****
“Today is such a beautiful day, isn’t it Charlie?”
Charlie gave her friend Amy a half smile though her heart was frowning. They were sitting at a restaurant waiting to be served. “It is. The weather is lovely.”
“I’m glad you came shopping with me to help find a dress to wear to Chrissie’s wedding. You know how to pick such classy outfits. There’s no telling what I would have bought if you would have let me shop alone.”
“There’s no telling, Amy.” Her sense of dress was gaudy – and that was putting it mildly. “When is Chrissie getting married?”
“In two weeks. Mom is so excited that her only niece is getting married. She says she has to take advantage of this one because I’ll never have a wedding.”
“You never know. Rich might actually pop the question one day.”
Amy laughed. “I could see that!”
“What would you say?”
Amy turned serious. “I’d tell him no.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I can’t picture being married to him.”
“Then why are you living with him? Living with someone is like being married. If you couldn’t put up with him enough to marry him, why do you put up with him now?”
Before Amy could answer, the waiter appeared at the table with their lunch.
They ate in silence for a few minutes, then Amy said, “You seem a little distracted today. Is anything wrong?”
Charlie, suddenly loosing her appetite, set down her sandwich. “Evan and I had a disagreement.”
“Disagreement? About what? For as long as you’ve known him, you two have never fought. Not even a cross word.”
“I slept with Evan.”
Wariness filled Amy’s eyes. “Like when you were in Iowa when your dad died?”
Charlie shook her head, embarrassed to be revealing this whole mess. She was an educated, professional woman, but when it came to sex she was completely ignorant.
“I mean we had sex.”
Amy sat back in her chair and whistled.
Charlie looked around, glad to see the restaurant was virtually empty and the patrons who were there were several tables away. Too far to hear what they were saying. She would die of embarrassment if someone overheard this conversation.
“You can’t be serious.”
“I am.”
Amy leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. “How did it happen?”
“He came over for dinner. One thing led to another and then you know…”
“I can’t believe it!”
“I told you he kissed me when we were in Iowa?”
At Amy’s nod, Charlie continued, “After that I thought it wouldn’t go any further. After we ate dinner, he told me that he didn’t want to ruin our friendship, that he didn’t want to take this any further. I agreed. He was being logical. I don’t know how it happened, but we started kissing and it all ballooned after that.”
“Unbelievable that you two finally got together. I always wondered if you would.”
“Amy…”
“How was it? I’ve always imagined Evan being stiff as a board.”
“How wrong you are, Amy. He was fantastic.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“At first, everything was great but it ended dismally. He didn’t know I was a virgin and when he found out he became irate. He stormed out of my apartment and I haven’t talked to him since.”
“When did all this happen?”
“Two weeks ago today.”
“And you waited this long to tell me?” Amy asked incredulously.
“A person doesn’t talk these types of things over the phone!”
“People do it all the time.”
“Let me rephrase it. I don’t talk about these types of things over the phone.”
“I wish you would have told me sooner. I maybe could have helped.”
“I’m sorry, Amy. There’s nothing anyone can do. Not even you.”
“He is such a first class ass!” Amy said vehemently.
“Amy, I’m partly to blame myself. I should have told him…”
“Well, he still didn’t have to act like such a jerk. Especially it being your first time.”
“You’re right about that anyway. At first, I was just really hurt, but now that hurt has turned into anger. To me, it’s really low the way he treated me and is still treating me.”
“He hasn’t tried calling you at all?”
“Nope and I haven’t called him.”
“I wouldn’t either. I don’t see what you ever saw in Evan anyway. He is so perfect and condescending. Nobody is as good as he is.”
“He is not!”
“He is. He looks at me like I’m a piece of trash.”
“He does not. It’s just that you two have nothing in common. Evan is very straight laced while you’re a person who isn’t embarrassed about anything. Remember when we all went to that concert and you took off your bra and threw it on the stage in front of 15,000 people as live video of what you were doing was on the big screen by the stage for everyone to see? Everyone saw your breasts. Then when we were leaving together after the show, men were giving you thumbs ups and shouting ‘Nice tits!’ I was embarrassed myself.”
“You may have a point about that particular incident, but that doesn’t give him any right to look down at me.”
“He doesn’t look down on you; he just doesn’t find your behavior acceptable.”
Amy shook her head. “Why are you still sticking up for him after what he did to you?”
Charlie sighed. “I’m not sticking up for him. I’m merely explaining his feelings.” Feeling tired of this conversation, Charlie asked, “How have things been going between you and Rich?”
“Do you think I’m going to let you off the hook so easily?”
“Please, Amy. I don’t want to talk about him anymore.”
Amy searched her friend’s eyes and nodded. “It seems like it’s getting worse with Rich. He got hired and fired again from another job and it doesn’t help that he invites his friends over for beer and pizza, which I pay for. Last night they were up all night drinking and watching movies. His brother is still there. I’ll be lucky to have enough money to pay the electric bill this month.”
“If you need any money, I can lend it to you.”
“Thanks, Charlie, but it’ll be ok. I’ll have the cable tv cut off. With nothing else to do, maybe that will give Rich an incentive to look for a job.”
“I don’t mean to be ugly, but anything short of a nuclear blast wouldn’t get Rich off his rear end.”
Amy smiled sadly. “You’re right, Charlie. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do with him.”
“You could come and stay with me. I have an extra bedroom.”
“No. I need to solve this on my own. I just need to impress upon him the importance of a job.”
“Good luck because, until now, nothing has worked for more than a few days.”
“You know, Charlie, we’re both in messes, aren’t we?”
“At least I’m not living with my problem. You’re stuck with yours.”
“One good thing about it, I’m not married to Rich.”
“That’s looking on the bright side!”
They both laughed.
“Is this pathetic or what?” Amy asked. “Both of us sitting here laughing about our miserable love lives.”
“It’s not pathetic. It shows we’re resilient and strong. A lot of people are unable to laugh at themselves. At least we’re sure enough of who we are to do so.”
Amy studied Charlie. “Seriously, Charlie, what are you going to do about Evan?”
Charlie shook her head. “I don’t know. What makes it so bad is that our friendship is gone. Even if we do make amends I don’t see how we will ever get our friendship back. That’s what distresses me most.”
How will they ever go back?
****
Charlie sat on her liv
ing room floor. She stuffed another chocolate truffle in her mouth. She’d eaten almost a whole box. Disgusted with herself, she pushed it away. If she kept eating like this her hips would be as wide as her front door.
Two weeks. Two lousy weeks and still not a telephone call, an email, a card - nothing from him. She felt embarrassed and cheap. It was like the one night stands her friend Amy had talked about. The men would get what they wanted and then she would never hear from them again. Except for her, the act had never been completed. She’d been left feeling empty and hurt.
To say she was angry would be putting it mildly. She felt like a pressure cooker on the verge of exploding. Nothing would make her feel better than telling him off.
To her humiliation, however, no matter how much she told herself she’d like to tell him off, she didn’t think she could say mean, hateful words to him. It just wasn’t in her nature.
More than anything, she was hurt. As mad as she was at Evan, he still held a soft place in her heart and she still did want to see him, even if they never made love again. She was an adult and could put what happened in perspective. After all, no declarations of undying love were made nor were any vows for a relationship uttered. What happened between them often happened between two adults.
She and Evan had been best friends for five years. Not one single argument or fight in all that time. Now after one sexual encounter, everything that they’d had together seemed to disintegrate before her very eyes. They weren’t speaking to each other. They hadn’t met for lunch in two weeks. Nothing. The emptiness she felt was like a deep, bottomless pit in her heart with no end in sight.
In hindsight, she wished she had never kissed him. She had been foolish to let things go so far. As a consequence, their friendship was in shreds and, honestly, she didn’t know if they could ever get past this to restore what had been between them.
She could admit it was partly her fault. She should have told him that she was a virgin, but at the time she was embarrassed, not to mention afraid that if he did know, he would have stopped. Her want to be with him – to feel his kisses, the tender touch of his hands, to feel him moving inside her, filling her – skewed her thinking.
It was all so ironic. Her first time still wasn’t her first time. Sure the tell-tale sign of her virginity was now gone, but beyond that there was nothing. In a way, she was still a virgin.
Briefly, Charlie had thought about calling him, had even reached for the phone once or twice, but quickly thought better of it. Her heartache was Evan’s doing and it was up to him to amend the situation between them. That is if he wanted to. The possibility that he didn’t scared her beyond belief.
It was another long week before Charlie finally heard from Evan. By then, she was seething to the point that she had vowed she would never speak to him again, no matter what.
It was a Saturday evening when her telephone rang. Charlie was lying on her sofa reading a book. She absently pushed the talk button on her cordless phone, reluctant to put her book down.
“Hello.”
“Charlie.”
For a moment, she froze. She felt such elation from hearing the husky rumble of Evan’s voice. But then she remembered it had been three weeks – three long, agonizing weeks – since she had last heard from him.
Anger and indignation welling within her, she pressed the off button on her phone. Once again the phone rang. She glanced at her caller Id. It was Evan again. She counted with the rings 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9. The phone kept on ringing and ringing, as if taunting her.
Mean, mean each ring seemed to say. Her conscience tugged at her to answer the phone. But his harsh words came to mind and how it had been three weeks and it was only now that was he trying to contact her. It was going to take a lot more than a phone call, she vowed.
The phone quit ringing, then it started once again. Unable to take the taunting any longer, Charlie unplugged the cord from the wall.
On Monday, Evan sent her a box of truffles at work via a courier. Seeing the chocolates made her even angrier. After eating so much chocolate to console her aching heart, she was sick of it and had vowed never to eat it again. In the process of her chocolate binge, she’d gained five pounds. Five pounds that she would now have to lose thanks to him.
The small card that came with the chocolates simply said “Sorry”. Grabbing a pen off her desk, she turned the card over and wrote, “You should be. This will make me fat”.
Handing the card and chocolate along with a ten dollar bill to the courier, she sent it back to Evan. Like he actually thought a box of chocolate would fix everything. Fat chance!
On Wednesday, a bouquet of daisies arrived at her desk. The same courier stood there expectantly. The arrangement of white, red, and sky blue daisies was breathtaking. The simple beauty reminded her longingly of home. Her heart softened for a moment. He was trying to make amends, she thought. Shouldn’t she go ahead and accept his apology?
Smiling, feeling special that he had thought to send flowers, and her favorite kind, she reached for the card nestled within the dainty flower petals. Quickly, she tore open the envelope.
I hope you like this better than the chocolates. Evan.
Livid, she grabbed her pen and scrawled a message on the card. Handing the card, flowers, and a ten-dollar bill to the courier, she asked him to take the flowers back to the sender. She didn’t want them.
Charlie sat in her office willing the tears not to come. How could he be so unfeeling? Didn’t she mean any more to him? The thought that she didn’t was like an arrow in her heart. She’d always thought that Evan was different from other men. Sadness filled her heart with the realization that in fact maybe he wasn’t.
***
“A solitary lunch again?”
Evan looked up from his hamburger and nodded. It was Friday again. The fourth Friday in a row that he and Charlie had not eaten lunch together. Unable to go into the cafeteria, he bought a hamburger from a restaurant around the corner from the hospital and came back up to his office to eat. He wanted to be alone. He needed to think.
Alan sat across from him. “You look like hell.”
“I feel like I’ve been through hell and back.”
“You still haven’t convinced Charlie to forgive you?”
“Ha! If she would even give me a chance! I tried calling – she hung up on me. I sent her chocolates. She sent them back with a note saying they’d make her fat. This morning I sent her daisies, her favorite flowers. They came back too, the card saying, “You can shove these up your ass”.
“All these years of knowing her and never have I heard a curse word pass her lips!” Evan sighed in defeat. “I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“Women are like that, Evan. Right now she’s huffing and puffing. She wants you to squirm. She wants you to apologize in the manner she wants.”
“I don’t know what she wants!”
“Women expect you to figure it out.”
“Jesus. This is a mess.”
“Why don’t you just forget about her? There will always be someone else.”
For the rest of the day, Evan thought about what Alan had said. There was no way he could ever forget about Charlie. No way! The past weeks made him realize that she meant everything to him. Charlie was his light at the end of a tunnel on a bad day, his heartbeat. In truth, he was terrified of loosing her. He couldn’t say he loved her, but she meant a lot to him, enough to do whatever it took to resolve the situation between them.
That night Evan found himself sitting in his car parked in front of Charlie’s two-story apartment. He was relieved to see that her car was there and the lights were on. Sheer determination to get things resolved between them had caused him to come tonight. This animosity between them had him tied in knots. It had to be resolved.
When he finally rang the doorbell to her apartment, he was amazed to discover that his heart was racing and his palms were sweating. What if she wouldn’t talk to him? What if she hated him? W
hat would he do then?
Charlie finally opened the door after four rings. He drank her in like a man dying of thirst gulps water. Her dark blonde curls framed her face; surprise filled her green eyes but also lurking in their depths was anger and a touch of apprehension. She put a hand to her chest, drawing her bathrobe even tighter around her as if she was trying to protect herself from him.
Evan felt like he’d been stabbed. Had they drifted so far apart from each other that it had come to this? Charlie looking at him like he was going to rape her?
****
Charlie stood staring at him in stony silence. What was he doing here? Why did he bother coming now? She felt her anger slip. She couldn’t help it. Seeing him felt so good. He was so handsome and the look on his face was so endearing. He was unsure of himself, she thought. But she couldn’t forget what he said to her, how he’d made her feel so cheap and tawdry.
“Charlie…”
She didn’t want to hear any regrets or apologies for what had happened between them. She wouldn’t be able to take it. Her heart was already in shreds. She couldn’t take any more.
Without a word, she slammed the door in his face, quickly locking it behind her. Leaning her back against it, she closed her eyes, willing tears not to come.
What About Charlie? Page 10
