by M. R. Joseph
His presence sent shock waves throughout her body. Her hands shook and her mind was going a mile a minute. She had loved this man. He showed up in her life and it was so unexpected. Their love was that way. Unexpected. When Carter sang, he sang with his whole soul. Her eyes focused on him as he made the crowd feel his charismatic ways. It was easy to get lost in Carter but so hard to figure out how he pulled at her with just his voice. She stood there and he looked up and spotted her leaning against the bar. Their eyes locked. Blue on blue like they had so many times before. When they loved each other with all that they were and all they could be. He continued to sing but his face took on another look. If she could read his mind it would say how full of regret he was. His eyes burning with the displeasure of hurting her so many times. The lyrics were those of undying love and devotion and she had that once with him. He sang the words like the meaning was directed to her but Casey needed to move on. If she didn't go now, she knew that there was a chance she could break again and she was on the path of healing. She broke her gaze from him and he instantly felt the loss of seeing her eyes. She felt the emptiness engulf her as she made her way over to Lyla. Carter followed her with his eyes intently.
"Lyla, I have to go and don't ask me to stay because I can't and you know why." She glanced one more time at him and swiftly took off for the exit. When she got to the outside, she leaned against a wall and began to sob. She still heard his voice over the speakers and her sadness over took her when she realized that his voice would forever be in her head and in her heart. No matter how hard she tried to erase it.
When Carter went home that night, he laid in bed, looked to the ceiling and thought about Casey like he did for so many nights. He imagined her face when he was on tour and they video chatted, how she supported him throughout it. She was always so positive and when it got hard, she kept him going, telling him that this was his dream and he worked so hard for it. He always asked her to come along, but it was not her dream. He imagined her strolling, no gliding into her room and climbing into bed with him. She would snuggle up with him and he would pull her into his warm embrace. To this point. He would whisper to her words of love and devotion and no matter what he would never do anything to jeopardize their love again. They belonged together. He was hers, and she was his. She was his last thought before sleep over took him and the first thing he thought of when the sun hit his face in the morning. He would be leaving soon but he took solace in the fact that just for one brief moment he got one last look at her beautiful eyes, her beautiful skin, her blonde waves and her face. Her sweetface.
CHAPTER 17
Seeing London
The move for Casey went more smoothly than she ever thought possible. The hardest part was saying goodbye to Lyla and Alexandra. Lyla and Casey promised to video chat every night they could and Casey would be back in the summer for Alex's Birthday. The hug at the airport between them seemed to last forever.
She never had a close relationship with her mother. When Casey called to tell her she was moving to England, Dara's response was
"Oh, Casey, I really did hope you would change professions. Nursing is so thankless but it's your choice so good luck."
Casey wasn't surprised at her reaction but then again growing up she always felt that her mother resented her and her brother because after their dad had left her mother did nothing but work two jobs to support them. She got over it and she expected the reaction Dara had.
"I swear to God, Casey Leigh Colbert, if I don't hear from you at least on your days off, I will fly across that fucking ocean and kick your ass or arse. I think that's what they call it over there, right?" Lyla jokingly said through her tears.
Casey wiped Lyla's tears away from her face.
"I promise, I will. As soon as I get my schedule and I'm settled. You will know my every move. Nikki and Noel will make sure of it. They are meeting me at Heathrow and taking me to my apartment."
"I know. I talked to them the other day."
Casey looked at her surprised. " You did? You didn't tell me that."
Lyla floated past her comment and made light of it. "Oh yea, um we have been talking about things. Your going to be in good hands, Case."
She heard over the speaker that they would now be boarding passengers, so she had to get going. She bent down and picked Alex up out of her stroller and gave her a huge hug and kiss.
"Now Alexandra, you be a good girl for your mama, ok? I'll miss you so much." She kissed her one last time and gave her back to Lyla. They hugged a final farewell.
"Promise to call as soon as you land, ok?"
She looked at her strong, independent friend and smiled. Lyla had been through so much, losing Tommy, being a single mom, now Casey was leaving. She felt blessed to have her but she knew Lyla would be ok. She picked up her carry on bag and waved to them as she walked to her gate.
Three months had gone by and Casey had settled into her new surroundings and her job which she loved. Nursing was a lot different in England than it was in the states. She had a lot of training under her belt. She did have a crazy schedule, and in her spare time, Nikki and Noel would take her to the popular shopping districts such as Oxford Street and Westfield London. Casey's flat was great. It was small but just enough for Casey. It was a quick ride on the tube to work, and the street that her flat was on, was hustling with people going to and from work. She visited Buckingham Palace with them and when she first stepped foot in front of one of the guards you would have thought she was five and the guard was Santa. She just stared and shook her head at the realization that she was there. Her dream was finally her reality.
Like she promised, on her days off Casey either talked to Lyla on the phone or video chatted with her and Alex. She was getting so big and cutting teeth, which Lyla said was hell, but they were getting through it.
"So, you have this weekend off?" Lyla asked. "What are you going to do?"
"Well, Nikki and Noel have to go to this high end pub to help promote some new musical acts for the producer they work for. They asked me to tag along."
"Well, that's good. It's been awhile since you have been out."
"Yes, I guess. I bought a new outfit so I'm ready to break it in."
"Please for the love of God, tell me you are NOT going to wear converse with this new outfit."
Casey laughed at Lyla's prediction. "No. Nikki and Noel won't have it."
"Good. Well, you should go get ready. Call me tomorrow and let me know how it goes."
"OK. Bye, bye Alex." She blew her kisses from the screen."Auntie Case loves you. Bye, Ly."
"Bye, Case. Oh and Case, have fun ok?"
A limo had arrived for Casey, Nikki and Noel were already inside. Casey climbed in the big black car to join them.
"Wow Case, you look great! Is that the outfit you bought last week at Harrod's?" Nikki asked.
"Yep. I feel like I spent half a pay check on it."
"Well, it's worth it cause you look bloody hot." Noel said fanning herself.
"Thanks. So what's the deal tonight? How many acts do you have to promote?"
Nikki looked up at Noel. "Just one."
They pulled up to a club called Madame Jo Jo's in West London. They were ushered in and had a VIP table waiting for them. Nikki and Noel were well known for their public relations expertise and they shook hands with a lot of people. They made sure they introduced Casey to many people. They made their way to the VIP table set up specifically for the Nikki and Noel's PR firm. Casey sat back and sipped on a beer as Nikki and Noel sipped on some kind of English concoction. A few guys came up to Nikki and Noel and asked them to introduce them to their American friend. They were cute and paid extra special attention to Casey.
"OK, guys. Take it easy on her or we will kick your arse's. Case, this is John and Grayson."
"Hello, Casey. Nice to meet you. How long have you been in London?" Their accents were adorable and Casey blushed from their dialect.
"Nice to meet you as well. Almost four month
s."
"Gray, listen to how cute her accent is. Bloody hell that's hot." Casey laughed. " You are truly adorable Casey, simply adorable."
"My accent? Oh God, that's so funny."
"Why don't you guys go have a seat? The performance is just about to start."
"Casey, do you think we may be able to take a spin on the dance floor once the D.J. begins later tonight?" John asked.
Casey looked at Nikki and Noel for reassurance that he was a good guy and harmless. They gave her an approving nod.
"Sure. Thank you. I'd love to." John gave her a dazzling smile and set off for the bar. Casey was young and unattached and he was cute. Why not? It had been a very long time since a guy had paid an ounce of attention to her. The lights dimmed to a point that it was almost pitch black. Their table was only a few feet from the stage. Casey saw someone walk onto the stage in front of a bluish light. People began to clap. The sounds of a guitar began to play followed by a faint drum beat. The lights came up slowly.
Casey felt the air go out of her lungs and she tried her best to pull it back in. Were her eyes playing tricks on her? Was this a mirage in front of her? She blinked hard, then did it again. It was him. The love that broke her soul, torn her heart out, caused her so much pain and anguish. Was he really here? Confusion set in and she looked to Nikki and Noel who were studying her. Once they saw she was looking at them with bewilderment on her face, they turned back to the stage. Carter London stood there fifteen or so feet away from her. Singing a cover of The Cure's Friday, I'm in Love. Carter London in LONDON! How was this possible? The look on Nikki and Noel's faces told the story without words. How could they do this to her? She felt betrayed. She shook her head and struggled with not looking directly up to the stage. No matter how hard she tried, his presence was alluring and magnetic.
Those passionate eyes scanned the crowd as he sang to them. He was incredible but heart breaking all rolled up into one. In one swift moment, one scan of the crowd, blue on blue met once again and the panic struck her heart. Carter's face ran through a thousand emotions. He stumbled on the guitar strings for one brief second but recovered so quickly it wasn't even noticed. His face said he couldn't believe she was sitting there. In front of him, in England. Casey sucked in her bottom lip and began to pull at one of her tendrils. He suddenly got a look of relief on his face. He had affected her like so many times before. His sweetface was there. Sitting, watching him, lifting the energy that was around him, here in London. Casey could not take it anymore. His shock turned to disappointment and she stood and grabbed her purse. She turned to Nikki and Noel and said, "We will discuss this tomorrow, girls." Then she was gone.
Casey grabbed a cab and headed back to her flat. She didn't cry because she saw Carter or that she felt tricked by Nikki and Noel, she cried about what they once were, what they could have been. When Casey infrequently asked Lyla if she had spoken to him, she was vague. He's traveling and starting his new solo career.
"Bloody hell, that bitch!" She yelled in the cab. She ran inside and powered up her lap top. She didn't care that it was three a.m. in America, Lyla Kenning was getting her ass up and had lots of explaining to do. When Lyla answered, she rubbed her eyes and groaned.
"You do know it's three a.m. don't you, Case?"
"I know what the fuck time it is, Lyla. How could you? How could you ambush me like that?"
She cleared her throat. "So I take it you saw Carter."
"Lyla, you are a bitch! Did you know... did he know, why is he here? I'm just so.. fucking confused. Please explain to me!"
"Casey, calm down and I'll explain."
"You have two minutes before I de-friend you out of my life!"
"Fine, you stubborn ass. Yes, I knew he was going to England. He met a producer and he told Carter to start out overseas with his solo career then head back to the states. Here that producer and the other producer Nikki and Noel work for are brothers. Carter had called them and they set him up with a meeting on video chat to discuss him moving to London to market him."
Casey sat there at her desk in the dark with just the illumination from the laptop making light around her. "Did he know I was here? The truth, Lyla." She was stern but spoke calmly.
"No, Casey. I swear. He didn't want me to tell you he was going, so I made up that he was traveling. But I didn't really lie to you. I said he was traveling, I just didn't tell you where. Please believe me when I tell you how hard it was to lie to you, to keep it in for so long."
"So tell me how this night came to be then?"
"The girls and I were talking one day and they told me that Carter was..." She paused and looked away from the screen and rubbed her face.
"Lyla? He was what? Spill it."
"He was still in love with you Casey and that he would never get over you. He hasn't dated or been with anyone since you left him. They said he is not the same. The spark left his eyes. He's quiet and subdued. They talk to him all the time because they are his P.R. people. Casey, do you understand me when I say that he is still in love with you?"
She couldn't speak. She sat still and processed the information Lyla had just given her.
"I gotta go, Lyla. I can't... I can't talk anymore."
"Casey, wait.Think about it. How did you feel when you saw him? Did you do that stupid thing with your lip, did you twirl your fucking hair, did your stomach do flip flops, did your feet start to sweat? If you answered yes to any of those things, then I think you know what you need to do. Don't make a mistake on love, Casey. I waited too long with Tommy. I should have told him I still loved him all those years ago but my pride and stubbornness got in the way. Please, Casey, I beg you, don't make the same mistake I did. In the end, love is all we have."
When Carter's performance was through, he headed right to Nikki and Noel with confusion in his eyes.
"Would you two like to explain to me what the fuck just happened tonight? Why was she here? How? I don't understand."
"Carter, she lives here. She has for almost four months." Nikki said.
"I've been here only a little longer than that. Why does she live here?" He ran his hand through his hair flustered as he paced back and forth.
"She works here as part of a nursing exchange program. Carter, we are so sorry. We just know how you still feel about her and this was the only way we could open her eyes back up to you. We never meant any harm. Please know that."
He looked at them and grinned. "She's here. Her dream came true. She lives here. We live here. How is this possible?"
"Carter, all things in love are possible. You just need to believe in it." Nikki said grabbing his hand and patting it.
"Unfortunately, Car she is pissed so I'm not really sure our attempt at getting you guys in the same room and talking, was successful and we are so sorry for that. We tried. Lyla tried," Noel replied.
"Lyla? She knew what you guys were up to?" They nodded in unison.
"Damn, that girl couldn't just leave it alone. Even across an ocean, she's still in our business."
Nikki smiled at him. "She meant well, Carter. I think she feels like she let Tommy slip through her fingers. She regrets not telling him how she felt for so long."
"Carter, give her time to comprehend all of this. She's in shock. It's been a long time since you guys have seen each other. Feelings are being dredged up. She has to sort through them."
He looked at them and rubbed his eyes with his hands.
"I know you're right. I just don't see her walking back into my life. I watched her walk out of it before. I don't know if I can watch it again. I just don't know if I have the faith anymore. I really don't."
Casey laid in bed looking out her window as the sun shone through and listened to the sounds of the cars rushing by. She heard the laughter of kids playing in the streets as she thought about how she was never a chance taker. She always played by the rules. She did everything right. She was never out of control, except when she was with Carter. Casey marveled at his ability to take chances an
d push the envelope. She was the voice of reason, and he was the fly by the seat of his pants one in their friendship. Casey thought about when she wasn't with Carter, her life was always calm. When he would appear, the winds of change would come with him. He was the breath of fresh air in her lungs. He was the constant reminder that life is full of chances and that sometimes you had to grab them and run with them. That's how he lived. He took a chance on his career, he took a chance on Tommy, and he took a chance on their love and he never lost sight of any of them. He never gave up on them. Even when it seemed doomed, he laid it all out on the line. Carter loved Casey and that was all that mattered. They couldn't go back and change the hurt they caused each other, but maybe, just maybe their love could survive anything. All the obstacles that got in their way before were in the past. It was time for her to take a chance, for Casey to have that chance to make it right with him. She flew out of her bed more awake then she had ever been in her life. She rushed around her room, sifting through boxes she had yet to unpack. Clothes and papers were flung around the room. Searching and hoping that this time she would be the one with the courage to take a chance.
CHAPTER 18
Belonging
Carter's second performance at Madame Jo Jo's was going great. He was creating a good following and the same people that were there a few nights ago were there again to see him. He was beginning to make an impact on the music scene in London. Producers and other artists were more than impressed by his ability to take what he had with Luminosity, and make it as a solo artist. This was the starting point of his solo career. Madame Jo Jo's was the place for up and coming live performers. Nikki and Noel were doing a great job promoting him and the place was as packed as ever. He started out just doing covers of songs. They crowds loved it because he did his own take on them. He altered the arrangements and made them unique. In the style of Carter. It was mostly upbeat music and he played the guitar for the majority of it. On this particular night the piano seemed to be calling his name. When it was time for him to perform, he glanced out to see Nikki and Noel at their same VIP table. They each had a laptop in front of them and they seemed to be working and discussing something. When it was his turn to perform, he sat at a piano in the center of the stage. The piano was his first love. He spoke into the microphone.
