Meaning give them hell. And no one had gotten in without it. Not even Riley.
She hadn’t given him that chance with Lucas. That walk around the block that proved he cared and would have let Lucas know that she wasn’t alone in the world, that she would have backup if he behaved poorly.
“I love you, baby sistuh,” he said with a grin. Their dad’s grin. Mike’s grin. Jake’s grin. “Remember that.”
He didn’t wait for her reply because the song was over and they were getting shoved to the edge of the dance floor by the kids, who were raring to dance now that the tempo picked up.
And why should he wait for her reply? He knew she’d forgive him. They were family. Nothing should get in the way of family. Nothing was ever so monumental that it couldn’t be let go. Nothing too hurtful it couldn’t be hugged away.
Family.
Lily wasn’t sure what happened then. She glanced around the room, at Riley and Scott laughing as they made their way to the cake table to distribute their tiered cupcakes under the head caterer’s promptings, because the kids could wait no longer for the hand-dipped ice cream no matter how much soda and candy they’d already had. At Camille and Madeleine hanging onto Jake for dear life on the dance floor because her nephew was ready to bolt. At Brian, who had brought his girlfriend and was dancing cheek-to-cheek, two college students in love. At Mom and Dad laughing with Chief Levering and his wife Deb at their table. At Max chatting with Caroline and her husband Alex over bottles of orange soda.
All Lily could see was the one person missing, the person who should have been here because if he were, they wouldn’t be having this wedding. The entire event would have been just some Halloween patrol picnic.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
MAX KNEW THE INSTANT he saw Lily Susan slip outside that he shouldn’t have pushed her. She wasn’t ready to deal with what was happening between them. And now he’d upset her and had probably ruined any chance he might have had for her to take him seriously.
Joey noticed her fast exit, too, and showed up at the table as Max excused himself.
“Something’s wrong,” Joey said. “We were good a few minutes ago, I swear.”
The very last thing Max wanted to do was explain how he’d made a play for Lily Susan. Not now. Not when everyone was so worried and they were beginning to get a handle on the problem. But he didn’t get a chance to say anything. To his surprise Joey waved him on.
“You go,” he said. “I’ll make up some excuse about where she went. Don’t worry about Madeleine. I got her.”
Max understood. If everyone noticed Lily Susan was gone, they’d worry. And today wasn’t the day for worrying.
He slipped out the side door as the master of ceremonies was sending the guests to the cake table.
This was his fault. With everything going on, today was the last day he should have confronted Lily Susan about what was happening between them. Pure selfishness on his part. He hadn’t been thinking. He’d been feeling—how good she felt in his arms. How much he wanted to get her someplace alone and dance, hold her close and kiss her. Finally kiss her.
Turning the corner of the house, he found Lily Susan maneuvering her rental car out of the driveway. She pulled out and headed toward the Valley, leaving him scrambling to get into his car so he didn’t lose her.
Thankfully, he’d parked on the grass between the road and the garage to keep out of the way.
They were halfway to the Valley before Max even caught sight of her. She was taking turns fast in a rental car that was small and environmentally friendly. The car of a woman who spent a lot of time in Europe. He could easily see her whipping through the chaos on the streets of Rome or Paris.
Slowing, he hung back so she wouldn’t see him as she merged with traffic. She didn’t make the turn for her parents’ house. Her office? He considered calling her on the cell, but when she turned off Route 44, Max thought he knew where she was going.
And sure enough, a few miles later, the blinker went on, and she pulled into St. Peter’s Cemetery.
Maybe he wasn’t the reason Lily Susan had gotten upset, after all. And maybe he and Joey hadn’t been that far off the mark with their speculation, either.
This cemetery had been around since long before his great-grandfather’s time, a sprawling place behind an iron fence the city of Poughkeepsie had grown up around. Downeys were resting all over the wooded acreage, but not Felicia and their son. No, Max had honored her parents’ wishes to let them rest with the Girard family in their hometown a few hours’ north. Even though it wasn’t as simple for him and Madeleine to drop by in between holidays, he knew his in-laws were comforted. That counted.
Max eased his SUV through the entrance, not wanting to be noticed yet unwilling to lose sight of Lily Susan, although he had no doubt about where she was headed.
To his surprise, though, she didn’t drive down the winding lanes toward Mike’s grave site. Nor did she head toward the office and the chapel. Instead, she pulled her rental off the lane. The brake lights flashed and faded. She didn’t move again.
Five minutes passed. Ten minutes. After fifteen, worry won Max’s battle with patience. He could see her silhouette, unmoving, as if she were staring down the lane.
Decision made, Max’s heart rate ratcheted up as he shoved open the door and stepped out. His footsteps crunched over dried leaves as he covered the distance between the cars and he was glad for the noise. He debated whether or not to call out so as not to startle her.
The sight of her, so beautiful in her designer dress, but with tears flowing freely down her cheeks, all her usual poise not only gone but also broken, did things inside him that proved how much he cared about this woman.
“Lily Susan,” he said softly through the open window. No response. “Lily Susan.”
She turned toward him, so locked in her anguish she didn’t seemed surprised to find him there.
“I don’t even know where he is.” The words were the barest whisper, filled with tears. “He’s here somewhere, and I don’t know where he is. I haven’t been here since the funeral.”
St. Peter’s Cemetery was huge, no question. That she hadn’t thought to head to the office where there was a locater guide told Max everything he needed to know.
“He’s not far. We can walk from here.” He was already easing the door open, taking her hand, helping her out.
She walked beside him without a word, gliding along the grass in high heels as if she were crossing a ballroom, allowing herself to be steered around grave sites, her warm hand in his, so trusting.
The afternoon hush was broken only by the occasional sounds of wildlife in the trees, birds that hadn’t yet abandoned the area for a warmer climate, the sounds of passage crackling dried leaves on the ground.
And there it was. A simple white marble gravestone with two angels with outstretched wings on top.
Mike’s memorial looked like a party compared to other grave sites. There were the usual flowers, but along with the fresh flowers fading in the metal holder there were signs of frequent visits. Camille and Jake’s most recent school pictures. Four small plastic horses with their hooves pressed deep into the grass to keep them upright. A bright pinwheel that caught a breeze every so often and spun silently. A bottle of Guinness Stout. Gifts from those who loved the man whose name was immortalized in marble, the beloved man who rested here.
Michael Jacob Angelica
Beloved Husband and Father
4/4/1975–2/2/2008
Always in our hearts
Lily Susan stood transfixed at the sight, and Max let his hand slip away, retreated as she sank down, resting back on her heels, her fancy dress spreading around her.
He had no frame of reference for what she was feeling. He’d experienced losses, but he’d learned that loss was unique, the way love was unique.
Mike was Lily Susan. Lily Susan was Mike.
No, Max had no way to know how she felt. He only remembered two little blond kids from h
is own youth. So inseparable he’d always called them the girl twin and the boy twin. So like Mike’s kids. Each their own person yet so completely the same. Two halves of a whole.
No, Max couldn’t truly fathom how Lily Susan felt. He’d lost half his heart and soul when Felicia and their son had died.
Lily Susan had lost half of herself.
“He’s not here.” Her whisper barely broke the afternoon quiet.
And Max glimpsed a small part of what Lily Susan was feeling. Of what she’d been running from.
“Mike never left,” he said simply. “This is a memorial, nothing more. Mike was Riley. And Camille and Jake. He was your mom and dad. And you. He was everyone who loved him. You haven’t forgotten him, have you?”
She shook her head, the tears flowing freely again, though she didn’t look away from the gravestone.
“You remember every crazy thing you two ever did together. You remember every nasty word he ever said when you were bullying him into being a groom in your make-believe weddings. You remember every sweet thing he ever did. What was that thing he used to do at night? He did it every time I was over and Rosie herded you two off to bed before everyone else because you were so little.”
“Foot crumbs.” Those broken words were barely audible even in the quiet, but Max remembered.
“That’s it. I remember. As soon as your mom would tell you two to get ready for bed, he’d tear through the house and jump into your bed.”
“Without wiping his feet,” she said a little stronger now. “I hated anything dirty touching my clean sheets.”
“Sounds like something Jake would pull on Camille, doesn’t it?”
She only nodded, but he could see a hint of a smile in profile, the slightest softening of her mouth.
“Mike will never leave because you remember everything about him. You were a part of him, Lily Susan. His twin.”
“He was my better half.”
Max went to her then, knew if he didn’t she might never find the strength to stand. He knelt beside her, forced her to face him, braced himself to see the anguish in those eyes.
“Mike won’t ever leave because you have him here.” He rested his hand on her chest above her heart. “And here.” He brushed his fingers across her forehead. “You remember everything he was and just because he’s not at Sunday dinner every week or harassing you on the phone doesn’t mean you’ll ever stop loving him.”
Her sobs broke then, an intrusion in the hush of this place, welling up from so deep inside her that she shook as Max pulled her into his arms, cradling her against him, lending his strength when she couldn’t find her own, refusing to let her get lost in her grief.
He whispered her name over and over against her hair, inhaled her light fragrance with every breath, tried not to notice how perfectly she fit into his arms even when she was boneless from grief.
When her sobs finally faded, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief to dry her cheeks. She finally lifted her gaze to his, and he knew she’d found herself again.
“You’re very sweet, Max.”
Sweet wasn’t exactly what he was looking for from her, but he’d take what he could get right now. Getting to his feet, he extended his hand. She slipped her soft fingers within and he helped her rise.
Still he didn’t reply, didn’t want reality to intrude on their closeness.
She pressed a kiss to her fingertips and brushed her hand along those marble angels and Max knew she was ready to leave. Neither spoke as he led them back to the cars, but when they got to her rental, he felt compelled to break the silence by asking, “Are you okay? We can drive back in my car if you want. I’ll come back with Joey to get yours.”
She shook her head, exhaled a shuddering sigh. “I’m a mess, Max. I’m not happy. I haven’t been since…I don’t know when. And it’s not Lucas.” She waved off the notion with an impatient hand. “That was a blessing in disguise. I think I only got involved with him because something was missing and I didn’t know what.”
Max could see the truth in her words, felt a profound relief to hear her admit that there was a problem. Especially as she was recovering herself, and the vulnerable, real woman who had melted in his arms to be comforted vanished in bits and pieces, placing more and more distance between them.
He didn’t know how to keep her with him, though he wanted to say something that would. His conflict must have been all over his face, because she said, “I can’t deal with how I feel about you now. I’m sorry. Not until I figure out what’s broken inside me and fix it. Riley healed. She’s beginning a whole new life today, and I don’t question that she loved my brother with her whole heart and soul. That she still loves him. I don’t think I have her strength.”
“You have the strength, Lily Susan. You’ll find it as soon as you stop running.”
She only frowned at him.
“Running from grief. It’ll follow you wherever you go. Trust me. Riley will tell you the same thing.” She’d escaped to Florida for two years before making peace with Mike’s death.
Lily Susan didn’t reply. He couldn’t tell whether or not she believed him because she inhaled deeply and a visible calm came over her, fragile perhaps, but impenetrable all the same. The distance between them was complete. The Wedding Angel had returned.
Max wanted the woman he’d held in his arms, the real Lily Susan, the woman so few people ever saw. He was determined to find a way to have her.
“Okay, it’s all good.”
“You’re going back?”
She nodded, almost grinned. “This is my family, remember? We planned the party to last until the sun goes down and after, if necessary. I’ll come up with some excuse for leaving.”
“Find Joey before you say anything to anyone. He was going to come up with a reason. You’ll want to keep your stories straight.”
Her expression softened at that, and he could see through the veneer enough to know she was pleased her big brother had covered for her.
She held up the rumpled handkerchief, clearly undecided about returning it when she saw all the makeup.
“Can you tell I’ve been crying?” She tipped her face up to his, eyes fluttering shut for inspection. “How do I look?”
He found himself smiling, hopeful in a way he couldn’t remember feeling in so long. The makeup was entirely gone, and in its place the natural sun-kissed glow of the real woman.
Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he whispered, “Beautiful.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Finally taking the vacation! Yay! Limiting work to only a few hours a day and leaving the rest to my enormously capable and always appreciated staff. You rock! See you when I return to reality in five glorious days—I’ll be hitting the ground running.
LILY PRESSED Send and posted to her Twitter account, but what she really wanted to tweet was: Taking a deep breath to clear my head and get my priorities straight. Wish me luck—I need it.
What had happened to the woman who didn’t believe in luck, good, bad or otherwise?
The only thing Lily knew for certain right now was that life had gone off track somewhere along the line and she needed to get it back on again.
Allowing herself to come down off the little wedding and refresh herself for the big wedding was her first step in doing that. She didn’t care that there were still a thousand details to follow up on. Mara and Denise could call and check that the gowns were on schedule as easily as she could. Right now she needed a breather. Period. The timing seemed perfect as the twins had moved into her parents’ house while the newlyweds headed to Canada for a honeymoon.
Work couldn’t be blown off entirely, of course, not with so much going on. But Lily managed to condense her workday into a few hours to oversee and delegate the things that couldn’t possibly await her attention. But she only spoke with her staff and didn’t once deal with a vendor or even visit the office.
The rest of the time she spent driving the twins to and from school, bein
g shown off to teachers and classmates, sharing lunch in a deafeningly noisy cafeteria, helping with homework so they could go to the park or the mall or curl up in front of the television in a nest of blankets for a Disney-movie marathon.
There was lots of giggling and her mother was in her element, too, nurturing everyone with their favorite meals and nighttime cups of cocoa with lots of marshmallows.
She slept late one morning. Of course, she’d had to drug herself with nighttime acetaminophen, but once the groggy feeling had worn off, she actually felt refreshed, as if she’d actually rested rather than merely slept.
She even talked Riley into letting the twins skip school to visit Mystic Seaport, a maritime museum in Connecticut Lily had loved visiting on field trips, a place that had inspired the many nautical-themed weddings she’d planned since.
She also remembered staring out to sea on those field trips, knowing Europe and the rest of the world was out there somewhere across the waves and wishing she could weigh anchor to get there. To sail into the great wide unknown.
Once that had seemed such a romantic future, so full of possibilities. Now it made her wonder why she always wanted to be someplace other than where she was. She found it very curious that when she’d finally gotten someplace else—a world full of someplace elses in fact—she wasn’t happy.
And she wasn’t. She had to make peace with Mike’s loss, determine how much that factored into her discontent. Because Max had been right when he said she’d been running. She stayed away so she could pretend everything was exactly the way she left it. But she couldn’t honestly say she was happy with her life before Mike, either. Rather, she’d been ambitious and too busy to even ask the question.
Now, when the kids were at school and Rosie was doing the payroll for the store, Lily surfed the web and researched the grieving process. She recognized some of the symptoms, read up on how learning to cope was a process, one that would take time, but she was determined. She remembered what Riley had told her about how the farm was all they had left of Mike and the dreams he’d had for their family. If Riley could learn to make peace, Lily could, too. Mike would never want the people he loved to struggle. He’d want them to live.
No Groom Like Him Page 19
