His stomach had been in knots the whole four hours. A couple of times he could actually feel the bile rising in his throat. Even though this was a routine surgery, anything could happen and the mere thought terrified him. Though he hadn’t seen or spoken to her in months, he couldn’t bare the thought of losing her.
After the surgery, Alan sent him to the cafeteria to take a break and get something to eat while Charlie was in recovery. He sat quietly at his usual table sipping a cup of coffee. He couldn’t but help think of all the times he and Charlie had met at this very spot over the years. Charlie’s smiling eyes and her melodic laughter filled his mind’s eye. Since their argument, life hadn’t been the same. Work had become his mistress. He had no desire to date anyone. He had no desire to go to baseball or hockey games, not even watch them on TV. It was too painful. Those memories were seared onto his brain and wouldn’t leave. And to tell the truth, he didn’t want them to.
Evan unconsciously drummed his fingers on the table’s edge while anxiously waiting for Alan to return. The worry was literally making him sick. He’d been such a fool not to bridge the rift between them, to do whatever was in his power to make things right between them.
So foolish.
But no more, he vowed. He was determined to do whatever he needed to do to make things right between them.
He looked at his watch. He’d been there almost an hour. Maybe he should have stayed. Evan sighed. No, Alan was Charlie’s physician. It wasn’t his place to be interfering. Charlie was in extremely capable hands. The thought, however, didn’t diminish his worry or his sense that he was on the verge of losing control.
At the sight of Alan walking towards him, Evan’s heartbeat quickened. Was Charlie ok? Was she coming out of the anesthesia well?
“How is she?” Evan asked anxiously even before Alan could sit across from him.
Alan smiled. “She’s doing fine. She came out of the anesthesia without a problem. Before too long she’ll be moved to a private room.”
A huge sigh of relief escaped Evan’s lips. “Thank god. Thank you for what you did. I’m sorry for dragging you away from your daughter’s birthday party. There was no way I could have performed the surgery.”
“There’s no need to thank me. I’m thankful that she didn’t have any other serious injuries. As it is, she has a very long and difficult road to recuperation. There are a lot of decisions that are going to have to be made.”
“Definitely. She will need a lot of support. More support, I fear, than she’ll ever want to accept.”
Alan nodded, looking at his watch, then glancing up at his anxious friend. “Charlie should be in her room by now. How about a brief visit?”
A grateful smile spread across Evan’s lips, reaching his eyes. “Let’s go.”
Evan’s elation, however, soon turned to fear. What if she wouldn’t see him? What would he do then?
***
Voices.
They seemed far way, muffled.
Strange sounds.
Long beeps. Short beeps. A lone buzzer going off.
Charlie moaned.
Where was she? She was so cold. The smell was so antiseptic, clinical.
Taking a deep breath, pain shot through her chest. Jerking, she rolled onto her right side. Then an explosion of pain rocketed through her lower back, into her hips and down her leg. She cried out in agony.
“Ms. Johnson?” came an unfamiliar female voice that seemed very far away. “What’s wrong?”
Because of her dazed and confused mind all she could say was, “Hurt. Hurt all over.”
“The pain medication should be working soon. Just rest easy.”
“Where am I?” she asked in a faint voice. Then crying out in a terrified voice, “Where am I?”
A warm hand touched her arm. “Calm down, Ms. Johnson. You’re in the hospital. You’re going to be ok.”
Fear instantly gripped her and Charlie began to recklessly pull at the oxygen tubes in her nose, the IVs in her arms.
“Quit, Ms. Johnson,” the female voice cried frantically, trying to hold Charlie’s arms down.
“Charlie!”
Immediately she stilled from the sound of the voice.
“Evan,” she said in a bare whisper, exhausted from her outburst. “Evan help me.”
The nurse moved aside, allowing Evan to grab Charlie’s hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. “I’m here, Charlie. You’re going to be ok.”
She used all the strength she could gather to squeeze his hand back. “Don’t leave me here alone.” She forced her groggy eyes open. “Please…”
Her green eyes were glassy and full of pain and confusion.
He leaned close to her and brushed her hair away from her face. “I’ll be right here. You need to rest, Charlie. Get some rest.”
She slowly blinked and nodded her head. It felt so good to have him here, for his warm hand to be covering hers. She almost felt secure. Almost.
Seeing Evan’s face and his warm smile in her mind’s eye, she drifted off to sleep.
****
Evan’s gut was tied into knots. Charlie looked so pale and drawn, so week. For several long minutes he silently stood beside her bed, holding her hand and caressing her cool cheek with the back of his hand. Over the past few months he hadn’t realized how much he’d missed even the feel of her soft skin.
Alan touched his shoulder. “You need to get some rest.”
“I can’t leave her, Alan,” he said shakily. “She’s terrified.”
His colleague nodded. “I understand. She needs you here. And you, my friend, need to be here with her.” Nodding to his left he said, “That couch probably makes out into a bed. Sleep on that.”
Taking one last long look at Charlie, Evan reluctantly released her hand. The fatigue that had been absent only minutes ago seemed to come out of nowhere. “I’ll be right back,” he told her, his voice warm and soft. “I’ve got to find a pillow and blanket.”
When Charlie awoke the daze and confusion of the hours before was gone. Glancing around the room, panic gripped her. She hadn’t been dreaming. The horrible pain and terror she had experienced had been all too real. What had happened? Why was she here?
She was in immense pain – her lower back, hips, legs all throbbed relentlessly. She tried to move to a more comfortable position, but a shot of pain ran through her hip and down her leg. She cried out in agony.
“Charlie?” Evan asked anxiously.
How he came to be by her side so quickly, she didn’t know. But nonetheless he was there.
“I hurt so bad, Evan,” she managed through clenched teeth.
Evan reached beside her and pressed the call button on the bedrail. When the nurse answered, he spared little time informing her that Charlie needed pain medication NOW.
Taking her hand in his, he squeezed it. “They’re bringing it. You’ll feel better in a few minutes. I promise.”
Charlie nodded and closed her eyes. The throbbing was almost unbearable.
She opened her eyes again when the nurse came in.
“What are you giving me?”
“Morphine,” the nurse said as she uncapped the syringe and shot the contents into her IV. “It will only be a few minutes then you’ll start feeling better.
The pain eased enough for Charlie to sleep a good portion of the morning and into the afternoon. When she finally woke, it was to a dull but bearable throb. Her room was empty. Evan was gone.
For a moment she thought perhaps the morphine made her dream that Evan was there. But she spotted a black leather duffle bag in the corner of her room. Evan’s duffle bag. She hadn’t been dreaming. Evan had been there.
She remembered clearly now. Evan had been there by her side when she was in such terrible pain on two different occasions. She could remember him speaking to her in warm, soft tones, feeling the warm touch of his hand upon hers, his hands brushing her hair out of her face.
How long had she been here? What had happened to her?
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Charlie’s gaze moved to the window beside her bed. The thick curtains were open. The sky was a beautiful shade of pink from the sunset. Bright light reflected off the pristine snow that had accumulated in the leafless trees and on the ground in nearby Forest Park.
Her memory of the night before returned in a flurry. She had been driving her car on her way home from Adam’s house. It had been snowing heavily. He had invited her to stay the night, but she had declined. She had been afraid the invitation was for much more than sleeping on the couch.
So, she left, the snow falling so thick she could barely see. Instead of pulling off the road, she had kept driving on because she’d only been a few miles from home. She could recall a pair of headlights coming at her in her lane. She’d swerved. After that she couldn’t recall anything. Closing her eyes, she unsuccessfully tried to clear her thoughts of those frightening memories. But they were too raw, too fresh to be cast aside.
Charlie heard the door to her room open and she swung her head around.
Evan was standing there, just in the doorway, looking at her, as if he wasn’t sure he was welcome there, wasn’t sure that she wanted him there. Though it had been months since she’d seen him last, it was wonderful to finally see him again. She never thought she would. It was comforting that he was there with her, that he didn’t hate her.
She had yet to forgive him and, truthfully, she didn’t think it possible she ever would. The person she had thought was Evan was in truth a big lie, someone not real at all. How could she ever trust him again? How could she know which Evan she was seeing?
Seeing him again was more painful than she had ever anticipated, too fraught with emotional peril. Although she was glad he was there, a small part of her wished he would leave and not come back. What would she say to him? How could she put aside what had happened?
“Charlie.”
He now stood several feet away from her. Dark circles smudged the skin below his eyes. His hair was mussed and clothing rumpled. He looked tired and bedraggled. Like he’d been up all night.
She stared at him for several long moments, drinking in the sight of him. “You were here this morning.”
He nodded. “Actually, I was here when you first came in last night.” Evan ran a shaky hand through his hair. “You scared me half to death Charlie. What happened? How did you get into the accident?”
He was staring straight into her eyes and she longed to look away, but she kept her gaze fixed on him. “Someone came into my lane head-on and I swerved. That’s all I remember.” She winced in pain when she tried to reposition herself. “What happened to me, Evan? Am I going to be ok?”
“You have some bruises, a few lacerations on your arms and legs. The most serious injury you sustained was a fractured hip. You had surgery for that. You were very lucky that was all the injury you sustained.”
“Did you do the surgery?”
Evan shook his head and took a ragged breath. “I couldn’t, Charlie. I was on call when you came in and initially treated you, but I couldn’t do the surgery. I was so shaken from seeing you hurt that I called Alan in to do the surgery.”
“Am I going to be ok, Evan? I want the truth.”
“You’re going to be just fine, Charlie.”
She nodded, believing him. “Did you sleep here last night?”
“Yes. I’ve been here the whole time except for when I stepped out a few minutes ago to check on my patients.”
“You didn’t have to stay here with me.”
“I know. But I wanted to be here with you and will continue to be here with you.”
“You don’t have to. I’m sure you have more important things to do besides holding a bedside vigil for me,” she said nastily.
He narrowed his eyes. “Perhaps,” he said coolly in return, “but I choose to be here with you.”
Charlie looked away, feeling ashamed of herself for treating him so coolly and questioning his motives. After all, he did stay here with her last night and was here with her right now. That should tell her something.
Looking back at him, she opened her mouth to apologize. The pain was getting to her. She needed to set things right and take the high road.
Before she could speak, the door opened and Alan walked in. Despite the tense atmosphere surrounding them, Alan smiled, ignoring it. “How are you feeling, Charlie?”
She managed a smile. “My whole body hurts.”
“Your pain level?”
“Barely tolerable. It seems to be getting worse.”
He nodded. “That’s understandable, especially what you’ve been through. When I leave, I’ll instruct the nurse to give you some more morphine.” Looking at her he said in a very business-like tone, “Charlie, before I do that, I need to talk about your injuries and your prognosis.”
Alan’s face had turned very serious. Glancing at Evan, she saw that, he too, had suddenly turned very serious, before her eyes turning from friend to physician. Fear sliced through her. Was this something doctors normally did, or was there something wrong? Something was wrong she thought in a panic. Something terribly wrong.
“I’m going to be ok, aren’t I?” She directed the question to Evan, but Alan answered.
“Yes, you’re going to be ok, Charlie.”
Feeling a little relieved, she smiled. “How long will I be in the hospital?”
“Usually the typical stay is 4 – 7 days.”
“That’s not too bad. How long before I can get back to work?”
“It might be several months.”
She looked at Alan, then to Evan, and back to Alan again. “Several months? You can’t be serious.”
“Unfortunately. Charlie, you’ve sustained a very serious injury that will require months of rehabilitation. This is a life altering injury, at least in the short-term. You’re going to need daily therapy. You’re going to need assistance with everyday activities. It’s not going to be easy.”
“Will I walk again?”
“Yes, you’ll walk. But how well? I don’t know. There’s a possibility you may have to use an assistive device like a cane or a walker to do so. A lot of this hinges on you, Charlie. It’s essential that you remain strong and determined mentally as well dedicated to your therapy. That is the key.”
“Alan, I have to work. I have bills to pay. How am I supposed to pay for this?” Tears slipped down her cheeks. “I don’t even have any insurance. I can’t do this.”
He covered her hand with his. “Charlie, you don’t have any choice. You have to do this.”
She jerked her hand away. She was angry and upset and totally terrified. She wished both of them would leave.
“Charlie,” Evan inserted, “don’t worry about the money.”
Her eyes snapped up to Evan’s. “Don’t worry?” She was almost yelling. “It’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one lying in a hospital bed with a broken hip. You’re not the one who’s being told you won’t be able to work or live a normal life for months. You’re not the one being told you may never walk again without a cane!”
Evan reached out to touch her arm.
“Don’t touch me, Evan. Just leave. Both of you leave.”
Alan touched Evan’s arm and nodded towards the door.
When the door was closed tightly behind them, Evan shook his head. “I can’t leave her like this.”
“This is something she has to work out, Evan. She needs to do it by herself. She’s the only one who can.”
Evan looked longingly towards Charlie’s hospital room door. He wished with all his might that he could take this load off her shoulders, but he knew Alan was right. Everything was up to Charlie.
****
“Charlie!”
Amy set the bags that were in her arms in a nearby chair and rushed to her friend’s side, bending and giving Charlie a long hug.
“I came as soon as I could.”
Charlie smiled, genuinely glad to see her friend. It had been roughly an hour since Alan and Evan had l
eft. The sun was setting and she was feeling sleepy from her morphine injection.
“How did you find out?”
“Evan called me early this morning. I knew something had to be terribly wrong for him to call me. On the way over, I stopped by your apartment. I didn’t know what exactly you’d need, but I did my best.”
“Thanks, Amy. I’m sorry to put you through so much trouble.” Tears pooled in Charlie’s eyes.
“Oh, Charlie…” Amy squeezed her friend’s hand.
Charlie shook her head. “It’s this whole situation. I’m going to be in here for a week. I won’t be able to walk – at least normally – when I get out. I can’t work. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“You have money saved up, don’t you?”
Charlie nodded. “It’ll cover about two months of bills. I’ve got my rent and utilities. I won’t have a car payment since my car got totaled. The insurance will pay it off.”
“You have two months then. Surely you’ll be back at work before then. And if all else fails, I can give you some money.”
“Amy, you’re in worse financial straits than I am. You can’t spare anything.”
“What do you think credit cards are for? I can get a cash advance, then pay it off at $10 a month.”
What About Charlie? Page 15
