by Lila Munro
“I see you found everything.” She finished crossing the room.
“Yeah, I hope you don’t mind, I went ahead and got started.” It was then that he turned and a low whistle escaped him as he looked her up and down. “You look pretty.”
What he really wanted to tell her was that she was devastatingly beautiful and would she please get naked and roll around on the linoleum with him. How subtle that would be, not to mention strip him of every ounce of trust he’d managed to win from her the past week. Every time he saw her, it seemed she stole another piece of his heart.
“Thank you.” She wrapped her arms around his middle and looked up at him. “You look pretty good, too.”
With their eyes locked, they stood that way for what seemed like the longest time. Overcome with something he couldn’t quite describe, Rafe ran his hands up her arms, brushed her hair back off her shoulders and gently took her face in his hands. He ran the pad of his thumb over her lips before bending his head and tenderly kissing them, then softly taking her bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling.
When he pulled away and looked in her eyes again, Madi swallowed hard and turned away. After a moment, he took the back of her head in his hand, kissed her forehead, and released her.
“I’ll go check the steaks.” With that he was gone, leaving her there to try to digest what it was exactly, she was beginning to feel for him.
She knew the thick-cut rib eyes would be a while in cooking, so she took a tray from the cabinet, and then located an oversize martini glass. She filled it with cocktail sauce and lined the edges with the shrimp. With two glasses of the wine he’d left breathing on the table, she was set.
“How about a little something while we wait?” She set the tray down on the white wicker table that she and CeCe used to have tea parties on long ago and far away, before the world had become so cruel.
“Sounds good.” He closed the cover on the grill and sat in the chair across from her. “My burger wore off a long time ago.”
Taking one of the gigantic shrimp from the glass, she looked around the yard. They’d done such a good job of cleaning up, she couldn’t even tell they’d been there. In fact, it looked better than before they had started. The only evidence of them ever having been there was the new, shiny black roof glinting in the light of dusk.
Rafe watched her bite the end off her shrimp, leaving a little dribble of red sauce on her lip. Deep in thought, she disregarded it as though she didn’t even notice.
“What’s going on up there in that head of yours, Madi?” He leaned over and swiped the sauce off with his thumb and licked it.
“How much better things are going.” She sighed and chased her bite with a sip of her wine. “I don’t know when I can pay you back for the roof. I’m sure Meredith may have already said something, but I think I should tell you myself. Gage was living a life I knew nothing about. He left me broke. There were bills on top of bills, and things hidden everywhere, boats and cars. It was ridiculous. And I’m afraid sometimes it’s not over, and this little interlude of sweet will go sour very quickly.”
“What else do you think there is?” Rafe got up and turned the steaks again.
“I’ve no idea, but whatever it is—I’m not sure I want to know.” She stood up and leaned against a weather-worn support post. “I never got his personal affects—the Army claims they’re lost. I keep thinking if I had them, if I had his diary, I’d get some answers. But then there are days I hope I never find out.”
“Well, whatever happens, whenever it happens, you’ve got me and Meredith and your mom.” Rafe took the steaks off the heat. “We’ll help you through whatever comes.”
They ate, talking the whole time like two old friends. It seemed surreal to Madi, how comfortable she was becoming with him. In fact, it was almost as if they had known each other for a lifetime instead a short two weeks.
“So, why don’t you teach school?” Rafe refilled their glasses.
“Well, that would be nice in a perfect world, but unfortunately with so many schools having to tighten the purse strings and cut back, music and art programs are usually the first things to go.” She pushed her plate back and took her glass. “You know football is so much more important than learning to play an instrument.”
“Sports have their purpose,” he countered.
“Do they improve math scores? Learning to read music does.”
“Really?”
“Yes, kids who learn to read music score higher on math tests than their peers who don’t. Music opens doors in more ways than one.” She took a drink and swirled the remaining contents, beginning to feel warm. “And believe it or not, people go to school on music scholarships. I did.”
“You know, Department of Defense Dependent Schools has a pretty good-sized budget, you should check into it.” He left the table to stack the dishes in the sink.
“I did, but you have to be at the right place at the right time. People hold those jobs and transfer around for years. Getting your foot in the door depends on the luck of the draw.” She stood at the sink, looking out. The full moon cast a white glow over the backyard. “Would you like to sit on the porch and have another glass of wine?”
He turned and looked at her, she seemed so at ease, he needed to remember not to go too fast with her and scare her back in her shell. He had a feeling they had crossed a long, rickety bridge tonight, and he didn’t want it to collapse under their feet.
“Are you sure? It’s getting late; it was a long day for you with keeping us all fed…”
“I’m sure.” She nodded her head. “I’m going to get a sweater first.”
While she was gone, he wandered around the living room, looking at what all had yet to be done. She still had so many boxes stacked against the wall, he wished sometimes he were two people so he could do things for her faster. He didn’t mean to be nosey, but one box was hanging open, and something he’d never noticed before was now strikingly evident. Just barely visible, above the top of the flap, a tiny pink bootie stuck out. He had never heard her mention children. He just assumed she didn’t have any. Looking over the top of the box, he saw it was filled with a plethora of baby things—sleepers, bibs, and bottles. Everything looked brand new, as if it had never been used. A picture of an incredibly tiny red and wrinkled being, wrapped in a pink hospital blanket, lay on top of everything else. Before he could pick it up and look closer, Madi’s hand reached around him and eased the lid shut. He turned to see her looking at him, her eyes glazed.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been going through your things like that, it’s just, it was open, I…”
“It’s okay. You shouldn’t have been looking, but it’s all right.”
She fingered the flap, then turned and walked out the kitchen door. Wishing she’d put that box away a couple of days ago, she felt the grief that overtook her every year at this time, coming to the surface. She hadn’t wanted to let it mar her evening with Rafe, but there it was, rearing its ugly head and taunting her.
Grabbing their glasses on his way out, he turned the corner of the porch to find her sitting on the wicker couch with the moonlight casting an ethereal glow around her. He handed her one glass and took a seat next to her. Leaned over with his elbows on his knees, he sat, waiting, turning his glass between his hands, hoping he hadn’t opened another Pandora’s box of hurt for her.
“Do you have any children, Rafe?” She tucked her feet up under her.
“No.”
“Do you want children?”
He hesitated, wondering what this was leading to, or if it was simply more conversation. “Yes, I do. I didn’t for the longest time, but now I think it would be nice to have a family. I’m beginning to believe I’ve wasted a lot of time.”
Sighing, she turned sideways on the couch and looked at him. Then he noticed the tears that were beginning to fall down her cheeks.
“Hey, come here.” He placed his glass on the floor and opened his arms for her. “Come on.”
/> She hesitated, but then crawled into his lap and settled her head on his shoulder, the slightest whimper leaving her. He set her glass next to his and held her, stroking her hair and kissing her temple.
“It’s okay, I’m so sorry, Madi. I didn’t mean to do anything to hurt you. Please forgive me.”
“I’m not mad at you.” She sniffed.
“Then what’s wrong?”
“I didn’t want to come back here, but I didn’t have a choice,” she whispered.
“Madi, there are always choices.”
“Not really.” She took a deep breath. “Not when you can’t see them because none of them are the answer you want.”
Her tears ran down his throat as she kept talking.
“I had to leave her there. Shannon is in Kentucky, and I’m here and now tomorrow…I’m a terrible mother.”
“What’s tomorrow?” He knew this had something to do with that frighteningly small child in the box.
“Mother’s Day.”
Pushing aside the fact that he’d let it slip his mind, he made a mental note to call his own mother and stayed focused on Madi.
“Shannon is the baby in the picture? She’s your daughter.” He pulled her hair back and looked into her face.
All Madi could muster was a nod. She couldn’t speak for the sobs.
“It’s okay, Madi, cry all you want, I’m right here.”
Finally she took a deep shuddering breath, and told him what had happened.
“She was premature. The reason Gage married me was because I was pregnant. He thought it was the right thing to do, his parents weren’t happy and neither were mine, but we did it anyway.” She wiped her eyes and kept talking. “He was deployed and I was six months along. My neighbor came to check on me and found me on the floor. It was preeclampsia. They did an emergency C-section but it was too late. She never took her first breath. They didn’t know for a while if I would live.”
Even though she’d stopped talking, Rafe remained quiet, unsure if she was finished. After a few minutes she went on.
“My father refused to come and his family didn’t show up either. Mama, CeCe, and Meredith were the only ones. The four of us buried her alone.” Tucking her hair behind her ear, she looked up at him. “Gage had a vasectomy so it would never happen again, without even asking me what I thought. Even though the doctor said it was okay to try again, and knowing I wanted to, he did it anyway. That’s why I don’t have any children.”
Rafe wasn’t sure what to say. Overwhelmed with the fact that she trusted him enough to talk to him like this, he formulated the best answer he could.
“I’m sorry, Madi. I can’t imagine you having gone through that alone.” He paused and his throat caught at the thought of her suffering with no one there to be with her. “It must be very painful for you. But you’re still young, and there is still time to have all the children you want, and with someone who wants them as much as you do.”
She wiped her eyes, took a deep breath, and looked up at him again. “Thank you, it isn’t often I tell anyone about her. Most people don’t know I ever had a baby.”
“I’m glad you trusted me enough to talk to me.”
“So, you’ve noticed my tendency not to trust.” She squirmed in his lap as he wrapped his arms bit tighter around her.
“Yes, Betty Boop,” he said, trying to lighten the moment. “I’ve noticed, but it seems to me we might be on to a remedy for that.” Tucking his forefinger under her jaw, he tilted her head up.
“A lot of things need remedying.” She bit her lower lip while gazing at his, remembering how they felt against hers, against her throat, against her breasts.
“How much of the remedy are you ready for?” He leaned in toward her.
“I’m not sure.” Her heart palpitated and her stomach fluttered as he tenderly kissed her, sending a shiver down her spine.
He pulled back and looked into her eyes. “I need you to be sure, Madi. I don’t want you to have any regrets or think I was just taking advantage of a convenient moment.”
She found she could barely speak. “I’m afraid.”
“Of what?” He nibbled her earlobe.
“Of how you make me feel.” She shivered again.
“I’m not looking for another one-night stand, Madi. I need more than that, and I think you do to.”
She nodded her head absently. He traced her lips with his tongue parting them, teasing, and she thought she would melt. Needing more of his intoxicating taste, she deepened the kiss and ran her hands around his neck, giving in and letting herself feel completely. Her whole body prickled with electric tingles and the same feeling that had run over her at the club began to build between her legs. When he pulled back, she was breathless and her pulse raced when he kissed the hollow of her throat.
“Rafe, I, what I did that night, I’m not…” Flustered, she looked him straight in the eyes. “I don’t want you to think I just go around doing it in the shadows with strange men without discretion.”
“Madi, I know you’re not like that.”
That was all she needed to hear. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and raised her lips giving herself over to him. At that moment, she didn’t care what tomorrow would bring. She only knew she wanted him, in fact needed him, and nothing else mattered.
When he finally left her lips, they were both panting. Running his tongue down her throat, he tasted her, nothing artificial, just her the way he remembered, sweet and salty. Her low moans sent heat rippling through him and he knew she must be able to feel what she was doing to him. His erection tightened, pushing against her rear. Holding her head with one hand and descending on her lips again, he found his way under her tight black shirt with the other, skirting her stomach and grasping her breast. He ran his fingers under the lace covering her nipple and gently squeezed, causing her to take a sharp breath. Strategically, he placed each kiss down her chest, branding her flesh, ending at her breastbone with his tongue.
“Rafe, take me home with you.”
“Are you sure, Madi?” His voice was hoarse.
“Yes, I’m sure. Take me to your bed.”
He got up from the couch with her in his arms and continued to kiss her all the way across the road and up the steps of his porch, the fire between them building with every stride. Somehow he managed to open the door and carry her in, down the darkened hall, and into his bedroom where one lamp burned in a corner, casting a shadowy light across the bed. He set her on her feet and ran his tongue down her throat, licking and sucking, stopping at the base, razing her collarbone with his teeth. Hearing her hiss set his blood to running like fire through his veins.
“Please, don’t tease. I’ve wanted you since I ran away from you that night,” she begged.
He pulled her sweater down her arms, confining them behind her back, then took her head in his hands and took her mouth so fully and deeply, he thought for a moment they had both quit breathing. Pulling back, he looked at her and knew he had to take his time with her, unlike the first time when he’d had her up against a wall in a dark corner. Slowly, he slid the sweater the rest of the way down her arms and let it fall to the floor. He then tugged her shirt up and over her head, revealing the black lace bra she wore beneath it. Patiently, he ran his tongue down her throat and sucked at the juncture of her neck and collarbone, eliciting a whimper from her that sent electricity running through him. Continuing his attention to her throat, he ran his hands around her and unfastened her bra. He pulled the straps down and let it fall to join the growing pile of clothes around them.
Her alabaster breasts were beautiful and her rosy nipples beckoned him. Taking one in his mouth, he laved it into a tight, puckered peak as her hands ran up the back of his t-shirt. He raised his arms up to help her pull the shirt over his head, and allowed her to explore his rippled stomach and sides with her fingertips. Behind the buttons on his jeans, his cock strained against them as she nipped at his chest with her teeth. She ripped his fly open, touching h
im and releasing him from the confines of the denim. She ran her hand inside, stroking him.
She loved the feel of his velvety skin against her palm. The empty ache she’d tried to ignore for days throbbed within her and she became slick in anticipation of having him inside her. So taken in by the feel of him under her fingers, she didn’t realize he’d unzipped her jeans and run one hand down the front of them between her skin and panties. His fingers found their way between her wet folds and he fluttered them along the sides of her swollen, pulsing clit. Warmth spread from where his fingers worked down her legs which were like rubber bands. She wiggled impatiently, needing more, all of him, wanting him to fill her the way he had before. She tried to finish removing her clothes so they could get on the bed but he stopped her.
“No, not yet,” he rasped, grabbing her ass with his free hand to give her the support she needed. “Let me finish this.”
Not knowing what to think, she looked up at him and found him staring at her intently. Her needs had never been a priority. As if sensing her thoughts, he smiled at her and spoke again, reassuringly.
“You’re worthy of being first, Madi,” he murmured. “Get used to it.”
Without protest, she ran her arms around him and clung to him, letting him take her higher and higher, coaxing her to the edge of ecstasy. Her breathing was reduced to short gasps as she felt a blaze tearing through her and she began to clench, finally erupting into spasms. Unable to stand any longer, she gave herself over completely to him for support, trusting him not to let her fall. The cries she’d had to suppress the first time they’d been together rang out and bounced off the walls of his room. Too weak to object, she let him ease her back on the bed. He tugged her jeans down, followed by her panties. Desperate for him, clenching with the need to be filled, she watched him finish undressing himself.
He looked at her lying across his bed, flushed and breathless. Refraining from covering her body with his, he lay beside her and slowly ran his hand across her breasts, down her stomach, and between her legs teasing her plump lips apart and again running his fingers over her. Grabbing his forearm, she gasped at his touch and tried to push him away.
