by Ana E Ross
His eyes bore into hers and the sad mystery in their obsidian depths beckoned to her irresistibly. The strange surge of affection Kaya felt for Bryce in that single moment alternately thrilled and frightened her so much, she shuddered outwardly.
His arms tightened about her, his lips parted slightly, and Kaya swore his head started to descend, before he caught himself and abruptly pulled his arms from around her. He placed his hands on the steering wheel and looked straight ahead, his body stiff and motionless.
Kaya took the cue and slid back to her side of the car. Whatever magical connection they’d shared in that moment was over. She pulled her coat about her as the frigid cold from the open door seeped under her skin.
“Stay where you are if you don’t want to break your pretty little neck,” was all he said before hopping out of the car and coming around to her side.
Kaya took his arm and let him help her across the slippery sidewalk. She paid little attention to the passersby and spectators, looking out from the restaurants and cafes, who’d obviously witnessed her mishap a few moments ago. She hadn’t fallen, but she was embarrassed nonetheless. She clutched Bryce’s arm a bit tighter as he led her up the steps to the main entrance of the building.
He said nothing, nor did he look at her. He just kept her close to his side, letting her know he was there to catch her if she stumbled.
At least he thought her neck was pretty enough to save.
CHAPTER SIX
Samantha ushered Kaya and Bryce into her office and closed the door. “Please.” She pointed to a sofa on one side of the small, but sunny room.
Kaya sat at one end of the sofa while Samantha took a seat in a chair opposite her. Bryce took up vigil near a window, leaning stiffly against the frame, obviously still perturbed about their argument over Jack and that tense moment they’d shared after she almost cracked her skull on the icy pavement.
“I might as well get to the reason I asked you here.” Samantha picked up a pen and a notepad filled with notes from the coffee table, and donned her reading glasses. “As you might suspect, it’s primarily about Jason’s attitude toward Kaya.”
Kaya’s hands twisted nervously on her lap.
“There are two reasons for his behavior.” Samantha offered her a soft smile then consulted her notes. “First is an unconscious fear of betraying the love he has for his mother.”
“I’m not trying to take his mother’s place,” Kaya said. “I’m just trying to—” What was she trying to do? She wasn’t his friend. She wasn’t even his aunt in the true sense of the word.
She was a stranger who’d shown up on the worst day of his life, expecting him to welcome her with open arms. Perhaps if he’d grown up like her, devoid of love and attention, he would have eagerly soaked up the affection she offered. But he’d had the real thing. Genuine love. He wanted the mother he’d lost, not some bumbling, substandard substitute.
“It’s not personal,” Samantha stated. “Jason would have the same reaction to anyone who assumed his parents’ roles.”
“Then why doesn’t he react that way toward Bryce? He’s assuming Michael’s role as father.”
“He knows me.” Bryce eyes flashed imperiously.
“Bryce is right. He’s always been a part of Jason’s life. Jason knows what to expect from him. He’s not a threat.”
“Are you saying I’m a threat to Jason? I will never hurt him, Samantha.”
Samantha removed her glasses and laid them on the coffee table. “Not intentionally, Kaya. Bryce isn’t a threat because he doesn’t have custody of the children. He will always be exactly who he is, Uncle Bryce. You, on the other hand, are their legal guardian, their mother by default. From now on, every decision you make about your life will have a huge impact on theirs. Jason is scared of more changes, and rebelling against you is the only way he thinks he can keep you from destroying the rest of his world.”
“Jason was able to perceive all this in his little nine-year-old mind?” Bryce asked, his voice rich with skepticism.
“I wish I could give him credit for insightfulness. The truth is, he overheard Kaya telling Libby about her plan to take them to Florida.”
“Oh, no.” Kaya’s hand crept to her throat.
“I knew you’d done something to upset him,” Bryce said.
“Let’s not start throwing blame around,” Samantha warned. “I understand Kaya’s position. She’s just as scared as these children, Bryce. She had a life of her own before all this happened. And from what I’ve heard, she wasn’t even aware that Michael and Lauren had made her legal guardian until after they were gone. If I were in her shoes, I’d be thinking along the same lines. She’s responsible for those children, and in order to provide for them, she feels she has no other alternative but to return to her comfort zone, her career, the life she knows.”
Finally, somebody understood her. Kaya looked up to find Bryce watching her with a hint of speculation in his eyes, as if he were assessing her, measuring her against something, or someone. It was the same look he’d given her in the car just before the “almost” kiss.
“I never saw it that way,” he drawled. “I suppose it’s only fair to consider her position.”
Was that an apology?
“Great,” Samantha exclaimed. “Showing consideration for each other is a good start. There’s a lot of tension between the two of you. I felt it last night. I feel it now. Children have high sensors for discord.”
Samantha’s eyes fixed on Bryce. “Jason looks up to you, Bryce. He respects you and he loves you. He’ll feed on any negative vibes you send Kaya, making it more difficult for her to form a relationship with him. You have to be careful how you relate to her when you’re both in his presence. Do you understand what I’m asking?”
“Yes. I’ll try to be nicer to her,” he grumbled, clearly annoyed at being told to curtail his feelings.
“That shouldn’t be too hard,” Samantha said. “Now, Alyssa.”
“Alyssa? Alyssa seems to be the only one who’s dealing well considering—”
“Come on, Kaya. She thinks her parents are in heaven, on vacation.” Bryce stated, making quotation marks in the air at the word “heaven”. “She’s been asking when are they coming back. I’m no psychologist, but I know it’s not healthy to avoid the truth just because it’s painful.”
“Bryce is right, Kaya. When children this young suffer such a traumatic loss, the brain protects itself from the idea of permanent departure and the lack of stability and security by asserting that the separation is temporary. Alyssa’s stuck in what we call a “frozen block of time” where the grief is on hold or non-existent. She’s separated from her true emotions, and merely existing in a state of emotional suspension. She won’t be able to move forward until she understands that the loss is real and permanent.”
Kaya stirred in her seat, feeling even more ill-equipped to undertake her new responsibilities. When she walked into Samantha’s office, she thought she only had one child’s emotional state to worry about. But now Samantha was telling her Alyssa was also in trouble. “What can I do?” she asked in a choked voice.
“There’s only one thing to do,” Bryce said, moving away from the window. “Tell her the truth.”
“Right again, Bryce. You have to explain the accident, using an analogy that explains the meaning of death. You know her best. There must be some experience you shared together that would help her understand. Then offer her the choice to say goodbye to her parents.”
“You— you want us to take her to the funeral home?” Kaya asked.
“Both she and Jason should be given the choice to see them. It’s the only chance they’ll have. It will help them to accept the loss, which is the first step toward healing. If they decline, that’s okay. Encourage them to do something else to help bring closure.”
“Like what?” Bryce asked.
“Children Jason’s age like to pick out the burial clothes, or write a poem or letter to a departed parent. It ma
kes them feel important.”
“And Alyssa?” Kaya could scarcely get the words past the constriction in her throat.
“Children Alyssa’s age like to draw or color pictures to place in the caskets. Some leave parts of a special toy, like a puzzle piece, or one of a pair of something, so each time they look at the part they kept, they’ll have a sense of eternal connection.”
Kaya closed her fist around the locket against her sweater. Her bond to her father.
“The bottom line is, Alyssa needs to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that her mommy and daddy aren’t coming home, that they’re in heaven forever.”
Kaya dropped her head in her hands. She remembered her childhood hopes that her father would walk through the door one day, pick her up and tell her that he loved her, that he would never leave her again. But he never came, and the next time she saw him, he was stretched out in a casket, stiff and cold. Then, and only then, did it sink in: her daddy was never coming back for her. He had truly abandoned her.
Perhaps she should have been happy she had a sister—half or not—someone she could share her pain with, since Nadine didn’t care one way or the other that her father had died. But how could she have honestly, in her twelve-year-old mind, accepted Lauren when her father had chosen his other daughter over her?
He’d walked out of her five-year-old life to build one with Lauren and her mother. And now here she was, twelve years later, contemplating ruining her life, putting the security she’d built for herself into jeopardy to raise Lauren’s children.
How was she to keep Jason’s world intact when hers was falling apart? Where was she going to find the strength to burst Alyssa’s happy bubble and tell her the truth?
Kaya was powerless to stop the tremor in her lips or the tears stinging her eyes. She was suddenly aware of Bryce sitting next to her, his strong arms enfolding her. Again.
“It’s okay, Kaya.” His warm breath fanned the top of her head. “We’ll get through this together.”
Kaya dropped her cheek on his chest and drank in the comfort of his nearness, the strength of his masculine support, wrapping her in a cocoon of physical warmth like she’d never had before.
His firm hands massaged away the tension in her back and shoulders. The steady beating of his heart beneath her cheek soothed away the longing in her soul. This embrace was so much more affectionate, more meaningful than the one they’d shared in the car. He was her gentle giant—her rock.
She pulled out of his arms, embarrassment and frustration added to the turmoil in her heart. No matter how hard his tenderness hammered at the wall of her defense, she had to stay strong. They were still at war; he’d made that absolutely clear when he’d turned away from her in the car. She wouldn’t put it past him to use her weakness against her, to try to convince her once again to give him the kids and return to her happy childfree life in Florida.
He pulled a tissue from a box on the center table and handed it to her. His countenance had changed from concern to indifference. He pushed to his feet and moved away as if being near her, holding her in his arms again, was a terrible mistake.
Perhaps it was a mistake for both of them, for she’d experienced a side of him that made her hunger for more. She didn’t want to depend on Bryce Fontaine for anything, least of all comfort.
Kaya turned to Samantha. “I’m sorry. It’s not like me to fall apart like that. It’s just that this— this whole situation is new, moving way too fast, and is so overwhelming. Three days ago, I had only myself to think about. Now I have three children whose lives will be affected by every decision I make from now on.” Kaya shook her head as a new batch of tears welled up in her eyes. Damn Jack for leaving her at a time like this.
Samantha gave her a sympathetic nod. “That’s parenthood, Kaya. It’s perfectly normal for you to feel this way. Every new parent experiences the same doubts, fears, hesitations, and feelings of inadequacy you’re going through. But I’m glad to hear Bryce say that you’ll do this together, because the children need you both. You have full legal custody, but Bryce has deep emotional ties that are far more powerful than any will or therapy can provide. It is imperative that they maintain that connection.
“You have to decide, mutually, on what’s best for everyone,” Samantha added, rising from her chair. “Consider all the pros and cons then agree on an approach to return some form of stability to the children’s lives. I would advise that you wait until after the funeral. Right now, your main priority is to prepare Jason and Alyssa to say goodbye to their parents. After that, one of you will have to make a monumental sacrifice.”
Kaya glanced over at Bryce. He was staring out the window, lost in his own time and space, as if she and Samantha weren’t even there.
* * *
Bryce took a swift glance at Kaya, huddled in her corner of the car with her coat wrapped tightly about her. They hadn’t spoken since they left Samantha’s office. What was there to say, anyway? Samantha had given both of them a lot to think about, and he supposed that was exactly what Kaya was doing—thinking about her future.
He, on the other hand, had embarked on a journey into his past even before they left the therapist’s office. Kaya’s tears and Samantha’s speech about doubts, fears, and feelings of inadequacy had hurled him back to the day he’d met Pilar, the day he’d promised to love her and protect her, and the day he’d failed her. Holding Kaya in his arms while she cried had reminded him of the reason he stayed clear of women who were prone to tears.
Like a gallant knight, he’d responded to a female’s call of distress—twice in one day. When it came to women, there was only one call Bryce responded to: the mating call.
And from the moment he’d seen Kaya in Steven’s office, Bryce had wanted to mate with her. He’d been envisioning them entangled in carnal sexual exploits, their damp, naked bodies slapping against each other until they were both satiated with lust. What he liked most about that fantasy was that Kaya’s antagonistic attitude toward him would make it so easy for him to walk away, unaffected, when it was all over.
But today, she’d let her guard down and revealed a side of herself that he despised for no other reason but that it took him back to a specific moment in time, a time he’d vowed never to revisit. Bryce wished he’d never gotten that close to Kaya. He wished he’d never touched her.
He took another glance at her. This time she turned her head and met his gaze. His heart jolted at the misty torture in her brown eyes.
“You can rub my face in it if you want,” she said.
Bryce turned his concentration to the road as he navigated his way along Route 80 East. Even though it would make his task of crushing Kaya a lot easier if she continued to distrust and dislike him, he really had no desire to continue this battle between them. Through no fault of her own, Kaya had been dragged into this situation. They were facing some difficult decisions, and like it or not, it would be better if they joined forces and worked together for the children’s sake instead of trying to beat each other down. “What am I supposed to rub your face in, Kaya?”
“Like you, Samantha thinks it would be a mistake for me to uproot the children from their home. She’s the expert, so she should know. At least now I know why Jason hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you, Kaya. He’s just a scared little boy.”
“I’m surprised he didn’t tell you what he’d overheard.”
Bryce chuckled as he exited the highway and turned unto Crystal Lake Road that ran the perimeter of the lake. “He probably thinks he would get into trouble.”
“Get into trouble with you? That’s a surprise.”
“Michael and Lauren had a big problem with him. He’s a little eavesdropper.”
“Like his Uncle Bryce?”
A muscle quivered in Bryce’s jaw. He needed no reminders that she had a fiancé waiting for her in Palm Beach. He spoke only when he thought his voice would not betray him. “It’s my house, Kaya. The phone rang. I picked it up. I hung up when I r
ealized it was for you. If you wanted secrecy, you should have had your boyfriend call your cell.”
“I seem to have lost my cell phone,” she said without emotion.
“Well, I’m not going to apologize for doing something completely normal in my own home, so let’s stop wasting time on something so petty when we have far more important issues to deal with.”
She pressed her lips together and gave him an indignant flash of her eyes—one he thought was well deserved for his caustic tone, but he had no intentions of apologizing for that either.
“Since we’re on the subject of important issues, what were you about to tell me this morning before Libby came in?” she asked.
Bryce pondered her question. He didn’t know how she felt about her fiancé, how deeply she loved him. This morning he was going to suggest that she break off her engagement with Jack and move to Granite Falls permanently.
It was quite presumptuous of him, and of course he had ulterior motives, especially after finding her in such a disheveled state in the kitchen. She exuded sensuality from every pore of her sexy little body, from her curly, tousled hair to her fluffy, pink slippers. And the most arousing thing was that she didn’t even know it. She had no idea that his head had been spinning with lascivious thoughts as they stood there warring—thoughts of slowly undoing the buttons of her flannel pajama top, one at a time, of pushing it off her creamy shoulders, of kissing every inch of her smooth skin as it came into view, of feeling the weight of her voluptuous breasts in his hands. He’d wondered about her nipples—the shape, size, and texture of them. He’d imagined his tongue gliding across…
“What were you going to tell me, Bryce? What decision about my future have you made?”
Bryce shook his head, bringing his salacious thoughts to a screeching halt. “I was going to—” He stopped himself. He couldn’t ask Kaya to move to Granite Falls, not after Samantha had advised him to consider her feelings and the position she’d been placed into. Before all this happened, Kaya had a life in Palm Beach. She had plans to marry Jack and spend the rest of her life with him. She was obviously the marrying kind of woman, and since he could never offer her the joys of married bliss, it would be best to let her return to her life with Jack. By the time she had a baby or two with the lucky guy, she would have forgotten about these three she’d left behind in Granite Falls. “It doesn’t matter anymore,” he said in a tone that held a bit more ice than he would have liked to reveal.
