by Brenda Novak
Was it that there were no expectations or promises between them? It could be that, as much as knowing they didn’t have long to explore their attraction...
She had no idea what made the difference, but this was the first time she’d ever felt as though she couldn’t get enough of someone. She could make love with Dallas and want him again immediately afterward.
“Only two.” It was getting late, but she didn’t have to work until noon the next day, since Susan wanted her to stay until close, so she hadn’t yet crept up to her own room. Wanting to spend as much time with Dallas as possible, she’d lingered afterward to do her computer work while he read various articles on his phone. “But there’s no guarantee they’ll respond favorably,” she added. “I’ve been fighting with the owner of one of the sites I found on Tuesday. The link is still up, even though he told me he’d take it down.”
“Let me write him a message.”
She laughed. “No. That’s okay. I’m not sure threatening him would improve anything. Besides, I don’t want you to get yourself in trouble.”
“So nothing new has gone up? Ethan hasn’t posted anything else?”
“Not yet.” She frowned. “His silence is a little ominous, isn’t it? I haven’t heard from Tommy, either, even though I’ve texted him several times. What a coward. I’m afraid Ethan has convinced him to back away from this.”
“Isn’t it too late? Your lawyer already talked to him, didn’t he?”
“Just once. Over the phone. He’d like to speak to him again, only now Tommy won’t respond.”
“Hopefully he’s just busy. It is the holidays.”
“I doubt that’s it. He doesn’t want to cross Ethan. Tommy feels too much loyalty, even though Ethan would sell him out in a heartbeat if their roles were reversed.”
She closed her laptop. “It’s getting late. I’d better go.” She started to get up, but he caught her wrist.
“Don’t leave.”
When she looked at him in surprise, his lips curved into a devilish grin. “Stay the rest of the night.”
“And risk having your mother catch us in bed? No way.”
“She wouldn’t just walk in—she’d knock. So we’d have some warning.”
“And what would I do if she did come down? Hide under the bed like we’re still in high school? After what I’ve been through, I’m definitely not down for that.”
He scowled at her answer but didn’t argue. “My mother warned me away from you the night she saw us together in the kitchen,” he said, sobering and changing tone.
“I thought she saw us and wondered if she might say something.”
“Not much gets past her.”
“Did it upset her?”
“Upset her? No. Why would it upset her?”
“I don’t know. She was kind enough to take me in, and now I’m sleeping with her son. Isn’t that sort of...predatory?”
“Predatory?” he barked while cracking up.
“Don’t laugh at me.”
“I’m a big boy, Emery. I know what I want. She was worried about you, not me.”
Bless Aiyana. She’d been so kind, which was partly why Emery felt guilty. She didn’t want to take advantage of that kindness. “So what’d you say when she warned you away?”
“That I wasn’t going to hurt you. That you understand this is only temporary.” He searched her face. “That’s true, isn’t it? Because I care about you, Emery. I would never want to hurt you.”
“Yes, I understand that this isn’t...serious.” What she didn’t get was why it felt so vital to be with him—and why it was hard to leave his bed for hers even now, when she was tired and just wanted to sleep.
“Then you’ll be okay when it ends? You aren’t getting in over your head?”
“You’re pretty damn irresistible, but I’ll manage,” she snapped as she got up.
“Emery.”
She grabbed her clothes off the floor. “What?”
“I was being sincere, not arrogant. If sleeping together is going to cause you some sort of pain, we should stop.”
She hated that such a sharp edge had entered her voice—and for no apparent reason. She believed he was being sincere. What was wrong with her?
He’d hit too close to home, she realized. She was getting in over her head—and yet she was reluctant to give him up while they were both in Silver Springs. It had to end too soon as it was. “Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“You’re okay?”
After how she’d behaved, she couldn’t blame him for being uncertain. But what could she say? No, this is more different for me than I ever imagined it would be? I think I’m falling in love with you?
That was the last thing he’d want to hear. “I’m fine,” she insisted, but once she was dressed, she hesitated at the door. “Actually...”
He narrowed his eyes, his handsome face showing concern.
“Maybe this is getting to be a little too much for me,” she admitted. “It’s been...pretty hot and heavy, and...after recent events... I don’t know, maybe we should stop.”
He frowned. “Is that what you feel would be best for you?”
How could she know for sure? She didn’t have any way of foretelling the future, but she did know that she was relying too heavily on him. They texted each other all day, while she was at work, and spent the nights together. Even when they weren’t in bed together, they were acting far more like lovers than friends. “Probably. I’m in no position to make a sound decision right now, so I guess there’s no reason to take the risk.” If she had to give him up, she might as well do it right away, before she got in too deep. The wedding was on Saturday and Christmas only a week after that. Her stay in Silver Springs—and their time together—would soon be coming to a close, regardless.
“Right. Okay,” he said slowly. “I’ll...honor that, of course.”
He seemed disappointed. But she doubted he was as disappointed as she was, and that also indicated there was a problem. Better to chart a safer course as soon as possible. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I really do. I honestly don’t think I would’ve been able to get back on my feet without you—at least not so soon. And the sex? Honestly, I’ve never had better. You’ve provided a glimmer of fun and happiness, and a sense of fulfillment, in a very dark time. So...thank you.” She walked over and pecked his lips before hurrying from the room.
She was afraid if she didn’t get out of there right away she’d change her mind.
* * *
What had just happened? Dallas had only meant to reassure himself that Emery was okay. He’d never dreamed that what he’d said could change the nature of their relationship, especially so quickly.
He sat propped up against the headboard and stared into the darkness long after she’d returned to her own room, feeling oddly bereft. But he knew he wasn’t the best man for her. That meant their last few minutes together had gone the way they should have. At least they were able to remain friends. She’d kissed him before she left, and thanked him, which suggested she didn’t have any hard feelings. That was the goal, wasn’t it? To end on a positive note—one where no one got hurt?
Scooting down, he tried to force sleep, but it was impossible. He was too restless.
After fifteen minutes of tossing and turning and adjusting his position, he got up, pulled on some sweats and went upstairs to get a drink of water. He made more noise than necessary, even hung out at the kitchen table for a while, hoping Emery might hear him and come down. He thought he might feel better if they could just talk things over, or if she reassured him that she wasn’t angry or too disappointed.
But she didn’t come down. He listened carefully to be able to determine if she was up—and heard nothing.
When he finally left the kitchen, he paused at the foot of the stairs. He w
ould’ve gone up to her room, except his mother’s and brothers’ bedrooms were close to hers, and he didn’t see waking them as any kind of an improvement in the situation.
“Damn it,” he muttered, shaking his head. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. He could’ve waited. Things had gone so far now it was going to be difficult to establish a strictly platonic relationship. He’d become conditioned—like Pavlov’s dogs. Just seeing her created an automatic hormonal influx. He’d become used to the way she felt beneath him, the sound of her breathing as he was driving into her, the feel of her curves beneath his hands. He knew how and where she liked to be touched and could tell just by the subtle tensing of her body when she was close to climax. She was sexy and gorgeous and fun, and...
He felt a profound sense of loss as he remembered how intense their lovemaking had been only an hour ago. That kind of passion wouldn’t be easy to forgo or forget—not when they were still staying in the same house. The next week or two until one of them left would be a struggle.
In an attempt to distract himself, he sat in the living room and texted a climbing buddy he’d been with in Joshua Tree National Park for most of November. With temperatures in the sixties, Joshua Tree was the perfect place to climb through the winter. Damian Perego had stayed to ascend Illusion Dweller—a popular and difficult 5.10b climb Dallas had mastered just before he left. But Joshua Tree had over five thousand routes and more than a thousand bouldering problems. Damian had plenty of options even if he’d chickened out and hadn’t yet tackled Illusion Dweller.
Hey, man. Did you get it done?
Damian would immediately understand what he meant. Dallas had coached Damian on that particular climb, told him how best to navigate it.
But he received no response. It was late. Damian was probably asleep—just like he should be.
With a sigh, Dallas sent a final glance toward the stairs, stood up and forced his feet to carry him back to his room, where he tried to stay in bed but got up only a few minutes later to tear off the sheets. He wouldn’t be able to get Emery out of his head if all he could smell was her perfume.
Friday, December 18
Aiyana had been planning to get to the school as early as possible, but when she went down to pack up the treats she’d made for the Christmas party, she found Dallas in the kitchen. “What are you doing up?” she asked in surprise.
He’d made coffee and was sitting at the table with a cup. “I thought you might need some help at the school today, since it’s the last day before Christmas break.”
The fatigue in his face made it clear that he hadn’t slept well. Had the same kind of nightmares he’d experienced as a child kept him up? Had news of his father brought them back? Or was it something else? Had Robert tried to contact him despite accepting money to leave town?
She watched her son closely as she said, “I could certainly use you. Both halves of New Horizons—the girls’ section and the boys’ section—are having a party together. I made a lot of Rice Krispies Treats I have to carry over. And Santa is coming at noon. If you could be on hand to make sure each student gets a gift and has a good time—that no one feels left out—that would be wonderful.”
“Santa is coming?” he echoed. “Since when did you institute Santa? Aren’t the kids who attend New Horizons a little old for that sort of thing?”
She was tempted to reach out and smooth down his hair. “They might pretend to be but, as you know, we have a lot of students who haven’t had what you’d call an ideal childhood. I’m trying to give them a little bit of what they missed before they become full-fledged adults.”
He took a sip of his coffee. “Where do you get your Santa? LA?”
“Oh no. He’s not a professional,” she said with a laugh. “For the past few years, it’s been Sam Butcher, a farmer friend of Cal’s who lives right here in Silver Springs. He’s a little overweight and has a long white beard, so when you put him in that red suit, he fits the part well. And he’s the most jovial man I’ve ever known. He does a great job.”
Dallas had lifted his cup again, but he put it right back down. “Don’t tell me the kids sit on his lap...”
“They do, but usually only with some of their friends for pictures. They might claim they’re too old for that sort of thing, or that it’s silly, but deep down they really want to do it, and I make it easy for them to save face,” she added with a wink.
“How do you do that?” he asked.
She started cutting the Rice Krispies Treats into squares. “Everyone who turns in a picture with Santa for the school bulletin board in the cafeteria is entered into a drawing for an afternoon shopping trip with me to get a new pair of sneakers. Our boys will do almost anything for that prize.”
“And Santa gives every kid a gift?”
“Every single one.”
“How much does that cost you?”
“Fortunately, Sam doesn’t charge me. I did originally buy the suit, but that was a while ago. These days I only have to pay for the gifts.” She’d gone way over budget on those this year, but Cal had contributed a significant sum. He’d wanted to buy her a big diamond for her wedding ring—until she’d told him how short she was on Christmas for the students of New Horizons. When she’d asked if she could get a gold band and spend the diamond money on them, he’d agreed. To her, making them happy was worth infinitely more than having a big rock on her finger. “Some years, I don’t have to spend much. Others can be expensive,” she said. “It all depends on the donations we receive. But it’s one of the more important things we do. I’d give up a lot before I’d cancel Santa.”
He came over to cover the treats with plastic wrap for her. “What kind of gifts does he bring?”
“Mostly gift cards to places that sell a wide variety of items. We can’t afford more than fifteen to twenty-five dollars per student, but a gift card allows them to pick out something, and then I can rest assured that they each received at least one gift.”
“I see you provide the treats, too.”
“Not entirely. Each of the teachers brings in a couple dozen cookies. I just provide the hot chocolate, the candy canes and half the Rice Krispies Treats. Gavin and Savanna, and Eli and Cora, provide the rest. The kids get a gift and a cookie or treat or two, and they play some games and make an art project. We always end with carols. It’s quite a party. They look forward to it all year.”
He slid the trays he’d finished onto the table, out of the way. “Sounds like you do, too.”
“I love the joy it brings.” She stopped cutting the Rice Krispies Treats and looked up at him. She’d hoped she could cajole him out of his dark mood, or that he’d tell her what was wrong without her having to ask. But she wasn’t making any headway. He only wanted to talk about her and the school. “So what’s going on with you today?”
He kept his face averted when he answered. “What do you mean?”
She put down the knife and leaned against the counter, watching him as he carried over another tray. “Something’s bugging you. Does it have to do with your father?”
She held her breath as she awaited his answer. She really didn’t want what she’d done to blow up in her face and ruin her wedding and the holidays. They were so close to getting through them. Dallas was far more important to her than any ceremony or holiday, but she had Cal and the rest of her children to think of. Seth and the twins would be coming in tonight. If she could put off the detonation of the “Robert” bomb until January, it would be much easier for them all to survive the shrapnel. Especially because Dallas might be gone by the time Robert returned. And Robert didn’t have Dallas’s address in Vegas. It would be a lot harder to find him there than in Silver Springs. That might take care of the problem right there. Without the resources to launch an extended search, he might settle in wherever he could survive and forget about his misguided attempt to apologize to his son.
They just
needed to get through the next ten days or so without incident. Dallas hadn’t indicated exactly when he’d be leaving, but she doubted he’d stay very long after Christmas—likely only a day or two. He never did. He had to keep moving, to feel as though he was free to go at will, or he became claustrophobic.
“No, I haven’t heard anything. I’m fine. Like I said, I just wanted to help you out with the school today, so I set my alarm.”
He would’ve set an alarm so he could help her if she’d asked him to. But she hadn’t.
That told her right there that something more was going on than he cared to admit.
* * *
Emery waited to come out of her room until everyone was gone and she had the house to herself. She guessed Dallas was at the school along with Aiyana and the others because she’d heard him calling up to Liam and Bentley to come help load Aiyana’s car.
After quietly descending the stairs, she checked out the front window to be sure, and saw that his van was gone.
Relieved that she wouldn’t have to worry about running into him, she went into the kitchen to have some breakfast. With any luck, she’d get out of the house before he returned. As much as she cared about him, she knew the less contact they had the easier it would be to go their separate ways come January.
Now that she’d put a stop to the physical side of their relationship, she was kind of shocked she’d ever let herself get sucked in so deeply, especially while she was in her current position.
Or was it her current position that had left her vulnerable?
She’d been so hurt, and he was so attractive and good at supporting and defending her.
She couldn’t decide exactly how she’d fallen into his bed—and still wanted to return there—but at least she was back on track.
