by Jessa Russo
Gripping me tightly, he pushed gently until I was crushed between his body and my closed bedroom door. He moved one hand up the length of my ribs and over my shoulder blade to where it could rest comfortably on my neck. Holding my head in place, he kissed me hungrily. I lost all coherent thought.
It was just me and Frankie and his kiss.
I melted into him, our mouths moving in a rhythm almost too natural to be real. It felt like I’d been kissing Frankie for years, like we knew the next move the other person was going to make before they made it. At the same time, kissing Frankie was unfamiliar, the excitement and the thrilling feeling of finally kissing him, new and exotic. My heart pounded, thumping loudly in my ears. Every part of me wanted more of him.
The sound of my mom’s door opening abruptly ended our kiss, and Frankie flew to the opposite side of the cramped hallway. I swear I could see the red heat between us, hanging in the air, but like everything else going on around her, my mother was blind to it.
“Frankie, before I forget, there are clean towels for you in Ever’s bathroom. Good night, kids! Love you both!” She shot us both a smile and went back into her room.
I shook my head. My dad would have seen the lusty heat between Frankie and me in a heartbeat, and I probably would have gotten a nice boring lecture on boys. My mom, however, was completely oblivious. I sighed.
Frankie stared at me intently, and I ached to touch him again. But unfortunately, my mom’s behavior cooled the heat in my veins and reminded me that there was so much more at stake here. So much more to do before I could even consider moving forward with Frankie.
“I have to go to bed, Frankie. I … I can’t do this right now.”
“I know, Doll. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Of course he knew. Of course he didn’t try to argue. He always knew exactly what I needed. I closed my bedroom door behind me then slid down to the ground. I heard a rustling on the other side of the door as Frankie did the same thing.
“Frankie?”
“Yeah, Doll?”
“What are you doing?”
“No idea.”
“Do you want to come in?” My voice was a whisper, and half of me was surprised by the words. As if they hadn’t fully had my permission to come out.
I stood and opened the door to him. He was already standing, and before I’d even opened the door all the way, he was kissing me again. I heard the door shut softly behind him. Then both of his hands were on me, and he was leading me to the bed.
He slowly laid me down on my bed, and before long, he was on top of me. We were both breathing quickly, our hands franticly touching each other. Our clothing came off next. First my shirt, then his. Eventually his jeans. As if it wasn’t new or awkward at all.
Lying with Frankie, with only his boxers and my denim skirt between us, I wasn’t afraid. There was no doubt in my mind that I was safe with Frankie. My body, my heart—he would never hurt me. As we kissed and his hands explored my naked chest again, I knew without a doubt that I was going to lose my virginity to Frankie tonight.
I couldn’t imagine anything feeling more right.
I reached down between us, slowly at first, and slightly nervous even though I’d made my decision. I began to tug at my skirt, but it was awkward while his weight was on top of me. Feeling what I was doing, he slid to the side of me. His eyes were dark, the caramel brown a rich sea of hunger now.
He slowly drew circles around my belly button, and goose bumps broke out over my bare skin. I resumed trying to remove my skirt, but Frankie reached down and stopped my hand. He set it by my side and sat up.
Slowly, with his hands on either side of my waist, he slid my skirt down my legs. I felt exposed and vulnerable, but the way Frankie looked at me—with so much love—my worries quickly faded away again.
This is right.
He lay down on top of me again, and without my skirt to restrain me, I wrapped my legs around him. He groaned deep in his throat, and something sparked inside me in response. Our kissing intensified, his tongue actively searching my mouth, his hands firmly feeling every inch of me possible. I felt the pressure of him between my legs—an intense and strange feeling that brought pleasure and fear, dangerously laced with anticipation.
His hips moved, slowly at first, and feelings I can’t even describe shot through my body. A sound I’d never heard before escaped my lips. Frankie answered it with another groan deep in his throat, and then he stopped kissing me, his breathing fast and heavy.
He looked into my eyes, an unspoken question between us.
Is this okay?
Yes. Yes.
He reached down to his jeans on the floor and pulled out a small foil package. For a second, I didn’t know what it was. Then it occurred to me, and my cheeks flared up. Holy shit!
“Frankie!”
He sheepishly looked away.
When did he buy condoms? What was he planning?
“I’m sorry, Doll. I know this looks bad. But … after last night … after we … I just … I just wanted to be prepared. I swear. Please, don’t think I’m a creep, Ever. I just wanted to be prepared.”
He looked at me then, eyes slightly ashamed, and his cheeks slightly red. I laughed in spite of myself. He wanted to be ready. He wanted this as much as I did. I smiled at him, shaking my head slightly at how uncomfortable the situation had just become. I reached for him and pulled him back to me. We kissed again, and my heart flapped around wildly in my chest.
Yes. I was going to go all the way with Frankie.
The boy I’d loved for my entire life.
Feeling uncharacteristically brave and sure, I wrapped my legs back around him, silently giving him permission to continue. Within moments we were naked, the feel of our skin connecting in so many new places an unfamiliar and exhilarating thing. I didn’t worry about what I was doing or if I was doing it wrong. I didn’t worry about my stomach or how skinny or fat it was. I didn’t worry about how I was moving or if I was supposed to be moving differently. I didn’t worry about anything. Because with Frankie, I just was. I saw myself the way he saw me—the way he had always seen me—and I wondered how I ever doubted his feelings.
He’d loved me his entire life.
Nothing could have been better than this moment.
It was just me and Frankie and our love.
Finally.
J ust days after Toby and I broke up, I found myself reluctantly crossing over our yards again. Frankie, Jessie, and I had decided it was time to get some real answers to our questions.
I had made the trip plenty of times, but this time I felt even more butterflies than I used to feel. This time, I wasn’t coming to Toby as his girlfriend. This time, I was coming to him as his ex-girlfriend whose new boyfriend was standing beside her. I didn’t want Toby to know Frankie and I were officially together yet. I didn’t want to hurt Toby, or for him to think poorly of me. But I felt like he was going to see it between Frankie and me. Like somehow he was just going to know.
But Toby’s feelings aside, we needed answers. We deserved answers. We’d gotten pretty much nowhere on our own, so this was the only option we had left. Even though it felt strange for me to have to see Toby again so soon after breaking up with him, we were out of options. The three of us were going to demand answers to all of our many questions, regardless of how those answers—or the time spent face to face with Toby again—affected me.
And affect me it did.
Toby answered the door, and his face lit up when he saw me. My heart clenched, and my eyes did that weird tingly thing they do before I’m about to start crying like a baby. I felt Frankie’s body behind mine, like there was an invisible thread pulling us to each other. I hoped Toby couldn’t see it.
Jessie squeezed my hand, knowing how difficult this was for Frankie and me.
“Hey,” Toby said, with a relieved smile.
“Hey,” I said back to him, my voice cracking to give away my discomfort, clearly not as strong and pulled t
ogether as I’d thought I was. Damn. I pushed past him into his living room and sat on his couch, Jessie and Frankie sitting on either side of me.
“You three seem like you mean business.” He addressed all of us, but his attention was intently focused on me.
Frankie stiffened next to me.
Toby caught the slight movement, and his gaze traveled back and forth between us. As if responding to Toby’s silent question, Frankie put his hand on my thigh. Staking his claim, I imagined.
I took a deep breath.
“We do mean business,” I said. The strength in my voice surprised me. “Sit down, Toby. We want answers.”
He sat on the floor with his back leaning against the high-backed chair opposite us, and his legs spread out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Anything.”
I sure hoped he was telling the truth. We had so many questions.
“Okay, um … .” I had no idea where to start.
“Well, Toby, for starters, what is a soul collector exactly?”
Ah, thank you, Jess. At least she wasn’t struck dumb, sitting in her former boyfriend’s living room with her current boyfriend by her side, and thus, able to form a coherent question. She also managed to sound like a professional newscaster, and I pictured her with a microphone in one hand and a cameraman close by.
Ariadne sauntered into the room before Toby could answer, and both Frankie and Jessie stiffened beside me. My gut coiled. Ugh. She sat in the chair behind Toby, slowly stretching her legs to either side of him, so his head was practically in her lap.
He tensed.
She smiled her sweetest smile and winked at Frankie. Though the darkness around her eye had faded significantly, the proof of Jessie’s outburst was still apparent. Jessie smiled, and I knew her thoughts mirrored mine. I seriously loathed her very existence and wished I’d been the one to punch her.
“Oh, look. It’s Ever. Hello, Ever,” she purred.
My fists ached to connect with her pouty lips, and Frankie must have felt it in my arm muscles because he reached for my clenched fist. His thumb rubbed soothing motions on my skin, and I relaxed my hand.
Toby and Ariadne watched the gesture, and Ariadne laughed. A heartless, icy laugh.
“Well, well. You’ve decided to accept my gift after all. You don’t move slowly, do ya?” She cocked her head and stared hard, analyzing me. “Oh!” Her eyes widened. “Well. I’m a little surprised you moved that quickly. I’ll admit it though … I’m a little impressed, too.” She winked at me, like suddenly we were in cahoots.
Not likely.
Below her, Toby tensed, and she ran a hand down his chest in a soothing motion. Though I knew she had no desire to soothe him. Otherwise, the next words would have never left her lips.
“So? What was it like? A girl’s first time can be so … awkward.”
Toby shot up and turned on her. Staring down at her with his back to us, I could only imagine the menace from his stare. She shrank back under the heat of it.
“That is enough, Ariadne.” Toby’s words were forced through gritted teeth and dripping with anger.
“Oh, calm down, Tobias. I’m only having fun with our little friends here. I mean look at her; she practically oozes with sex. It’s such a change from her angelic purity bit.”
I watched the muscles in Toby’s back tighten and his fists clench.
“Why are you still here, Ariadne?” My words were forced through gritted teeth as well. If only I could get in one swing. Just one tiny swing. What could it hurt?
“Oh, didn’t Toby tell you, hon? We’re leaving tomorrow. All of us.” She emphasized the word all, no doubt enjoying the pain she was inflicting on Jessie as well.
“What?” I was stunned.
I wasn’t with Toby anymore. I didn’t want to be with Toby anymore, and I definitely didn’t have a right to want him to stay. I’d wished he’d leave so many times over the past few days. But to hear he was actually leaving? That was another thing entirely.
And we still needed answers. What about Frankie’s soul? What about mine?
When neither one of them explained further, I asked again. “What does she mean, Toby?”
“Thanks a lot, Ariadne.”
Toby briefly glanced between Frankie and me, at our clenched hands. Frankie squeezed my hand, subconsciously claiming me again. Or possibly consciously. I didn’t know. I saw pain flit across Toby’s face, and my heart broke. I didn’t want to hurt him, regardless of anything that had happened between us, or any pain he’d caused my friends and me.
“Ever, I—”
“You’re leaving?”
”I don’t want to leave. I’d stay here forever if I could. I’d wait for the rest of my life for you to change your mind”—he glanced at Frankie again—”if I thought you would.” He sighed and bowed his head. “But I know you won’t. I know you can’t. After all that’s happened, I just—”
“It’s okay. You’re right, Toby.”
But was he? I didn’t know for sure. Would I have never changed my mind?
It didn’t matter. He was leaving. I had Frankie. Where Toby and Ariadne ended up was none of my concern.
“Oh! Enough of this! Stop making a fool of yourself, Tobias. You’re pathetic.”
Ariadne’s words cut deep. I remembered what it felt like when that word was used on me.
Jessie had enough as well. She stood and faced Ariadne, barely holding in her disdain. “Look, bitch. You said the other day that Ever owed you something. An eye for an eye. What did you mean by that?”
Toby groaned, and I looked at him. His gaze met mine, and a silent apology passed through his eyes. Oh shit.
“Oh, you’re still stuck on that? Well, it’s easy, really. Ever has until she’s—”
“Stop!”
Everyone’s heads shot up in unison to look at Toby.
“Don’t, Ari. Please.”
Ariadne softened for just the slightest second, then her eyes narrowed and she looked back at me, the full force of her wounded pride pointing at me like a weapon. Her lip curled slightly, distorting her pretty face.
“You have one year, Ever. I will come collect your soul in place of Frankie’s when you turn nineteen. It’s really a pretty fair trade and much more than you deserve. See, I’m nothing if not fair.”
AAriadne was right about one thing—I was finally out of Seattle. The fact that I was stuck with her dad sucked like nothing else, but at least she wasn’t within a hundred mile radius of me. I still wondered why her dad had taken such a liking to me when I’d never acted even remotely nice to him. Hell, I’d been downright hostile since the first day he appeared on my front porch.
Whatever. This was my life now. And as long as Ted was taking me under his wing, so to speak, I was better off than on my own and might as well accept it.
Orange County didn’t seem too bad, really. As long as I avoided all those Laguna Beach type girls, I’d be good to go. The neighborhood had a retro feel to it—older, unique-looking bungalow-style houses, and not a cookie-cutter track home in sight—which reminded me of home.
Nah. Scratch that. Seattle wasn’t home.
I glanced next door as I hopped down from the moving truck ramp. My next assignment stood just inside, shamelessly watching me from the window. My shades covered my eyes, so I knew she couldn’t see me watching her watch me, but I had to get a glimpse of her; I wanted to see what I was up against.
Which, in a pleasantly surprising sort of way, wasn’t actually bad. She was young, but not too childish looking. Soft, but shaped well. Nice, full chest.
This wouldn’t be horrible.
I smiled when I zeroed in on the cheek full of food she’d long ago stopped chewing. Her brazen staring amused me. She’d be easy to get next to judging by the way she openly watched me, and I figured the job wouldn’t take more than a couple weeks. Ted would be pleased. Hell, I’d be pleased. Each mark I crossed off my list carried me one step closer to
freedom.
Seemed I’d been trying to escape from something my whole life. First, it was Seattle. Now, it was Theodore Stone and the life his daughter thrust me into. What an ironic turn of events. Escaping one metaphorical prison just in time to wind up in another.
As I made my way up to my new “home”—this would never really be home to me, just like the one I left in Seattle, or the one in Butte, or the most recent one in Arizona—her eyes widened. She must have realized she needed to chew that wad of food in her cheek. Hopefully, she wouldn’t choke to death and ruin my access to that house.
“So?”
“So, what, Ted?”
He lounged on the couch, ignoring that it was still covered in a blue U-Haul blanket and that a truck full of stuff still waited to be unloaded right outside. He casually flipped through a Coast magazine he’d picked up to prepare himself for our new surroundings, as I carried in box after box of his crap.
He didn’t even bother to look up at me. “Don’t get smart with me, son”—I stifled a groan; he only called me son to get my goat—”Did you see her? I caught her watching you.”
“Yeah, well, girls like to do that.”
“Hmm. I’m not sure your cocky attitude will get you very far with this one, Tobias.”
“I thought you said you didn’t know anything about her, Theodore?”
“I don’t. Just an observation.”
“Well, why don’t you let me worry about that part? Pretty sure getting the girl is my half of this assignment, is it not?”
“Indeed.”
Indeed, my ass. I continued to my room, dropping the box down on the floor. I looked around with a sigh—just once I’d like to end up with a room that someone didn’t ruin with their poor taste in interior design. Burgundy and navy plaid wasn’t really my thing, but we wouldn’t be staying long, so replacing the paint or the hideous wallpaper border would just be a waste of time. Ah well. It would have to do.
I pulled my bedding out of the box and made my bed, so it would be ready for me later. I was dead on my feet, and all I really wanted to do was crash. Moving could do that to a person—especially moving from Flagstaff to Orange County, and especially moving with Ted who had only managed to move himself inside to sit down. He’d barely lifted a finger all day. Luckily, aside from the heavy furniture, the majority of the boxes were for show—and mostly empty. We moved from place to place frequently, following marks and chasing assignments; baggage was minimal.
