by Ellie Danes
“Thanks. We’re pulling for you,” Amy assured me.
“Thank you.” I pulled the phone from my face and sat down beside Annette in the lobby.
“I didn't see him,” Annette informed me, then looked my way. “But you did. Oh honey, what happened?”
“He was drunk off his ass and I decided that tonight wasn't the right time to talk to him. I gave him our room number so, hopefully he’ll remember something in the morning and come and find me.”
She pulled me into a hug and I tried my best not to cry.
Chapter Forty-Nine
Ryder
I reached for her and pulled her close to me. I laid soft kisses on her neck and ran my hands up her body. I wanted to be inside of her more than anything in the world and with each soft sigh, I moved a little more. I wanted her under me and I worked my way over until I sank into her.
I sighed as her body melted against mine.
I woke with a start and reached across the bed, completely disoriented as to where I was. When my head caught up, I realized that I was in a hotel room alone and that she had been a dream. I roared at the pain in my chest as I pulled myself from the bed. I walked to the bathroom and as I relieved myself I noticed something written on the back of my hand.
It all slammed back into me. She was here in the hotel and had tried to talk to me last night, but I had been a complete dick. She deserved it, but she had also told me what I thought I saw was wrong.
Even if it was true, I wanted, no, I needed to hear it from her mouth.
I brushed my teeth then jumped in the shower, rehearsing what I was going to say.
Chapter Fifty
Zoey
The knock at the door was what I had been waiting on all morning. I ran to the door and pulled it open only to find Amy standing there. I deflated a little.
“I'm here to help.”
“Where’s Tristan?” I asked as I looked behind her.
“He’s in so much trouble, he wasn't allowed to come.” She hugged me, then walked in and dropped her bag on the table.
“Hey, Annette.” Amy waved as she pulled the coffee pot out and poured herself a cup. She wrapped her hands around it and then sucked in the steam.
“It smells so good,” she said and winked at me. “Did you find him?”
“Yeah. It didn't go very well. I'm hoping he remembers and shows up sometime this morning.”
“Well, I'm here when he does. He should know he isn't the only one that hit that fucker. Oh, and by the way, I pressed charges against him for assault and told him if he drops his charges against Ryder, then we would call it even.”
“Does that put Ryder in the clear?”
“We had to do something since he skipped town and that would have gotten him in a whole different kind of trouble. The MMA heads are already asking questions. Tristan has been holding them off, but we have to get Ryder back in New York so he can accept his belt formally. We can only do so much.” She frowned.
I returned my stare to the door. “Dammit, Ryder, where are you?” I whispered.
Chapter Fifty-One
Ryder
I took the elevator to her floor and walked up and down the hall. I couldn't bring myself to knock on the door. I couldn't open myself up like that even though I knew I should.
I stopped in front of her door and was trying to muster the courage to knock when the door opened. Annette was coming out and didn't look up. She ran square into me.
“Oh, sorry,” she apologized. Then she did a double-take. “Oh, it's you. About time,” she mumbled and sidestepped me. “Make it right, asshole,” she said over her shoulder as she walked away.
I didn't say anything, but I reached out to stop the door before it closed all the way. I could hear Amy talking.
“We just have to get him to listen. It's hard to look between the lines sometimes,” Amy was saying.
“I looked between them when all those pictures showed up online with him covered in women. I mean what am I supposed to think right now?” Zoey replied.
“You love him, and sometimes love is blind, but sometimes it makes you crazy, too,” Amy said.
“I just want him to believe in me, to trust me.”
“Once he knows what really happened, he will.”
“I still can’t believe you punched him,” Zoey said to Amy.
“Well, men don’t get to kiss women without their permission…at least, that one sure as hell doesn’t.”
I felt like the biggest asshole on the planet as they continued to talk. I had overreacted and it probably had to do a lot with the fact that I was hyped from the fight, but that was a shitty excuse. My behavior was only because seeing another man with his hands on her had made me see red. I wouldn't have heard anything anyone had said at that point. I was a bull raging and that was it.
I listened for another minute, and then stepped visibly into the room. Zoey turned to look at me and her face didn't change. She didn't greet me or smile at me. She just watched me.
“Ryder,” Amy acknowledged me as she stood from her seat at the table. “I'll give you guys a few.” She walked into the bedroom and closed the door.
“Are you sober?” Zoey asked and looked down at her fidgeting hands.
“Yeah.” I walked a little closer. I wanted to hug her, but I knew that we needed to talk this out first.
“I don't even know where to start,” she said as she looked up at me with those beautifully sad eyes.
“I'll start.”
“No, I need to explain,” she started.
“You don’t. I heard you guys talking and I need to apologize for my behavior and for not believing in us, in you.” I took a few more steps into the room.
“Ryder…”
“I know. I fucking know. I can't believe this shit is even happening,” I said and then dropped to my knees in front of her. “I want to fix this, I need to fix this.”
“Then why run away?” she asked.
“I didn't know what to do. I was destroyed and I just needed to get away from all of it. I didn't see you after that. You didn't try to find me. And—”
“Tristan made sure I had no access to you.” Her voice rose an octave. “But that's been handled. He’s dealing with the wrath of Amy.”
“I don't know what happened,” I said. “I just lost it. I thought of a million different excuses for what I did, but none of them are good enough. I just need this to be okay.”
“I was so worried about you. You dropped off the face of the planet. If those women hadn't been posting pictures everywhere, I would have never found you,” she said.
“Women?” I had no clue what she was talking about.
“At the bar.”
“Ohhhh. I vaguely remember them…and their excessive photo taking. They were trying hard to get me to go with them, but I didn't. I passed out in the parking lot while I was trying to take a leak, though.”
She laughed.
“You passed out with your dick out?”
“Yeah, I'm not real proud of that but I was a wreck.”
“I know the feeling,” she whispered.
I reached out and cupped her face. “Can we get through this?”
“I hope so, but Ryder, we have to talk to each other. We both have this habit of overreacting and jumping to conclusions, and it has to stop if we’re going to have any kind of future.”
“You’re right. But I have never wanted anything more than you. Whatever we have to do, I'm willing to do it.”
Her hand covered mine and she leaned into it. “Ryder, I love you and that will never change, but you not even being willing to listen to me or consider that there was more to some stranger’s story, well, that really hurt.”
“I know, and I’m sorry, but seeing that man with his hands on you tore me in half. My heart shattered.”
“I'm sorry about that, and I wish I could change it, but I am with you and have been with you since that night I met you. You know me. You have to know that I would neve
r do anything to hurt you. I should have told you that he had contacted me. I told him to stop and he did. And then to be safe I blocked his number. How was I to know that he was planning all of this? He didn't even want me when we dated. How could I have guessed he’d do something like this?”
“Like I told you before, you’ll always be mine, even when you don't think you are. I love you, Zoey.” I leaned in and kissed her softly before pulling her to me. My world shifted and everything was right the moment I felt her body against mine. I heard her sniffle, so I lifted her chin with my finger. “Please, don’t cry, love.”
“I was so scared this was over. I didn't want to believe it, but it sure seemed that way.”
I squeezed her against me and kissed the tip of her nose. “We can do this. It isn't going to be easy. But I believe in us.”
Chapter Fifty-Two
Zoey
I leaned into his chest and let his warmth consume me. I wanted to jump right back in, but I needed the reassurance that every woman needed. He was saying all the right things, but words are just words until they’re backed up by actions.
“Ryder.”
“Yeah?” he answered. The deep timbre of his voice set my body on fire, but I had to ignore that for the moment.
“I know we all make bad decisions, but I need you to be honest with me from now on. We can't keep doing this to each other.” I leaned up and brushed my lips over his, and he caught the back of my head and deepened the kiss. He ravaged my mouth and when I pulled back, we both had tears in our eyes.
“I can't live without you. No, I won't live without you,” he said as he lifted me and placed me facing him on his lap.
I wrapped my legs around him and leaned into his chest. This felt so right. It felt like home.
“As much as I want to make love to you right now,” Ryder said, “I’m not ready, mentally. I want us to make sure we are okay before we try to bandage this with anything physical. I can't lose you and I am not going to do anything until I am absolutely sure.”
He kissed me again and then leaned back to look into my eyes. His soul was bared to me, naked in all the right ways. Our hearts intertwined with one look. It didn't feel how I thought it would. I felt like this was peace. Every problem became insignificant in those few moments. I brushed my lips over his and then pulled away to stand up. I reached my hand out to his and helped him up.
“I'm exhausted, can we sleep?” I asked.
He nodded. Amy shot out of the bedroom and waved as she left the hotel suite. I giggled at her, wondering how much of the conversation she’d heard.
Ryder said, “I haven't slept in days unless I was passed out, and that isn't really sleep.”
I sat on the bed and pulled him down with me. He came willingly and we both rolled against each other. He sighed in my ear.
When I woke up, it was impossible to tell if it was day or night because the shades had been drawn. I looked up at the clock—we had been asleep for over ten hours and now it was early evening.
“Ryder?” I looked over my shoulder and saw him smile, then heard his stomach growl. “You hungry?’ I asked.
“I can't tell you the last time I ate a meal.”
I flipped in his arms and looked into his face. “You aren't eating?”
“Not really, I haven't had much of an appetite.”
“Well, I guess I need to feed you.” I got up, called room service, and ordered half the menu. I knew he could eat and maybe he would have an appetite now that we were trying to get back on the right track. I climbed back in bed and traced his jawline with my finger.
“I missed your touch,” he said, never looking at me.
I ran my finger over his lips and he kissed my finger softly.
“I don't want to forget this happened, but I want move on and not ever let it happen again,” he said. “Maybe if it stays in the back of my mind, I'll remember how much of a miserable fuck I was without you.”
“I'm not going anywhere,” I promised and I meant it with all of my heart.
Chapter Fifty-Three
Ryder
When I walked out of the bathroom, Zoey was spreading food out over the table. It was everything I wanted to eat before the fight but never did. There was pizza, cheeseburgers, french fries, steak, fried chicken, and giant bowl of pasta with alfredo. I wanted to eat it all, but I waited until she had the plates ready.
I scooped food onto my plate and ate and ate until I felt sick to my stomach. Maybe not eating for a couple days was a bad idea. I was not built for a liquid diet.
I tried not to think about what I had seen, but it kept popping into my head. That asshole with his hands all over Zoey, his face mashed to hers. Each thought was a dagger to my heart. I knew in my head that this wasn't her fault, but at the same time, I couldn't unsee it.
“It's going to be okay,” she assured me as she pulled the chair out beside me and laid her hand on my forearm. It was almost as though she could read my mind.
“I’m trying, babe. There are just some things that are going to take some time.”
She leaned over and kissed my cheek.
“I know, but I love you, and that will never change. The obstacles we are going to face in life are never going to be easy. We can only trust and love each other enough that they won't matter.”
Chapter Fifty-Four
Zoey
A couple hours after we’d stuffed ourselves, my phone rang. It was Amy.
“You guys hanging in there?” she asked.
“Yeah, we’re good. Should be heading back later tonight. Annette is working on the flights,” I said.
“I'm glad he’s okay,” Amy said. “We’ll see you guys tomorrow. If there’s any reason you can't be here by noon, please let me know. Peyton was able to push it back one more day but the blow-up of social media isn't looking so good for Ryder.”
“I know.” I sighed. I wanted to blame myself, but I knew it wasn't all my fault.
“Once he formally accepts the belt and the press conference after, Tristan and Peyton can do damage control. Tell him for now not to answer Tristan’s calls. They can talk face to face, but seriously a two-day bender probably wasn't the smartest plan.”
“I think it’s safe to say he’s aware of that.” I laughed. “I'll call you when we’re on the ground.”
“Talk to you soon.”
I hung up and turned to Ryder. “Amy says not to talk to Tristan until we get back to New York.”
“Trust me, I'm not. I want to wait for that ass chewing as long as I can. The one my dad gave me a few minutes ago was enough for one day. However, Tristan shoulders a little blame in this too, so, maybe he won’t rip me a new one.” He plopped in the chair and reached out for me.
I walked over to him and leaned against the chair arm. He snaked his arm out and wrapped it around my hips.
He said, “I don't know what happened but I'm glad it did, kinda.”
I looked down at him. He was opening and closing his hand as he watched it.
He continued, “I lost you and I don't ever want to feel like that again. I now know what it means to be willing to take a bullet for someone. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. I let my insecurities get the better of me and that sucks. With all the shit you’ve had to face, you’ve always found a way to deal with it. You didn't even get mad over those pictures.”
I reached out and stroked his hair. “You know, it would have been really easy for me to just leave you out here and let you do whatever it was you were planning to do. Those women weren’t even a blip on my radar. Actually, they helped me find you. If they hadn't been posting pictures all over Twitter and Instagram, I never would have been able to get to you. I knew you wouldn't sleep around on me. For some reason, I just knew.”
“I haven't had a boner since before the fight. Besides, even if I’d have wanted to, I doubt with the amount of liquor in my system these past two days that sex would have been an option. I didn't want to have sex with anyone, but you know w
hat I mean.”
I knelt beside him and looked him in the eyes. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my ex. I'm sorry that I didn't protect your heart more, but I don't want to talk about this over and over. We have to move on or it will sink us in guilt and that's not what I want.”
“I'm sorry that I didn't trust you enough to hear what you had to say, and I'm sorry that I overreacted and shut everyone out,” he said, and leaned towards me. “And I'm most sorry for making you cry.” He gave me a shy smile and then kissed me softly.
Chapter Fifty-Five
Ryder
I saw the tears welling up in her eyes and I wanted to make it better somehow. In any way I could.
“You know since you’re moving in when we get back,” I said, “it’s only right that I share something with you.”
She smiled at me.
What she didn't know was that I already had the ring and had planned on asking her after I won the title, before all of the chaos began. Dad had tried to talk me out of it, saying not to rush, but he knew how I felt about her. I had taken the ring from my father and wanted nothing more than for Zoey to love it as much as my mother had loved it.
I got up to grab my duffel, which I’d brought up from my room, and I pulled the small jewelry bag out. The velvet pouch felt heavy in my hands but it held a promise for the future.
“You are mine, Zoey Marous, and I want everyone to know that.” I sat back on the couch, pulling her beside me. “I promise you, I will never run away again. I promise that I will always put you and your feelings first. I promise to love you with everything in my body and soul. I also promise to give you my heart and let you do as you please with it.”
I slid from the couch onto my knees in front of her. She watched me, and her hand moved over her mouth.
“Every day that you aren't mine is one day too many. I want to make this permanent.” I pulled the ring from the velvet bag and held it between my fingers. “We can get married whenever you want, but first I need you to say you’ll be my wife.”
