Alex tenses again, and the line across his forehead deepens as his neck muscles tighten, ready to snap.
"Nothing ever comes of it, babe. People are outraged and disgusted by the news reports. They form conclusions, get pissed, and vent. Then, it's over. I just wanted Jake to be in the loop in case John tries to slip something in, and the firm security doesn't recognize it." I place my hand on Alex's cheek. "Please don't be angry. If I thought these were substantial threats, I would've told you immediately."
Alex takes my hand from his face, not softening at all. "Any threat against you is substantial, Kylie. Have you forgotten there is already one madman trying to kill you? Now, I have to try to protect you from others? How can you claim this is nothing?"
Alex is yelling now, which pisses me off and throws me into defensive mode.
"You're not listening to me, Alex. I've gone through this before, and nothing ever happens. That is how I can claim it's nothing. All criminal defense attorneys go through this, and we all survive. Want to know how? Because nothing comes of it!" I scream at him.
"You're getting off this case, Kylie. Tell Jack he needs to find someone else to handle it," Alex orders. His voice is low and controlled, but his eyes are dark.
"Are you insane?" bring my own voice under control. "I will not do anything of the sort. This is my job. This is what I do, and I'm tired of explaining this to you, Alex. You will not dictate my life or my career. So you had better find a happy place and get the fuck over yourself."
Alex sighs as his shoulders drop. "I'm not trying to dictate your life or your career, baby. I'm trying to keep you safe."
"Bullshit. I'm tired of you trying to justify your actions and your insertion into my career under the guise of protecting me. I don't tell you how to handle your business, so don't you tell me how to handle mine." I'm losing control of my emotions, and I need to pull back. I need to remove myself from the situation and clear my head before this escalates and one of us says something we can't take back. I turn and begin to walk away from him. "I'm going for a run."
"No!" Alex's voice booms.
I actually agree with him, as much as it kills me. "Fine. Swim, okay?"
"We need to finish this," Alex says.
"And you need to recognize that I'm trying to avoid an all-out war, Alex. I need space. I need to clear my head, and then we can discuss this." I don't wait for an answer. I walk to the bedroom to change.
My shoulder muscles are on fire as I make another turn and come up for air. I'm not sure how long I've been in the pool, but it's long enough to calm myself down and see things from Alex's viewpoint. He's as desperate to keep me safe as I am with him. John is a real threat, but these others are not. I just need to figure out how to get Alex to realize that and put this in the proper perspective.
Reaching the end of the pool, I lift myself onto the deck and decide to sit in the hot tub to relieve the aches I feel everywhere. I slide in the recliner seat and rest my head against the pillow, closing my eyes. The heat of the water, along with the well-placed jets, is hypnotic. I empty my head, concentrating on the bursts of air through the jets as they work on the knots in my lower back and shoulders. I let the darkness behind my eyelids lull me into nothingness—no thoughts of anything, no worries, just simple, easy relaxation.
The water sloshes around me, and I open my eyes as Alex lowers himself into the water and moves to the seat facing me.
"Mind if I join you?" he asks.
His piercing blue eyes send shivers through me.
"Of course not. I was hoping you would wander out here." I sit up and cross the hot tub, needing to be close to him. I straddle his lap, resting on his knees, and stare into his eyes as he smiles at me.
"I hate fighting with you, Kylie."
I lightly run my fingers through his hair. "I do, too, babe."
We sit this way for another moment. Alex pulls me toward him. I grasp his hair tightly as our lips collide, and we start reconnecting through our kiss.
"You know," I say, looking into his eyes once more, "you're very sexy when you're angry. You're all fierce, and the lines in your forehead get really deep. It's kind of hot."
Alex snickers. "Really? You're scary as hell when you're angry."
I laugh and grasp his shoulders. "Let that be a lesson for you. Don't piss me off."
Alex leans in, kissing my neck and chest. "Noted. Besides, I like you much, much better when you're happy."
"I could be much, much happier if you were in me," I say.
I pull his chin up, plunging my tongue into his mouth. He slides his hands around my waist, cups my ass, and moves my swimsuit to the side between my legs.
"Your wish is my command, baby." He sinks his fingers inside me.
"Oh." I raise my eyebrows and then succumb to the pleasure that is all Alex Stone.
Chapter Fifty-Two
I step off the elevator and hand my files to Sarah. My day has been filled with running from one courtroom to another, in and out of various hearings, and I'm exhausted.
"TGIF, Kylie," Sarah greets me, her perfectly straight, stunningly white smile nearly blinding me.
"You're telling me. I'm so glad this week is over," I mutter before turning toward my office.
"Alex was here earlier. He met with Jack and then left."
"Oh," I reply, somewhat surprised. I walk to my office, sit at my desk, and pull up my email. Then, I send a quick text to Alex, updating him on my whereabouts.
Safe and sound in my office. No issues at the courthouse.
I check my emails and open one from Jack.
Let me know when you have returned and are settled. I would like to have a quick chat and catch up.
—Jack
My cell phone dings as Alex's return text comes through.
* * *
Thanks for the update, baby.
* * *
Are you at the office?
* * *
I quickly email Jack that I'm available whenever he has time, and then Alex texts me back.
* * *
Working from home this afternoon. Waiting on a call from China.
* * *
There is a light tap on the window, and Jack walks in before closing the door behind him. He takes his usual seat. "Come join me, Kylie." That's Jack's way of telling me to sit in the chair next to him. " I had an interesting conversation with Alex this morning. Did you know about our meeting?"
"Not until I returned from the courthouse, and Sarah mentioned Alex had been in to see you." My chest tightens.
"He told me about the package that was delivered this past weekend and about John's threats against your life. You were not completely honest with me the other day, Kylie." Jack’s lips flatten, his eyes cold.
I take a breath and steady myself, but anger is building within me. How could Alex have talked to Jack about my private life without discussing it with me first?
"Jack, everything has been turned over to the police, and they're working on the investigation. Alex's security has been beefed up, and Jake is working closely with firm security. I really didn't want you to worry about me. It's being handled, and there is little, if anything, you can do, except worry that I'm okay. I didn't want that for you."
"Well, I appreciate that, Kylie, but I'm a big boy. How about you let me decide what I can handle, okay?"
"Okay, I'm sorry. I promise to keep you updated if anything new happens." I smile, anticipating him to stand and leave, but instead, he takes another deep breath.
"There's something else you should know about my conversation with Alex. He wants me to reassign the Barber case to another attorney. He's apparently not comfortable with the mail we've been receiving for you."
"What?" My voice is slightly elevated, and the blood is boiling in my veins. A sense of betrayal rages through me as Jack describes Alex going behind my back to influence my boss to get his way—at the expense of my career.
"Now, Kylie"—Jack takes my hand in his—"he's worried a
bout you, and I can appreciate that. At any rate, I explained to him that this is not unusual and that it never goes past the threats. I also talked to him about the safeguards our security has in place, and I invited Jake to work with them closely, if it would help ease Alex's concerns. Ultimately, however, this is your call. I'll reassign the case if that's what you want."
I exhale and try to make sense of this conversation. This is beyond unacceptable, and Alex has gone too far this time. "No, leave me on the case. I'll deal with Alex."
Jack rises to leave. "Okay, but go easy on him. He really is quite concerned for you. His actions might have been misguided, but they came from a good place."
I smile at Jack, hoping I'm convincing him that I have softened toward Alex and his interference. The truth is, I'm about to explode. I walk Jack out and ask Lisa to come in. I turn back to my desk. I begin to shut down my computer.
Lisa closes the door and approaches my desk. "What's up?"
"I need a favor." I switch off my monitor. "I'm leaving for the day and going home, but I don't want Alex to have advance notice, which means Jake doesn't get advance notice."
"Okay.".
I don't have time to have a conversation with Lisa now regarding parameters, so I just say, "Okay, thanks." I grab my purse and briefcase.
Thomas is sitting in the waiting area next to the elevator, trying to discreetly watch Sarah.
I motion for him to get the elevator as I call to Sarah, "I'm out for the afternoon. I have my cell, if anyone needs me."
Once in the parking garage, I wheel around and surprise Thomas. "Keys," I demand.
Following the uncomfortably quiet ride in the elevator, he hands them to me without argument.
I start the SUV and turn to him. "Okay, this is me being a good girl and driving straight home. I don't need you informing everyone of my arrival. If you feel you must call or text ahead, I'll go to the mall and lose you in Victoria's Secret. Got it?"
"Got it," Thomas says.
I start to think Alex might be correct. I am scary when I'm angry.
Chapter Fifty-Three
The drive home is quiet but fast. I pull into the garage, gather my bags, and toss the keys to Thomas.
Entering the kitchen, I meet Jake's shocked face. I storm past him and head straight into Alex's study. He's sitting behind his desk, working at the computer.
I drop my briefcase and purse on the floor, and then I slam the doors to the study before wheeling around to Alex's stunned face.
"What the fuck, Alex? How dare you go behind my back and demand that Jack take me off a case. I don't know who the hell you think you are, but don't you ever, ever talk to my boss in that manner again. Are we clear?" My voice is bouncing off the walls, and my eyes are trained on Alex, the anger and frustration building to a fever pitch.
"Kylie, calm down," Alex says, his voice low and controlled.
Unfortunately, all I hear is condescension.
"Do not tell me to calm down, Alex. Where the hell do you get off, telling Jack about John's threats?"
"He needed to know, Kylie. He needed to understand the danger you're in and appreciate my request." Alex stands but remains behind his desk.
"It's not your place, Alex. You have no right interfering in my work. I don't interfere in yours. Do you want me deciding what your business associates—or your family, for that matter—know about you? You stay the fuck out of my career. I mean it. I've worked too long and too hard to get to where I am, and I will not let you screw with it."
" I'm sorry. You're right. I overstepped." Alex pauses.
I start to calm down.
He makes his way around the desk toward me. "I let my emotions and fear get the best of me. I'm worried about you, baby. That's all."
I stand motionless for a moment, calming myself down, and I take a cleansing deep breath. As much as the man makes me feel I am the center of his universe, he frustrates the hell out of me sometimes.
"Alex, I love you, but I will not allow you to control me."
I said it. Those three little words finally slipped out while I was concentrating on controlling my anger.
Now, they're hanging there, lingering between us, and there is nothing I can do to get them back.
Alex stops dead in his tracks. His face goes deathly white, and his eyes are wide open.
"What?" I ask. The sinking feeling I had at the beginning of our relationship, the one that kept telling me that this would never last, hits me like a gale-force wind.
Alex doesn't answer. He just continues to stare at me in horror. I already know what it is, and I'm having an internal struggle between just letting it go or getting the confirmation that will cause my life to implode and send me spiraling back into that dark place I swore I would never go to again.
"Are you upset because I said I love you?" Please, please, please don't let it be that.
"Love doesn't exist, Kylie. Not for me. It died a very long time ago." Alex is so cold, so distant.
We couldn't be farther apart if we were on opposite sides of the Grand Canyon.
"What does that mean, Alex?" I swallow hard over the dry lump lodged in my throat.
"It's not something I can offer you." He hasn't moved, hasn't taken in a breath.
I don't think he has even blinked once during this conversation. He just keeps his narrow eyes on me, and all I can think is that I've never seen them so icy.
"And you won't even try? That's it? It's gone, and you won't even try to love me?" My heart is being crushed in a vise. It's the most excruciating pain I've ever felt, and I'm sure I'm about to collapse any minute.
"It has nothing to do with trying. I have no capacity to love. I want you. I need you desperately. I care more about you than I have ever cared for anyone. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I can't imagine my life without you."
"You just refuse to love me," I say, trying to keep my emotions under control as I attempt to understand how I could have misread all the signs.
"I'm not refusing, Kylie. It's just not a choice. I will never love—not you, not anyone."
The words sting me like a thousand bees.
"It is a choice, Alex. You chose to allow me to think and feel and fall irretrievably in love with you, knowing you would never feel the same about me."
Alex looks down. "I told you I couldn't give you everything, Kylie."
"Yeah, you told me a lot of things. You told me to take a leap of faith, begged me to trust that you wouldn't hurt me. You just failed to actually make clear that you would never love me, all the while, standing by as I fell madly in love with you. But you're right. You never promised me love. This is my fault. I fought all my instincts and allowed myself to believe this—believe you—would be different."
I want to run away from here and forget I ever met Alex Stone. I want to crawl into a dark cave and cry until there are no more tears, and I can sleep forever.
"Nothing has changed, Kylie. I still feel the same about you now as I did yesterday—when it was enough for you."
"Everything has changed. Yesterday, I thought we wanted the same things and were headed in the same direction. What you are offering me is a life without love. This has now become a completely unsustainable relationship."
There's a knock at the door, and Jake enters. "Mr. Stone, the call from China you've been expecting is on hold."
Alex looks at me and sighs. "I have to take this. We'll finish this later." He turns and walks to his desk, leaving me to stare after him.
I'm in total disbelief, completely numb. Scooping my purse up off the floor, I leave the study. I walk to the kitchen, void of direction or purpose. I have no idea what to do or where to go. My tears have stopped, and my mind is a jumbled mess. The only words that echo through my brain are It's over, piercing my soul as they rumble through my body.
Chapter Fifty-Four
I catch sight of an envelope next to a note on the counter and a couple of black keys. I pick up the note from the Porsche
dealership and realize the keys belong to my new car.
Glancing around me, ensuring I'm alone, I pick them up, carefully open the door to the garage, and race to the Porsche where it sits in the garage. Quickly sliding behind the wheel, I start the car, back it out of the garage, and punch it into first gear, making my way down the driveway. As soon as the front gate is in sight, I hit the remote and scream through, quickly closing it behind me.
I am on autopilot as I head toward town. My townhouse is still under construction, and I refuse to drag my problems in full view of the rumor mill at the office. They've had enough of my dirty laundry to keep them whispering and happy for a long time. Taking the next exit, I hop on I-95 north to Ryan and Paul in New York City.
My cell phone starts ringing from the passenger seat. Not surprisingly, the caller ID indicates it's Alex. I hit Decline and toss it back on the seat. His persistence over the next ten minutes irritates me enough that I finally turn off the phone and turn up the volume on the stereo to near inhumane levels.
I try to comprehend all the information Alex just spewed at me. He doesn't love me. It seems so incomprehensible to me. I felt it. I know I felt it. I felt us moving together, falling in love. Could I have been that wrong? Did I just want to believe it so badly that I saw what I wanted to see?
The fact that Alex doesn't love me now is not nearly as heartrending as the admission that he will never love me. Tears sting my eyes and begin to fall. So this is it. This is the piano falling. I am desperately in love with him, but I will never have that love in return. I'm doomed to be in a relationship where I will never feel love. How do I do this? Can I do this? The thought of never being with him again, of living my life without him, nearly rips my heart out of my chest.
I make my way through the city to the Upper East Side and pull in front of the building where Paul and Ryan live. The valet races out, and I give him Paul's name and apartment number before he hands me a claim ticket.
Of Demons & Stones: A Tri-Stone Trilogy Page 31
