Before I can drop my panties, Rhett reaches for my hip and yanks them down, then leans over, kissing me hard while squeezing my ass. When he moans into my mouth, I press a hand against his chest and feel the steady beat of his racing heart. His body is hard and tense, so I reach for his lower back, brushing my hands over his butt in hopes of calming him. The scent of my arousal already lingers. His controlling behavior is so damn sexual, so freaking hot. No matter what he does or how his mood is, I’m nothing but a wet mess around him.
“Get on the bed. On your back. Knees up,” he growls, watching every move I make.
My chest catches at the tone of his demand, my nipples turning to hard points as I crawl up the bed and do as he ordered. Achingly aroused, my heart is racing at such a speed that I feel like I’m close to gasping. With a small moan, I watch the bulge in his jeans thicken as he gazes at the bare flesh between my legs that’s slick with desire. He’s so damn fine. So damn beautiful. I blink up at his messy long hair and the tats peeking from his shirt that line his second to none body. My brain races at what he’s about to do, my sex pulsing with longing. My heart raring to calm him in any way I can.
“You’re so beautiful, Kass.”
“And I’m yours, Rhett.”
His hands push through his hair, his emotion-filled eyes laced with heat. He clenches his jaw again and swallows, not saying anything for a few seconds. His gaze discloses torment, struggling through something dark and deep. “I’d die if something happened to you.” His voice shaky, he screws his eyes shut, inhaling a scratchy breath.
“You’re not going to lose me, baby. I love you, Rhett. I’m not going anywhere and nobody’s going to hurt me.”
Today was his appointment with the therapist and the temptation is strong to ask him about it, but I don’t, knowing damn well it’s the cause of this dark mood. We’re just not quite there yet. He’s said he loves me, but he’s also said he’ll never marry me.
“Let me make you feel better. Turn off all the shit going through your head right now. Don’t think about anything but me loving you, Rhett. Come here, baby.”
Still clothed, with a long, low moan, he crawls on top of me and threads his hands through my hair, swallowing my lips with his as I suck back sobs with the thought that his past may very well prevent our future.
My eyes sting with tears and I want to cry but do everything I can to suppress the temptation. Tenseness hanging between us, he’s suddenly clinging to me like I’m his lifeline, his hands stroking my back. Silence in the room, I just hold him against me for long minutes, emotion between us thicker than it’s ever been.
“I love you so damn much, sweetheart.” He brushes his lips against my neck, his body shuddering. “We’re going to get through this, Kass. I’ll find a fucking way. I give you my word.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Kass
At the Blue Hawks’ biggest event of the year, I’m browsing through silent auction items. Ill at ease and feeling out of place, I look up at Rhett dressed in a deep black suit with all black accessories. He’s looking hot as hell, sex appeal pouring off him in blistering waves. When he catches me staring at him, I smile, suddenly wanting nothing more than to lower myself on his lap and jump his amazing bones. He smiles back with a sexy wink before returning to dealing at the blackjack tables. This is one of many annual events, but the team raises hundreds of thousands of dollars for charity at this one and I know it’s important to Rhett. Back and forth between dealing at the casino tables, the players also serve drinks to attendees and help with the silent auction. The event is a big one for the organization. The place is packed.
“Well hello again, beautiful.” I turn around and see Roman Nielson behind me with a tray full of drinks. “Drink?”
He’s handsome in a very rugged, foreign kind of way and has a great accent. I accept a glass of what I suspect is bubbly champagne and swallow a quick sip. All too aware of Rhett’s dislike for this guy, I know speaking to him definitely won’t go over well and hope like hell he isn’t seeing this. Even though the guy is simply doing his job, the last thing I want is to set off Rhett’s jealous temper. His back is to us for the time being, and I hope it will stay that way just a little longer.
“Thank you, Roman. This is good.” I take another drink and Roman’s hand brushes my shoulder.
“You look amazing.” His eyes zoom in on my breasts, and I promptly pull back. “I’m assuming you’re here with Gentry.” A small, roguish smile spreads across his face, showing deep cut dimples.
“I am,” I answer, peeking back toward Rhett. Back no longer turned, he’s definitely seen us. Shit. Shit. Shit.
Roman’s smile fades. “Enjoy your evening then.”
An hour later, Rhett gets free from the blackjack table and walks in my direction, placing a hard, ungentle kiss against my neck, the beds of his fingers digging into my hips. “I thought I made it clear that I didn’t want that fucking prick touching you.”
I spin around, looking into angry eyes as Rhett glares down at me. My stomach churns as his fingertips push through the fabric of my dress. “I did nothing wrong, Rhett,” I say defensively.
“We’re leaving.”
“Rhett,” I whisper. “We can’t leave. You’re expected to be here. You’re the Captain of the team.” The corners of my eyes suddenly stinging, I try smiling for Rhett’s sake, cameras everywhere, but his features are still rattled. He’s pissed. “My God, if you’re that upset then let me just go. I can call Kim to pick me up.”
Less than ninety seconds later, we’re outside and Rhett’s holding the car door open for me to get in. In an instant, he’s beside me in the driver’s seat starting the engine and I’m reaching for his hand to calm him. “Rhett. Please, baby.”
“Don’t, Kass.” His voice is laced with fury, and the champagne churns like fiery pins and needles in my stomach. His expression is so poker-faced, I have no idea what he’s thinking as he rips out onto the side street without saying another word.
Hot tears fuse in my eyes. “I didn’t do anything wrong, Rhett. He only offered me a drink. I made it very clear…” I’m unable to finish my sentence as a sob breaks away and stinging tears slide down my face. I can’t decipher any of this. One minute I feel like I’m flying and couldn’t be happier. The next, I’m numb and completely uncertain.
We stop at a red light and he looks at me, his eyes downcast and angry.
“Do you fucking want to know him better?”
“What? Are you kidding me? Screw you, Rhett! You self-absorbed bastard!” More tears stream down my face at the spite in his voice. With a sniff, I shake my head. “You don’t trust me at all,” I whisper. “Even after I stood by you. Gave you everything I have to offer. Loved you like I’ve never loved before. I’ve worried about you so much at times that it made me physically ill. You were the dishonest one, Rhett. The one who made me fall hopelessly in love with you, giving me false hope when you wanted nothing more than casual. Just take me home before we say things that aren’t forgivable … or forgettable.” My chest is churning, and his eyes close for a long second before the light turns green and we quickly merge onto the highway.
“Just remember, you selfish asshole,” I add, “you’re the only man who I’ve shared intimacies with on this level. I’ve done nothing but willingly give myself to you, hoping to please you. I sleep in your fucking bed. Her bed. Let you make love to me on the same damn mattress and probably the same linens where you fucked your wife dozens and dozens of times, while the picture of the two of you is only inches from my face.”
With Rhett still silent, there’s a long pause before I speak again. “Please. Take me home.”
I barely remember the rest of the long ride. We both go silent and somehow end up at his house. How did the evening that had started out so incredible become so horrific?
My pulse pounding, I don’t wait for him to open my door. Lightheaded and unnerved, I just want to get inside and wash the running mascara from my eye
s, so I exit the car as quickly as I can and walk inside.
My hands shaking, I drop my purse as I get the door open. Bending over to get it, Rhett reaches in front of me. Before I have time to argue, his hand brushes mine.
“Please don’t touch me right now.” My eyes are on fire from tears and thick coats of running mascara and I’m dying to wash my face. He grabs my hip again, and I cringe from the sensitive skin that I already feel bruising from earlier.
“Fucking look at me, Kass.” His finger tilts my chin upward.
“You know what, Rhett? Some days, I really think I hate you … and all this.” Tears start to dribble down my face and I really just want to go home so I can crawl in bed and sleep. And forget this night ever happened.
“You hate me?” His question comes out harsh and cold, the look in his eyes one I don’t enjoy. As much as I’m trying to rationalize with this jealousy, I feel cheap and used.
“Right now, I don’t know what I feel. You can be such a beautiful, sensual person, and then out of nowhere, turn into someone hurtful and selfish.” Outrage and despair both loom inside me. Rhett’s jealous fits of rage are such a contradictory behavior to his normal upbeat personality.
“Then let’s just do what we do best, Kass. Let’s get you naked so we can fuck.”
I’m exhausted, shocked by his words, and the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach rises as stinging acid in my throat.
“Go straight to hell, Rhett. Find someone else to fuck.” Tears drip off my nose at his spite-filled words and I reach for my purse to call Kim, but he grabs the same bruised hip and keeps me from moving any further.
“Do you want to end this now, Kass?”
“All this,” I choke out, “is draining. Exhausting. I’m nothing but a meaningless fuck toy. Her replacement. Your feelings for me aren’t real. Your heart still belongs to Lindy. It was too soon for us. For you anyway.” I turn away, peering down at the lovely shoes I bought just to look beautiful for him tonight. Reality finally hits home like a hard slap to the chest, and I realize I detest everything he’s doing to me.
His eyes are still like raging balls of fire, but his tone softens. “You were never a goddamn fuck toy. And yes, it was too soon, but you damn well know that I love you, Kass.”
“Love me?” I scream, my gut turning to knots as hot tears drip onto the neckline of my dress. “Is this what love is? Tell me one thing, Rhett.” I’m pretty sure my mascara is gone, though when I blink up at him my eyes still burn. “When you think of that one true love, who do you think about? When you remember the times you laughed the hardest and loved the deepest, who comes to mind?”
He doesn’t respond, and for long seconds that feel like a damn year, we’re both silent, obvious anger sparking through him like a red-hot flame.
“Do you really want to continue fighting me about this? Do you honestly believe I think about anybody else when I’m with you, baby? Don’t you feel how much I want you?” Tension is literally oozing from his body. Before he gives me a chance to answer, I’m in his arms and he’s walking us toward the spare bedroom, his chest racing against mine.
“Goddamnit, Kass,” he growls, his mouth slamming against my lips. Kissing me fiercely, his tongue swirls over mine, and once again he’s twisting and warping my sound judgment. Challenging me. Testing. Winning. Seconds later, his mouth still sliding over mine, he reaches for my ass and gives it a brutal squeeze, enough that I know his gesture isn’t meant to be entirely sensual.
I’m at this man’s mercy. Helpless when it comes to Rhett, I’m not a submissive, but yet I am. Ninety percent of the time he’s loving and sensual, but the other ten, domineering and overly aggressive. I pull away, demanding he talk to me. Make me understand.
“You want to control me, Rhett. Use me when it’s right for you. You’ve already told me you don’t want to ever marry again. Where does that leave me, Rhett? Where does that leave us? Please make me understand, because right now I’m as confused as I’ve ever been.”
His lips flatten. He’s mad. Upset. He’s a lot of shit, and my head has told me more than once that what we have right now is all there will ever be. I suddenly feel sicker than ever, the champagne from earlier gurgling viciously in my stomach.
“Have I ever hurt you, Kass? Ever made you feel worthless?”
Before I respond, I try my best to reason through the two questions. For seconds, I don’t answer. I’m not sure how to.
“Answer me, Kass,” he demands, pushing a hand through his hair.
“No,” I whisper. “You haven’t hurt me. At least not in a physical sense.” My body tenses, knowing I could never make him or anyone else understand how nervous and keyed up I stay. The weakness and anguish I feel every time I’m with him, knowing that his heart still belongs to another woman. “But how am I supposed to feel when you say things like you have tonight? You just said what we do best is fuck. Is that really how you feel?”
His hands grip my shoulders. “What part of ‘I love you’ do I need to make you understand?”
His softening words relieve me somewhat, though in the back of my mind the smallest thread of doubt still lingers.
“Please,” Rhett says with an uneven bend in his strong voice, “be patient with me. I’m trying to do things right. Trying to ease up on my jealousy. I love you, Kass. And you’re anything but worthless. I’m so fucking sorry if I made you feel that way. You mean everything. I swear I’ll make you believe me. And I’m not going anywhere, baby.”
With that, my heart does flips, giving in to the deepness of my desire for him.
“Now, I’m going to get this suit off and take a shower. Feel free to join me.”
With that, he turns and walks off, my head still spinning as I wonder where all this jealousy comes from where I’m concerned. Minutes tick by, and I slowly walk toward his bedroom, listening to the pulsating water as I step inside the bathroom door.
His face is toward the back of the walk-in shower, his head against his chest as water pounds his head, sliding down his back while his hands run through his hair. Though I was so upset with him less than thirty minutes ago, the anger is already gone and I only feel love and desire. Enthralled by the physical beauty of his body, I quietly slip out of my dress and slide in behind him, my hands wrapping around his torso and sliding down over the slick length of his erection.
All the hard feelings from the evening fade to black once I feel his hands sliding down my body.
****
It’s 7:30 PM, and I’m bone-tired, home after a busy day at work. An Asian chicken salad and glass of Chardonnay in hand, I plop down on the couch and turn on the television to the Hawks game. Fast and furious, it’s tied one to one at the end of the first period when the teams both skate off the ice. The screen changes to the announcer, who’s beside a sweaty Rhett for a quick interview between periods. After a quick recap of the first period, the announcer thanks Rhett, looking so damn hot, for his time, and Rhett gives his thanks back, leaning over the microphone with his eyes peering straight ahead.
“For that certain person out there who’s seeking answers, there’s only you, beautiful. And us.” A quick second thanks to the announcer, Rhett skates off without another word, leaving the anchorperson with a shocked face and my own mouth hanging wide open.
Oh, my freaking God!
Chapter Thirty-Four
Rhett
There’s no shooting star to grant a man’s wish.
What an ungrateful fucking idiot.
I never gave the mattress and sheets a single thought. Inconsiderate as hell, I never considered how Kass must feel when she’s in a house full of things I’d shared with another woman. Hell, I can’t even stand Nielson touching her shoulder. Thoughts of being in a bed where another man had emptied his load inside her make my skin fucking crawl.
Hours pass, and I’m still outside chasing after some peace. The damn cat is right where’s he’s been the whole time—curled up in my lap. Why am I so terrified of change? I
’ve never been scared of anything in my life, but the thought of being responsible for somebody else lifts the damn hair on my neck. Being hurt again … fuck, it terrifies the living shit out of me in ways I still don’t comprehend.
What feels like a soft brush of a hand on my shoulder makes me shudder. It’s not the first time I’ve felt the strange sensation and maybe I’m batshit crazy, but it soothes me to an extent. Enough, I tell myself. It’s time I make changes. Time to stop trying to analyze every damn thing that’s happened with a fine-toothed comb and just accept my life for what it is. Focus on the future. And hope like hell that one day I’ll remember those two faces.
Seconds tick by, and I’m suddenly sickened by this damn chair that I’ve spent relentless hours in. Fuck, I’m sick of it all. I shift, and the cat jumps down, darting off like he’s seen a ghost as I pick up the chair and toss it into the pool. One by one, I lift the others and fling them into the water, along with every damn thing that’s movable. Sixty seconds later, every piece of furniture is in the pool, including the fucking pot of hydrangeas. Ruined. Gone.
Fucking hell! First thing I’m going to do is get my ass dressed and go buy a new mattress and bedding. Then tomorrow, I’m listing this place with a real estate company. It’s time. Time to recover and get the shit in my head back together. Before I lose everything that’s important. Kass is going to get my word that everything is going to be okay. Meaning we’re going to be okay, because we are. Lastly, something I’ve thought of for weeks, I’m going to spend the next nights in the downtown abandoned parking lot. Maybe if I can catch a break, the same two perpetrators will show their faces and I’ll recognize one or both of them. I fire off a quick text. I’m not going to lie to her. She deserves the truth
Dinner tonight sweetheart?
****
“Don’t do this, Rhett.” Her eyes are pleading. The friction makes me want to give in and agree, but I can’t. I won’t. “This will lead to nothing good. It’s dangerous. For all we know, these guys, and others, could be living in that abandoned building. You and I both know it’s common in Dallas.”
Waking the Lion Page 17
