by Bry Ann
“Dude,” Mac said, coming up behind me, “why did you say that?”
“Say what?” I responded, playing dumb.
“That you could give two shits about that chick over there when you haven’t taken your fucking eyes off her, and you look like you’re ready to murder the two guys at the bar with her.”
“Because I could give two shits.”
“Dude,” Mac said with a grimace in his voice, “this is about…”
“Don’t say it,” I warned.
Mac and I knew each other when the whole Sarah thing went down; when I went to juvie. We weren’t friends back then, but he always had my back.
“I won’t say it, but it is.”
I stayed quiet.
“I’ll buy you another drink,” he finally said.
He bought me some vodka, and I downed it quickly. I wanted to do heavier drugs, but with Aly here, the fun was sucked out of it. I turned back around after finishing the drink Mac bought me. Aly was on the dance floor with some guy,andshe looked hot. What the fuck couldn’t she do?
I stormed over to the two of them and almost busted an artery trying to keep my voice level when I asked to have a chance to dance with her. He shrugged, gave her a wink, and walked off. Luckily, dancing with someone here wasn’t a big deal, so no one would think anything of it, including me.
She glared at me and didn’t move. The guy she was now nowhere in sight. We stared at each other for a while, unmoving, before I grabbed her hips and forced her into motion. She gasped the minute my hands touched her skin.
“You have to dance. We are in the middle of the fucking dance floor, Aly, and apparently you are more than capable.”
She rolled her eyes and began to move her hips, and I swear to God, I couldn’t turn away from her and the way she moved.
“What are you doing here?” I finally said as she ran her hand down the length of her body.
“What are you doing, period?!” she said, her voice laced with disappointment.
“You need to go the fuck home, Aly,” I warned. “You don’t belong here.”
“Neither do you,” she snapped back with a determined look in her eye.
Aly stopped dancing and looked at me. Annoyed, I grabbed her hips again and forced her to move. The electricity between us was undeniable. We both felt it, and it was pissing both of us off.
“This is my world, Aly. You know that.”
“No! This is you being a coward. This isn’t your world.’”
“What do I have to do to get you to go the fuck home?”
I saw that guy approaching us again out of the corner of my eye. She did too and started leaning her body towards him. She stopped moving and held up two fingers in response to my question.
“Two things: One, you need to leave this place, now, before you make any more stupid choices. Two, you need to tell me how you feel about me. I need to know if I’m your friend or what I am. I can’t take this back and forth, hate me care about me thing anymore. I have no one, and if you don’t care, then I need to be prepared for that.”
“Why are you doing this?” I asked as she hooked her arm with some other guys.
“You came after me when I ran. Now I’m coming after you.”
With that, she walked off with some sleazebag, and I stood there gawking at her for a full thirty fucking seconds before storming off the dance floor. I went to the bar but couldn’t drink. I just sat in the chair stewing before Mac came back over.
“Dude,” Mac said. “What the hell are you doing? Go over there!” he said, pointing to Aly, whose arm was being rubbed by some guy.
I could tell it would have been more if her body language didn’t indicate she wanted to pull away. She was managing to flirt and look uncomfortable all at the same time.
“If you don’t shut up, I will beat the shit out of you,” I warned Mac.
He raised his hands and spun around. “It’s your life.”
I looked at Aly again, and we made eye contact. I looked away and walked off. I couldn’t take this. I needed drugs. Another girl. Something. I saw some guy with blow about two seats down from Aly. I’d heard good things about him, he seemed legit, so I walked over to him and, turning some chick along the way. I started negotiating with him when I felt Aly’s eyes on me. I turned around and couldn’t miss the angry look in her eyes. So the drug thing bothered her. Good.
I was grabbing my bag of blow when I overheard a piece of their conversation because I was so close but mostly because Aly was talking at an alarmingly high volume. She wanted me to hear.
“So anywhere we can go to get some privacy?” I heard her say seductively.
His voice perked up. “Fuck, yeah. There’s a room in the back, or we can go to my place.”
She glanced over at me quickly and swallowed. Then she planted a relatively convincing smile on her face.
“Your place is good.”
I shoved the drugs back in the hands of the dealer and waved my hand letting him know he could keep the money. I was too wound up and my fists were clenched.She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t. I kept telling myself that, but when they linked hands and started walking out, I felt my heart rate increase rapidly. Then, as they hit the doorway,he grabbed her ass, and I saw her hands start to shake. She was scared. Fuck. Fuck this.
I stormed over and grabbed his shoulder, jerking him around. “Step away from her now.”
“What the fuck, man?! She’s not your girl. You just said you could give two shits about her. Everyone in the bar heard that.”
I grabbed Aly’s arm. “We are talking now!”
“Let me go, X,” she said, trying to pull her arm away. Her voice wasn’t convincing, though. It was hurt and angry.
The guy took a step forward, but I stood tall.
“This is a warning, man. Walk away.” My voice was calm and controlled, but it was a warning, and he knew it.
The guy shot Aly a look and shrugged his shoulders. “Could’ve been fun, darling,” he said before walking away.
I grabbed her by the arm and jerked her into a less crowded area of the bar, ignoring all her feeble protests along the way. I just saw red. I couldn’t hear even her, and I barely felt her pathetic attempts to escape my grip. When I finally got to where I was headed, she turned to me with a carefully guarded expression.
“WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING? You were going to fuck that guy?” I yelled. “I mean, good God, Aly.”
Her expression was still carefully guarded. “You were gonna do it. I told myself I wouldn’t let you,” she whispered.
“Do what? What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Drugs, sex, all that stuff you used to do. I told myself I wasn’t going to let you and you were being a stubborn jerk, so I did the only thing I could think of to get you to stop.”
“What the hell would have happened if I didn’t stop?” I was fuming. I wanted to pull my hair out. Never before had I felt this sort of rage around Aly, but she was making me fucking crazy!
She just shrugged. “Gotta do it sometime.”
“You would have given it up in a fucking sleazy-ass bar for what?”
“To get what I came here for.” Her eyes met mine and there was a quiet strength and defiance hidden in her gaze.
“Holy good God of fuck, Aly! You are, you are...nuts. This is my world! You can’t just come in here and wreck your morality because you feel pissy about my life choices.”
“You know, you’re not the only one who’s seen hard times and is stressed and wish they could escape.”
“Aly,” I sighed, “I know you…”
“No.” She cut me off like what I about to say was stupid. “I’m not talking about the obvious stuff. I mean that you’re not the only one who’s lost someone they loved.”
“What?” I straightened up and stared at her. “What are you talking about?”
“I have a sister,” she said with a pained expression.
“What? Where? You never mentioned…”
&n
bsp; “She’s gone, X. A car accident eight years ago. The accident was my fault. It’s why Mom didn’t want me going with her. The accident is why my family became overbearingly Christian. Her name was Carmen. She was my best friend. I’ve dealt with it now, but it’s still hard, and I still wish I could run away from it. I’m here, free; she’s not, and it’s because of me that she’s not here.”
“God, Aly,” I said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“There was never a time, and I didn’t want to open that part of myself up to you without being sure that we were friends. I don’t even know why I am telling you this now, but I want you to understand that you aren’t the only person feeling what you’re feeling. Look, I know drinking, partying, and all that is enjoyable to you and is part of your life and that’s cool. That’s great. Have fun. I hate the drugs, the bars, and the constant streams of women. I hate it because you deserve better.You are better. I don’t want you to look in the mirror one day and hate the man that you are.”
“Look, let’s just…” I sighed. I felt like shit and had no response to what she just said. It was not like I could even yell at her for that. She was too damn nice to argue with. “Let’s just call it even and go home, okay?”
“No,” she said, stepping back. “I didn’t get what I came here for.”
“I’m taking you home. Therefore, I am leaving. You happy?”
“That’s not all I asked for!” she protested.
“What else is there?”
She threw me an annoyed look and cocked her hip. “You remember.”
“Oh right. The whole ‘what are we’ thing.”
“Yeah, that!” She rolled her eyes. It was clear she was very annoyed with me. I looked around nervously, and she cut in. “Look, if you can’t even acknowledge our friendship in front of a bunch of people at a bar, we aren’t friends.”
“Fine, we are friends. Are you happy?”
“No, X. Say it like you mean it. I need a real answer. Please.” I looked at her, and for the first time that night, she looked truly broken. “I can’t get hurt again, X. I can’t. I won’t. I won’t let it happen again.” She sounded strong, but I could tell she was trying to hold back tears.
“You want to know how I feel?”
She bit her lower lip and nodded. I could see her eyes getting big like they always did when she was ready to cry. I grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her towards me and planted my lips on hers. I felt her body stiffen like she was taken completely by surprise. It was clear she had no idea I felt this way about her. How could she? I wouldn’t even admit it to myself. Whatever she was expecting to come out of tonight, this wasn’t it. It took her a few seconds to realize this was real, and when she did, she relaxed and placed her hand on the small of my back and pulled me closer to her. It was the best; most PG kiss I’d ever had. We pulled away, and she looked at me in complete shock.
“You like me?” she asked, staring at me like I had two heads.
I felt a sense of happiness that I hadn’t felt in more years than I could remember. I grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle tug.
“Let’s get out of here,” I said softly.
She nodded, still in a state of visible shock, which was extremely amusing to me.
“Where’s my car?” I asked, smiling down at her. She looked downright confused as fuck.
“Oh!” she gasped as she snapped out of her trance. She began to laugh. “About a half mile away.”
She looked at my jacket, which I’d grabbed on the way out, and then back up at me. Her cheeks turned red.
“Um, do you think I could borrow your jacket?”
“It’s eighty-five degrees. You’re cold?”
“No, um, just… my clothes,” she said, turning even redder. “I hate them. I feel super uncomfortable.”
I laughed and handed her my jacket, which she immediately put on.
“That looks slightly more like the Aly I know.”
She laughed again and then went eerily quiet. We got to my car, and she tossed me the keys. The minute she got in, she took her shoes off and rubbed her feet.
“Those suck,” she said matter-of-factly.
Then there was another eerie silence. Something was wrong.
“Penny for your thoughts, girl?” I said as we headed down the highway.
“Did you kiss me because I was dressed like that and I was gonna sleep with someone else?”
I immediately pulled the car over and turned towards her. I grabbed her neck so she could understand how seriously I meant what I was going to say.
“Fuck. No. Do you hear me, Aly? You woke me up. You went in there like a champ and fought for me. I realized at that moment I didn’t want to deny my feelings anymore. Then you opened up to me, and I couldn’t kiss not you. I like how you dress. I like that you know how to be sexy but respect yourself enough to be who you are, and you make that sexy as well. The timing was bad. I’m sorry. You kept pushing for how I felt, and I just kissed you.”
“X,” she sighed. “I’m not what you want. Everything is a first for me. I have issues; who knows how deep they run. I’m not going to change how I dress or how dorky I am or how I can’t seem to think before I speak. You are so hot and talented and fun and caring, sometimes, and all these great things.”
“Shhh, Aly Abernathy. I could fight every single one of those points, but let’s just get home and enjoy this before we have to run through every last one of your insecurities, okay? We both have a lot to discuss.”
She stared at me and then gave a small smile and nodded. When I was sure she was more relaxed, I got back on the road. We drove in silence because Aly kept falling asleep, and by the time we got home, she was out cold. I didn’t want to wake her up because she seemed so at peace, but I had to get her upstairs to bed.
“Aly,” I said, gently shaking her, “we are home.”
Her eyes fluttered open, and she nodded. I got out and opened the door for her. I grabbed her arm so I could help her out of the car. She was so tired that she instinctively put her head on my shoulder, and I helped her inside. When we walked in, Dad was on the couch, and I assumed Mom was in bed. The minute Dad saw us, he smirked.
“You’re home early…and sober,” Dad said with a mocking tone.
“Shut up,” I said with a smirk as I ushered Aly up the stairs.
We got up to her room, and I sat her on the bed.
“My pajamas,” she murmured.
“Right, uh.” I looked around and found some shorts and that white tank top she usually wore to bed and threw it at her.
She took my jacket off and handed it to me. At first, I was scared she was gonna start changing in front of me because she was so disorientated, but thankfully, she went to the restroom to change. I didn’t want her to do something she’d regret later. A few minutes later, she came back out in the those tiny little pajamas. I cleared my throat and looked at the floor. Hurry up and get in bed, Aly. She strolled to bed drowsily.
I’d need a cold shower after tonight. I tucked her into bed. When she closed her eyes, I headed out the door.
“Axel,” she said before I left, “thank you for helping me with everything.”
With that, she fell asleep, and I smiled. Now I had to go face Dad and the inevitable “Aly’s a nice girl I better rein it in and not be an ass talk.”
Great.
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Thirteen
I woke the next morning and threw my arms over my head as I let out a yawn and stretched out my body. It felt like a normal morning until I remembered everything that happened the night before. Holy crap, X kissed me. I threw the pillow over my head and groaned. What if X was drunk? What if he regretted it? What if he was mad at me? I couldn’t face him. Humiliation trapped me in bed. I stayed in bed for a few more hours and hid like an idiot. Around eleven in the morning, someone gave my door a couple of knocks. X walked in and leaned in the doorway with a big grin on his face. He was wearing all black, per usual, and his da
rk eyes were the brightest I’d seen them.
“You hiding?” he said with a teasing smile.
“Maybe,” I said, pulling the covers up to cover my mouth.
X laughed and came around by my bed, pulling the covers down slightly. I sat up and smiled. Okay, so he didn’t hate me. He didn’t seem to regret it either. He seemed happy.
I looked at him suspiciously from the side of my eyes. “Okay, so you weren’t drunk?”
“Drunk?” He laughed. “No, babe. I was fully present for the kiss part.”
“Okay.” I smiled, feeling ridiculous.
“So is that why you’ve been hiding in bed for hours because you thought I regretted kissing you?”
“Yeah, that about covers it and the fact that I put on that whole charade at the bar last night.”
X laughed but quickly turned serious.
“Aly, you don’t need to hide up here if you are embarrassed about something. Just come talk to me.”
“You can be a little scary, you know. Intimidating?”
X closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I’m working on it, but I’ll always be that way to some degree. Just know that no matter what my reaction is, I’m not judging you, and I’d much rather you come talk to me than hide up here. Okay?”
“Okay.” I nodded. “Now get out. I need to change.”
X lifted his hands in surrender and left the room. I threw on a red polo, jeans, and white sneakers before running down the stairs. His parents were sitting at the table reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. The minute they saw me, they both smiled.
“I see things worked out well last night,” his mom said and then winked at me.
“Umm yeah,” I said, biting my lower lip as I held back a smile of my own. “By the way, I will get every last cent back to you.”
“No need. You’ve done enough.”
“You all have taken me in when I had nowhere else to go and accepted me. I will pay you back,” I said as I grabbed toast and stuffed it in my mouth.
