by Ashley Marie
I feel weightless. Floating. Until I’m not. I come through the other side stumbling. Falling on my knees.
Looking around first thing I notice is the bland grey light. It’s not dark nor is it light. Just a stale grey. In the middle of all the grey is a huge willow tree. Branches swiping across the grey floor. This must be my cage?
My head cocks as I move closer to the willow. It’s a beautiful tree even though it’s not in bloom. My breath catches when I spot the small heart craved in the center of the tree.
This isn’t just any old willow. It’s my willow, the one in our back yard. The one where my father took his last breath. Why would this be the thing that holds my emotions? And how do I unlock them? I walk around the willow in a slow circle coming back to the craving.
I stare at the tree looking for a sign about what to do. And nothing happens. I should have been expecting that I mean how is a tree supposed to tell me what to do. This is my mind I should know. Right?
I sit down, leaning my back against the rough bark of the trunk. My fingers reach out and toy with the bare thin branch. It’s so brittle it breaks apart at the touch of my fingers. The broken pieces fall onto the grey ground and crumble to dust. The tree is dead. I lean my head back looking up into the dead branches. A memory catches me off guard . . .
“Av.” The lyrical voice of my father floats to my ears and I bring my head back down. A soft smile stretches across his tired face. Dads, not that old being thirty-two but you couldn’t tell it by looking at his face. It’s withered and wrinkles or stress lines however you want to call it mar his face. Dark circles set heavily under his ice blue eyes.
“Sorry.” I smile sheepishly and shrug my shoulders.
He chuckles, “Try again rainbow girl.”
That brings a bright smile to my face as I close my eyes and time my breathing. Rainbow girl. It always makes me smile and lightens my heart. Dad says I’m so colorful and full of life that I’m his own personal rainbow.
I shake my head as I feel the bright green leaves of the willow sweep across my face. Back to breathing. I’m supposed to be meditating. Becoming one with myself and nature. Still, don’t know what it means but dad doesn’t make me do it very often so I at least try to please him.
My hand comes up and swipes across my nose as I feel a tickle of leaves. Again, at my ear and on my cheek. Wait a minute, the wind isn’t blowing.
A smile tries to form on my face but I stop it. I hear movement to my left and launch myself that way. Eyes opening to see dads surprise expression as I tackle him. We fall onto the ground both laughing. I punch his shoulder and roll off him. I stare up at the blue sky watching the clouds slowly dance across the surface.
“I thought we were supposed to be mediating.”
I can hear the smile in his voice, “With you rainbow girl it’s about impossible you’re so full of life. Just can’t sit still.”
I giggle knowing he’s right, that I’m a perky ball of energy.
“It’s good for dance.” I smile.
It’s quiet. The only noise is our breathing and the wind moving through the tree branches creating its own melody. It starts to lull me to sleep.
“Avery.”
“Hum mm.”
“Avery.” The tone of his voice has me sitting up. A nervous feeling pulling on my insides.
A frown covers his face.
“Yeah.” I’m uneasy. He went from playful to serious so fast. Too fast.
“I want you to remember this.” A sad smile covers the frown as he holds his arms out.
“Remember how happy you are. Remember the good times and the love. Avery never forget the love I have for you and what makes you my rainbow girl.” He leans over and kisses my forehead.
Tears streak down my face. “I remember. I’m so so sorry I forgot.” My voice is a cried filled whisper.
A soft breeze tickles across my face, prompting me to open my eyes.
My breath catches as my tears flow faster. There is no longer any grey here.
A bright blue sky with a shining sun shines all around me. Lighting up the green grass. I stand up and face the willow. The once dead tree is now full of life. Bright healthy leaves fill the branches with little flowers of every color of the rainbow fill the tree.
“I love you, daddy.” With a smile on my face, tears streaming down my cheeks I start walking back to my steel wall. Back to the real world to remember.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Avery
“IS SHE OKAY?” Kayden’s deep husky voice causes a chorus of shivers to run through my body. The good kind the has my bare toes curling into the grass.
A tiny smile still plays on my lips as tears roll down my cheeks. My eyes open and I jerk back a little at the sight of the wolf. Fear churns in my belly. I’m accustomed to the sight of the wolf, but now I have nothing blocking my fear from blazing in my body. Making me shake and sweat.
Having something as big as a black bear a couple of feet in front of you would scare anybody. Except for the three guys to the side of me and Cammie who’s still popping her gum.
Camron smiles a soft smile and moves forward. His skinny arms wrap around me in a hug. I soak up the feeling of another’s touch. The happy bubbling feeling in my body. I mentally check my steel walls. I’m safe at least for now. I know this was only the first step in the many more to come to controlling my powers and I can’t help to gulp at that. Will I be strong enough to handle this?
Cam releases me but doesn’t leave my side. Hovering like a mother hen. It makes me happy and eases some of my nervousness. I take a deep breath and look up. My belly in a different kind of knot.
Kayden is looking at me, now standing in front of me instead of behind. I can still feel the ghost of his wide hands on my hips. The heat of them still there. Kayden’s eyes are full of caution and uncertainty. My breath catches. He really is gorgeous. His muscles are locked up tight. By the look in his bright green eyes, he wants to be the one by my side but I’m just not ready for that.
I don’t even know what, how I feel about this connection between us. I need time to myself. Time to think. Even though I now feel this pull towards him. This need to hold him and not let go. I hold my ground, push the needs away for the time being.
“I can hug you, now right?” Cammie asks a ball of energy, “I mean Cam did. So, can I?”
I smile and nod.
Cammie squeals wrapping her arms around me and swaying us back and forth. I laugh. A real laugh for the first time in so long and it feels pleasant.
Cammie lets go, stepping back, “You should laugh more often.” She smiles.
Yeah, I really should.
“Is Jeff back yet?” I ask in a hoarse whisper, emotions thick in my voice. There’s so many of them. Hurt. Joy. Anger. Sadness. Desire. Hate. They all roll around on me like thundering waves. Making my breathing stiff and hard.
“We can check,” Cam answers moving me towards the back door. “Avery if it gets too hard. Siphon them to Kay and Dean alright.”
I nod. I don’t know how to do what Cam said. Siphon, but I can manage for now. At least I hope so.
I stumble a little as a wave of hurt lashes at me, I glance behind me seeing the black wolf sitting there. He’s so sad. And lonely. I turn back and just keeping walking as his hurt becomes mine breaking my heart. It will take some time but I will help him as much as possible. After I speak with Jeff hopefully I and Cam can work on bringing the black wolf out of the Rage.
I take a seat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen. My finger nails tap-tap the granite counter top. I’m frustrated with myself for being afraid and nervous around everyone. I know these people but can’t help the uneasiness from being near them or constantly searching for Kayden.
“Here.”
A plate lays in front of me with a sandwich and chips. I follow the hand with my eyes. I never noticed how huge Kayden’s arms are nor did I know how attracted seeing veins and muscles pluses in a forearm could be. A blush blazes
on my face and down my neck as butterflies swarm my belly. I’ve missed that feeling. That exciting, gushing feeling when you’re around a crush. He really isn’t a crush, though, he’s my mate. I should find out what exactly that means.
“Thanks.” I squeaked making me even redder. Could I be even weirder?
“Avery,” His hand on my arm has me biting back a groan as the tingles he always produces attacks my body. My heart pounds and heat pools in my gut. “Don’t be embarrassed OK.”
Yeah. Sure, if that’s even possible. I nod slowly taking in his square jaw, lush lips, and high cheek bones. He’s a god and supposedly all mine.
A small whine escapes me and I try to cover it up by taking a bite of the sandwich. I don’t think I fooled anyone and my face is red again.
Smoked turkey and baby Swiss cheese. I gabble it down in a minute and finish off the handle full of salty chips. I go to lick the salt off my fingers and pause half way towards my mouth remembering I’m not alone. I look up and turn beet red once more. I have a feeling this is going to be my normal look for a while.
“Well, you’re a different person,” Aden says.
My eyes narrow at him. I still don’t like him there’s just something about him that causes my hackles to raise.
“Don’t say that.” Cammie snaps, “She’s still the same person. She just feels now.” She pops her gum.
My eyes widen when Aden’s face softens as he looks at Cammie. There’s something going on between them.
“I think it’s a good thing.” Nick chuckles.
I look around the kitchen for Kayden. My heart pounds. I spot him in the corner arms crossed just watching and just seeing him calms me.
“Hey.” Cam smiles as he pops back into the kitchen, “Jeff still isn’t back yet.” He takes a seat on the bar stool besides me, “How are you doing? “
That’s a load question. “Good I guess, considering.” I shrug and drink from the glass of water that Kayden sat in front of me.
I zone out and wring my fingers together. There’s so much stuff I need to do but one thing takes priority. I shake my head, angry at myself. It should have been the first thing I did when Jeff bailed me out of the mental institution. Me not feeling anything made that difficult. I just didn’t care at the time. I feel immensity guilty and feel my eyes start to water up. No more tears.
I clear my throat, “Um.” God, I’m so nervous and I feel sick to my belly. Why is this so hard?
“What is it?” Kayden’s voice has me almost gasping, feeling the tingles all the way through my body. How long will these last?
“Dads grave,” I mumble, felling a shamed, tracing the lines in the black and grey marble counter top.
I look up when no one answered me. There’s confusion written on everyone’s faces has me pausing my world wind of thoughts. A blush quickly takes up my face when I realize I didn’t even ask a question.
“Will someone take me to my dad’s grave?” I mumble again.
“You do know Max really isn’t your Dad right.?” Aden sneers.
“Aden God, quite being such an ass.” Cammie barks at him.
I flinch as my heart breaks. Yeah, I know Max and I don’t share any DNA like a father and daughter does but being a Dad isn’t about DNA, it’s about everything else. He raised me from an infant until I lost him. He will always be my dad. He will always have my love.
“Aden!” Cam snaps at the same time Kayden smacks Aden on the back of the head. Aden growls but does nothing else, looking up at the wall with a clinched jaw.
“Avery.” I jerk when Kayden takes my hand and tugs slightly, “Come on. I’ll take you.” He says softly with a small smile on his face.
I let Kayden lead me out of the house my much smaller hand still in his hand. I like the feel of Kayden’s much larger calloused hand wrapped around mine. I blush again at the thoughts and feelings I have for him. Then the guilt hits me like a Mack truck. I loosen my grip and pull my hand away.
He gives me a sad look, but I can’t help the guilt. I shouldn’t be thinking about him, his hands touching me when I’m going to visit my father’s grave for the first time.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Avery
I FOLLOW KAYDEN through the trees outside of the house. Does the grave yard this close? Isn’t that kind of creepy?
“Careful,” Kayden says softly, catching me from falling on my face.
Stupid rock.
“Yeah,” I say weakly, with his strong arms wrapped around me.
Our eyes lock and my heart thumps fast. His twinkle and a soft smile pull at his lips. He lets me go moving ahead and I can breathe. Big gulps of forest air. Whoa, he is something else.
We’ve walked a couple of minutes through the trees and over a tiny stream my eyes locked onto Kayden’s board back as he moves. I can see the muscles shift underneath his black shirt causing me to bite my lip, holding in my groan. And his butt. My God who knew a guy’s butt would be something worth watching as he walks through the woods or that it could get my breathing a little harsh.
“So. This doesn’t need to be awkward between us.” Kayden says looking over his shoulder. A smirk lights up his face when he sees where I’ve been looking.
Kill me now. I look anywhere but at him. Which is hard to do. My eyes keep wanting to go back to him.
“It kind of does, though,” I mumble biting my lip.
He chuckles, running his fingers through his hair, “Yeah maybe.”
We break through the tree line.
“Where are we?” I ask looking around.
We’re in a small clearing with another cabin. Not as big as Jeff’s. It’s a cute two story cottage. Not large, but not tiny either. Just homey.
“My place.” He says walking around the cabin to a huge black dodge truck.
You got to love a Dodge man. Am I, right? I know I said I didn’t know cars, but a Dodge truck, yeah, I know them. There’s just something about them that gets my heart going.
He opens the door passenger door for me and I climb up.
“You live by yourself?” I ask as he gets in the driver side.
“With Nick.” He smiles and starts the truck.
It rumbles to life.
“Oh.”
We pull out of the simple gravel drive, heading straight. I count fifteen small driveways as we follow the road, threading around trees. Is that how many people live here?
It’s not too long before we’re stopped at the end of the road. The grave yard is right in front of us. Of me.
“It’s nice,” I say looking out the window to the gate of the grave yard.
I’ve never visited a graveyard before. I’ve always found them creepy and sad at the same time. But nice too. In a calm kind of way. I guess.
I climb out of the truck and a shiver goes up my spine. Not the kind I get from Kayden. It’s the cold kind of shiver, you get when you feel eyes on you.
“Are you ready?” Kayden asks softly.
I’m stopped right in front of the gate. Am I ready no. But I must be-need to be this is a long time coming. So, I nod and follow him through the gate with shaky hands.
We walk the cobble stone paths between grave stones. Some grave markers are so small your barley notices them. While others are huge with statues adorning them.
We come to a stop at a small willow tree in the left back area of the grave yard. I look at Kayden and he nods his head.
I guess this is it. Which makes sense. Dad always loved willow trees.
I walk forward to the knee high black stone. A paw print is carved at the top along with . . .
Maxwell Lee Blackwell
A cherished brother
A beloved father
Always in our hearts
But no dates. Why is there not any dates? Is it a werewolf thing or something else?
I move forward and lightly lay my hand on the cool stone. It feels weird being here after all this time.
“I’m sorry daddy.” It comes out in a watery
whisper. I squeeze my eyes shut. My whole-body hurts. I don’t really know what else to say. It’s confusing. I’m confused. I’ve never had to do anything like this before. Be at a gravesite of a loved one. What are you supposed to say? Is there a right or wrong way of saying something?
“I’ll remember daddy. I love you.”
A sigh expands my chest as the first tears touch my cheeks. Am I always going to be crying now?
Who knew this could hurt so much. My lips touch the smooth stone. Giving a goodbye, a miss you kiss.
I don’t know who did this. I do know it has something to do with me and I’m going to figure it out. Rip all the secrets wide open.
When I turn around I stop breathing. The look in Kayden eyes has me scared. Why I have no clue. Any girl would love to have him look at them with adoration and love. Me, nah it scares me senseless.
Everything happened when I turned fifteen. Some birthday day. Anyway. I Never had a boyfriend. Well, a real one. Evan is a boy and we considered ourselves in a boyfriend-girlfriend way but it was like a friend thing. Comfortable. Hand holding and cheek kissing. But this with him. With Kayden, it’s scary. Its more real. Powerful. It will more than likely be more than just hand holding and cheek kissing. Am I ready for that?
Everything is scary. All of this is so new. In so many ways.
“I’m ready to go,” I mumble.
Please don’t let him sense how breathless I am. The blush I can’t hide. Before this day is over my skin is going to be stained red.
“Are you ok?” How his voice goes from light to deep is . . . I don’t know what it is other than it makes me warm. I’m a freak.
“Yeah.” No, not really.
He nods and turns around leading the way back to the shiny black truck. It only takes ten minutes to get back to the house. It must be comforting to the other families who lost people to have the graveyard so close.
“What now?” I question it.
