He traced a finger along her cheek and across her soft lips. She deserved so much better than them. What did they have to offer her but a bad reputation and some sweaty fun? Sure, being with her and his best friend had been the best night of his life, but he couldn’t just think about himself. He had to think about her, too.
Being associated with them would only bring her down. It wouldn’t be long before she’d become as much a pariah around town as they were. Only Grace wouldn’t be able to handle the town’s isolation the way he and Nash could. Grace loved this town. She needed this town. She didn’t deserve the town’s ire, the way he and Nash did. She hadn’t done anything but love everyone she met. Even if they didn’t deserve it.
Nash snored on her other side, his big arm wrapped around Grace’s middle, holding her to his body. It would be bad enough for her to date one of them. But if she was with both of them, there was no way the town wouldn’t look down on her. It would be best if he left. He could leave her in Nash’s capable hands. It might kill him to see them together, but it was best for her.
That would have to be enough. For Grace, he’d figure out a way to accept it.
It was the hardest thing he’d ever done, but Cassidy managed to put his foot on the floor, easing away from her, moving carefully, so as not to wake the two other bed inhabitants. If he woke them, he didn’t know what would happen. He didn’t think he could survive looking in Grace’s eyes as he walked out the door. It might kill him to see the hurt in her gaze. Or dear god, if she cried. It would destroy him to see those tears.
He groped around the room, searching for his clothes from the mess. Finding them, he clutched the fabric to his chest and quickly exited the bedroom. He tiptoed down the stairs, away from the woman he loved and his best friend. Hopefully it wasn’t for the last time. But it might be for a little while.
He dressed in the living room, not caring what he looked like. It didn’t matter anymore. He didn’t care who saw him with his shirt buttoned incorrectly or his hair a mess. The only person he cared about looking good for was in the other room. The same woman he was walking away from. He doubted tomorrow she’d care what he looked like. She’d be too angry to be concerned with his attire. At least she’d have Nash to comfort her.
He grabbed his coat, which he’d thrown over the couch, and tugged it on. But where had his boots gone? Once he found them, he could leave. If he wanted to keep all his toes, he needed those boots before trudging out into the Colorado winter…
“Where are you going?” Nash’s voice hissed through the room, startling Cassidy from his search and almost knocking him over. He glanced over at his friend, who stood on the other side of the room. His eyes were two angry flares, his arms crossed over his chest.
This mission had just gotten a lot harder. No way Nash would let him leave without a fight. Nash never understood how difficult things could be. He still didn’t understand why the wrath of the town mattered so much. But some things couldn’t be changed. The town’s opinion of them was one of them, and so was its importance.
“I’m going home.” The words stung as he pushed them through his clogged throat. “I’ll leave you the truck.”
“Why the hell are you doing that?” Nash’s nostrils flared like a bull, his ears turning a bright red.
“It’s what’s best for everyone.” The truth ripped at Cassidy like shards of glass, but the pain didn’t make it untrue. Nothing could do that now.
“Fuck no it’s not. It’s not best for Grace to be left in the middle of the night without a word. You can’t walk out on her like this.”
Cassidy hung his head. An ache pounded behind his temples. He couldn’t be sure if it was the lack of sleep catching up to him, or the topic of conversation. But neither changed that Nash was right. It wasn’t best for Grace if he snuck out without a word. A better man would have the guts to tell Grace to her face why he was leaving. So she’d never have to wonder, or god forbid blame herself. Then again, if he was a better man he wouldn’t need to leave her to begin with.
“She deserves better than this.”
“She deserves better than us.” Cassidy motioned between them with a sweep of his hand. “She deserves better than to be hated by the town just because she’s with us.”
“How many times do we have to go over this?” Nash growled, his face contorted with more rage than Cassidy had ever seen. “What is it going to take for you to finally get over this thing with the town? I thought getting accepted to college would satisfy you, help you see your value, but apparently that’s not enough. When are you going to figure out we are good people no matter what the town thinks? What is it going to take to get you to realize we deserve a good life like everyone else?”
Nothing. The sad truth hit him like a ton of bricks, and no matter what he did he couldn’t change it.
The bedroom door creaked, and Cassidy’s stomach sank as he fought back the urge to run right away. Fuck, their conversation had gotten loud and they’d woken up Grace. The one thing he didn’t want to do. The one thing in this horrible situation he wasn’t sure he could survive.
Light spilled down the railing as Grace turned on a light. She stumbled down the stairs, her eyes scanning back and forth between them. She had donned a light pink T-shirt, that read “I like to party, and when I say party, I mean read books.”
Cassidy wasn’t sure he’d ever dated a woman that wore light pink. Hot pink definitely—often in her hair—but never baby doll pink. But the color looked perfect on Grace. She was so sweet, he wanted to eat her up like cotton candy. He didn’t want to leave her. Not at all.
But he had to. For her own good.
“Are you going?” The hurt in her voice ripped through him, threatening to bring him to his knees.
Not for the first time tonight, he hated himself. He hated what he’d done, who he was, that he’d put her in this position. If he’d kept his hands off her, it wouldn’t have been so bad. She wouldn’t be hurt right now. And he wouldn’t have to live the rest of his life knowing how naughty she was under all that sugar but not allowed to touch her.
But he hadn’t been able to help himself. He’d had to touch her. He’d had to kiss her. And now they’d both pay the price.
“Yes.” Even if killed him. Even if Nash didn’t agree, he was going to walk out of this house. He was walking away from Grace and her bubble gum colored pajamas. Because it was what was best for her.
“I should head home now. Before…” He let the word dangle, not sure how to finish the sentence besides the way he wanted to. Before he fell so in love with her he couldn’t walk away. Which felt more and more like a lost cause every moment she stood in front of him.
Her eyes dropped to the floor. The look on her face made him want to rip his own heart out and hand it to her so she could stomp it into pulp. That was better than he deserved. “I understand.”
No, she didn’t. Not one little bit.
“Princess, it has nothing to do with you.”
She looked up at him, the question written across her face so plainly he almost saw the words on her cheeks.
“You don’t want to be connected with me. Mr. Herbert said it this morning. I’m a troublemaker, lowlife, slacker. You’re too good for me.”
“You know that’s not true.” Her tongue sweep across her bottom lip in a sensual brush that was so damn sexy his body stood up in attention. Every part of his body. She was so fucking amazing all it took was licking her lips and he was hard as a rock. How she didn’t have every man in the county banging down her door, he’d never understand. “And I don’t care what the rest of the town says about you. I know who you are.”
Cassidy couldn’t have been more shocked if Grace had taken off her shirt and flashed a stadium. Though he wasn’t sure why. Grace was bright and more empathetic than was good for her. Of course, she saw past the slings and arrows of the rest of the town.
She stepped toward him, close enough he could touch her. Though he knew he should walk away, h
is feet wouldn’t listen to his commands. At least he didn’t reach for her. That was an achievement.
“You fight for everything you have. You’re determined to do more with your life, and you’re willing to work hard to accomplish it.”
She traced a finger along his shirt. He sucked in a breath at the touch. “That’s a lot more than many other people would do. And more admirable than being given everything.”
Nash’s face spread into a deep smug smile from where he stood across the room at the compliment.
“I don’t care what happened in your past.” Her warm hazel eyes stared up at him. Her soft hand rested on his chest, and he sucked in a breath. “I don’t care who you were back then or what you did. I only care about who you are right now. And right now, the two of you are the best men I know. Blast anyone that says different.”
He slid his eyes closed, fighting back a groan. How he wanted to believe her. That she could see them that way. Or that she would tell anyone in town that dared think differently to take a long walk off a short pier. But it wasn’t fair to put her in that position.
“That’s very sweet—”
She cut him off. “I’m not being sweet. It’s the truth.” The defiant look on her face almost made him laugh. And would have, if she didn’t glare up at him with enough fire in her eyes to warm the whole state.
She was dead serious.
“I’ll be happy to tell anyone who thinks different to go to hell. That includes you, Cassidy Rasnick.” She stabbed a finger into his chest, punctuating her point, and he couldn’t keep the laughter back anymore. Of all the ways he thought this would go, Grace defending them and then assaulting him—or as close as he imagined Grace could get—was definitely not it.
“You tell him, sweetheart.” Nash leaned back against her couch, no doubt enjoying the show.
“No one tells me who I can and can’t be with.” She poked her finger into his chest again, hard enough he worried he might have a bruise tomorrow. His little kitten had claws he never knew about. “I’ve been taking care of myself for years. I decided what I do, where I go, and who I sleep with. And no one else.” She clenched her hand into a fist and punched him in the chest, not hard, but with enough forced a little whoomph of air escaped from his chest. “That includes you.”
He rubbed the spot where she punched him. She was angry, but the hurt shining in her eyes stole his breath away. He’d never wanted to hurt her. Not for a second. He’d slam his own fist into his gut to erase the tears from her eyes.
He hated seeing her in pain. He hated more that he’d caused it.
But what had he thought would happen when she woke up and he was gone? Did he think she would be grateful? Even if she didn’t want to be associated with him long term, he didn’t know many women who would be grateful to wake up in the empty bed.
Just another way he wasn’t good enough.
“And who do you want to be with, sweetheart?” Nash stood up from his position, stepping closer to her body.
She turned toward him, her big eyes shifting back and forth between the man on either side of her. As she nipped her bottom lip nervously, the hesitancy in her eyes almost ripped him apart. But Cassidy couldn’t move. He couldn’t do anything but stand there frozen, waiting for her to respond. “Ah…”
Nash took mercy on her, filling in the remaining steps between them. He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close and nuzzling his face into her hair. The first pang of jealousy Cassidy had felt all night radiated through him. Not jealousy that Nash was touching her—Cassidy was fairly sure she’d allow him to hold her if he wanted—but jealousy that his muscles could move and his feet could work enough to walk toward her.
“I want to be with you, sweetheart. More than I’ve ever wanted to be with any other woman.” The sincerity in Nash’s voice echoed through the room. “I’ve wanted you for longer than I can remember, Grace Perry. And I’m not letting you go. Not now, not ever.”
She blinked those big beautiful eyes up at him. In the second she stared at Nash, Cassidy felt his heart sink into his shoes. Until the corner of her lips turned up in a soft hesitant smile that could put the sunset to shame in its beauty. “Really?”
“Absolutely.” Nash leaned in closer, until their lips were almost touching, their eyes meeting in the air. “That is, if you want me?”
Grace wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him those few millimeters closer. “Of course, I want you. I’ll always want you.” And she pulled him close for a deep kiss.
Cassidy glanced away, unable to watch as the two of them before him. The moment was so intimate every part of him wanted to move closer, to reach out and touch her, to join in their connection, just as he had last night. But that wasn’t his place anymore. It couldn’t be. Not if he planned to leave. It wasn’t fair to them and certainly not to him. Even if it did rip him apart to stay away.
“I want to be with you, too, Cassidy.” Her soft voice intruded on his somber thoughts, nearly shocking the breath from his lungs. “Being with the two of you was the best night of my life.” She turned in Nash’s arms, reaching out to grab Cassidy’s hand while Nash’s arm remained wrapped around her middle.
Unable to stop himself, he went to her, stepping closer until he could smell the sweet vanilla scent on her skin. “You’ve both given me a freedom I never felt before. You showed me areas of myself I never knew existed. I know I shouldn’t want you both. It’s wrong to be so selfish, but I do. I want you both. Completely.”
His eyes dropped to the floor, evading his gaze. A fist wrapped around his heart and squeezed tight. “But if you both don’t want me…”
“It’s not that,” he interjected immediately, hating that she thought he didn’t want her for even a second. He wanted her more than anything else in his entire life. More than taking back the crimes he’d committed, more than the family he always dreamed of. Having her in his life made those old aches lessen, as if they now had a purpose. Bringing him to her.
“I want you, princess. I love you.” He glanced up into her eyes as he spoke, not sure how his words would be taken. He hadn’t planned to say them. They’d just spilled out, refusing to be contained.
“Really?” Her voice quivered as she spoke, her fingers trembling against his chest.
The bright glow in her eyes as she stared up at him had his whole body expanding with joy. If he knew she’d smile up at him like that, like the whole world was standing right there in the room with her, he would have said the words to her years ago. The first time he’d heard her defending him and Nash to Victoria Willis in the Two Step parking lot. Now it was clear that he’d been in love with her since then.
But as much as he wanted to, the happiness he felt didn’t change anything. Not his past, not how the town viewed them, or would view her for being with them. “But I don’t want you to have to suffer for being with us.” Cassidy finally let himself touch her, brushing the hair back from her face. Her skin was so soft beneath his touch he fought back a groan. “The rest of the town might not accept their favorite good girl shacking up with two ex-cons.”
“I don’t give a damn about the rest of the town. I’m not about to turn away from someone I love because a few small-minded people can’t see the truth standing right in front of them.”
His heart almost stopped when she whispered that one word. Love. The one word he’d wanted to hear his whole life, but never had. Except from Nash. And now Grace. In one minute the whole world tipped upside down, and everything changed.
The way she said it sounded so simple, so obvious, that he had trouble coming up with an argument against her. It did sound ridiculous. Walking away from the woman he loved. And the only woman who had ever told him she loved him because a few people in town might say something cruel. His past had already taken so much of his life. He couldn’t let it take her from him, as well.
He would never be good enough for her. Not for a second. But if she wanted him, if she wanted both of them, why would h
e be stupid enough to say no? He’d spend the rest of his life trying to be good enough for her. He’d never succeed, but he’d try his best. For as long as she’d have them.
She stepped close enough her breasts brushed against his shirt. The way she blinked up at him had his cock throbbing. “Besides, I’m not as good a girl as they might think.”
That was absolutely true. He never would have guessed how much lay buried in the quiet package before him. Enough fire to set off a charge for three whole states.
“I like letting that bad girl out. I like that you let me.” And God did he like letting her out, too. Few people could let quiet Grace Perry be a wild sexy woman. That they were the only ones who brought it out of her made him want her more.
“But what if people think badly of you because you are with us?”
Grace swallowed hard. Straightening her spine, she stared back at them, mustering every ounce of strength to the surface. “Anyone who looks down on both of you for what happened years ago is not someone I want to spend time with. Anyone who does the same to me because I want to be with you…well…they can…they can go to hell.”
Both Cassidy and Nash burst out laughing.
“I can’t wait to hear you tell them that.” Cassidy held his side as he laughed some more. He could only imagine sweet little Grace telling the whole town to go to hell. He could probably sell tickets. It would be the most surprising event in the town’s history.
“Me neither.” Nash wiped at his eyes, fighting back more laughter.
The stubborn jut of her chin said she wasn’t as amused. “I will. I’ll tell every one of them. Besides, they’re probably just jealous they don’t get to be with two gorgeous men that know their way around a bedroom.”
“Really, is that what you think of us?” Nash pulled her closer, nuzzling deeper into the crook of her neck.
“Yes.” She batted at his arms but didn’t make any move to step away. “But don’t let it go to your head. Big heads are not sexy.”
Sweet Snowfall [Frostbite Falls Christmas 1] (Siren Publishing Menage Amour) Page 12
