by Brenda Novak
She threw off the covers, finally locating her phone when it hit the carpet with a dull thud. The ringing had stopped by the time she climbed out of bed to get it, but she could see who’d been trying to reach her. It was her mother.
After a yawn and a stretch to help gather her faculties, she climbed back into bed, burrowed deep into the covers and braced herself for this conversation.
“There you are!” her mother exclaimed as soon as she answered. “But...what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Why?”
“It sounds as though you’re losing your voice.”
Emery cleared her throat. “I just woke up.” She checked the clock on the nightstand. It was almost nine, which was late, but not that late, considering how hard it had been to fall asleep last night. Although she’d been exhausted, she couldn’t quit obsessing about the lawsuit—how long it might take to complete and what it might trigger. Neither could she quit thinking about the day she’d spent in Santa Barbara, the way Sidney had behaved in the chocolate shop, the implications of that encounter and the man she’d gone there with.
And then Ethan’s audacious text.
She hadn’t responded to her former coanchor. It was so hard not to tell him to get lost. But she figured she should try to lure him into revealing something that might help her case. She’d have only a short window before he became aware, a gap during which he might be confident enough to brazenly say something that would prove her allegations to be true.
“This late?” her mother said. “It’s almost noon!”
Emery tried to focus on the conversation. In her family, sleeping in was a mark of laziness. She couldn’t help but chafe at her mother’s overblown reaction. “You’re on Eastern time. How’s Grandma?”
Her mother sounded weary when she answered. “She’s not improving.”
Which meant she was getting worse. Emery could hear it as surely as though her mother was shouting it into the phone. “Does she still recognize you?”
“On a good day.”
Emery closed her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
Her mother’s voice hardened. “Have you heard from your father?”
She hadn’t. She rarely heard from Marvin since her parents’ marriage fell apart. He was too caught up in his new life, and his new woman. She felt forgotten, left behind. He knew what Ethan had done to her, but he’d scarcely reacted to it, even though he used to be protective of her, of all of them—the defender of the family. Emery was so bewildered; she couldn’t figure out what’d gone wrong, but her father seemed to be walking away from her. “No.”
“He’s cut off my access to our bank accounts. I have no way of buying anything.”
A thread of panic ran through those words, causing Emery’s stomach to churn. Connie obviously hadn’t expected Marvin to act as he was, either.
Emery had no idea how long her own small savings would have to last. She wasn’t even sure she could get another job, not a decent one, what with all the slut-shaming that was going on as a result of that video. But how could she not help? “How much do you need?”
“A few hundred bucks, if you can spare it. I hate to ask, but Grandma doesn’t have anything besides her social security. It barely covers the utilities and her car insurance, and I’ve got to get groceries.”
“Of course. It’s no problem,” Emery lied. Connie hadn’t been able to pay her back the last loan. Her mother had no income, had always been a stay-at-home mom. But she couldn’t let her mother and grandmother go hungry. Fortunately, her grandmother, Adele, didn’t have a mortgage, so they didn’t have a house payment in addition to all the other bills. But she couldn’t continue to support them. Her father had to be fair with Connie and split the assets they’d accumulated in their marriage.
“Thank you, honey. I’m sorry to bother you with this. If I wasn’t at such loose ends, maybe I’d be able to figure out something else. But it’s all I can do to hold myself together and be there for your grandmother.”
“I know,” she said. “It’s okay.” But it meant she’d have to call her father, have to remind him of his duty to his first family, and she wasn’t convinced that would go well. “I’ll Venmo it to you.”
“You’re a lifesaver.”
Although Connie had sounded relieved when they hung up, Emery was more worried than ever—about her mother, about her grandmother, about her future job opportunities. Christmas was a terrible time to look for work. Even if she could face doing it, she didn’t think it would be wise to set herself up for failure.
But things couldn’t continue like this.
It wasn’t until several minutes later that it occurred to Emery that her mother hadn’t even asked how she was doing.
She had to be almost as humiliated as Emery was. She could no longer brag about her daughter, who was on TV. She probably had extended family and friends who were watching that video, too. Not talking about it was her way of not acknowledging it, of shelving it completely.
With a sigh, Emery dragged herself out of bed. All she wanted to do was go back to sleep, but maybe Dallas would be home. Maybe he’d make her breakfast again. It felt surreal that she’d been reduced to relying on people who were barely more than acquaintances.
But she was infinitely grateful they cared enough to help.
* * *
The assembly ended at lunchtime, but the boys were so excited about the climbing wall, and having someone there who could show them how to scale it, they weren’t in any hurry to go to the cafeteria.
“You’d better get something to eat,” Dallas warned the last of the stragglers. “You’ll spend the afternoon hungry if you don’t.”
“Can’t we stay here and climb?” one boy asked. “Please?” Thick red hair, which stood up in back, and a face full of freckles made him look as young and untainted by the world as a boy his age should be. But the scars on his arms told a different story. Most of the students who came to New Horizons had difficult backgrounds, which was why Dallas didn’t ask what’d happened to this one. His own arms had scars that looked so similar he was fairly certain he could guess what’d happened to this poor kid.
“I’ll tell you what,” he said. “Ms. Turner rented the equipment for the entire day. If you’ll go to lunch and to the rest of your classes, you can come back after school’s out. I’ll be here until four-thirty.”
“Cool!” the boy cried, and his friends made similar exclamations as they hurried out of the gymnasium.
“Let’s walk over and have some lunch ourselves,” Gavin said.
Dallas turned. He’d seen Aiyana and Eli go with the boys to the cafeteria and hadn’t realized his other brother was still around. “Sounds good to me.”
While Eli helped Aiyana administrate, Gavin handled much of the grounds and maintenance. What his mother had created was thriving, and Dallas was once again grateful to her—grateful to know that she was still providing a safe and stable place for lost boys, like the kind of boy he’d been, to finish growing up.
Briefly, he considered coming home to work. There was certainly a need he could fill here—and he wanted to do it.
He just didn’t know if he could take the daily reminder of his own childhood. He’d been running from the past for so long, he wasn’t sure he could ever stop.
6
Dallas wasn’t home. Emery had checked the main floor and called downstairs a few times to say good morning—all with no response. It soon became obvious she was alone in the house.
With a sigh, she sat at the kitchen table and reread the message she’d received from Ethan. I miss you. He’d sent just those three words, but she nearly went ballistic every time she saw them. How did he expect her to respond? He acted as though he hadn’t destroyed her career, her life.
Maybe he didn’t care.
Her jaw tightened and her fingers itched to type a vicious retaliation. She’d ne
ver in her life been so incredibly angry. But she had to tamp down that anger and think. Only then might she improve the situation.
He’d opened communication between them. Maybe his arrogance would work in her favor and cause him to miss the trap she was setting for him.
So... What could she say that would cause him to admit he was the one who’d put that video on the internet? To tell her how things had transpired when KQLA hired him back? Was there a chance he’d let it slip that Heidi knew he was guilty of sabotaging his coanchor’s career? That upper management had turned a blind eye to his toxic behavior? Allowed him to submarine a fellow employee without any reaction—except to give him his job back even though he was as guilty of breaking the “no romance” rule as she was?
It was a long shot. Ethan wasn’t stupid. He was just feeling comfortably in command at the moment. But she had to try.
She pictured his big white teeth and wide smile, the care he took styling his hair and choosing the right clothes, as she mulled over various responses. Would riling him up or placating him work better?
She hadn’t quite decided when she received a message from Aiyana.
We’re having lunch in the cafeteria. The food isn’t bad. Come over and eat with us, if you feel like getting out.
Thanks to Ethan, she doubted she’d ever feel like going out again. The question was whether she could drag herself from the house for any type of public interaction, let those around her whisper and murmur and shoot her curious, if not damning, glances.
Would she have the resilience to weather that?
She still felt so raw. But Aiyana had said “we.” Since Dallas wasn’t home, that “we” likely included him. He’d protected her yesterday, made it possible for her to not only leave the house but to relax and have fun, even after she bumped into Sidney.
She bit her lip as she texted Aiyana back. She had to put herself out there and at least try to heal. Dallas had said it was all in her attitude, that she could determine how others reacted to her by shrugging off what’d happened as though it wasn’t any big deal. They would take their lead from her.
She’d seen proof of that yesterday. But it required more strength and determination than she’d ever had to muster to tell Aiyana she’d come when she didn’t have him or anyone else to walk over with.
Once she got there, maybe Dallas could help her decide how to respond to Ethan. Because he wasn’t emotionally embroiled in this nightmare, he could be more objective...
After pulling her hair into a messy bun, she changed into some jeans and a blouse, dabbed on some blush, lipstick and mascara, and rushed out of the house without giving herself time to reconsider. She could do this. What were the chances that any of the students had heard about her or seen that video?
The possibility couldn’t be too great. They were young and busy with school and sports. Who would point out a news clip like that to them—especially here, at a correctional school? While going to New Horizons, where most of them boarded, they were somewhat isolated.
That meant she likely only had to worry about the teachers.
Once she stepped inside the cafeteria, however, and all eyes turned her way, Emery felt she was being skewered by a thousand tiny daggers. There weren’t any girls on the boys’ side of campus, and only about half the staff were female. Of that half, most were quite a bit older. She told herself that was the reason she was drawing so much attention, that it had nothing to do with the intimate video making the rounds online.
Dallas stood and waved her over, and instead of turning and rushing back to the house, as she was dying to do, she let her eyes latch onto his tanned face, with his blue eyes and sandy-blond hair, and smiled confidently, as though she were her old self.
“Hi,” she said, still smiling as she drew close enough to speak. But she could feel her lips tremble. She hoped no one would notice.
He studied her as though he wanted to say something encouraging. But he didn’t. Maybe he thought it would be too patronizing or would embarrass her in front of the others. Instead he said, “Have a seat. I’ll grab you a tray.”
As he walked over to where the food was, she sank down next to his brother Eli and Eli’s wife, Cora, a teacher at the school, both of whom she’d seen at the house several times. Gavin sat across from her, by Aiyana. She’d met him, too, but only once since he lived off campus and didn’t come to the house as often. Fortunately, Eli and Gavin were tall enough to shield her from some of those who were still staring at her. The students were probably only curious if she was a new teacher or something, but she couldn’t bring herself to look beyond those at the table to determine if the interest she felt was really that casual.
“Heard you went shopping yesterday,” Gavin said.
She could tell he was trying to put her at ease and was grateful. “Yes. I...er...we got some Christmas shopping done,” she said, even though she’d been too worried about spending money to buy more than that box of chocolates for her mother and a pretty picture frame for her grandmother. Dallas had picked up a few more things for his family. “It was fun.”
“Good. Maybe Dallas can manage to get his gifts wrapped this year,” Eli said. “Usually, he just hands us each a sack.”
Gavin laughed. “I’d make fun of him, but until Savanna came along, I wasn’t much better.”
“Neither were you, not until you married,” Aiyana told Eli. “It’s Cora who does all the shopping and wrapping, isn’t it?”
When Cora shot him a look that made him concede the point, they all laughed.
“That just means Dallas needs a woman in his life,” Eli said, and the awkward silence that fell immediately after made Emery squirm. Dallas was one of the most vital men she’d ever met. Although he was a little rough around the edges—certainly didn’t bother with anything but the most practical haircut and clothes—there wasn’t an ounce of fat on him, his mind was quick, his smile impossible to resist and his eyes spoke volumes with a single look. If she had her guess, most women would find him attractive.
But after what she’d been through, she wasn’t looking for another relationship. And when she did start looking, she hoped to find someone who was already established, who had more direction in his life. She had no problem with Dallas climbing half the year, but she wouldn’t want to be involved with someone who needed so much time alone.
“I’m sure he’ll find the right woman,” she mumbled.
Dallas returned and slid a tray of spaghetti and meatballs, with a piece of garlic bread and a box of chocolate milk in separate sections, in front of her.
“Thanks,” she said, relieved when he sat down, because he made just as good a shield as Gavin.
She stared at her food, far too nervous to eat. “This looks...delicious,” she said lamely, and picked up her fork.
“I’m glad you made yourself come out,” he said softly, for her ears alone. “It’ll get easier.”
She nodded as though she believed him and pretended to eat while the others talked and laughed. She didn’t have much to contribute to the conversation. The ambient noise kept her on edge; she was waiting for the moment when a teacher approached the table and recognized her. She thought something like that was happening when a boy walked up just as the bell rang.
“Do you remember me?” he asked.
Her breath lodged in her throat, and her face burned with shame. She didn’t remember him, couldn’t remember ever seeing him before. But if he knew her, she felt certain he had to have heard about the sex scandal.
Before she could respond, however, he said, “Probably not. I was only about six when I saw you.”
She’d been so prepared for the humiliation of being called out in front of everyone at the table, that it took her a moment to process that he was talking about years ago. “Where—where did we meet?” she managed to say.
“I was staying at my cousin’s house.
You know Avery Tillerman, right?”
She recognized the name. Although they’d lost touch, she’d gone to high school with Avery. They’d both been part of the equestrian club. “I do.”
“That’s my cousin.”
“Oh. What’s Avery up to?” She was reluctant to continue this conversation, was afraid of where it might lead. What if he called Avery to say that he’d run into her, and Avery informed him of her recent disgrace? But she couldn’t risk cutting him off too soon, either. Then he’d have even more reason to mention her to Avery. I saw your friend, and she was so rude to me.
“She’s a veterinarian. Just opened her own practice here in town last year.”
Shit. Avery lived in Silver Springs? That meant he probably would say something to her. “I’ll have to look her up, say hello.”
When he pulled out his phone, she caught her breath. “I can give you her number...”
“Right.” She let her breath seep out slowly. “Um, that would be great.” Her hands felt unwieldy as she clumsily created a new contact.
After she managed to type in Avery’s name and number, she set her phone aside—with absolutely no intention of contacting her. “Thank you.”
“No problem.”
“You’d better hurry or you’ll be late for class,” Aiyana broke in, her words acting like a cattle prod that made him lope away.
Emery watched him and the rest of the students filter through the double doors like sand passing through the bottleneck of an hourglass.
“You finished eating?” Dallas asked, bringing her mind back to the people around her.
She nodded, and even though she’d taken only a few bites, he didn’t press her. He grabbed her tray along with his own, emptied both into the garbage and stacked them one on top of the other.
