Except with Leah. She’d been the only woman who had asked more of him. He’d run from her expectations, and he’d been running ever since. Until he’d seen himself twenty, thirty years down the road in his father’s face, bruised and battered by a car accident, and decided he wanted more. Until now.
“I almost didn’t come,” she said.
The waitress deposited a steaming mug and a small plate with a teabag and lemon slice by Leah. “Hot tea for you.”
“Thank you.” Leah blinked up at her. “How did you know?”
“He ordered it,” the waitress said, motioning to Alec, before handing them menus. “I’ll give you two a few minutes, then come back for your order.”
When she was gone, Leah turned to Alec. “You remembered.”
He chuckled. “You must have had a thousand cups of tea at that little diner by your house in the time we dated. Never coffee, always tea, with lemon, not honey.”
A smile curved across her face. He hadn’t forgotten. The gesture sent a warm flutter through her. “I’m
flattered.”
“And surprised? Admit it, you didn’t think I was paying attention.”
“Well, you were
busy.”
“Self-centered. You can say it.”
“Oh, you had moments when
” Her voice trailed off. She shrugged, reached for the teabag and assembled her drink.
“When what?”
She raised her gaze to his. “When you were sweet.”
He laughed. “Me? Never. I was the captain of the football team.” He flexed a bicep and gave her a teasing grin. “Sweet didn’t describe me.”
“You were sweet with me, sometimes, and those were the moments that
” She paused to wring out the teabag, then squeeze in some lemon. “That made dating you nice.”
“And the rest of the moments?”
“Well
” She shrugged. “That was years ago.”
He knew she was thinking of the one moment he hadn’t been sweet, when he had rejected her because she had asked him to be responsible, dependable, strong for her. Regret filled him. “I was a terrible boyfriend. I’m sorry.”
“You were young. Me, too. We were still getting our feet wet at the dating thing.”
“That’s true, but I still owe you an apology.” He’d made a lot of mistakes in his youth, and though he couldn’t rectify all of them, he could start with what he had done to Leah. Letting her down when she’d needed him most. “So what do you think would happen if we tried over again, now, as adults?”
“Tried again?”
“Yeah. Dated now.”
She stared at him, her tea forgotten. “You’re
you’re asking me on a date?”
“I’m asking you on more than one.” He reached across the table and caught her hand in his. Every time he touched her, a rush ran through him. Not desiresomething more, something warmer, deeper. “I want to find out where we could have gone if we hadn’t broken up all those years ago.”
She tugged her hand out of his and moved it under the table. “We can’t do that, Alec.”
“Give me one good reason why.”
“We’re
not compatible.”
“After that kiss last night, you’re saying we wouldn’t be a good fit? Seemed to me like we fit perfectly.”
A blush bloomed in her cheeks. “Well, that kiss notwithstanding.”
So she’d been as affected as he had been last night. He’d walked away from the reunion and realized two things before he even hailed a cab. He was glad he’d gone, and he was still in love with Leah Andrews. Maybe it was all the unfinished business between them, maybe it was the desire to show her that he could be everything she’d thought he was, or maybe it was just the new maturity that had come upon him in recent months, but Alec had no intentions of letting Leah go a second time. “Then let’s try again.”
She toyed with the handle of her mug, avoiding his gaze. “I can’t. I don’t know where I’m living or what I’m doing. I’m in transition right now, figuring out what I want, and getting involved with anyone would be a bad idea.”
“You’re afraid.” He shook his head. “You are the bravest woman I know and you’re afraid. Why?”
“I’m not afraid.” The protest came fast, then just as quickly, she gave him a wry grin. “Okay, maybe I am a little. It’s just
I’ve kind of been living in a bubble for the past ten years. All the way on the other side of the country, wrapped up in my father’s medical care. The rest of the world just kind of
disappeared for me during that time.”
He leaned across the table, meeting her gaze with his own. “Then stop doing that. It’s time you had your own life, Leah. The one you put on hold.”
“I keep telling myself that, and so do my friends, but
” She shrugged. “I wonder if it’s too late. I’m not eighteen anymore, Alec. I missed all the typical after-high-school stuffcollege, dorm life, internships
“
“So? Start somewhere else.”
She laughed, but he could still see the doubt and fear warring in her eyes. She was skittish, unsure, and that was far from the Leah he remembered. What was it going to take for her to let go and get that fire back again?
“You think I can start over again, just like that?” she said.
“That’s what I did. I spent too many years wasting my life, doing nothing. Then I had a moment that
changed things for me. My grandmother offered me a job at the family firm, and I took it. Believe me, I was scared as hell, sure I’d screw it up.”
“Why would you believe that?”
“Leah, what have I done right? Carrying a football over a line isn’t exactly a lifetime achievement. You, though
you were always amazing. Yearbook editor, school newspaper editor. You won that poetry contest, and that other essay thing.”
“You remember all that?”
“I remember everything about you, Leah.” And he did. As much as he thought he’d put her from his mind, she’d always lingered there, like peanut butter on the roof of a child’s mouth. “Do you remember?”
Her gaze met his and held. He saw the fear bubble up again in her eyes. She shook her head, then gathered up her coat and got to her feet. “Whether I do or I don’t doesn’t matter, Alec. I’m sorry. I just don’t think this is a good idea.” She paused by his chair, letting her hand linger on his shoulder, then she pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Goodbye,” she whispered.
And then she was gone. Again.
He stayed where he was. The smartest thing to do was put Leah out of his mind, once and for all. The problem? He’d never forgotten Leah and he never would.
Chapter Six
Leah pushed the pile of papers to the side. “I’m too old to start college, Aunt Bea.”
Her aunt settled in the seat across from her at the scarred maple table that had sat in Bea’s kitchen for as long as Leah could remember. Aunt Bea was a tall, wiry woman with short gray hair and a penchant for bright colors. “You’re never too old. Heck, your uncle Joe started when he was seventy. Didn’t graduate until he was ninety, but hey, he went.”
Leah laughed. “I’m hoping I don’t have to be on a twenty-year plan. Besides, I’m not even sure I want to go to college. I came back here to start over, but the trouble is figuring out where to begin.”
“What about the book you were working on? Where are you with that?”
Alec had asked her the same thing at the reunion. The great American novel that Leah had started in high school, so sure she’d finish it during college, send it out and become a famous novelist. Then her life had detoured and the book had been relegated to the back of a closet, pulled out once in a while when she’d get a bug to write. She’d hammer out a few pages, then put it back, absorbed again in the demands of her family.
But really, Leah admitted to herself, Alec was right. Her delay had been more ab
out fear than time. If she finished the book, she’d have to send it out, and after putting her dream on hold for ten years, her doubts kept getting in the way of that final step.
Damn it, she was tired of that. Tired of letting fear rule her decisions. No more. “It’s nearly done. But”
“But nothing. You get yourself up there, finish that baby and send it out into the world.” Aunt Bea shooed at Leah.
“Okay, okay. You’re right. I will.” Leah got to her feet, grabbing a couple of cookies from the dish on the table. Then she gave her aunt a hug. “Thanks for the pep talk.”
Aunt Bea’s soft hand covered Leah’s. “Anytime, honey. You know you did an incredible thing going out there and taking care of your dad. But you deserve to live for yourself now.”
“I agree,” Leah said. Starting today, she was going to do exactly that.
The doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” Leah said, waving her aunt back into her chair. “It’s probably the mailman.”
But as she approached the beveled oval of glass in Aunt Bea’s front door, she could tell it wasn’t the mailman standing on the other side. The tall, lean, dark-haired figure was someone she hadn’t expected to see again. Her heart skipped a beat and a breath caught in her throat. She opened the door, and forced herself not to run a hand through her hair or worry about her makeup. “Alec. What are you doing here?”
“Looking for you.” He grinned. “You said you were staying at your aunt’s, so I took a chance that you’d be here.”
“Is that Alec McKenna?” Aunt Bea said from behind Leah. “Oh, my, you’ve gotten so tall! Come on in, have some cookies.”
“Don’t mind if I do, Miss Bea.” Alec gave a nod in Leah’s direction. “If that’s okay with you.”
Leah debated saying no and sending him on his way, but the part of her that hadn’t forgotten that kiss at the reunion overruled her objections. Besides, Aunt Bea had always liked Alec and surely missed seeing him around here. He’d been a constant staple in her aunt’s home during high school. Yeah, that was exactly why she opened the door wider. “Sure. Come on in.”
He stepped past her, and the scent of his colognedark, woodsycurled around her and tempted her to draw closer. He crossed to Aunt Bea and gave her a hug. “Haven’t seen you in quite a while, Miss Bea. How have you been?”
She smiled and ruffled his hairshe was probably the only person on the planet who could do that to the adult Alec. “Just fine. And better now that my favorite adopted nephew has come to visit.”
He chuckled. They exchanged small talk for a while, then Aunt Bea claimed she had housework upstairs and left the two of them alone. A ruse, Leah was sure, but she went along with it anyway. She led Alec into the kitchen, poured him a cup of coffee and made tea for herself, then slid the plate of cookies over to him. “You want to sit outside? It’s a gorgeous day.”
He nodded and followed her out to the back porch. They settled on the concrete stoop, mugs between them. Birds chirped in the warm air, celebrating the end of the rain. The sun peeked past a few fluffy clouds, and dropped a golden wash over the grass, trees, flowers. “You ran out on me,” Alec said.
“We can’t keep retreading this ground, Alec.” If she got involved with him again, she’d be repeating her past. All she’d done for the past ten years was stand in place. Going back in time would be even worse. Her plan was to move forward.
“We aren’t retreading the same ground, Leah. We aren’t even on the track yet. You keep derailing us.” He shook his head and braced his elbows on his knees. “I can understand why you’re reluctant to trust me. When we were together before, I let you down. I’m sorry.”
Tears welled in her eyes, blurred her vision. She’d thought she was over that, over the whole event, until Alec’s heartfelt confession and his second apology in two days. “Th-thank you.”
He took her hand in both of his. “When you asked me to go with you to California, I panicked. I saw my life becoming this endless loop of hospitals and caretaking, being the one you depended on, the responsible one. I was only eighteen and had never had any experience with responsibility. I wasn’t ready for all that.” He lifted his eyes to hers. “At least that’s what I told myself. And you.”
“It was true, though. I asked way too much of you.”
“No. I expected too little of myself.” His gaze went to the lawn, and he squinted against the bright sun. “I couldn’t be there for you because
” He let out a long breath. “Because I was scared.”
“Scared? You?” She thought of the strong football player who had charged down the field. “Of what?”
He didn’t say anything for a long moment. The birds chirped, the breeze rustled the trees and a lawnmower droned in the background. “Of everything I always ran away from.”
Then he turned back to Leah and finally told her the whole truth.
Chapter Seven
The words poured from Alec in a fast, steady stream, held inside him for too many years. Words he’d never spoken, truths he’d never faced. “My mother got sick when I was five. Breast cancer. My father hired the best doctors, brought her to the best hospitals. He raised a fit in every treatment room, sure the doctors were missing something. I remember standing on the other side of the room, next to my mother, listening to my father rant while my mother’s breath got slower, slower. He didn’t even notice because he was too busy yelling and being demanding.” He shook his head, but the images stayed. “A few days later, she was gone, and you know what my father did?” He didn’t wait for Leah to respond. “He sued the hospital and the doctors, then he went out and got drunk and started dating anything female under thirty.”
“Oh, Alec, that’s terrible.” She laid a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
“From that day forward, it was as if she never existed. He blew the family money, and when I came of age, so did I. Both of us, using money and bars and women to forget and push away the guilt and grief. My father couldn’t get past it, and neither could I. But all that baggage from the past was just waiting in the background, coming to light at the worst moment.”
“When I asked you to come with me when my father got sick.”
“It brought everything up againthe hospitals, the fear, feeling that I’d failed. So I bailed, and let you down.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “You wanted me to be responsible, dependable, and no one had ever expected anything more of me than a touchdown. It scared the hell out of me, so I told you to go alone. I’m so sorry, Leah.”
“I had no idea, Alec. I thought you were just being
“
“Irresponsible. Selfish. Pick an adjective.”
A light laugh escaped her. “I didn’t say any of that. But I was hurt.”
“And believed the worst of me for ten years.” He reached up and brushed a tendril of hair away from her brow. “I’m not the same man I used to be, Leah. A few months ago, my father got into a car accident, and when I saw him in the hospital, already making plans for his next date instead of facing the choices that put him in that hospital bed, I realized that I was in serious danger of becoming him. I want more now. I want us again.”
She let out a gust of breath and got to her feet. Her hair turned to gold under the sunlight, but her green eyes held shadows and doubts. “Oh, Alec, I barely know what I’m doing from day to day.”
“You’re feeling lost, adrift. Am I right?”
She shrugged, but he could see the words had hit their mark.
“That’s how I felt before my grandmother made her offer. I realized I’d spent ten years doing nothing but spending the family money and meeting only the lowest of expectations. When she gave me the job at McKenna Media, my first instinct was to turn her down, to stay in that comfort zone. The first two weeks I spent there were the worst. No one took me seriously, everyone thought I was just placating my grandmother so she’d keep bankrolling my life. But then I buckled down and put in the hours, and people started looking at me differently. It�
��s been an uphill battle, and one hell of a learning curve, but for the first time in my life, I have direction, Leah. A purpose.”
“I’m glad for you, I really am. You were always so much smarter and more capable than you thought.”
He smiled. “You always saw the best in me.”
She raised a shoulder, let it drop. “That’s the job of a girlfriend.”
“I’ve had girlfriends and none of them ever believed in me the way you did.” He stood, took her hands in his, and looked down into her wide green eyes. Damn, he loved those eyes, that smile. He always had. “That’s what someone in love sees. The best of the person standing before them. It’s what I’m seeing right now.”
She opened her mouth, closed it. “Alec, we haven’t been together in ten years, and”
“And I was too stupid to realize what I had back then. Now I know better, and I know how I feel. How I’ve always felt.”
“You can’t do this. I
I can’t
” She backed up, breaking their contact. The grass flattened under her feet as she put distance between them. “I have to go in. I promised my aunt I’d take her shopping.”
He nodded, not letting his disappointment and hurt show. He’d tried, more than once, to get through to Leah, to reach her heart again. And he’d failed. The realization sliced his heart.
“Maybe it’s too late,” he said, the words ripping past his throat. “Maybe too many years have gone by. I wish you luck, Leah, in whatever you do.” Then he pressed one last kiss to her lips before he walked away.
Chapter Eight
She was insane.
Leah stood in her aunt’s yard for a solid ten minutes after Alec left, warring with herself. She thought of all the things she had started and not finished over the past ten years, and all the excuses she had held on to, because that was easier than facing her fears. There was no age limit for college, for following her dreams, for going after what she wanted. She was the only thing standing in her way.
McKenna Homecoming Page 3
