by Bry Ann
“No. It doesn’t.”
“Now get the fuck out of bed and come eat some food. I’ll be a nicer person if you would just stop with this shit right here,” he said, gesturing to the bed.
“You’ll never act like a nice person! I know you are a nice person, but for some reason, you refuse to act like one!”
I clenched my fists so tight around the top of my covers I could feel my nails digging into my skin. I knew I was speaking out of anger, but I didn’t care. I was sick of being bossed around.
“You are coming downstairs!”
“No, I’m not!”
“Yes, you are.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m not.”
He spun around. “Fine! Is this what you want to hear? You want to know about me so bad, huh?! My best friend in the whole fucking world, the girl I loved, was raped by some idiot who’s apparently out of prison and back in this fucking town. I found her after it happened and let her go home. I let her go when I knew she should have gone straight to the hospital. The next morning, they found her dead. All I have left of her is a letter that she gave me. A letter that I that reminds me every day that I managed to do the exact opposite of everything she asked of me. I went to juvie afterward for beating up the bastard who raped my girl. Are you fucking thrilled now?”
The vulnerability in his voice was beyond apparent despite his anger. The anger was no longer rage; itwas hurt. Deep seeded pain buried under years of distractions, drugs, and fighting.
“Now come downstairs and eat before I lose my fucking mind.”
I stared at him in shock. He turned away from me and looked at the ground. I climbed out of bed and put my hand on his face.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. What was her name?”
“Sarah. Her name was Sarah.”
“At least she died with someone who cared about her so much. Most people don’t ever get that, Axel.”
He snapped out of his fog the minute I used his real name.
“Axel?”
“Yeah. We’re in private, right? That is your name. So I felt it was appropriate to use.”
He paused and then looked down at me. Something flickered in his eyes, and I realized what I was wearing. I pulled away from him instantly and ran to the bed so fast I got dizzy and had to lean my head against the headboard. My body still wasn’t up to par.
I sort of expected X to be laughing when I finally opened my eyes again, and vertigo and nausea had passed, but he wasn’t. He was staring at me lustfully. I think.
“You dizzy?” X asked before clearing his throat.
“A little.”
“I’ll grab your food this one time.”
“Thank you,” I mumbled with bright red cheeks. The air in the room had changed dramatically. I felt a weird combination of embarrassment, lust, and confusion.
He reached the door and then turned back towards me. “You know, you are an extremely beautiful woman. You don’t get enough credit for that.”
I was lit up from head to toe. I groaned and grabbed my phone for a distraction. There was a ding in my email box. I opened it, and my heart skipped a beat.
Your request for a gun license in the state of California has been approved.
Chapter Ten
Chapter Ten
I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. I was freaking drunk the day before, and my fight with Aly ended in me having…another fight with Aly. I sat up on the couch and let the events of the day before play in my head: Dad telling me things were moving forward in the case and him telling me to tell Aly, Aly locking herself away and refusing to eat, being scared, being mad, fighting, her calling me Axel, me telling her what happened in this town and why I hated it, then…her shirt and her shorts.
She had always been beautiful, but I had no idea that under all the church clothes she wore was that body. The attraction I felt towards her scared me. The last thing I needed was my dick to spring to life whenever she was around.
I had to talk to Aly about the case today. It would also be a good opportunity for me to get her out of the house. When I went to find her, Aly was in the kitchen, of course. I walked in, and she was eating a sliced apple and peanut butter straight from the jar. She was mid-bite when I walked in and leaned against the doorframe.
“I’m glad to see you are making yourself at home,” I mused.
She looked up smiling and then down at her food instantly when she realized I was shirtless in my gray sweats again.
“Feeling better?” she mumbled, stuffing the whole apple slice in her mouth.
“My head feels like shit, but other than that, yes.”
“Serves you right,” she said defiantly.
I sat down next to her and tilted her chin up to look at me. She swallowed her food and instantly turned bright red and tried to look away.
“You hate when I drink?”
“I hate when you act like an idiot so you can escape your problems,” she replied.
“You know,” I said, letting go of her chin and planting a smug look on my face. “I’m shirtless, not naked. I sleep on the couch, and I sleep shirtless, so you’re going to have to see my torso once in a while.”
She giggled, but her face turned an even brighter shade of red.
“So,” she turned to me and adjusted her pink top,“ I need some time alone. How can I get to town?”
“Well, there’s not a way to get there without a ride, and I only have one car, which I need as well. I have an idea, though. We need to talk, and I think we should be out of the house to do it. How about I drop you off in town and I’ll go box. When I’m done, we can meet for lunch.”
“That sounds perfect!” Aly’s face lit up.
She bounced off her chair quickly, and I thought she was going to bolt up the stairs. However, she was only able to take a few steps before grabbing her head and groaning in pain. I saw her fumbling around for something to hold onto, so I jumped up and grabbed her shoulders to balance her. Dad walked in, but I gestured for him to go and he left immediately. I didn’t want Aly to feel embarrassed.
“You dizzy again?” I asked gently.
My hands shook in anticipation of her answer.. She nodded but still had her face scrunched up in pain. I held her up because she was hunched over and limp. After a minute or so, she stood up abruptly and thanked me.
“I guess I got up too quickly,” she said with a small smile and bolted off up the stairs. She was clearly embarrassed, so I let her go.
She needed to see a doctor. Something was up, and she needed a follow-up. Aly was dressed in less than ten minutes. I told my parents our plans so they wouldn’t worry and met Aly outside by the car. She was already in the car with my keys in the ignition. She had this giant bag on her lap.
“Your keys were on the counter,” she said defensively the minute I got in the car.
“Well then, by all means, suit yourself.” I laughed. “That’s a big bag.”
“Yeah, in case I shop or something, you know? I need to be prepared. Environmentally friendly and all that.”
“You’re very excited. Ya got a big date or something?” I joked.
“Someone would have to want to date me for that to happen, X.” She laughed.
I didn’t. “You think people wouldn’t want to date you?”
“Well, I mean, I just based on experience,” she stammered.
For some reason, it pissed me off that she felt that way, so I just stayed quiet the rest of the drive. When we got to town, I dropped her off. Even though Aly seemed extremely happy to be out of the house, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. This just seemed like too big of a mood change for her and I couldn’t help but feel there was something she wasn’t telling me. I didn’t want to come off as an overprotective asshole though, so I just gave her a wave as she bounced out of the car.
I waved as X drove away, and the minute he left, my heart sank.
Bye, X.
I knew he was going to be hurt
and angry, but I had no choice. I had to go. I couldn’t stay here. I couldn’t trouble his parents or him, and I couldn’t rely on them to solve my problems. I barely knew X. I wasn’t even sure he liked me or if he was just helping me out of unresolved guilt over what happened to his ex-girlfriend.
My heart broke when I heard what happened to Sarah and how it completely broke him. I would understand if that was why he was helping me, but I was scared he was going to get rid of me the second some of his guilt started to dissipate. I didn’t want to be thrown away when I was not ready for it. Not again. I would rather do it on my own accord.
I Googled how long it would take to get to the sheriff’s office for my gun license, ten minutes, and then another fifteen to get to the gun shop. X would be gone about an hour or so, so I had to move fast. Shaking my head, I began to plant one foot in front of the other.
About fifteen minutes later, I arrived at the sheriff’s office, but I was extremely dizzy by the time I got there. When planning this whole day, I didn’t take into account how all this walking would affect my body. I was still recovering and hadn’t spent more than ten minutes on my feet since I got out of the hospital. I had to be careful if I was going to be walking all the time now. I made my way to the gun shop and about five minutes out I had to take a break. I felt like I was going to vomit or pass out or both. I sat on a bench and put my head between my legs when I felt a hand on my shoulder. X couldn’t be back yet! He was boxing. That would take at least forty-five minutes, right?! I panicked, but when I lifted my head, I was staring at an all-American boy and two of his friends.
“Hello,” he said as he held out his hand. “I’m Ryan. I’m a friend of Axel’s. I saw you drive up with him the other day and I wanted to introduce myself.”
“X never mentioned any friends.”
“Yeah, he’s an interesting guy. It’s like nails on a chalkboard trying to get anything out of him, isn’t it?” he said with a charming smile.
I relaxed a bit. I guess he did know X. “Yeah, it is,” I said as I shook his hand. “I’m Aly. Aly Abernathy.”
“I’m Ryan Oakland. Are you okay? I noticed you looked a little put out just a second ago?”
“I’m fine. I guess all the walking is catching up with me. I’m used to driving. X has the car.” I said, throwing him a reassuring smile.
I looked at the guy and his friends more closely. They seemed nice, but for some weird reason, I felt a little uneasy. For a brief moment, I wondered why X never mentioned them, but then I remembered how long it took for him to talk about Sarah. I shook my head. I was over thinking this.
“Do you need a ride anywhere?” Ryan offered.
“Oh no, thank you. X is picking me up.”
“Do you always call him X?”
“Yeah. It’s how I know him best.”
“Guess you’re not that close.”
“I don’t know what we are,” I said honestly.
Something flashed in his eyes. “Where are you headed?”
“A shop in town. I should be heading that direction. It’s nice to meet you.”
I gave him a wave and headed off. I didn’t look back to see if he was watching me or not. I was over conversations with X’s friends. I was leaving, not trying to get to know X better!
I finally made it to the gun shop and had no problem getting a small handgun. The guy ran through how to use it and aim and all that. He was a super friendly old man and was willing to spend time with me. He was a little rude when he first laid eyes on me, but I think after he saw my arm, he figured I needed it.
The minute I had the gun in my hand, I stuffed it in my bag and called an Uber. My head was throbbing as the Uber arrived.
“Where should I take you?”
I handed him what little cash I had left. “Wherever this gets me.”
“Not far, lady.”
“Doesn’t matter. Just take me there, then.”
He turned back to me. I was holding my temples, trying not to vomit.
“Are you okay? You in some trouble?”
“No, I’m good. Let’s just go.”
The driver started the car, and I looked out the window. I missed X already. I had to leave, though; for him and for me. As I drove away, I saw Ryan eyeing the car suspiciously. He gave me a wave, and I looked away. We drove for fifteen minutes and then the driver turned back to me again.
“So this is it. Any address in particular?”
“That alley. Drop me off there,” I said as I pointed to a spot between two dark buildings.
“Ma’am,” the old cabbie said, “are you sure you’re okay? You look like a nice girl. Are you in some kind of trouble?”
“No,” I said as he pulled over. “I’m getting out of it.”
I got out and took my heavy bag over to the field that sat next to the alley. I spent time making little slots in the trees. I couldn’t shoot without drawing attention to myself, but I could practice aim somewhat. I did that for hours. When my head could not take another second, I went to the alley and leaned my forehead up against the wall. Where was I going to go? What was I going to do?
I stood there for a while, but my head hurt so bad I thought it might explode. I held it, trying to quell the pain. I screamed and cried, and then my world went black. I was falling, and this time, no one was there to catch me.
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
I drove back from boxing feeling slightly uneasy about leaving Aly alone at the shopping center. I parked my car and went to the spot Aly and I agreed to meet up at. Ten minutes passed, and there was still no sign of her. I called her cell phone and got no response. Fuck. I was using every skill I knew to stay calm. I tried texting her.
Me: I’m trying not to flip my shit over here, girl. Are you running late? Please text me.
No answer.
I called again. No response. Texted again. Nothing.
My heart hammered in my chest. I was dialing Dad’s number when somebody tapped me on the shoulder. I whipped around, expecting to see Aly, but it wasn’t. It was a little boy with a notepad and shaking hands.
“Hi,” he said, looking at his feet. “Are you X? The X?”
I closed my eyes and nodded, praying for patience for the sake of this little boy.
“You’re my hero,” he said through his lisp. “Can I have your autograph?”
“Of course,” I responded. The boy smiled and walked back to his parents after I’d signed all the things he’d asked me to. I grabbed my phone again to call Dad when I spotted him.
Ryan fucking Oakland.
I practically ran over to Ryan. I grabbed his collar and shoved him up against the wall as he flailed his arms wildly.
“Axel, going for round two. Prison this time?” he snarled.
“Where is she?”
“Sarah’s dead. Your other bitch, Aly. She seems nice. Don’t know where she is.”
I shoved him against the wall again and then dropped him because if I didn’t, I was going to kill him.
“Where. Is. She?” I said,enunciating my words.
He grinned. “I knew it.”
“Knew the fuck what?”I said, taking a step towards him.
“You care about that bitch. Mike and Ike over here said no way, but I knew it the minute I saw her. You always go for the sweet, innocent ones. It’s fucking sad since you’re bad news and all. You’ve had some entertaining headlines these past two years, X.”
“If you…”
Ryan cut me off. “I didn’t touch her. Not yet anyway,” he said with a grin. “Bitch drove off.”
“Drove off?” She didn’t have a car.
“Yeah, she’s long gone by now. She seemed off when I saw her. Kept holding her head.”
“FUCKKK!” I yelled, punching the wall and storming away. I turned back towards Ryan. “If you are lying or if you ever touch her, that wall over there will be your fucking face. I won’t care if I go to prison. It was worth it for Sarah, and it’d be worth it for A
ly.”
“Good luck finding her and icing your hand.”
I’d never experienced hatred as deep as I felt for Ryan Oakland. I grabbed my phone and tried Aly one more time. No response. I called Mom.
“Axel?”
“Have you heard from Aly?”
“Not since you left. Everything o…”
I hung up before she could finish and called Dad. “Dad, I don’t suppose you’ve heard from Aly?”
“No, why?”
“She’s fucking missing! Fuck, Dad, she’s gone.”
“Stay calm, Axel. Where are you?”
“Ryan’s here,” I whispered.
I heard the panic seep into Dad’s usually calm voice. “Get out of there, Axel! Now. Where are you?”
“Town square,” I said, taking deep breaths.
“Is your car there?”
“Yes.”
“Get in it and stay on the phone.”
“Dad…” I snapped.
“Axel, listen to me. I have an idea where she is, but you need to calm down and stay on the line so you don’t kill anyone. I’m putting your mother on. Don’t hang up or I’m not going looking for your girl.”
“Fine,” I snapped, running to my car.
“Axel, you need male friends,” he mumbled before handing the phone off to my mother.
He was right. I had a ton of friends when I was boxing, but now I just had Carl. I needed a place I could fit in again.
Mom stayed on the line with me until I got home. Her voice was calming, and Dad was right. I should do a better job of not writing her off. I got home in record time. I’m amazed I didn’t get pulled over.
“Where is she?” I yelled the second I burst through the front door.
“Sit down, Axel,” Dad said sternly. His lips were pursed in a tight line and his eyes were trained on me, daring me to challenge him. I sat down and put my head in my hands as my leg bounced around rapidly.
“Son,” my dad said softly, “you can’t make someone stay who doesn’t want to. You just can’t. I know it hurts, but…”
