“Technically I’m not in school.” He blew another puff of gray smoke. “And what are you doing here?”
My stomach clenched at his angry tone. “Where could I go? I’m helping you, right?”
He shrugged while looking to the side. “Maybe you should go to your boyfriend,” he murmured while playing with his cigarette.
“Is that why you’re mad at me?” I tilted my head as he finally gazed at me.
“I’m not mad,” he muttered annoyed, looking away. I snorted at that. His eyes cut to me and he had to press his lips together tighter, but I knew he was suppressing a smile. “I’m not,” he added stubbornly.
Leaning on the brick wall next to him, I wanted to tell him I remembered what had happened at Sean’s party, but no words came out of my lips. Instead, I heard myself saying, “I don’t think I’ll be able to pass calculus this year.”
“You just need to practice.”
I bit my lip. “Would you help me out?”
He tensed, then threw away the cigarette and crushed it with his boot in silence. “I’m not sure I’d have the patience.”
My stomach plummeted to the ground. He’s brushing me off.
Sighing, I glanced at the door. “Thank you, Nate. For saving me—” I blinked rapidly, “—again.”
He shook his head, not really looking at me. “I hadn’t studied for the quiz, anyway,” he commented dismissively.
“I wasn’t talking about the quiz.” I moved closer to him as he finally glanced at me. Shyly, I kissed him on the cheek, “Thank you for everything.” His lips parted, and his gray eyes bored into mine. “If you change your mind about tutoring me, you know where to find me.” I placed my hands inside my hoodie’s pocket and walked away.
I didn’t know how to tell him I remembered what had happened at Sean’s party without sounding like a complete moron, but I did want to let him know I was thankful for every little thing he’d done that had changed my life.
Because he had saved me.
He’d been a friend when I most needed one, and he understood me like no one else did. It pained me to see him hurt. Mostly because I knew I had hurt him.
That seemed to be the constant in my life. Me hurting people.
The rest of the day passed in painful slowness. He was on my mind all the time. Finally, school finished, and I was sitting on the sidewalk waiting for Dad to pick me up. In the distance, Chris, Jay, and Nate were talking. Nate’s eyes turned my way just before Tom stepped in front of me. Blocking Nate’s view.
Effing great.
Annoyance washed over me as he grinned. “Hey, gorgeous!” His dark blond hair was swept to the side, and all I could think was, Beiber is so out, dude. “At what time should I pick you up?” I cocked my head trying to figure out what was he talking about. His brow furrowed. “My party, remember?”
How could I forget about it? It was the exact reason Nate was so worked up.
“Sorry, Tom. Dad grounded me.”
“Seriously? Maybe I could talk to your Mom. She’s really cool!”
My breath caught in my chest. He didn’t even realize Mom was dead. That just proved the guy had no idea who I was or what I’d been through. Still, a large lump formed in my throat. Swallowing hard, I shook my head. “Dad’s not changing his mind, sorry.” I stood up and instinctively glanced behind Tom to where Nate was. They were still there, but Nathan’s hands were clenched in tight fists and, he was looking to the side.
Tom’s jaw clenched. “So you’re not coming?”
“No.” I bit my lip. “Have fun, though.”
Tom’s eyes blazed. I’d never seen him look like that. For a moment, a sneer played across his face. I took a step back, creasing my forehead. With a vicious look in his eyes, he took a step closer to me. “Are you dating Rivers?” he voiced through clenched teeth.
My heart started to hammer. I had a really bad feeling about all this. “I told you I’m not dating anyone,” I murmured, tightening the hold on my books. This was not the Tom I knew.
His temper subsided as he gave me a sly smile. “Well, to be honest, we never dated, but I’m up for hanging out, you know?” He took another step closer, towering over me.
Uneasiness filled me. My left hand started to press on the scar on my other wrist. “Huh.” I didn’t know what to say to that. I was definitely not expecting it. “But you are kind of dating Marissa, aren’t you? I mean, she’s totally into you.”
He shrugged. “But she’s not as interesting as you.” He raised an eyebrow. Oh shit.
Dad’s horn scared me. Nevertheless, I was so grateful. His timing was impeccable. “Got to go!” Tom leered as I walked away.
“Hey,” I murmured as I hopped inside Dad’s car.
His blue eyes narrowed. “Was that Tom?” I nodded. “Is he causing you any trouble?”
“I hope not.” I bit my lip as Dad drove away. When I looked back at Nate and his friends, he was looking our way, and he didn’t seem happy. Ugh. Great. Sighing, I leaned against the headrest.
“Everything okay, kiddo?” Dad asked, watching me out of the corner of his eye.
I shrugged, not answering. I really had no idea.
“Are you going to wait for me as I talk to Amanda?” I blurted out a moment later.
“I’m going to meet with one of my students.” A small smile appeared on his face. “And I was thinking of taking you out for dinner.” He glanced at me for a moment.
“That sounds great, Dad, thanks.”
He nodded, clearly pleased.
The car stopped in the same spot where Nate had parked his car last week. We went our separate ways as I admonished myself, Stop thinking about him, damn it.
Amanda was waiting for me at her office door. You could already smell the vanilla incense she had lit. Her brown hair was pulled up in a loose ponytail, and she was wearing a colorful blouse. I liked how bright she always looked. She smiled and gestured for me to come in. “I made you some tea, Cass.”
My blue couch looked inviting this time, as if it were waiting for me with open arms. “Thank you.”
She dismissed me as she sat with her legs crossed on her sofa. “So, why did you stand me up yesterday?” She raised an eyebrow, completely amused.
I grimaced. Sighing, I told her everything that had happened from the moment I stood up for Tom and how Nate got angry to the moment he kissed me. Even how he acted today at school. She listened with an expressionless face while sipping her tea once in a while.
When I finished, we both stayed quiet for a moment. I brought the now-not-so-warm mug to my mouth. It was chamomile tea, one of my favorites.
Amanda looked at me expectantly. “How do you feel about all of this?”
I took a deep breath. “Well, for starters, I can’t stop thinking about him,” I admitted, discouraged as Amanda smiled. “But I’m not sure how he feels. I mean, he can be the sweetest guy, but he also has an awful temper. He’s impulsive and has definite anger-management issues.”
“He’s clearly jealous,” she cut in, amused.
“Mmmh,” I murmured, not convinced at all.
Her hazel eyes stared at me for a moment. “Is it so hard to admit he’s into you?”
I stayed quiet. I just didn’t get it. Why would anyone would want to be with me?
I’m a mess. I have an awful memory. I’m definitely not a good friend. I’m unobservant. The list could go on and on…
Amanda sighed. She left her notepad on the table and walked to me. Taking a seat next to me, she took my hands in hers, and gazed at me. “You’re an amazing girl, Cassie. You need to start believing in yourself. You deserve to be happy, and you will be when you let yourself.” My eyes brimmed with tears. “You’ve made a mistake, like everyone else. Yet, you’re here, talking to me, and you have shown so much kindness, especially to your father.” She added a moment later, “Love yourself. Be kind to yourself and forgive your mistakes. It’s because of them that we are better each day.”
I averted
my eyes. Every time she talked to me like that, it made me uncomfortable. “What about Nathan?”
“What about him?”
“He’s so closed up. I really don’t know him.”
She snorted. “I think you’re the one who knows him best, don’t you?” She raised an eyebrow while freeing my hands. I shrugged. “Give him time. He’s got a lot on his mind, but there’s something there, trust me.” A reassuring smile played on her face as she stepped to her couch.
I finished my tea as her words played in my mind. I wasn’t sure if I was worthy of someone like him, though.
Chapter Seventeen
The fine lines blurred, creating a shadow as I passed my hand over them. I loved how easy it was to create different shapes and textures by using graphite pencils. Dad had bought me a new set after we had dinner yesterday, and I had been drawing most of the morning.
Pausing for a moment, I pulled back to see my drawing. For some strange reason, I’d started to draw a horse running. It was still half done since I’d begun with the background—different blurred lines in the shapes of trees.
“Honey? Someone’s at the door for you.” Dad’s head peeked around the doorframe.
My heart flipped. “Who?” Is it a gray-eyed boy?
Dad’s eyes sparkled mischievously as his lips tugged up. “A girl.” Ugh. He scrunched his nose, thinking it over. “Farah?”
“Oh! She’s my best friend! Remember I told you about her?”
He nodded. “What have you been up to all morning, by the way?”
I showed him my drawing pad, though I’d already closed it. I was very protective of my drawings, and I would never show them to anyone incomplete. Sometimes I wouldn’t even when they were finished.
He smiled. “I’m glad you liked the pencils. Hopefully, you’ll show your drawings to me?”
I passed him. “Only if they’re good, Dad.”
“I’m sure they are,” he shouted as I opened the front door for my best friend.
“Hey!” She looked pretty in green army cargos and a white top. Her wavy, blonde hair was loose and cascading over her shoulders.
“Hi! Come in.” She grinned and passed me, hitching her glasses. “What’s up?”
She shrugged. “I was bored back at home, and I kind of wanted to see why you haven’t answered any of my calls or texts.”
Frowning, I led the way to the kitchen. “I didn’t hear anything.” Opening the fridge, I offered her a bottle of water. She gladly took it and immediately opened it and gulped it down.
“Did you walk?”
She had almost finished it before she paused to nod. “I really don’t know how you enjoy running!” She wiped away the trail of sweat on her forehead with the back of her hand.
“It’s calming.” I leaned on the counter as she sat on one of the stools.
She finished her water. I offered another bottle, but she declined. “Do you want to hang out today?”
I blinked at her. “Did you walk all the way from your house to ask me that?”
She beamed at me. “Well, it’s not just us hanging out!”
Warily, I shifted my feet as I traced the fine lines between the tiles on the counter. “Do they know you’ve invited me to tag along?”
“Obviously,” she said in a duh tone.
I glanced at her for a moment. Scrunching my nose, I fought the urge to ask her to explain herself.
Did Nathan send her? Does he wants to see me? Ugh. Stop being so pathetic, Cassie.
“I have to ask Dad.”
“Well, hurry up!” She shooed me with both hands. “The guys are already waiting for us at the mall!” My brows furrowed as I looked at her. She narrowed her eyes and in a businesslike tone she demanded, “Just go.”
Rolling my eyes, I walked out of the kitchen toward my father’s studio. It was his favorite room in the house. It was also the smallest. Yet, it was filled with shelves jam-packed with books. He was sitting in front of his computer preparing a lecture for his next class.
He was more than pleased to let me go out with Farah. He was probably grateful I’d made a new friend. He gave me money and walked downstairs with me to officially introduce himself to her.
The sun was bright as we waited at the bus stop. I stared at my reflection over one of the glass panels, wondering if I looked presentable at least. I had only washed my hands and brushed my hair before going out.
“You look nice,” Farah blurt out innocently after watching me squinting at the glass. “Besides, Nathan should be the one worrying over you. Not the other way around.” She raised an eyebrow.
The bus pulled up, and we hopped in, taking a seat at the back. I bit my lip nervously. I had no idea what Nate’s mood would be today. The guy is definitely hard to read.
As the bus stopped at a red light, I wondered if Mom would have had some kind of advice. She probably would. Talking about boys was definitely not something I’d imagined doing with my father. Or Marie. That was completely out of the question.
“Are you okay?” Farah asked with broody eyes. I nodded, as she added unconvinced, “We’re meeting at the Starbucks near the movie theater.” We were silent as the bus neared our stop. Before standing up, she looked at me. “Your Dad’s cool.”
I gave her a small smile. “He is.” Wish you’d known Mom, though.
We got off the bus, and Farah grabbed my arm. “I’m going to ask you this one more time—” her blue eyes looked at me sternly, “—and I expect an honest answer. Are you okay? Do you actually want to see Nate?”
“Those are two questions.” My lips twitched.
She rolled her eyes. “Seriously.”
Her gaze was concerned. Sighing, I looked after the bus. It was already driving away. “I miss Mom every day. There are just times I’d like to be able to talk to her, you know? And now there’s Nate, and I sort of feel guilty for thinking about him and not her.” I shook my head. “It’s confusing and messed up.”
A knowing smile played on her lips. “Well, I think it’s cute.” I grimaced. Farah’s lips tightened in a straight line for a moment. “I wish I could do something to help you out with that, though. You seem to be going through so much,” she murmured softly as her forehead creased.
“You are.” My eyes softened as a warm feeling ran through me. “You’re my friend, despite everything.” Despite me. I was about to tear up, so I squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. “Let’s go meet the boys, shall we?”
Hesitantly, she added, “Do you want to see Nathan, though?”
Scrunching my nose, I nodded. “Isn’t that a bit pathetic?”
Farah chuckled. “Come on, I’m sure he’s even more desperate than you!” I took a deep breath. I hope so. Ugh. I was definitely not liking how desperate I felt.
The Starbucks was packed. There were no empty seats, and the people’s chatter was even louder than the music. We couldn’t see Chris or Nathan. Farah took out her cell phone as I studied the menu. I’d always treated myself with the vanilla cappuccino, but I wanted to try something new.
“What’s so interesting?” a deep voice whispered by my ear, startling me.
My heart skipped a beat. “You’re an idiot, Rivers,” I deadpanned before turning away from him. Inside, I was screaming and dancing because he was here. My stomach was already in full fluttering mode. He was looking good in that white shirt paired with a black leather jacket.
He chuckled. “Sorry. It’s just that you seemed completely immersed in the menu.”
“I was.”
“What are you having, then?” His gray eyes watched me in amusement.
“Uhmm…” I squinted to look at the menu again, since my brain had shut down completely. “I’m getting a caramel macchiato, as a matter of fact,” I murmured smugly, glancing at him.
He raised an eyebrow. “And that was really hard to figure out?”
“It was,” I huffed as I crossed my arms.
“Tsk. It’s a shame you’ll have to wait to order that,” he whi
spered by my ear, sending shivers down my spine.
Frowning, I looked at him. He smiled smugly as he gestured to Chris and Farah. They were waiting for us with movie tickets in their hands.
“What are we watching?” I asked as we left the coffee shop.
“Interstellar.” He shrugged, “Chris picked it.”
We joined our friends. “I’ve been pinning after it for the last two months!” Chris explained in mock offense. He was wearing a black Daft Punk t-shirt and a denim jacket.
Farah shook her head. “My boyfriend is in reality a complete nerd.”
“I am not!” Chris placed a palm on his chest. “And that hurts, baby!”
I chuckled at them. We’d reached the theater’s entrance by now, and one of the employees was tearing our tickets. Farah asked Chris for popcorn, so the boys left for provisions.
“Is Nathan being nice to you?” she asked immediately after they walked away, and we headed for our theater.
I laughed at her. “Did you talk to him?”
She shrugged as we reached our seats. The lights were still on. “I did tell him what an ass he was being.”
I blinked at her. “Are you for real?” I slumped in my chair with wide eyes.
“You are my best friend, Cassie.” Her eyes were warm as a soft smile played on her lips.
My pulse accelerated. “What did he say to that?”
She sighed. “Nothing, to be honest. He did, however, insist I try to get you to go out with us.” She cupped her chin, looking thoughtful. “He’s really cryptic. I don’t know how you keep up with him.”
I smiled at that. “Gosh, I know.”
Chris and Nate arrived with their hands full of popcorn, Cokes, and different candies. Each. “I hope you guys are hungry,” Chris exclaimed as he took a seat next to Farah. She smiled at him and grabbed a handful of popcorn.
Nate sat next to me and took a bag of mini marshmallows from his jacket pocket. “I brought you this,” he murmured absentmindedly as he looked at the screen. They were already dimming the lights, and the previews had started.
“Thanks,” I whispered as my heart fluttered. It felt kind of like a peace offering.
Hopelessly Imperfect (Imperfect #1) Page 18
