by Shirley Wine
Veronica glanced around Jordan's room one last time.
Everything was ready.
She and Cassie had cleaned the room to within an inch of its life, the curtains, the bed mattress and the carpets had all been steam cleaned. Professor Carey warned them Jordan was still at risk from infection. For several more weeks they weren't to allow him to come in contact with anyone with even the slightest hint of a cough or cold.
Paranoiac about the risk, Veronica had employed a firm of commercial cleaners to give the whole house a thorough going over. Leon raised his eyebrows at all the activity, but made no comment.
The physical work gave her little surcease from pain.
Leon's fierce denouement created an insurmountable barrier. Since the night of their bitter quarrel, he'd not once touched her.
His coldness in bed left her devastated.
Even more devastating was the realisation of just how much she'd come to treasure their physical closeness. The only reason Veronica knew he'd shared her bed was the indentation his head left in his pillow when she woke.
The intolerable ache in her heart left her wounded.
If his verbal attack left her bleeding, her fiery reaction to his arbitrary decision to bring her possessions from her Albany house left her floundering. It was an incredibly thoughtful gesture. Yet she'd rounded on him like some out of control shrew.
Now, pride refused to let her make the first move to heal the breach. And isn't pride a mighty cold bedfellow!
She sat on the edge of Jordan's bed and rubbed a hand across the bright motorcycle printed duvet. She frowned, but didn't see the agitated movement of her hand.
Did Leon really consider she'd tried to come between him and Julia? There was enough truth in his accusations to cause her more than a little discomfort.
She looked out the window, but didn't see the majestic gum trees as she tried to imagine herself in Julia's shoes.
How would I feel watching Leon up close and personal, with a young, very pregnant girl? How would I react if there was a girl here now, in the same condition I was?
Veronica knew she would absolutely hate it.
Shaken to the core and acutely uncomfortable, she leaped to her feet just as Cassie walked into the room, "Everything okay in here?"
Without pausing to consider her words, Veronica burst out, "Cassie do you think I came between Julia and Leon? Interfered in their marriage?"
Cassie's hesitation was more telling than any rush of words.
Mortified, Veronica lifted her hands to cover burning cheeks.
"Julia was envious of your pregnancy." Cassie crossed the space and took Veronica's hands in hers holding them tightly.
"No wonder she hated me." She clung to Cassie's hands like a lifeline.
"Veronica, listen to me. Julia's infertility was neither your problem nor your responsibility." Cassie sat on the bed and pulled Veronica down beside her and gave her hands a little shake for emphasis. "She was wrong to put pressure on you as she did."
"I never imagined it then?" Veronica eased out a shaky sigh. "So often I've wondered if I was super sensitive or imagined things that never happened."
Cassie frowned and Veronica sensed she was choosing her words carefully. Veronica desperately needed an unbiased viewpoint. For far too long she'd only had her own unhappy thoughts, with all the accompanying doubts.
"It's not my place to criticise, but Leon did you a grave disservice bringing you here." She paused infinitesimally and her blue eyes turned hard. "When you first came here, I did suggest he find another place for you to stay. I knew what would happen."
"If only—"
Cassie cut her off, expression stern. "Don't go there! You'll drive yourself crazy. As my mother would say, crying over spilt milk is such a melancholy thing to do."
Veronica knew Cassie was right.
The decisions made ten years ago were immutable.
It was what it was. She drew a pattern on the bedspread with restless fingers. It eased an ache in her heart to know she had not imagined Julia's manipulation.
"I didn't consider how seeing me here, and pregnant, would upset Julia. But I never consciously tried to come between her and Leon."
"I know you didn't." The older woman's expression was grim. "Has Leon implied that it was deliberate?"
Veronica nodded, feeling sick to her stomach at the memory of some of her fantasies. They were so incredibly juvenile.
Cassie's laugh startled Veronica.
She looked at her in bewilderment unable to see any humour in the situation.
"How I love to see that boy all shook up." She gave an earthy chuckle her eyes sparkling with merriment. "It's high time he was jolted out of his very comfortable rut."
Veronica narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"
Cassie chuckled again. "Since the moment it became clear there was no option but to ask you to return to Claremont for Jordan's sake, Leon hasn't been a happy man."
Veronica digested this in silence. She pulled her hands from Cassie's and walked across to the window and stared out at the garden for several moments before turning to her.
"Why?"
"Let me ask you something, Veronica." Cassie's voice was as smooth as butter. "Why do you think Julia felt threatened? And why do you think Leon feels threatened now?"
For long, pregnant moments Veronica and Cassie stared steadily at each other. Thoughts and emotions scurried through Veronica's mind like so many mice scampering in the night.
Cassie gripped Veronica's shoulder in a comforting gesture. "Just be patient, my dear."
On that note she went out leaving Veronica prey to her very unsettled thoughts.
What was Cassie implying?
That Leon regard Veronica as a threat to his peace of mind? The idea filtered into the void gnawing at her innards, an emptiness so vast she thought it would swallow her whole.
Then she heard Leon. And Jordan's piping voice.
They were home.
As she went to greet them, despite the heartache, she knew a moment of pure, blinding joy.
My husband and my son.
"Hi Jordan," she squeezed his hands. "Welcome home."
"Hi, Veronica." He gave her that quizzical look so reminiscent of a baby sparrow. "Dad says you're my new mum now."
Veronica's startled glance clashed with Leon's as she squeezed Jordan's hand. "I'm still Veronica, sweetie, or Vic if you prefer. Okay?"
"Okay." Jordan raced towards his room, eager to be reunited with his toys and treasures.
Leon and Veronica followed more sedately. "You told him?"
Leon paused and looked down at her. "Yeah I told him. You do know he's worried that because he now has your bones he might grow lady boobs."
"Bones? Lady boobs?" She stared at him, nonplussed.
"Bone marrow and breasts."
Veronica gave a crow of laughter. "You're not serious?"
"Oh, but I am. I can tell you he was fair horrified, too," he said with droll humour.
"I can't say as I blame him. Surely he's too young to be noticing boobs?"
"My thoughts exactly. Kids grow up too darn fast," he said shaking his head as they walked down the corridor towards Jordan's room.
They found Jordan sprawled on his bed, arms around Mutley.
Leon frowned and asked so softly only she could hear, "That cat won't scratch him will he?"
Worried, she frowned. Jordan didn't need a cat scratch. "He's never scratched me."
"Unlike his owner? I'd hate Jordan to be left torn and bloody." His bland expression revealed nothing. He tapped her upturned nose with a lean finger. "Oh yes, my little vixen, you have claws. And you're not slow to use them."
Acutely uncomfortable, she pulled away, crossed to sit on the bed where Jordan hugged Mutley.
She was filled with real envy. She wanted to scoop this boy into her arms and hug him, the craving more intense than the need for her next breath.
Careful Veronica, take it slowly.
"Be
gentle with him Jordan." She stroked the cat's head. "He's not used to kids, okay?"
"He won't hurt me, Vic. Listen to him purring."
Mutley raised his volume a notch, lapping up the attention. But Veronica still worried. "Remember Prof Carey's warning about cat scratches. If Mutley wants down, let him go. Don't try and hang onto him, okay?"
"You heard Veronica, son?" Leon crossed over to them. "Let Mutley come and go as he wants."
"Don't worry Jordan." Veronica's fingers touched his hair in a brief caress. "Mutley never gets enough pats. Just don't hug him too tightly."
As if aware of their concern Mutley leaped out of Jordan's arms, ran across the room and jumped onto the wide windowsill and began grooming himself. Jordan yawned widely.
"Okay Jordan," Leon said firmly. "Bed, and a rest for you."
Veronica stood up. "I'll leave your dad to help you into bed. Do you want anything to eat or drink?"
"He can have a glass of milk and a biscuit now, Veronica."
She left them and when she returned with his snack Jordan was in his pyjamas and sitting up in bed. He was exhausted and she knew coming home had tired him.
"Thanks Veronica," Leon took the small tray and helped Jordan sit up to eat as she pulled the sisal curtains they'd had installed to filter the bright light but not dim the room too much, to enable him to rest during the day.
She turned back just as Jordan looped his arms around Leon's neck in a strangling hug. Jealousy and longing overwhelmed Veronica. She had to escape.
Leon found her on the terrace outside the sitting room of their suite. "Are you okay?"
Veronica blinked rapidly. The last thing she wanted was sympathy. "I'm fine."
Hand on her shoulder he turned her around lifting her chin with his finger. "Little liar."
Veronica's smile was shaky. With an impatient exclamation Leon pulled her into a tight embrace.
"I'm so scared of making a mistake." She buried her face against his strong shoulder. How she'd missed this.
Leon crushed her against him a moment, then put space between them. He caught her hands, holding them tightly. "You're fretting over nothing, Veronica."
Startled, she looked at him. "What do you mean?"
"Do you think I instantly became the father I am now?" He gave her hands a little shake. "I learned, one step at a time, and made as many mistakes as the next new parent. No one expects you to be perfect."
"Am I expecting too much?"
"You are." He pulled her close again. Veronica snuggled against his chest. "You're not on trial. No one's grading your performance. You'll make mistakes. Neither will Jordan always be this docile. That boy can be hell on wheels."
That made her laugh. "And that's good?"
"After these past hellish weeks I'd welcome a pre-teen tantrum." Leon's chuckle vibrated against her chest. "Cut yourself some slack."
She looked up and saw the weary shadows beneath his eyes. "You can ease up a bit now Jordan's home."
He sighed and rested his chin against her hair. "I will at that. Think you can manage him now for part of the day?"
Veronica inhaled a sharp nervous breath at facing the first big test, being alone with her child. "As long as you realise I'm only human."
Looking at Leon's inscrutable expression did little for her confidence.
"Just take it a day at a time. Prof Carey insisted he rests on his bed for several hours each day."
Veronica nodded. She'd already figured this. "I've been on the net for ideas to keep him occupied."
"He has his Lego, play station and Game Boy. And, by the way, that's been a real hit with him."
A flush of pleasure warmed her cheeks. She fiddled with his shirt button. "The kids at school loved them. I'm scared of messing up. I've never belonged to a family before."
Leon held her away from him, shrewd eyes scanning her face. "You belong to us Veronica. I promised you for better, for worse, remember. The Karvasis family don't quit on each other, ever. You're one of us now."
A cold barren place in her soul warmed, even as guilt pricked. "I'm sorry about the fuss I created because you brought my belongings here. I don't know what came over me."
"I'd guess a few too many changes, too quickly." He gave her a wry grin. "I seem to remember making some nasty cracks in return. Will you hold that against me forever?"
"No." She glanced up at him. "And I do appreciate having my things and Mutley here. I missed him so much."
"He grows on you, that animal."
"I heard you threaten to make him into a fur mat if he slept on your clothes again." She peeped up through her lashes trying not to smile.
"You weren't meant to hear that!" He grinned hugging her close.
She asked sweetly, "Is that why there's now a cat basket lined with one of your sweaters?"
"Minx!" Leon chuckled and his arms tightened around her, how she'd missed this. Veronica knew her pet was safe. When Leon thought himself unobserved, he petted Mutley. And she'd discovered new pet toys that mysteriously appeared.
They stayed that way for long satisfying moments only breaking apart when Cassie wheeled out the tea trolley. After pouring their tea, Veronica sat back in her chair enjoying a moment of pure contentment.
"And don't think I haven't noticed the little touches you've added to Claremont with your treasures." Leon gave her a quick comprehensive look.
Veronica glanced at her favourite Lladro figurine of the 'Goose Girl' displayed on a side table. "You don't mind me shifting things around?"
Leon frowned at her hesitant words. "Claremont is your home now, Veronica. You're free to do what you like." He gave her a ferocious glare. "Just don't touch my study or the library."
"Oh?" There was a story there or she missed her guess.
"When Julia and I were first married, I came home one day to find my study made over." He gave a snort of disgust. "It was all frothy lace and blasted froufrou."
Imagining Leon, the most masculine of men, amidst a sea of froufrou made Veronica laugh. "I bet you just loved that?"
His glare grew blacker. "She never spoke to me for a week after I made the decorators rip the lot out."
"Poor baby," Veronica murmured wickedly, even as her heart did a little tap dance of joy. So Julia, the paragon, wasn't perfect.
Meow! Meow! Who's being catty now?
"I'll give you poor baby," he growled pulling her out of her chair and into his arms.
His kiss was hard, deep and demanding. She opened to him. Low sounds from her throat drove him wild.
"Veronica?"
Leon groaned her name, the guttural sound tearing from his throat as he raised his head and stared down into her passion-flushed face. Whatever he saw there, made him smile, a fierce, predatory male smile.
Helpless, Veronica stared into the pure grey focus of his eyes, every sense stirred into sensory overload.
His hands came up and framed her face. For long moments they held each other's gaze then with a savage imprecation Leon claimed her mouth and that swiftly, the rift was breached.
He broke the kiss, swung her into his arms and carried her through to their bed. He flung the covers back and laid her on the lavender scented sheet. He looked down at her for one long pulsing moment before he swooped and then thinking was beyond her as she drowned beneath the torrent of his desire.
~***~
"Would you like me to read to you?" Veronica smoothed the cowlick back off Jordan's hot face.
Peevish and disgruntled, he just shrugged. "If you want."
At her wits end trying to find something to spark his interest, she suggested, "I could read one of my books."
That stirred a flicker of interest. "I 'spose."
As she looked at his weary face, her heart ached. He was irritable and tired of everything that made up his restricted world. And she couldn't blame him.
This part of convalescence was always the hardest.
Well enough to be home, but still far from well enough to enj
oy his usual pursuits.
She brushed a tender hand over his hair saying with quiet firmness, "It's not what I want, kiddo. Do you want to sit on the loggia? It's cooler there."
She stood up and held out her hand. For one heart stopping moment she thought he would turn away. Then with a deep shrug, he took her hand. With a soft sigh, Veronica led the way through their sitting room. From a low bookshelf she withdrew a well-read volume.
"This was my favourite book when I was your age. I've read it to my class several times."
That perked his interest. She handed him the book watching as he thumbed through it.
"Let's get comfortable." Without fuss she led him to the wide, softly upholstered swing seat. Jordan could rest as well here as on his bed. The change would do him good.
Veronica opened the book and began to read.
One page in and the story's magic gripped Jordan.
He sat up, eyes brighter, as he listened intently. Veronica gave a satisfied smile. It never failed. The adventures of five orphaned cousins being raised by their uncle and great aunt on a North Island sheep station was a perennial snapshot of old New Zealand.
Jordan snuggled ever closer, curling up his legs on the swing seat. Then he lifted Veronica's free arm and nestled underneath, his head resting on her shoulder.
Veronica's voice grew husky but she concentrated on reading. Jordan yawned and then went lax.
Veronica looked at him and smiled. He was asleep, soothed by the gentle rocking and the soft cadence of her reading. He moved and his head settled closer into her breast. With great care, she cradled him at a more comfortable angle, and leaned back to savour this precious moment.
For the first time since he was a new-born infant, she held her child in her arms.
Not since that awful day when she'd given her baby to Julia, had she held Jordan this close to her heart.
The tight ache in her chest and the sting of tears were warning enough of an emotional overload. This was the moment she'd ached for since the day Leon had brought her home to Claremont.
Emotion almost overwhelmed her.
She took a deep breath, then another, counting until her breathing settled into a steady rhythm. With their heads resting on each other, she gently rocked on the terrace glider.
