by Luna Wild
In, one. Hold. Out, two. Hold. Everything that's happened these past few days has all been her fault. She'd brought all of this down on her head, on her parents' heads. On Josh's head.
She has to start counting again. In, one. Hold. Out, two. Wait. In, three. Hold. Nobody would be mad at her, would they? Josh isn't mad at her. He's going to be here any second.
"Fuck." Her hands are shaking. She closes her eyes.
Start again. In, one. Hold. Out, two. Wait. In, three. Hold. Out, four. Wait. In, five.
Her shoulders start relaxing. Her mind starts to slow. A shiver runs down her spine as the tension in her body starts to slip a little bit. She starts to relax. Her mind keeps slowing down until she can finally grab onto individual thoughts and hold them in her head. In, nine. Out, ten.
The door ringer goes off. She buzzes Josh in without a second thought. He's right on time. Only a few minutes since she texted. He must have left in a hurry. If he's feeling any amount of concern, though—and she knows he is—then he probably would have left in a hurry.
She unlocks the door and leaves it open an inch or two for him. The open door digs its claws into the back of her mind. She shouldn't leave the door open.
Anna ignores it. There's no time for anxiety right now. She's got to keep herself under control, now. She's got to make sure that everything is alright. That she's being smart.
She's got to look like she's got herself under control when Josh arrives. He'll figure out what to do, and she'll have plenty of time to figure out what to do next when he gets there.
Deep breath in. Hold, two three four. Good. Her head's slowing down even more. She's backing off the edge. It's getting easier, now. It's getting easier to feel like a human being.
Anna can hear the footsteps outside. Josh coming up the stairs. Coming down the hall. For a moment the fear threatens to overtake her again. The sheer, raw panic. What if she's wrong? What if it's someone else?
She takes a long step back to the door and pushes it shut with her shoulder, with all her strength. Then she puts her eye to the peephole.
Detective Meadows stands on the landing. He looks a little breathless from the rapid walk up the steps.
"Is everything okay in there?"
He shouldn't raise his voice. It's in the evening. If someone has to work early in the morning, they might be just going to sleep.
Anna lets out the breath she doesn't realize she's been holding. That doesn't stop the burning feeling in her chest, though. Doesn't help her to have her breath back under control. Her heart has jumped back up to a million beats a minute, and she can feel her pulse pounding in her neck.
"Sorry, one second," she says. She opens the door. Josh is standing there. His eyebrows have a deep furrow of worry between them.
"What happened?"
Anna steps away from the door and lets him inside. He follows her in. His hands are in his pockets, but he looks anything but casual with the way that his shoulders are raised high, the look of concern practically stapled to his face.
"I don't know. I was there, and then a minute later, they were—"
"Slow down, Anna. Sit down. You want me to get you some water?"
She knows how wild she's feeling. She needs to slow down. He wasn't here. He can't know what happened unless she tells him. Simple and easy.
Water, though? She can get her own water. She could just step right over to the fridge, and… she takes in a deep breath, closing her eyes. She tries to put all her effort into calming down for a fraction of a second. Everything else can come back from that, but right now she's got to get away from the brink.
"A water sounds really good right now."
She settles into the couch. She can't afford to let her nerves show. She's got to look normal for Josh. She's got to look like she's in control of herself, somehow.
He opens up the fridge. Anna keeps a half-dozen or so bottles in there, chilling. They should all be cold. He grabs one and pulls it out.
"Are you alright? You're not hurt, are you?"
"No," Anna answers. Her voice sounds wrong. She should be in control of herself. She should be able to decide how her voice sounds. But she sounds nervous and panicked and just as bad as she must have the first time they'd met. Maybe worse.
At least that time, she'd had time to, you know. To figure it out. This time she was just… Jesus. Slow down. A laugh escapes her lips, and Anna claps her hands around her mouth.
"I'm sorry."
Josh looks worried. She's worrying him. She shouldn't be letting him worry. She needs to get herself under control, before things go wrong. Before he loses interest in her, before he leaves her, too.
"Don't be sorry, Anna. Just. Take your time, okay? Tell me what happened. Where were you?"
"I was, I was, I was—" she tries to get the words out, but they won't come. She closes her eyes. Tears threaten to start coming, too, along with the giggles. Then she'll be a real God damn mess. "I was at my parent's apartment. We were eating. Ava was having a nap."
"Okay. Good. Don't freak out. We're going to get through this, okay? What happened next?"
"Uh. Knock at the door. My mom. My mom. Shit. My mom answered the door, and there was a lady at the door. Dark suit, and a badge, and she said she was from Child protective services and they were taking custody of Ava until—"
The dam broke and she started sobbing. She shouldn't have been crying. She should have been telling Josh everything he needed to know, in order to help. But that wasn't what she was doing. She was just crying, and she couldn't stop no matter how hard she tried.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Josh Meadows isn't a Detective any more. Not really. Not for another couple of days, anyways. And right now? Not at all. He's a man who's made a lot of mistakes in his life. And he's probably going to make another one.
One that you don't unmake easily. So he grips the back of the couch tightly. It's not the sort of thing that people come back from, deciding to beat the ever-loving hell out of the Mayor's son, out of a Congressman's son, and doing it twice.
He'd already been lucky—more than lucky—once. They'd decided, he guessed, to take a little bit of mercy on him. But there wasn't going to be a second time. Mitchell Queen might know when he deserved to take a beating. His lawyers might, too.
But the man's got a mean streak in him a mile wide, and he's not going to let two go by unchecked.
It occurs to him that there's a good chance that there's a good chance that Mitch had all of this planned when he'd demanded the apology. He'd probably known full well what was going to happen the whole time.
Which means that in the end, he'd known that it was going to be a hell of a lot harder to give that apology than it looked like.
The fact that he'd still have to give it if he wanted a place on the force might have been planned from the start. To give Mitchell a big ol' hard-on of suffering and anger. It wasn't hard to imagine that he'd do something like that.
Josh loosens his grip. He's not going to give that son of a bitch any sort of satisfaction. Not if he can help it. A second outburst would ruin Josh's career, but it wouldn't do a hell of a lot to a Congressman's son.
Every little ache and pain would just be a reminder that, in the end, he'd outsmarted Josh and the entire God damned police force. He'd outmaneuvered them all, forced Josh into a position where he had to solve the problem with his fists.
But he hadn't. Punching his way out of problems was how Josh Meadows had solved his problems before he became a cop. Before he became a valued member of society. When he was just a scrap on the street and doing what he had to do.
Now he solves his problems like an adult. He thinks things through and makes decisions that were the right thing, not just the easy thing. Not just the way that he naturally wanted to do it, not just the way that felt good.
He moves around the couch and pulls Anna close into his arms. She leans her head into him, her body racking with sobs.
"It's going to be alright. We
'll figure this out."
"It's Mitch, I know it's Mitch. He's doing this."
She's not wrong, but Josh doesn't want to admit to it. There's nothing to be gained from assigning blame, no matter how much he wants to. They've got to do something smarter than that. They've got to figure out some way to just… deal with it, for now.
In a while, they'll have time to decide what to do next.
"It's fine. We'll get through this, Anna. Don't worry. We'll figure it out. Don't worry, okay? Just stay calm. You can cry all you want. You're not in any trouble, okay? You're not an unfit mother. You're a good mom."
"No, I'm not," she says softly into his chest. "How many good moms have their daughters kidnapped?"
Not many, but it's the wrong question in the first place. "Hey. Don't beat up on yourself. You did the best you could. There are bad people out there. That doesn't mean that you're bad, or stupid, or anything like that, just because they hurt you."
"But I am bad and stupid."
"No way."
"I'm sorry I got you into this."
"Don't be sorry, babe. It's fine." She presses her head deeper into his shoulder for a minute, and then pulls back out and sits back.
"It's my fault, but I know how to fix it."
Josh sits back. What is that supposed to mean? How exactly is that? "Oh?"
She reaches down into her pocket and pulls out a cell phone.
"I'll just. I'll." She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes and when she lets the breath out again, she's looking a little more focused. "I'll just call him, and see what he wants from me. Then we'll give him whatever he wants to just. Go away."
"I'm not sure that's such a good idea, Anna. Maybe you shouldn't."
She's already tapping away at the screen, though. She's already decided to make the call, regardless of whether or not it's a good idea.
She puts the phone up to her ear. A second later, the faint sound of ringing can be heard even from where Josh is sitting. Mitch's voice on the other line causes the detective's jaw to tighten.
"What do you want, Josh?"
He says something that sounds like 'I don't know what you're talking about.' The way his voice sounds over the phone doesn't leave any question that he certainly knows exactly what she's talking about and why she's calling.
"I just want my daughter back, Josh. Why are you doing this?"
Josh hears, though he still is trying not to listen. He's trying to work up the guts to just leave the room. He shouldn't eavesdrop, but worse than that, the call's just going to get his blood up. His hands sting where the skin is split, and yet he balls them up into tight fists that just makes the skin hurt more.
On the other end of the line, Mitchell asks if Josh is there. She's always, he says, had a thing for the tall-dark-and-handsome types. Have they slept together yet?
Josh takes a deep breath and stands up.
"You didn't want Ava. I just want her back, Josh. Why are you doing this to me?"
His response is loud enough that Josh hears it loud and clear, even from this far away. 'You took my father away.' He ends it by calling her a rude name that Josh decides he didn't hear, because his hands are already burning to get around that weasel's throat enough.
There's something funny about the whole situation. The whole thing feels odd. Something that Josh can't quite put his finger on.
The response from the elder Queen. They had the money. They had it in cash. All there, ready to be paid out. It hurt, no doubt about it. Four million in cash is a lot of money to find in just a few days.
And yet, they'd managed to do it somehow. It was also an odd number to pick. Why four?
Why not five? Why not ten? Why not three?
The answer seems obvious, but it's not something he can say for sure. After all, he hadn't been able to say any of it for sure.
Because they had four million. Al Queen had four million in cash on hand, so they took him for four million. If they could have strung it out, maybe they'd have gotten more. But then again, the chance to grab the elder Queen had opened up the opportunity to grab him.
There's more than four lousy million in it, now. So they took the four, and now they're triple-dipping. The F.B.I. isn't going to look kindly on that, but it's out of his hands.
The question still burns in his mind, though, as tears start falling down Anna's face. Why four million? How could they have known?
If they knew in advance, someone must have told them. It's the only answer.
But who was the one to have done it? And why?
Josh's gut tells him who would have had the gall to do it. And it tells him that he'd better not go around making those kinds of accusations lightly.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Josh looks at her like he's not happy with her. Anna understands why he's not. If there was one thing that she knows he doesn't like, it's relying on Mitch's good will.
After all, Detective Meadows never saw his good side. The past few years, he's seemed different. Everything seemed to be about how mad he was about… everything. He's mad all the time, it seems like.
But that's how he acts. That's not who he is. That's not who he is underneath, and if Anna can just talk to him again, as a human being… if she can just reach in and get to the person who he always was.
The person who built half the furniture in that house, for Pete's sake. Who enjoyed his life. She'll be able to make him see what he's become. She doesn't need him to be with her any more. She doesn't even want him any more.
But seeing the way he's been, the past few days… it's been upsetting, to say the least. Whatever it is that's gotten to him, he's not happy. Anyone can see that.
"What's that look for?"
Josh lets out a long sigh. "Nothing. I'm just worried about you, is all."
Anna slides down into the sofa until the arm of it cradles her head. Her body is sore from all the panic. But now they're going to go talk to Mitch. They're going to talk all of this over like grown ups.
That will clear the whole thing up. No problems. They'll just be talking, and there won't be any problems. She'll get Ava back, and he'll get… whatever the hell he's looking for. Closure, or something. As long as she gets Ava back, none of it really matters.
"Well, thank you. I appreciate it. But you don't need to worry about me."
"I'm worried anyways."
Anna can't help smiling a little bit. It's nice to be worried about, sometimes, too. Even if she'd rather that he didn't worry about anything at all.
"Good. But sit down. Please? I'm nervous. You're making me nervous. So just. Can you sit down?"
"Yes, ma'am," he says. He's trying to hide his bad mood, but Anna can see it.
He's not happy about any of this, and she doesn't blame him. In a few hours, she'll head to bed. Whether he stays or goes, that's up to him. She knows what she hopes, but that doesn't mean she'll get what she wants.
Then, tomorrow, she'll get up, and they'll go to meet him at lunchtime. He'll say his piece, she'll say hers, and they'll separate on good terms. Everything on the table.
Easy. She moves to the bedroom. Josh follows. It's been a long time since she slept in a man's arms. His are strong and thick and his chest makes a good pillow. It's been a long time since she felt like this.
Luckily for her, it's not going to have to be a long time again. She's got a future. She's got a beautiful baby girl. Tomorrow, she'll have that beautiful baby girl back for good.
Josh isn't guaranteed. Nothing is, in this life. But she's got him for as long as she's got him, and she's happy with that.
She wakes up a little sore. Her body still hurts from all the panicking that she did the night before. The other side of the bed, on the other hand, is empty. It's almost nerve-wracking. Light spills in at the edge of the window, and the bedroom door is shut tight.
As she gets out of bed, she can hear, ever so softly, the sound of voices in the front room. She opens the door and the voices get louder.
Under
neath them is a soft sizzling noise, the occasional pop of fat cooking. Josh reaches over and taps his phone. The voices stop.
"Morning," he says. He's got a smile on his face. It's not clear whether he's decided to ignore the meeting with Mitch later, or he's just putting on a happy face for her, but she appreciates it.
Anna rubs the sleep out of her eyes. Her hair must be a mess. But she plods across the room and wraps her arms around his chest anyways.
"You smell good."
"That's the bacon, babe."
"No. I mean, that smells good, too. But I'm talking about you."
He presses a kiss down onto the top of her head. "Well, thank you. But I don't know if you should be this close to me right now. I don't think we have time to calm him down before I have to pull these eggs off the skillet."
Anna smiles at him and rolls her eyes, but she lets him go. "Do you know what time it is?"
Josh looks over at the microwave clock. "Yeah. It's… eight minutes until I pull the bacon out of the oven."
Anna rolls her eyes. Today's the day that she's finally going to put all of the trouble with Ava behind her. When she finally gets to say, there's nothing else that can possibly go wrong. So she's not going to let herself get down on herself.
First, because there's nothing else to worry about. It's all been taken care of and she's completely on top of everything.
Second, and more important, because she can't afford to let her panic get on top of her right now. She needs to be completely in control of herself, regardless of whether it's easy or not.
"How did you sleep?"
Josh's voice calls over from the Kitchen area. She strips her clothes off and leans out. A soft grin spreads across his face at the sight of her without her clothes on. "Great. You?"
"I was going to say 'great,' too, but now I feel like I'm just copying you. You stole my answer." Anna hears the click of a stove top turning off. "We've got a couple hours before the meeting with your ex, so don't rush."
Plates clatter together in the other room as she pulls another shirt on. Her body's starting to almost feel normal again, and she's almost ready to start wearing her regular clothes again. Maybe, soon.
