Pleased with his thoughtfulness and feeling like a princess, she said, “Where are you planning on taking me?”
“Down to the cafeteria. Alan said it would be fine.”
“I can’t wear this gown down there.”
“No, you can’t. But you can get dressed. Amy brought you some blouses and sweatpants. That’s all you need.”
Her euphoria started to slip. “I can hardly dress myself. I can’t bend to put on my pants, shoes, or socks.”
“We can call a nurse to help you get dressed.”
She shook her head. “I hate to ask anyone to help me. Not being able to do even the most basic things has been very difficult to accept and it’s humiliating having to ask someone to help.”
Evan sat on the edge of Charlie’s bed, taking her hand into his.
Watching him, she thought he was going to lecture her. Instead he said, “I know this has been very difficult. You’ve had a lot of rapid changes in your life.”
“Evan, I’m sorry for the way I acted the other day. I was being mean and selfish and thoughtless. What you said was right.”
“Perhaps I was a little too harsh…”
She shook her head vehemently. “No. That’s what I needed. I needed someone to get in my face and tell me a thing or two. Which you did.”
Evan smiled. “Enough of this, Charlie. We need to get you dressed for our date.” Opening the closet door, he pulled out two hangers, one holding a light blue pair of sweats, the other a pink pair. “Which one would you like to wear?”
Her eyes moved from the pants to his. “You’re going to help me dress?”
“If you don’t mind.”
She smiled, feeling slightly shy and embarrassed. But she was so glad he was here with her and for her at this moment in time. This was her Evan, the man she’d come to know in the past five years; the one she’d grown to love. A twinge of sadness enveloped her.
Who was the real Evan Collier? The man here before her who was going to dress her and take her out to eat in a wheelchair or the man who denied her very existence to his own family? The question perplexed her, and admittedly she’d be lying if she said the answer didn’t worry her.
The evening proved to be one of the most satisfying and enjoyable in Charlie’s recent memory. Evan doted on her, catering to her every whim. She had been initially concerned about going out in public for the first time in a wheelchair. But Evan was with her the whole time, telling silly jokes, making her laugh, making her feel like being in a wheelchair was just as natural as breathing. She felt beautiful and cherished. While they ate pizza, they talked about the weather, his family, some mutual friends.
There were two subjects, however, they both avoided for fear even the mere mention would ruin their evening. First was Charlie’s injury; second was Evan not telling his family about her. Neither seemed inclined to broach those subjects and both carefully tiptoed around them.
When Evan pushed her back to her room a few hours later, she said excitedly, “Oh, Evan. Look! It’s snowing. Turn off the light and come over here to the window. Let’s watch the snow fall.”
Together, in the darkness, they watched the delicate white flakes float through the air to the ground. By now, the sun had set and lights from the adjacent park and city lit up the sky. The moment seemed magical somehow.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I just love watching snow fall. I wish I were out there right now feeling those flakes on my lips and cheeks. It’s so exhilarating. I can’t wait to get to where I can run and frolic in the snow. I’ve always had so much fun doing that.”
Charlie looked up at Evan. His face was impassive. She knew him well enough to know that when he had that look, he was thinking, thinking deeply.
“What’s wrong, Evan? I will be able to eventually get back to a normal life, won’t I?”
When he swung his eyes to hers, she felt the light inside herself begin to fade. His eyes weren’t laughing or warm as they had been earlier. Instead they were very serious, almost worried.
“I don’t know, Charlie. That’s one thing you’ll have to ask Alan. He’s your doctor.”
“Evan, you’re a doctor too. You’ve had experience with the same type of cases as mine. Why won’t you tell me?”
“As I said, Alan is your doctor. He’s the one who needs to be giving you a prognosis, not me.”
“I think you’re afraid to tell me. Is my outlook so grim that you’re afraid to level with me? Is that it?” she asked shrilly.
He sighed. “Your outlook is not grim. Everything depends on how you heal. This is something we will have to wait and see about. Will you have to use a walker or cane for the rest of your life? I don’t know. Will you be able run and frolic in the snow? Personally, I would advise against it. Move as gracefully as you once did? Probably not.” Seeing her pale, he ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t want to hurt you Charlie; I don’t to be the bearer of bad news. It kills me to have to do it.”
Charlie looked away, angry with herself for spoiling the evening, pressing Evan about his reluctance to speak about her health. She should have never mentioned it.
Evan looked at his watch. “I need to go.” He gave her a solemn look. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I had a wonderful time tonight.”
A slight smile crossed his lips. “So did I.”
Long after Evan had gone and Charlie dressed in her nightclothes with the help of a nurse, she thought of Evan’s remarks. She hadn’t realized how much it hurt him that she had been injured. Alan was right when he told her “What’s between you two will always be there.”
The connection she and Evan had was strong and she wished circumstances had transpired differently between them. Perhaps, their future together would have been different as well.
Watching the snow fall she closed her eyes wondering what would ever become of her.
Chapter 15
Charlie was once again feeling down and discouraged. Her therapy session had gone well, but she couldn’t keep the nagging questions about her future out of her mind. She’d gone to sleep with them there, dreamt about them, and had awoken with them still entrenched in her mind. The uncertainty scared her and seemed to eat away at her little by little no matter how she tried to combat it.
When Alan came to check on her that afternoon, she had bolstered her mood or at least put on a good mask so Alan wouldn’t notice. She didn’t want Evan to learn that she was feeling down once again. His worry touched her, and she didn’t want to cause him any more anguish than she already had.
“Charlie, you’re looking very well today.”
She forced herself to smile. “Thanks.”
“Your therapy has gone really well. Angie tells me you’ve learned to navigate the stairs with your walker and you are walking a good distance with your walker by yourself.”
“I am, Alan. I’ve been trying very hard. Take no offense, but as much as I enjoy seeing you everyday, I am ready to get out of here and back to my own home.”
“That’s what we need to talk about. You’ll be ready to discharged as early as tomorrow. However, before I can discharge you, you will need to know where you’re going.”
“I’m going home.”
Alan shook his head. “You can’t be there by yourself, Charlie. You will need help with every aspect of your life. You’ll need someone with you 24-7 for several weeks.”
Her stomach seemed to sink to her knees. “I don’t have anyone. And I don’t have insurance. Perhaps I could take out a loan to pay for someone to come. How long will it be before I can go back to work?”
“Several months.”
At a loss, she looked directly at Alan. “What do your patients usually do? What do you advise them to do?”
“Usually a family member will take care of them and transport them to and from therapy. Therapy will be an everyday necessity. However, if there is no family or friends available, then they go to a nursing home for rehabilitation.”
“Nurs
ing home?” Charlie asked faintly. She felt like she was about to throw up. She hated nursing homes. She could remember as a child visiting a great aunt in one. She’d vowed never to end up in one of those places.
Charlie could feel herself starting to come unhinged. “I can’t go in one of those places,” she said frantically. “I just can’t, Alan.”
“Do you have a friend or relative that you could stay with? Someone who can be with you during the day?”
Sadly she shook her head. All her friends worked and she had no relatives. Never had she felt so alone or demoralized until this moment in time. The realization that she had no one terrified her.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she replied softly. “Can I stay here a few more days until I figure something out?”
“That wouldn’t be a problem.”
For the rest of the afternoon Charlie twisted her hands and mulled over possibilities. When the phone rang, Charlie absently reached for it, her mind dwelling on her seemingly insurmountable problems.
“Charlie, how are you doing?”
“I’m doing pretty good, Amy.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t come by today. It’s just been crazy around here. A pipe to the water heater busted and I’ve been mopping up water, moving furniture, making phone calls to try to get it fixed.”
“You sound like you’ve had a horrible day. That happened to me once. It was awful.”
“I remember. So, how have you been doing? And don’t give me that ‘fine’ crap. I know something’s up from your voice.”
“Well, I’ve been doing my therapy, progressing really well. In fact, Alan told me today I’ll be able to leave tomorrow.”
Amy shrieked. “That’s wonderful, Charlie! That’s nothing to be down about.”
“Oh, Amy. I can’t go home. I have to have round the clock care. It looks as if I’ll be spending the next month or so in a nursing home. I don’t want to go into one of those places.” Charlie choked back a sob. “But I don’t have any other choice. I’m going to have to go there.”
“No, you’re not,” Amy vehemently replied. “You’re coming to live with me!”
****
She was in a buoyant mood when Evan stopped by to see her late that afternoon.
Giving him a big smile, she said, “Hi, Evan. How are you doing today?”
Returning her smile, he replied. “Doing pretty good. I’ve heard that you might be leaving tomorrow.”
She nodded, disappointed that she didn’t have the opportunity to tell Evan herself. She was proud of herself for working hard with her therapy to get to this point.
“That’s right. I’ll be leaving tomorrow.”
He raised his eyebrow in surprise. “Really?”
“I’ll be staying with Amy.”
“Amy? Doesn’t she work during the day?”
“Yes.”
“Charlie, no one will be there to assist you.”
“Her boyfriend, Rich, is going to be there.”
Evan snorted. “You can’t be serious. I wouldn’t trust that guy to take care of a pet roach. He’s been out of work for how many months now? Six? Twelve? And he’s drunk more than he’s sober.”
Charlie narrowed her eyes. “What do you expect me to do, Evan? I am not going to stay in a nursing home, and I can’t afford to pay someone to come live with me for the next two months. This is the only option I have.”
He looked pointedly at her. “You can come live with me, Charlie.”
She shook her head. “No, Evan. You have to work yourself.”
“I can hire someone to be with you during the day.”
“No,” she forced herself to say. Admittedly, she wasn’t too thrilled with the thought of depending on Rich to care for her when he couldn’t care for himself. Evan’s offer was so very tempting.
“Listen to me, Charlie. I want you to be in an environment where you can recover, where you can be secure. Staying with Amy is not that environment. Besides, she can’t possibly afford to support you. You will not be able to work for several months.”
She looked away from Evan. He made too much sense. Of course, he was right. But what else could she do?
“Evan, I can’t stay with you.”
“Why not Charlie? Aren’t we the best of friends? At least we used to be. That should count for something.”
“Evan, we’ve broken up. You need to get on with your life; I need to get on with mine. Independent of each other.”
His heart began to race at the thought of his life without Charlie.
“I don’t want to inconvenience you and have you spend your money on me.”
“Marry me,” he said suddenly, surprising himself as he said it, though he was glad he had.
Her eyes opened wide in surprise. “You can’t be serious.”
“I am,” he said fervently, warming to the idea the more he thought about it. “You can get on my insurance. That will pay for your medical bills. You can have a safe place to stay, someone will be there with you while I’m at work. You won’t need to worry about your finances. All you’ll need to worry about is your recovery.”
She searched his eyes. What about my heart? What about my love for you? She looked away from him. How could she possibly accept his offer? It was crazy! Though crazy as it was, she was considering it. She was as crazy as he! She had wanted to be Evan’s wife, had even dreamt about it. Now she had the chance of a lifetime. But he didn’t love her.
Sadly she shook her head. “I can’t ask you to take care of me and my financial obligations. Nor can I ask you to give up your life and freedom for me.”
“Charlie, we are best friends despite everything that happened. I told you that I’d be there for you no matter what. I’m here for you right now. I wouldn’t be giving up my freedom. I’ve known many women, but you are the only one I would ever consider marrying. We’re friends, we get along well, we like to do the same things.”
“But what if there is someone out there who is the woman for you? What if you meet her and fall in love? What then?”
He shook his head. “Don’t worry about that. There is no one out there. We’re best friends. I know your likes and dislikes. You are real, Charlie. You don’t have a false façade. I’ll be faithful to you, Charlie. And we can have a family, too. I know you want children.”
She looked away. At one time, she’d wanted to marry Evan so much and had been so much in love with him. In fact, she still was in love with him. But he didn’t love her. Would he grow to love her? Could he?
Looking back at him, his eyes were so earnest, so sincere. He wanted this so much. And to be honest, so did she. She had for a long time.
Without her even realizing, the words, “I’ll marry you” escaped her lips. As soon as they were said, it felt as if a massive weight had been lifted off her shoulders. But she feared she was only exchanging one problem for a much bigger one.
****
“You must be out of your mind!” Amy’s voice rung loudly over the phone.
Charlie grimaced as she held the phone away from her ear. She knew Amy would be opposed to her decision, but she didn’t expect her to be so vehement about it.
“It’s the best choice, Amy.”
“No it’s not. You could come live with me.”
Charlie sighed. “Amy I appreciate your offer, but living with you is not practical. I can’t depend on Rich to help me during the day while you’re not at work.”
“He said he would do it.”
“Amy, I don’t think he could handle that type of responsibility.”
“That came directly from Evan,” Amy angrily replied. “He’s always looking down on us.”
“Amy,” Charlie calmly replied, “it comes from me too. And if you’ll just calm down and think about it, you know I’m correct. Rich likes to drink, he likes to sleep late. I can’t afford to depend on him.”
There was a long pause then Amy replied, “You’re right. But Charlie that’s no reason to marry Evan. I k
now you love him, but he doesn’t love you. What kind of marriage will you have? You deserve the best, Charlie, and this marriage to Evan, if you do it, is anything but…”
“I honestly don’t know what kind of marriage we’ll have. I guess this is one of those things that you do because the circumstances demand it. I’ll be getting medical care, a home, security.”
“What will Evan be getting out of this?”
Charlie paused. “I don’t know. I’ve thought about that long and hard. The only think I can think of is that he’s getting his parents off his back. He’s mentioned to me before how they have nagged and nagged about his getting married. This gets them off his back.”
“He can always tell his parents to go jump in a lake.”
“Amy, you may be able to do that, but most of us are unable to do so. Evan had never planned to marry. The way I see it, it’s another step in our friendship.”
“You don’t believe that for a minute and neither do I. Marrying him like this isn’t right. How will you be happy?”
“I know it’s not right, but it’s the only option I have. As for happiness, I don’t know. All I can do is hope.”
Chapter 16
Glumly Charlie sat looking out her bedroom window watching Evan drive off to work. It was 7:30 in the morning. She was still in her bathrobe and if yesterday was any indication, she wouldn’t dress until sometime before lunch. She’d been living with him for two days. It seemed like an eternity. Initially it had felt so good to be out of the hospital, and she had hoped that she would get some normalcy back to her life. But she had been wrong. She was about to go stir crazy.
What About Charlie? Page 17
