by S. M. Lynn
“You know I’ll never let you get away. I love you more than you could ever imagine, Lauren. For – ev – er!” He draws out the last word to make his point. It’s hard for me to imagine that I could be worth such a man as this. A man who will love me and fight for me.
I’m no longer content to wait and play this game. I want to be joined with him in the most intimate way. I want us to truly be one. “Ian, please.” I beg, knowing he can never resist me begging.
“Are you sure you’ve waited long enough, sweetheart?” He slips his fingers into top of my panties and then down to test my wetness. “I love how wet you are for me.” His thumbs slip into the sides and he slowly slides them down my legs. I’m not content with this though. I want to see him with my own eyes, feel him with my own hands. I make my displeasure known to him and soon he frees both my hands and uncovers my eyes.
I drink in the sight before me. At some point in the midst of my torture he has shed his boxer briefs and he stands before me gloriously naked like a god posing for his statue. His physique is unmatched. I have never met a man as perfect outside as he is inside.
I wrap my hand around his steel shaft sheathed in velvet, so silky smooth and hard at the same time. I must feel him, watch him come undone. His sharp intake of breath signifies that it won’t take much to bring him to the edge.
He is on the bed next to me in an instant. His hands find mine and he holds them between our bodies as he looks deep into my eyes. I feel like he can see into my soul when he looks at me this way. “God I love you.” His voice almost cracks as he speaks.
I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me locking us together in a deep kiss. In the embrace we become a tangle of limbs, lips and need. He runs his fingers through my slick folds and enters me with a quick thrust. I cry out from the pleasure but this is still not what I’m looking for. I want him inside me not his fingers. I whimper and moan begging with the only sounds I have in the moment for him to give me what I so desperately desire. He finally acquiesces and I feel his hard length nudge at my entrance. I rise up to meet him; wanting him deep inside me in that moment. We both cry out at his entrance into my soft folds. He moves with a rhythm that hits me in all the right places and already I feel myself teetering on the edge of giant precipice. I long to fling myself over the side. Our bodies join together and pull apart over and over until we are both screaming from the pleasure of it all. I draw ever closer to the edge and wait to fall over.
Ian plunges in deeper and that’s all it takes for both of us to fall. I feel the hotness of his orgasm as he spills himself inside me just as I milk his cock with my convulsing muscles. Still buried deep inside me he pulls my head to his chest as sleep over takes both of us. I rest happily in his arms knowing no harm can come to either of us here.
Chapter 15
The next week passes in a flurry of meetings and preparations as Ian starts to get things in order for our time in England. Next week he needs to travel again to Florida to go over the plans for the new development with the Burkes. I have to admit I’m not thrilled that he will once again be with Elizabeth Burke while I am hundreds of miles away but unfortunately travel isn’t possible for me right now.
I shouldn’t but I dread the fact that he will be there alone again with her. I don’t know where this sudden insecurity has come from. I’ve always prided myself on being a confident woman but with everything that has been happening lately my resolve is weakened. I’m having a lot of trouble seeing what appeal a relationship with me holds. I don’t see anything but a lot of heartache and pain.
Ian is always completely attuned to my moods and spends the days before his departure trying to reassure me, which only makes me feel worse. I shouldn’t be this needy. He shouldn’t need to feel bad for doing his job but at the same time, I can’t shake these feelings.
As Ian and Connor board the plane for Florida, worry plagues me not just about Elizabeth Burke but thoughts of Dean constantly invade my mind. I try to push him out but they surface no matter what I do. Though we have not heard from him at all since his release, I know he’s out there waiting and looking for the perfect opening to invade my life once again. Now I fear that I’m not the only one he will go after. I couldn’t concentrate on anything until I knew Ian’s plane landed safely in Florida fearing Dean would have done something to sabotage it. Now that they are there I worry less about Dean hurting him and more about the comfort of Elizabeth Burke’s arms. I realize I sound like a crazy person. Ian loves me; has made that plainly clear. And Elizabeth is engaged. But engaged isn’t married and even sometimes married is no obstacle. I should have nothing to worry about yet I sit at my desk during the day and in the apartment at night worrying. She is so much less complicated than I am; it would be so much easier with her. And that’s the thought that consumes me as I sleep at night, alone.
Ian is very good about calling me several times each day and of course, I have my security that follows me everywhere. I swear if he thought it would help he would hire a female security officer so that she could go into the bathroom with me. Sometimes it’s beyond annoying but he’s only trying to keep us safe.
Gavin once again has been instrumental in keeping my mind off both the loneliness and the situation with Elizabeth Burke. Though he is constantly reminding me that there is no situation to begin with. We’ve gone to lunch several times over the last week and of course he makes sure he’s home in the evening or we go to the club to see Brett, have some drinks and dance. Security though is ever present and while we didn’t always know which nights we were going to the club, we always have a VIP table waiting for us when we arrive.
Ian was only going to be gone about a week but after the first three days he called to say that the plans were progressing faster than expected and he would need to stay a little longer. How much longer? He wasn’t sure but he thought it would only be a few extra days. Seeing as I barely made it through the first week, I didn’t know how I was going to get through the next few days.
My neediness worries me more than anything. There is no reason for me to behave this way. But in talking with Dr. Reeves, he put it in perspective for me. With everything that has happened in my life of course I would come to depend on the constants; the constants being Gavin, Ian, Marlene and Gavin’s mother, Kathleen. It’s still a little unnerving after being self-reliant for so long that I would need to rely on anyone but I am clinging to the stability that they have provided after having spent so many years feeling like I was in a free fall and had no control of anything.
Happily, Claire is also someone I can count in my corner. Having another woman my own age to talk to has been eye opening for me. She has become one of my best friends in such a short time and making friends is not something that I do easily or lightly, mostly because of the danger just being my friend puts them in. Claire has even joined Gavin and I at the club a few times much to Ian’s dismay. I think it’s more to flirt with the guys than hang out with us but I can’t say that I blame the girl.
For the past week, I’ve been able to keep myself from checking the tabloids. I know they’re only peddling lies anyway but there is an occasional nugget of truth in their reporting and it’s that nugget that I fear. A few days before he is scheduled to return I can’t control myself and type his name into Google. And there they are. Just like I knew they would be, under headlines like Power Couples’ Night on the Town; Jacobs Couldn’t Stay Away; oh and my favorite, Did Anyone Else Notice the Rock on Her Hand. They are the stuff of tabloid dreams.
Gavin picks that moment to interrupt my mindless wanderings.
“What the hell are you doing? You know that shit isn’t good for you and it’s all a bunch of bullshit anyway.”
“I know but I just wonder…”
“Fuck, Lauren. I don’t want to hear that shit. The man loves you, would die for you and here you sit stewing over pictures of him and another woman, a woman who is your, as in both of you, business associate; she’s Ian’s friend and to top it
all off she’s engaged to someone else. And you look like you’re preparing for a cat fight over your man.”
“I thought you were supposed to be my friend and be on my side in this but every time he does something you take his side.” I’m angrier than I should be because I knew I shouldn’t check up on him but damn Gavin, how about sticking up for me for once? “I knew he was there on business and that it would involve some dinners for negotiations and such but this, well, this looks far more social than business don’t you think? And look at them together, so comfortable, so familiar. I know how he was before me. People just don’t change overnight like that. Maybe it’s too hard for him being with one person over and over. Plus we get to top off my crazy sundae with all the shit that I bring to the table. I don’t know, Gav. I just don’t know.”
“Lauren,” his voice is soft, “look I love you. Contest between you and him, there is no contest. I will choose you every time. But it’s clear to me and to everyone else that there is only one woman he loves and that’s you. I doubt he even sees other women even when they are holding his arm like she is. If he’s being a bastard, I will be the first to call him on it. I just don’t think that is what’s happening now. And before you get yourself all upset, because that is what I’m most worried about right now not him, I want you to talk to him. Please.”
Leave it to Gavin to make sense when I’m trying to be neurotic.
“I’m sorry, Gav. I just don’t want to lose him and yet I feel like everything I do, everything I bring along with me only pushes him further away. I honestly wouldn’t blame him if he wanted something easier, simpler.”
I feel Gavin’s weight next to me on the sofa and his arms come around me. “Laur, any man that meets you, that loves you would know that anything else would be settling for second best. You are my best friend and I love you more than you could ever know. So I’m speaking from experience here.” He winks with the last remark. Good to know that even when I’m a mess Gavin can still make me smile. “Now no more of this drivel.” He takes the mac from lap closes the lid and sets it on the table. “He comes home in just a few more days and I’m sure will be calling any minute now. Talk to him. Be open with him. No more secrets remember.” He gives my forehead a quick kiss. “I have a shoot so I’m off and it will be a late one. You okay to spend tonight alone. Otherwise I can call up mother or maybe Claire could come hang out.”
Shooing him out the door, I reply. “I’ll be fine, Gav. If I can’t spend one night alone, I’ve got bigger problems than I thought and that’s saying something. Besides I’m not really alone am I? There’s enough security in this building to cover the President not to mention if I, gasp, actually wanted to leave the building. Then I could guard a small country. So go; I’ll be fine.”
A few minutes after Gavin leaves, I settle in to watch a movie when the phone rings. Expecting Ian I grab it and answer quickly.
“Hey I’ve been waiting for you call. How are things?”
“Well that’s a better greeting than expected. And you’ve been waiting for me huh? Well baby you don’t need to wait anymore. I’ll even come get you if you want. All alone up in the big apartment. They shouldn’t leave you like that. He must not really love you if he would leave you all alone. That woman he’s with has nothing on you, baby. I know how sweet you are.”
Bile churns in my gut and it takes everything in me to suppress the vomit that rises just from hearing his voice.
“Have I stunned you speechless? Expecting someone else maybe lover boy. Well he’s not here. But I am. Waiting patiently, watching everything and someday, someday soon there will be a slip but don’t worry baby I’ll be there to catch you. Your apartment has a very nice doorman by the way. I gave him something to give to you but wasn’t sure you would actually get it so I thought I would give you a call. See you soon.”
And just like that the call ends and so does my carefully manicured world. I have everything right where I need it and then he comes in crashing through the boxes of order turning everything into chaos. I want to call Gav but I know he’s working. What I really want is Ian but I can’t have that either. I curl up in a ball where I sit, the movie long forgotten, and cry.
I’m not sure how long I lay like that but the ringing of my cell phone once again pulls my attention. I don’t want to answer it; don’t even want to look at it for fear that it will be him again. For fear that maybe this time I’m not as safe as I think in my cozy apartment with all my security. Like he said, it will only take one slip and he’ll make sure to be there.
Turning the phone over, I see the number and immediately answer before it goes to voicemail. But I don’t know what to say. Do I tell him about Dean’s phone call? Do I ask him about Elizabeth? I don’t know what to say or if I should even say anything.
“Lauren? Are you there, Lauren? Lauren?”
“Sorry, I was distracted for a minute. How’s everything going there?”
“Distracted huh? Wish I could be there distracting you. Who’s doing the distracting anyway? Something you need to tell me?” His playful tone immediately lifts my spirits.
“No, I was just thinking and I’ve been missing you of course. And I’m here alone so there’s nothing for you to be worried about.” I try not to over enunciate the word you but he must catch some of my inflection.
“Lauren, what’s wrong? You have to talk to me, sweetheart?”
“It’s really nothing, Ian. I just made of the mistake of checking up on you today and saw some pictures of you and Elizabeth. Gavin assures me it’s nothing but it’s just so hard.” Better to discuss this than my previous phone call.
I can almost hear the hand as he drags it through his hair, a move I have come to both love and despise because with it comes news that will either set my soul on fire or burn it down.
“Lauren, I thought we talked about this. Elizabeth and I are just friends, like you and Gavin.” I know where he’s going with this but his tactics are not going to work on me.
“So if Gavin wasn’t gay you’d be fine with how close we are?”
His reaction is instantaneous and the words are out before he can stop them. “Hell no!” He knows his mistake as soon as he says it because he tries to back track. “Sweetheart, Elizabeth and I have nowhere close to the relationship that you and Gavin have. We are business associates first and foremost and because we went to college together we are also friends. Not close friends, not good friends, not best friends; just two people that enjoy spending time together when we are in the same city. If you had been here, you would have gone to the dinner with us. There’s nothing sneaky about what I’m doing. And I’m sorry for the photos truly I am. As soon as I saw the photographers I knew there was going to be trouble. But please don’t think I was trying to hurt you or be deceptive. We went to dinner to talk over the proposal and had some drinks nothing more.”
When he finally stops to draw a breath, I cut him off. “Ian, this is not the inquisition. You don’t need to explain all this to me. I know you have to spend time with her. I guess the hardest thing for me is knowing how easy a relationship with her would be compared to what you have with me and all my baggage.”
“Lauren, I don’t want a relationship with her. I only want you. You have no idea how easy you are to love. You are in me now; I don’t think I could live without you. You are the very air I breathe. I need you in every conceivable way, sweetheart. You are my everything. Please don’t think you are anything less because of what has happened to you. You are an incredibly strong, smart, sexy woman. There is no way I could ever want anyone else.”
His words cause my breath to catch in my throat. His utter sincerity makes me wonder how I could ever doubt this man’s feelings for me and what he wants for our future.
“Ian, I’m sorry. This whole mess with Dean and now Rebecca is making me crazy and not being able to see you, to hold you and have you hold me, well, there aren’t words for the emptiness I feel without you.”
“Sweetheart, don’
t you think it’s the same for me? I know I haven’t always given you the words you needed; that I actually refused to say the words I knew I was feeling because I thought it would somehow save me from heartache. But I’m not afraid to tell you now and I will tell you everyday for the rest of our lives that I love you, Lauren. God, I wish I was there with you now.”
How this perfect man ever came to love me I’ll never know. All I know is someone somewhere must be watching out for me to have sent him into my life.
“It’s only a couple more days but I wish you were here too. You have meetings tomorrow and Wednesday and then fly home Thursday right?”
“Yeah. I’ll send some things over for you to look at tomorrow if you have time. There are couple proposals to go through and I would really like to know you’re thoughts on them.” And just like that we are in work mode. I love how easily our conversation flows and while there may be things that are hard to talk about we are finally in place with no more secrets and can talk everything through. My last phone call comes to mind but I push it aside and focus on Ian. No point in worrying him with it now. He’ll be home soon and I have security so there is nothing to worry about anyway. Or at least this is what I tell myself as we finish discussing work and how my day was. He hangs up promising to call me at the office first thing in the morning to go over the papers he’s emailing me. With no shortage of “I love yous”, I reluctantly hang up the phone and begin the long process of trying to sleep.
My dreams are plagued with tragedy but one light shines brightly and I wake up thinking of the little blue eyed baby that seemed to be my joy and solace in all the madness. What would it be like to be with Ian and have his baby? What kind of mother would I be having never really had one? Yes, I have wonderful role models now but is it too late for me since as a child I never knew a mother’s love? Thoughts of the dream carry through my ride to the office but when I step off that elevator I am greeted by a room, no an office, filled to brim with flowers. Every available surface is covered with vases full of roses, tulips, lilies and various other kinds of flowers. The scent is like walking through a garden, heavenly. I take in the sight in front of me, trying to keep the emotions at bay.
