by J. H. Croix
My friend, Dave, waved from the entrance. Cupping my hands around my mouth, I called, “I’ll be up in a bit, just taking care of the plane.”
Dave and his wife, Nancy, owned this lodge and kept it in immaculate condition in the winter. Despite the isolation, they were never short on company. They had groups coming almost every weekend throughout the winter. The lodge ran on solar and wind power, and they had the water set up to recycle. The apocalypse could come, or whatever dystopia you wanted to imagine, and they would probably carry on just fine. They knew how to hunt, fish, and take care of themselves far better than most.
They even had a true-blue root cellar that they kept stocked to make it through the winter without any worry. Come summer, they had this huge lake for fishing, and hunting galore in the nearby areas. Dave and Nancy loved it out here and only flew into civilization, as they put it, two or three times a year for the holidays to visit family and take care of shopping. With satellite television and phone, they were good to go.
After I got the plane situated, I snagged my backpack and headed into the lodge. Normally, I looked forward to weekends like this. I could be lazy, watch television, eat good food, and lounge around. It was a genuine break from the world.
Yet, this time felt different. The days ahead—all two of them after today—stretched before me. I hadn’t wanted to leave Holly this morning. I’d sensed the gears in her brain shifting as she tried to sort out just what I wanted. I knew we had chemistry. Hell, I didn’t think there was any way she could deny that at this point. I also knew she wanted something serious. That was the part where I wasn’t sure what she wanted with me. I had been her brother’s friend since we were kids, and I knew that was how she had me categorized.
I kicked those thoughts to the curb as I crested the landing on the stairs to the backcountry luxury lodge.
“Hey, hey,” Dave called as I closed the door behind me, knocking the snow off my boots in the entryway.
“Hey man,” I replied. Leaning over, I quickly unlaced my boots and kicked them off. I left them over a narrow grate that ran along the outer wall where the snow could melt into a drain underneath. Boots, jackets, and other gear filled the entryway.
Slinging my backpack over my shoulder, I strolled into the main room to meet Dave. He pulled me close for a backslapping hug and stepped back. The group I just delivered had already scattered to their rooms, I presumed.
“Which corner did you reserve for me?” I asked with a grin.
Dave chuckled. “I’ve only got one room left, man. It’s down at the end of the hall upstairs. You’ve been in that one before, so you know where it is.”
“Yup, know right where that is. You must have another group flying in then.” I had only delivered seven guests and knew the lodge housed up to twenty.
“Oh yeah, got a group coming in from Fairbanks. They’ll be here in about an hour.”
“All right then, I’ll go drop my stuff off. Nancy around?” I asked.
“Of course. She’s in the kitchen. Meet us down there when you want. Sounds like your group is going to head out for a ski this afternoon, so unless you’re going…” Dave let his words trail off with an arch of his brow.
Shaking my head, I chuckled. “I don’t need to ski. I’m all set. I’m planning to be lazy this weekend.” With a wave, I turned as Dave’s laugh followed me out.
This lodge was beautiful. It was a two-story classic style timber frame lodge. Through the double-door entrance, which faced the lake, there was a large tiled foyer with rows of hooks for jackets and gear, and a narrow grate running along the entire wall for snow to melt without puddling on the floor.
A high ceiling with exposed beams opened up beyond the foyer to a large main room. Here, there were several areas for seating with sectionals and televisions on opposite sides of the rooms, views out the windows, and a central area with chairs, a game table, and small tables scattered around. Beyond that, to the back were two large dining tables, along with a smaller one by the wall. That allowed for big groups, or a more intimate setting if the lodge wasn’t full. A door behind that led to a kitchen where Nancy, Dave’s wife, did all of the cooking with occasional help when they had large groups. With twenty people here this weekend, I imagined she had called in some of her help.
Dave had grown up in the Willow Brook area, and Nancy was from Fairbanks. They met in college. They worked their tails off to buy this chunk of land and invest the money needed to have this place running the way it did. They made a pretty penny hosting wilderness tourists and adventurers. The lodge wasn’t always full in the winter, but they were booked solid from late spring through autumn.
Rounding the base of the staircase off to one side of the main room, I jogged up the stairs. The upstairs was comprised of a long hallway, with bedrooms and suites flanking it on either side. Nancy and Dave had their own private quarters downstairs off the kitchen, with a private living room and master bedroom and bath. That way, they could get a little privacy when they needed it.
I’d known Dave for years. He’d been a few years ahead of me in high school and still came to Willow Brook for visits occasionally. The bedroom Dave had pointed me toward was right by the stairway. It was the smallest room in the lodge. Every room had a private bath, though, and there were a few suites for families or couples.
The bedrooms were open and airy with high ceilings, exposed beams, and bright white walls to pull in all the light they could. There wasn’t a single window in the lodge that didn’t have a view of the mountains and wilderness. Although my room might have been the smallest, it was still luxurious and looked out over the lake. After dropping my bag and tossing my toiletries in the bathroom, I changed out of my heavier outdoor clothing and into a pair of comfortable jeans and a T-shirt.
Making my way back downstairs, I headed toward the kitchen. As I passed through the living room area, I saw the group I had just delivered tugging on their ski gear in the entryway. When I walked into the kitchen, Nancy looked up from where she was busy at a big worktable that ran through the center of the room.
“Nate!” she called with a wide grin. Her brown hair was pulled up into a ponytail and her blue eyes were bright with her smile. She set down whatever she was doing and wiped her hands on her apron as she rounded the table to give me a hug. “We haven’t seen you in months.”
“It’s winter,” I said with a shrug. “I don’t get up here as often.”
“I know. You could always come up just for a weekend if you want,” she said as she returned to her task of chopping vegetables.
Dave stepped out of the door to the back that led to their quarters. “That’s what he’s doing this weekend. Why would he do it for free?” Dave asked with a chuckle, running a hand through his dark blond hair. “Coffee?” Dave paused beside the coffeemaker on the counter behind where Nancy was working, looking my way.
“I’d love some.”
Dave filled two mugs and rounded the table, gesturing for me to sit beside him on one of several stools there.
After a welcome sip of coffee, my mind instantly spun back to this morning when Holly had insisted on making me coffee and breakfast. My heart gave a hard thump, and I forcefully pushed her out of my thoughts. I did not need to spend the weekend dwelling on Holly, although I was confident that was what I’d be doing anyway.
“So, how’s it going?” Nancy asked as she pulled out a bag of onions from under the table.
“Busy, but then that’s life, right?”
“So it is. Life still treating you right?” Dave asked in return.
“Oh yeah. Nothing new, really.”
Nancy looked up with a wicked grin. “Is this one of your weekends where you have a fling?”
I shook my head. “Uh, no. Definitely not in the cards.”
“Hmm. Well, that Gina woman was asking if you were single,” she said, referring to the only passenger who wasn’t paired up.
I almost choked on my coffee. She’d given off that curious vibe, bu
t I’d have expected her to play it a little slower than that. Normally, I would find this amusing, but just now, I didn’t. I shrugged. “I’m just here to relax this weekend, Nancy.”
Dave took a swallow of his coffee and rolled his eyes. “Well, not that you haven’t done that before, but that’ll be a first when you have someone interested. You still the king of casual?”
With Dave and Nancy paired up in college and married for a good five years now, they weren’t shy about teasing me for playing the field. Normally, I took it in stride. Yet, right now, it rankled a bit. Because this—this perception—was precisely why I sensed Holly wasn’t inclined to take me seriously.
For about the thousandth time, I mentally kicked myself for my brief freeze last year after our first kiss at that party. In all honesty, I panicked. I’d written off any shot with her for so long that it had startled me to see and feel her responding desire. At the time, I’d wanted her fiercely. I’d been relegated to the friend corner in her mind for as long as I’d known and hadn’t expected anything else.
Truth be told, I also hadn’t been ready. I wasn’t about to get into all that with Nancy and Dave though. Not right now, not while everything with Holly was so fresh. I shrugged and let the conversation move along.
Chapter Fifteen
Holly
“What the hell do you mean?” Ella exclaimed. “Nate is the guy who spent five thousand dollars for a date with you?”
My cheeks burned, and I took a gulp of my wine. There was no real way to gloss over this.
“What? You didn’t tell her?” Megan asked, her eyes wide.
I was at dinner in Anchorage with Ella and Megan. When Ella had called to invite me to go shopping with her for the weekend, I jumped at the opportunity. With thoughts about Nate practically burning holes in my brain, I needed something to keep my mind off of him.
Megan laughed and shook her head. “I don’t know why you didn’t bother to mention it. I mean, that makes it seem like a thing.”
Meanwhile, Ella narrowed her green eyes, tucking her brown hair behind her ears. After a beat, she arched a brow, cocking her head to the side before sipping on her martini.
“Fine,” I finally said. “I didn’t want to get into it, but yeah. Nate claimed he was saving me from my other options.”
Megan knocked back the rest of her martini and looked between Ella and me. “That’s what he said, but it’s pretty obvious to me that he’s got the hots for you.”
Ella burst out laughing, slapping her palm on the table and drawing the attention of a few diners nearby. We were at Susitna Burgers & Brew, one of our favorite places to eat when we were here.
“Really? Is it necessary to get everyone’s attention?” I asked with a sigh.
Ella shrugged before she started laughing again. After a moment, she got it under control. “No, but it’s funny as hell. I told Caleb last year that Nate had a thing for you, and he agreed with me,” she said, leaning forward. “In fact, Caleb said Nate totally had a thing for you back in high school.”
The last bit of laughter faded from Ella’s eyes. It was never easy to talk about high school. There was a blot on those memories because of the accident.
I was shocked, though. No one had ever mentioned Nate paying the least bit of attention to me back then. For what it’s worth, I couldn’t say I paid him too much attention, not in that way. He and Alex were best buds, just as they were now, and my twin brother had been all about annoying the hell out of me then. Nate mostly ignored Alex’s teasing, but I lumped him in with Alex. Then, everything went to hell when Jake died, and we almost lost Ella too.
“Really?” I finally said.
“I don’t know about back then,” Megan cut in, “but that man seriously had a thing for you at the fundraiser. I’ll give it to you, though, you were totally hot.”
“Yeah, because you had me dressed up in the skimpiest nurse outfit ever.”
“Are there any pictures?” Ella asked with a wink to Megan, who sat beside me.
“Oh yeah. Would you like one?” Megan countered.
“Jesus Christ, don’t even,” I muttered, although I was relieved not to dwell on high school. That subject was like a bruise. No matter how much time had passed, the dull ache was still there. “It was for a good cause, and I would do it all over again.”
“Back to the important point, did you ever go on that date?” Ella asked.
“Yeah, he paid five grand,” Megan said, her eyes wide. “It was a record.”
I rolled my eyes, smirking at Ella. “The price drove up, I’m pretty sure he didn’t start at that bid.”
“Maybe so, but he was obviously willing to pay that much,” she said with another roll of her eyes.
I knew Ella might be a little cranky that I kept this from her, but even worse, I felt like I was carrying a huge secret now. Although I hadn’t told her about the potential date, that wasn’t too much of a secret because it hadn’t actually happened yet.
I’d never gotten around to fessing up to my way-too-late state of virginity. There had always seemed to be more important things going on. I mean, hell, after everything that went down in high school, things just fell by the wayside. Then, Ella moved away for years, and it was simply a conversation we never had.
Plus, it was kind of embarrassing. All that aside, now I’d gone a few steps ahead with Nate. I was holding a lot back now, though, Nate or not, and I didn’t know what to do with it. I also wasn’t so sure I wanted to talk about it. And yet, I needed advice. Badly.
Seeing as we were staying in a hotel just down the street and had walked here for dinner, I signaled the waitress, and we ordered another round of martinis. Conveniently, a friend Megan knew from town paused by the table to say hello. By the time all of that happened, our second round of drinks had arrived, and I took a few fortifying sips.
“Well, I guess I’ll just spill it. I still haven’t made good on my date, but I might’ve had a night with Nate,” I said flatly.
Megan was mid-sip on her martini, and she sputtered slightly before recovering. Ella’s sharp green gaze swung to mine. “A night?”
“Sex,” I offered bluntly in clarification.
Megan had just taken another sip of her drink and started coughing. I handed her a napkin while Ella stared at me, her eyes widening. “Oh God,” she finally muttered.
“Why do you say it like that?” My tone came out sharper than I intended, but I was feeling defensive and insecure. My guess was Ella was worried Nate was going to treat me like he treated every other woman—someone to meet his needs for whatever time he allotted. I didn’t mean to make Nate out to sound like a jerk. He wasn’t. He kept things casual and hued to the likes of women who were happy to go along with it.
Getting involved with a friend within our small social circle was ripe for complications galore, and I damn well knew it.
Ella took a measured sip of her drink, her shoulders rising and falling with a breath. “Caleb thinks Nate’s had a thing for you for years, but it doesn’t change the fact that Nate’s all about no strings. I don’t want things to get messy. You’re my best friend.”
“It’s not like I didn’t walk into it with my eyes wide open,” I finally said, promptly abandoning my plan to ask what I should do with all the feelings bubbling up inside of me. Because, oh sweet hell, there were feelings. I’d hardly been able to stop thinking about Nate since the other night and the morning after. His words when he departed rang in my mind.
“This isn’t close to over.”
Megan’s gaze had sobered. “You know, it’s not like I know Nate that well. Certainly not like you,” she said, casting a glance at Ella before looking back to me. “He definitely had the hots for you, but casual isn’t really the vibe I picked up. I thought he really liked you.”
I lifted a shoulder in a tiny shrug, striving to keep my tone nonchalant. “I don’t know what Nate thinks. There’s definitely chemistry. It’s not like I can’t handle myself. I don’t have any exp
ectations.”
My mind was practically kicking and screaming at this point, and my heart was thumping loudly, almost in opposition of my words. I wanted more—so much more—with Nate, and I had to be damn careful to keep my expectations clear. “I don’t know. I guess I’ll just have to play it by ear. Don’t worry,” I added, glancing at Ella. “I’m a big girl. It’s not like I don’t know that Casual is Nate’s middle name. It was one night. I’m not gonna read too much into it.”
Ella opened her mouth as though to say something but then shut it, her lips pressing into a line. After a long moment, she appeared to reconsider her silence and said, “I thought you wanted something more with someone.”
“Well, that’ll come along when it does. Not everybody gets what you and Caleb have.”
Something flickered in the depths of Ella’s eyes. I knew she regretted how long she stayed away from Willow Brook, almost completely throwing away her chance of being with the love of her life. She finally nodded and took another sip of her martini. I knew she wanted to say more, but she obviously decided against it. I wasn’t about to fess up to how much I had fantasized about Nate since our kiss last year. I had studiously avoided being alone with him out of fear of actually falling for him. I needed to remind myself that all I could ever expect from him was friends with benefits.
Megan caught my gaze, and I could see the worry contained in hers. I wasn’t up for my friends worrying about me. With everything I’d been through, one thing I had fostered was being strong and independent. I wasn’t about to fall apart over being stupid enough to so desperately want and need something from a man who was highly unlikely to give it to me. My excellent judgment in action.
Megan swiftly moved the topic on to other matters. After another round of drinks, Ella and I walked together back to the hotel, while Megan waved and hopped in a cab to go to her apartment. When we got back to our hotel room and changed into our pajamas, which consisted of sweatpants and comfy T-shirts, we lounged on the couch watching television.
