stomach does a weird little flip when he winks at me.
"So, what can I do for ya?" he chirps, propping his hands on his slim hips.
He's wearing worn jeans and a navy blue polo with the same logo that's on the front door.
"Well..." I start, rubbing the back of my neck. "My son, Spencer, told me a few months ago that he's gay. He's had a rough year as it is and I feel like he should talk to someone, or other people, in the same boat...I don't know..."
Ferris smiles a reassuring smile and nods. "It's okay. I understand. We have group sessions, but I also do one-on-ones. The group sessions are good because he will get to meet other teens that have similar feelings. I suggest he does both group and one-on- one meetings, at least to start."
Ferris leans past me and plucks a card out of the little holder on the desk. He hands it to me.
"Here’s my card with my number. There is a group session tomorrow night at six. Bring Spencer by. We'll see if he likes it, and then we can go from there."
"Thanks, Ferris. I really appreciate it."
"No problem," he replies, flashing me his gorgeous smile again. He then nods his chin in my direction. "Can I ask what line of work you are in that requires you to wear scrubs?"
I smirk and pull my wallet out of my back pocket. I take out my business card and hand it to him. He looks down at it, reading the black print out loud. “Ezra Whitmore, DDS. Oh, a dentist! No wonder your teeth are so fucking perfect,” he mutters dryly.
I laugh and shrug. “Consequences of the job.”
He gives me a bored look. “Whatever,” he teases.
I chuckle. "Alright, I have to get back to work. I'll bring Spencer by tomorrow night."
"Sounds like a plan. See you guys then," Ferris responds, giving me a small wave as I walk out.
CHAPTER
TWO+
FERRIS
How is it that I’m nervous? I go about setting up the folding chairs in a circle so everyone can see each other. I’ve been thinking about Ezra all day today. Which is stupid because the guy is most likely straight, and at least five or six years older than I am, not that it matters to me, I like older guys more than younger guys anyway; mostly because they are more experienced in the sack.
God, when he stopped into the office yesterday in those sexy ass scrubs, I damn near came in my jeans. Then there are those bright crystal blue eyes of his that are framed with long dark lashes, making them the first thing you see when you look at him. The man is gorgeous to begin with, and those eyes seal the deal. I haven't felt this level of attraction toward someone in a while, and it's stupid as hell because I don't think he is even close to being interested.
Kids ranging from twelve to nineteen years old start to trickle in. They are all familiar faces to me. I’ve been counseling some of them for a few years now. My heart skips a beat every time the door opens and someone walks in because I’m waiting for it to be Ezra. I can’t wait to see those bright blue eyes and scruffy square jaw again.
At a few minutes before six, the door opens and in walks Spencer, followed by Ezra. My heart flips over in my chest at the sight of the tall man with the dark hair. Damn, he’s gorgeous. Ezra’s eyes meet mine, and the guy smiles his perfect smile, showing off the pair of dimples on his scruffy cheeks.
Be still my heart.
I smile back and walk over to meet them. Spencer shifts uncomfortably and shoves his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. His dark hair is flopping down over his forehead, partially covering his bright blue eyes, which match his father’s. I can see that his cheeks are flushed and that he’s very nervous.
“Hey guys, so glad you could make it.” I greet them, giving Spencer’s shoulder a squeeze.
“Yeah, us, too,” Ezra replies, his eyes scanning over the kids sitting in the chairs. "Spencer, do you remember Ferris?" he asks, his eyes landing back on his son.
Spencer nods shyly. "Yeah."
"I'm glad to see that you're okay," I say with a gentle smile.
"Thanks."
“So the session is an hour and a half long and it’s kids only. What gets said in the circle, stays in the circle, unless it’s something that must absolutely be shared with a parent,” I tell them seriously.
Ezra’s eyes find mine again. “Sounds good. I’ll be back then.”
I nod and give him a look telling him that Spencer is in good hands with me. Ezra gives me a small grateful smile before he gives Spencer’s shoulder a squeeze then walks out. I watch him go, checking out the way his jeans hug his rear end. Damn, that man has a fine ass.
“You know I can see you checking out my dad, right?” Spencer says, making me whip my head around to look at him.
Spencer has a crooked, knowing smile on his face. His blue eyes are dancing with amusement.
“Your dad’s hot.” I shrug, not denying it.
Spencer groans and shakes his head. “I really dxon’t need to hear that.”
I chuckle and sling an arm around his shoulders, leading him into our largest room. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to the group.”
At least Spencer has seemed to relax some. We walk over to the group of about ten kids and I introduce Spencer to everyone before sitting him down next to me so that we can get started.
“Hate putting you on the spot, Bud, but why don’t you tell eve
ryone a little about yourself?” I say to Spencer, giving him a reassuring nod.
Spencer rubs his hands nervously on the tops of his jean-clad thighs. “Okay. I’m 14 and I live with my dad. My mom passed away last year from a brain aneurysm. One minute, the three of us were eating dinner, and the next, she was gone.”
My heart stops. My hand finds the back of Spencer’s neck and gives it a squeeze. I had no idea that the kid has been dealing with losing a parent on top of everything else. “I’m so sorry for your loss,” I say sincerely.
Spencer nods. “Thank you. It’s been really hard. My dad and I couldn’t bear to live in our house anymore, so we moved a couple of months after she died. My dad has been doing the best he can on his own, and I think he’s doing great. I told him that I’m gay a week ago, and he’s been really supportive.”
“You’re lucky to have a dad that is supportive. Mine kicked me out of my house,” one of the boys says sadly.
“I’m sorry,” Spencer says sympathetically.
The boy shrugs. “I’m dealing. Ferris here has helped a lot. He helped me find a place to live, and helped me get a job to support myself.”
Spencer smiles and turns to look at me. “You’re just a regular hero, aren’t you?”
I find myself blushing. I roll my eyes. “Please. I like to help people.”
“He saved me from drowning last week,” Spencer tells the group.
A round of applause erupts for me.
I hold out my hands to quiet the group down. “Come on now, this isn’t about me, this is about you guys. I’m here to help you.”
“And you do, you help us all, every week,” another girl says sweetly.
I feel my chest swell with pride. Ever since I realized I was gay, and went through what I went through with my family, I’ve always wanted to help others so they would never feel as unwanted as I felt - still feel. Apparently, I’ve succeeded.
“Thank you,” I say with an appreciative nod. "Now, back to Spencer. Have you come out to anyone other than your dad?"
Spencer quickly shakes his head. "No. I've been really confused about what I know I feel, and what I know everyone else thinks I should feel."
Murmurs of understanding go around the group, a lot of them nodding.
"And that's totally normal," I tell him.
The conversation grows from there and turns into a great session for everyone.
+
EZRA
I return at 7:30 pm to pick up Spencer from the group therapy session. Some kids are walking out as I’m walking in. I see that Spencer and Ferris are still sitting in the room talking, just the two of them, so I stay in the seating area to give them some privacy. I shove my hands into the front pockets of my jeans as I wait.
After a couple of minutes, they get up and make their way over to me. Ferris’ gray eyes meet mine and I immediately know that Spencer told him about his mother’s death. The sympathy and sorrow in them says it all. I glance at Spencer, who winces.
“I told Ferris about mom,” he says guiltily.
I frown. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re allowed to tell people about Mom. It’s not a secret,” I say, hoping to reassure him that it’s okay to talk about his mother.
Spencer shrugs. “I know, it’s just…we don’t talk about her much, so I wasn’t sure if you cared if I said something…” he trails off.
I sigh. “Shit, I’m sorry, Spence. I never wanted you to feel like that. You can talk to me about Mom any time you want.”
Spencer nods. “Okay,” he replies softly.
“I’m very sorry for your loss,” Ferris says sincerely to me.
“Thank you. It hasn’t been easy,” I reply with a tight smile.
“You know, I mostly deal with teens, but if you ever need to talk, get shit off your chest, even just as friends, I’m here,” Ferris offers.
I nod gratefully. “Thanks. I appreciate that.”
Ferris smiles softly and I once again take notice of how nice of a smile he has. I usually notice peoples’ smiles, but I don’t just notice Ferris’ teeth; I notice the wide set of his mouth, the fullness of his lips, and how one side lifts slightly higher than the other, which I find charming. My train of thought kinda weirds me out. I haven’t had thoughts like this in years, not since before I met my wife.
“Okay. Well, you have my number, call if you want to set up any one-on-one sessions,” Ferris says then turns to Spencer. “See you in group next week?”
Spencer nods. “Yep.”
“Great.” Ferris smiles.
My eyes drift over to that smile again before I can stop myself. What the hell? This is not good.
“Alright, see you later, Ferris,” I say and shake the guy’s hand.
“Yep.”
I put an arm around Spencer’s shoulders as we walk out to the car.
“So, how was it?” I ask him.
“Really good,” Spencer says with a smile.
“I’m glad.” I grin.
We get into my black Range Rover and start for home. We stop at a red light and I glance over at Spencer, who I find is grinning at me. I raise an eyebrow in question.
“Ferris thinks you’re hot,” Spencer tells me, barely fighting back a laugh.
My mouth drops open. “What?”
Spencer bursts out laughing. “He was checking you out when you dropped me off, and I caught him. He just shrugged and said you were hot.”
I laugh and shake my head. My stomach does a little flip and a thrill shoots through me. I’m not completely sure how to feel about that. I guess it’s flattering that he finds me attractive. I’m kind of excited that someone thinks I’m hot. And I think it's safe to assume that he's gay.
When we get home, Spencer goes to his room to play some video games before bed. It’s summer, so I don’t bother him about a set bedtime. I don’t let him stay up all hours of the night, but I also don’t make him go to bed at ten like during the school year.
Living in a shore town, in New Jersey, in the summer, is crazy. What is a ghost town in the winter, suddenly comes alive in the summer, when everyone and their mother comes down the shore for day trips and week long - sometimes longer - vacations. I’ve lived on the Jersey shore my whole life, so I’m used to it. When my wife died, Spencer and I decided it would be best to start over. So we moved from Sea Isle City to North Wildwood. They are really only about twenty minutes apart, so Spencer is still able to see his friends from his previous school. He’s also made some new friends at his new school that he now hangs out with.
I moved my dental practice to North Wildwood also. Pretty much all of my employees stayed with me and are okay making the drive because it’s not that far. My practice is actually doing pretty well in North Wildwood. I take walk-ins and have a twenty-four hour emergency line. I don’t get called much for emergencies, but it seems to put people at ease knowing that they can call me anytime if anything happens.
I go and flop down on the couch in the living room and turn on the TV. There really isn’t much on that I’m interested in watching. All of the shows that I used to watch with my wife are no longer fun to watch. There are a lot of things that I used to do that are no longer fun. When my wife died, so did a part of me. I believe it was the fun part. I try to do things with Spencer, things that he likes to do, but I find myself putting on an act, pretending to be happy so he can be happy.
Not finding anything on TV, I give up and turn it off. I drop my head back onto the couch and close my eyes. Shouldn’t I have been able to move on with my life already? How long am I supposed to grieve? And hell, I haven’t had sex in a year. Jerking off all of the time is getting old fast. Another problem with living where we do is that the options to meet someone are limited. I met my wife in college - which was out of state - and she moved to Jersey to be with me.
God, I’m in such a funk. There has to be a way to climb out of it. My mind drifts to Ferris and that charming smile of his, and I find myself smiling just thinking about it. The guy is s
o upbeat. That’s who I need to be hanging out with; he’d bring some positivity into my life. Maybe next week when I take Spencer to group therapy I’ll see if we can get together for drinks one night. It’s time for me to get my life back on track and move on, start living again.
+
Flipping down the visor in my Range Rover, I check my hair and teeth. Frowning at myself in the mirror, I wonder what the hell I’m doing.
“Since when do you need to make sure you look good for another guy?” I mutter to myself in the empty car.
Since you haven't been with one in over twenty years.
I’m sitting in the parking lot of the counseling center, waiting to pick up Spencer, and I’m also planning on asking Ferris if he wants to meet up for drinks one night this week. It almost sounds like I’m asking the guy out on a date, which is absurd.
Mentally shaking myself, I get out of the car and head into the office. I’m a few minutes early, so I hang back by the door and wait for the session to be officially over. The door to the room they are in is open, so I watch Ferris speak quietly to the kids. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but I’m moved by the kind, tender smile on the man’s face. He looks at each one of the kids in the circle as he talks, making sure to include everyone. My heart flutters wildly for some unknown reason.
Ferris’ dirty blond hair is tousled, as if he’s been running his hands through it and didn’t care where the hell it fell. His square jaw is shadowed with a dusting of stubble. He most likely shaved this morning, but it’s already growing back in. He’s wearing jeans and a T-shirt, making him look like one of the kids. That’s probably why he’s dressed like that, to make him seem more like he’s on the same level as them.
I turn my attention to Spencer, who is sitting to the right of Ferris. He’s watching Ferris raptly and seems to eat up everything the guy is saying. I’m glad that Spencer has found someone he can look up to during such a confusing time in his life. I wish I had someone like him in my life when I was younger.
“Alright guys! Great session today!” Ferris says loudly as he stands and claps.
