by E. L. Todd
Forever and Always
Book Two of the Forever and Always Series
E. L. Todd
This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this novel are fictitious or used fictitiously. All right reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher or author, except in the case of a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.
Forever and Always
Published by E.L. Todd at Smashwords
Copyright 2013 E.L. Todd
For Cindy and Doug,
My second parents and my close friends. You always believed in me and made me feel special. Thank you for allowing me to be a third daughter to your warm family.
“But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my dear?”
“Little Lion Man” –Mumford and Sons
1
Sean’s arms were wrapped around me. The smell of his skin and the feel of his body against mine were almost unreal. I had never been so happy in my life. I almost didn’t believe it. Sean was mine. He came all the way to Seattle just to prove his love for me. It was so unexpected and so joyous that I thought my heart would explode. I didn’t care about the past anymore. As long as Sean was with me nothing else mattered. My greatest friend was my lover. There was no misunderstanding. Sean loved me. Me.
Sean pulled away from me and approached the table. “Hey,” he said to Ryan. They shook hands. “Is it cool if I date your sister?”
Ryan laughed. “Are you asking for my permission?”
“It’s just a formality.”
“Welcome to the family.”
I wrapped my arm around Sean and he held my hand in his own. Sean turned to Cortland. “I’m Sean,” he said. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Cortland nodded. “I’m Cortland. And the pleasure is all mine.”
Cortland and I shared a glance and I knew what he meant. Was I going to tell Sean about us? Since Sean and I weren’t together or even speaking when it happened, I didn’t see the relevance. It was none of his business.
“Now we have a double date.” I smiled at Cortland.
“Yes,” he said. “We do.”
Sean turned to me. “I’ve never been to Seattle before. Do you want to show me around?”
“I would love to,” I said as I kissed him.
“You’re welcome to stay with us,” Ryan said.
“I would hope so.” I smiled. “Since I’m paying the rent and feeding you.”
Ryan sighed. “There goes my sister again—being a brat.”
Sean nodded. “If you don’t mind,” he said to my brother.
“Not in the least,” Ryan replied. “How long are you staying?”
“Just for the weekend,” he said. “Then I’ll take Scarlet back home on Sunday.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“We are going back to New York,” he said.
I thought for a moment. This was a complication I hadn’t considered. New York used to be my home but it was no longer—Seattle was. I looked at Ryan, but he didn’t meet my gaze. This was something he already anticipated and he seemed to be fine with it—on the surface.
“I don’t have an apartment or a job, Sean,” I said.
“You can live with me,” he said. “We’ll be together all the time anyway.”
“I don’t know,” I said apprehensively.
“What do you mean?”
“You should go, Scarlet,” Ryan said. “New York is your home.”
I met my brother’s gaze and he was smiling at me, giving me his permission to leave. The idea of being away from him again made my heart ache. We had reconnected in such a strong way, and I didn’t want to lose that, but I couldn’t make Sean leave his job in New York. I wasn’t even sure where he would work in Seattle.
“We’ll discuss it later,” I said to Sean.
Sean stared at me for a moment, but didn’t say anything.
“Let’s drop off your stuff at the apartment and I’ll show you around.” I smiled.
“Okay,” he said.
“We’ll see you later,” I said to the two men. Cortland nodded and Ryan waved. Sean and I walked out the door and headed up the street, hand in hand, as we watched the Seattle lights in the nighttime air.
“It’s beautiful here,” he said.
“I know.”
“Do you like it here?” he asked. “I know this is where you grew up.”
“I do.”
“So, what are we doing about New York?” he asked as we approached the apartment building. “I need to buy your ticket before they are sold out.”
I sighed. “I don’t know, Sean.”
“What do you mean?”
We walked through the lobby and stood in the elevator, rising up to the fifth floor. Sean squeezed my hand as we left the elevator and made it to the door. “I’m not going anywhere, Scarlet. You are the one for me. Please don’t be scared.”
I smiled at him. “That’s not what I was thinking.” I inserted the key in the lock and opened the door. Sean walked inside and put his bag in the living room then looked around the apartment. He turned his gaze back to me and I reveled in how handsome he was. Somehow I had forgotten. Suddenly, I realized I was wearing gym clothes because Ryan and I played basketball for an hour. Sean seemed to read my mind.
“You are so beautiful,” he said. “I don’t know how I didn’t notice it before.”
My cheeks blushed from his comment. I was wearing a baggy sweatshirt and my hair was in a loose braid. I knew I was a mess.
“Tell me why you don’t want to come home with me,” he said as he stood in front of me. He held my hand in his own and caressed my fingers. “We don’t have to live together. I just assumed that we would—I want to. I’m with you all the time anyway.”
I smiled at him. “I would love to live with you.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I—I ignored Ryan for the past year and made no effort to stay in contact with him. When I came back to Seattle, I saw how much that hurt him. He has been spending the holidays with friends—sometimes alone—and now that we’re together again, everything is better. I—I don’t know if I can leave him again.”
Sean sighed. “We will both make an effort to stay in touch with him, Scarlet. I’ll remind you to call him every day. And I don’t mind spending the holidays with him. He can even come to my family estate in Connecticut—he’s my family, too.”
“I don’t think Ryan would accept that,” I whispered. “And it isn’t the same. It’s impossible to stay close when you’re on opposite ends of the country. Without mutual experiences, you run out of things to discuss—you don’t connect. My brother is the one who took care of me and got me back on my feet, despite what I did to him. I won’t do it again. I can’t leave him, Sean.”
“Do you feel this way because of guilt or desire?” he asked. “Would you rather stay with him?”
I thought for a moment. “I don’t want to leave him.”
Sean sighed. “My job is in New York. I can’t just leave it. I have no idea if I could even find a job here in Seattle.”
“I know,” I whispered. “We can do long-distance. We can take turns flying back every weekend.”
Sean dropped my hand and stepped back. “Until when?” he asked. “I want to marry you at some point. We are going to have to make a compromise eventually. Ryan can take care of himself—he understands that you have to move on with your life.”
His comment
about marriage made my heart flutter. “You want to marry me?”
Sean smiled at me. “I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear,” he said. “I want to be with you for always. Does it change anything? Will you move to New York with me?”
“Let me think about it,” I said.
“For how long?” he asked sadly.
“A few weeks,” I answered.
“So, I won’t see you for five days every week?” he asked. “That sounds terrible.”
“It’ll be okay,” I said. “It’s temporary. I’ll make a decision eventually.”
“What other option do we have? You either move to New York or you don’t.”
“You could come here,” I suggested.
“And work where?” he asked.
“We would figure it out,” I said. “I could support us until you find something.”
Sean sighed. “I appreciate that, but I will never let you support me—ever. I refuse to let that happen.”
I rolled my eyes. He reminded me of Cortland in that respect.
“I caught that,” he said. “I’m sorry I’m being difficult, but I want this to work. I was looking forward to being with you.”
“I’m being difficult, too,” I said. “Just give me some time. Let Ryan get used to the idea of me leaving.”
“So, you are moving then?” he asked happily.
“I—I don’t know.”
Sean’s smiled dropped. “I am willing to do a long-distance relationship—anything—to be with you. But I want to live with you soon. We are going to have to figure it out.”
“I understand,” I said. “Just give me some time. Maybe there is a way I can still see Ryan periodically.”
Sean sighed. “Since I’m the one that fucked this up and drove you away, I’ll be patient. This wouldn’t be happening if I wasn’t such an idiot.”
“I forgive you, Sean—let’s just forget about it.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
I grabbed his face and kissed him gently and his lips ignited a fire within me. His lips felt right against mine and I knew I was meant for him—we were perfect together. I pulled away from him. “I love you so much,” I whispered.
Sean pressed his forehead against mine. “I love you, too, Scar. I’m sorry that I hurt you.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I said.
He rubbed his nose against mine and I felt the stress leave my body. My brother and I were close again and Sean was mine—really mine. My editing company was a success and everything was great. The student loan fiasco was still weighing on me, but I pushed it back, wanting to forget about it now that Sean was with me.
“In a way, I’m glad that this happened,” I said.
He pulled away from me. “Why?”
“I never would have fixed the relationship between Ryan and I, and I never would have started my own company. A lot of great things have happened because of it.”
“I’m glad,” he said. “My life has been nothing but miserable without you. I’m grateful that Ryan took care of you.”
I held him for a moment, and we stood together in silence. Leaving Ryan was something I wasn’t sure I could do. After everything we’d been through, I didn’t think I could move away and not see him every day, especially for a guy that hurt me so much. I promised myself I wouldn’t hurt Ryan again, and I didn’t want to. Hopefully, Sean would just grow frustrated with me and move to Seattle to be with me. I didn’t want to ask him to do it because that would be selfish but I really wanted him to do it on his own. He knew how important Ryan was to me—I couldn’t leave him.
“So,” he said. “Can I take you to dinner?”
“Well, I just ate.”
“When has that ever stopped you?” He smiled.
I hit him lightly on the shoulder. We were back to the way we were, except our relationship was different. It seemed like we had the best of both worlds—our friendship and our love. “Stop making fun of me.”
“I make fun of you because I love you. Think about it that way.”
“That doesn’t help.” I smiled.
“How about some dessert, then?” he asked.
“Well, I just had a milkshake.”
Sean smiled. “Then let me take you out for a drink.”
“Are you trying to get me drunk?”
He shrugged. “We’ll see what happens.”
“I’m going to shower and change,” I said. “Please make yourself at home.”
“Thank God,” Sean said. “I was worried that you were going to go out like that.”
I grabbed his stomach and tickled him. “You got me,” he laughed. “But you know I think you’re beautiful no matter what you wear, even my old college jersey.”
“Well, I’m a hot piece of ass,” I said as I walked away.
“You are my hot piece of ass now.”
I turned around and looked at him before I disappeared in the hallway. “I like it.”
“Good,” he said. “Get used to it.”
I showered then changed my clothes, wearing a tight fitting dress that accentuated the curves of my body. After I applied my makeup, I looked in the mirror and felt satisfied. I looked like a million bucks.
When I came back into the living room, Ryan and Cortland were sitting on the couch with Sean, and they all looked at me when I walked into the room. Sean was blatantly staring at me with a hungry expression.
He stood up and walked towards me. “You look—”
“You better get it right this time.” I smiled.
Sean smiled at me. “Like a wild, sexy beast.”
“Thank you,” I said. “That was just the compliment I was looking for.”
Sean laughed. “Are you ready to go?”
“Where are you guys going?” Ryan asked.
“Well, since this fatty already ate and stuffed herself with a milkshake, I am taking her out for a drink.”
“My sister can be a garbage disposal,” Ryan said.
“Now look who’s being a brat,” I said to my brother.
He laughed then looked at Sean. “Good luck with her.”
“Thanks.” Sean laughed. “I think I’m going to need it.”
“When did this turn into a Scarlet-bashing?” I asked.
Sean kissed me on my head. “It’s only because we love you.”
I looked at him. “Well, maybe you should try hating me instead.”
“Let’s go,” Sean said. He turned to Ryan. “I’ll have her home in a few hours.”
“She’s your problem now,” Ryan said. “The weight is off my shoulders.”
I rolled my eyes and Sean wrapped his arm around me as we walked to the street. We took a cab to the main strip. Sean and I arrived at a classy piano bar and we took a seat at a table in the corner. A waitress stopped by and took our drink order. I ordered a glass of wine and Sean ordered a beer.
For a long time, Sean just stared at me from across the table without saying anything. I met his look with a smile, waiting for him to speak.
“I can’t believe how beautiful you are,” he said. “I don’t know how I was so oblivious before.”
The waitress returned with our beverages then walked away. “That’s because you’re an idiot.” He smiled at my comment. I sipped my wine as I looked at him. “You aren’t bad to look at either.”
Sean laughed. “So I tell you how beautiful you are and all I get is, ‘you aren’t bad to look at?’”
I shrugged. “I think you are the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.”
Sean nodded. “That’s better.”
“I mean it.”
“I know you do.”
He drank from his beer while he continued to stare at me. I met his look with a smirk on my lips. I enjoyed the attention he was giving me. Other men I had met often seemed immediately smitten with me, but Sean never was, but now the man was infatuated with me. I loved it. When I walked into the bar, heads immediately turned to look at me and I knew Sean noticed it. A few men w
ere still staring.
Sean noticed the gawking. “Now I’m going to have to deal with people looking at my girlfriend all the time.”
I shrugged. “Get used to it.”
He laughed. “You aren’t conceited at all.”
“You are confusing arrogance with confidence.”
Sean smiled at me then looked down at his glass. “I’m glad that you are doing so well. Ryan told me how hurt you were when you arrived here. I’m really grateful that he took care of you.”
“When did he tell you that?” I asked.
Sean sighed. “I’ve been calling him to check on you—make sure you were okay.”
I stared at him for a moment. “You’ve been doing that the whole time?”
He nodded. “I would have called you instead, but I knew you didn’t want to speak with me—and rightfully so.”
“I had no idea.”
“I called him the day after you left, wanting to make sure you were with him—somewhere safe. I admit I was hurt that you just took off without saying a word to me. I was ready to apologize for everything after I cooled off for a day, but you were already on the other side of the country.”
I felt horrible. “I’m sorry, Sean.”
“It’s not your fault,” he said. “I understood why you left. I was the one who messed everything up.”
“Please don’t blame yourself. In the end, if that hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t be together now. I guess it was the greatest thing that ever happened to us—for me, at least.”
Sean rested his hand on top of mine. “This is the best thing that has ever happened to me too.”
I immediately thought of Penelope, but I didn’t want to ask him about her. They hadn’t been broken up very long, so it was unrealistic that he would be completely over her, but I didn’t want to hear him say it. I decided to leave it alone. He would forget about her eventually, and I didn’t want to wait anyway. We were both happiest when we were together.
“When did you know?” I asked.
A man in a suit approached a piano on the stage and began to play softly. The light music echoed around the room. The tables were filled with couples talking privately, and the dim lighting of the bar made everyone feel relaxed.
