by Jessa Eden
FOREVER BELOVED
By
Jessa Eden
******
PUBLISHED BY:
Jessa Eden
Forever Beloved
Copyright ©2015 by Jessa Eden
Editing: Hot Tree Editing
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are a production of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.
Adult Reading Material
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Other Jessa Eden Stories:
The Whore’s Consummation
Micah, The Fierce Falls Hard For Emma, The Brave
TABLE OF CONTENTS
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
EPILOGUE
ABOUT THIS BOOK
A woman can stay with you forever.
No matter how far away you flee.
No matter how much time passes.
Marla Matthews stayed in my bones, day and night, branded on my soul.
I loved her beyond anything I thought possible.
Even after she broke my heart.
So why would you give a fuck?
Because that’s not the end of the story.
Not even close.
What you’re about to read is a gritty tale of reclaimed love.
It isn’t pretty.
It isn’t nice.
It’s raw and messy as fate gives us one last shot to get it right.
You up for that?
Then hold the fuck on...
~Beau Shepard
CHAPTER ONE
Beau:
Jesus H. Christ.
No fuckin’ way was I a dad.
I did not have a twenty-two year old kid walking around the streets of Baltimore.
Reeling, I tried to shut those thoughts down as I raced toward the exit of the salon, burst out the door and froze for a stunned second, trying to comprehend the reality of seeing Charlie for the first time.
How could I not know?
How could Marla do this to me?
Breathing was suddenly difficult and I put my hands on my knees, like I had sprinted a hundred meter race. I tried to grab onto something real as I struggled to find steady internal ground. It wasn’t easy as I read the signs around me: Frank’s Pet store, Leon’s bakery, Taxes done here, Buy one, get one free.
It didn’t help.
My world had imploded and I could do nothing to stop the destruction busting through every one of my defenses. At this rate, only a shred of my heart would be left.
Desperate to get away from the scene of the crime, I walked aimlessly down the row of shops, trying to wrap my mind around the fact I had a living, breathing kid running around with my DNA.
Charlie Matthews.
It was like coming face to face with a mirror. Our features were almost identical, except he had Marla’s thick, dark, beautiful hair and doe eyes. Everything else was me.
She had named him after my grandfather.
Why would she do that?
It didn’t make sense.
The tightness in my chest suddenly expanded, growing so unbearable, I bolted down the corridor of shops in a full sprint, not caring where I ended up. I just wanted to forget everything pressing down on me.
I came to a park at the end of the block, my breathing labored as I sat down on a metal bench, burying my face in my hands.
What the hell was happening?
My kid.
My fucking kid.
I didn’t know what to feel.
Destroyed.
Betrayed.
Grief stricken.
All for the life I was supposed to have with Charlie and his mother.
I couldn’t believe Marla was now the mother of my child.
A child I didn’t know.
A child who had grown up without his father.
I instantly hated that fact.
What was worse was I couldn’t do anything about it.
It was all too much.
I didn’t want to think about what it meant.
So, I did what I did best.
I checked out.
I was on my phone before I could even contemplate what I was doing. “Hey, it’s me. I’m having a party. Let everybody know. Bring the good stuff,” I told a concierge of sorts, who could hook up a party in the blink of an eye.
I knew in thirty minutes my penthouse would be full of beautiful people, who would only care about the booze and entertainment I offered and wouldn’t give a shit about my emotional issues. Just what I needed.
The chance to forget.
CHAPTER TWO
Marla:
Had I really chased away my son and the love of my life?
Was this worst-case scenario really happening?
What a freakin’ nightmare.
I stayed rooted to the spot where Beau had left me, in the middle of the hallway of Casa Oschun. I wiped away the tears as memories came at me so fast, it was as if they had happened yesterday.
Two weeks after I sent Beau packing, I found out I was pregnant.
I had been feeling a little queasy, but I chalked it up to the heartbreak I was enduring. I was barely functioning, just enough to take care of Emma.
I ignored everything else. The apartment was a mess and I had a hard time remembering what day it was. I was afraid I would never come out of the fog surrounding me.
However, everything changed when Stacy showed up one day unannounced in mid-August.
“Where have you been, girl? I’ve been worried about you,” she said, waltzing in past all the clutter, which had accumulated in the last week.
I shrugged half-heartedly, not really caring. “Sorry. I haven’t been myself lately.”
She shoved the newspapers off the couch and took a seat. “I know. I heard about you and Beau. Wanna to tell me about it?” Her blue-green gaze was kind and open.
I would have loved to confide in her, but the truth was if I talked about what happened with Beau, I would come undone.
So I sadly shook my head no as tears formed in my eyes. “I can’t. It hurts too badly.”
“Oh, Marla. I thought you were happy with him,” she sympathized.
“I was.”
“So what went wrong?”
I shook my head again as my stomach suddenly roiled, the heat of the day taking its toll. “Excuse me!” I yelled, running for the bathroom.
I got there just in time to barf up what was left of my meager breakfast.
“Oh, honey. Are you pregnant?” she asked from the doorway.
“What? No, I can’t be,” I said, han
ging my head over the toilet.
“I’m going to make you an appointment at the free clinic where I get my birth control.”
“I don’t know. I don’t think I could deal with it.”
“I’m not taking no for an answer. You need to see a doctor and get checked out. At least, do it for Emma. You look awful.”
She was right. I owed it to my sister to make sure I was okay.
I nodded yes, as I battled my nausea, wondering if I was going to have another go-around with the porcelain god.
“Okay. I’m calling the clinic now,” Stacy said as she walked toward the phone.
She made the appointment, while I cleaned myself up and walked back out to the living room. Without being asked, she tidied up the apartment as I sat on the couch in a stupor. I didn’t have the energy to stop her.
“I don’t like seeing you like this. Are you going to be okay?” she asked as she put a new liner in the kitchen trash can.
“Eventually, I’ll pull it together. I have Emma to look out for and guardianship should be coming through soon. I can’t afford to be a mess for too much longer.” Thankfully, Ms. Adelaide was keeping Emma for the day.
Stacy walked over and sat next me on the worn couch. “You’re the strongest bitch I know. You’ll get through this,” she said, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug.
I appreciated her support. “I hope so. I don’t like who I am right now. Heartbreak sucks.”
Her gaze flickered with wariness as we broke apart. “That’s why I’m going to keep things light and casual in college.”
I tilted my head sideways as I shot her a sympathetic glance. “Oh, Stacy. I wouldn’t trade my time with Beau. I had the best time with him. You can’t let my heartache scare you away from a serious relationship.”
“You’re telling me that after all this, you still believe in love?”
“Oh, yeah. Without a doubt. I will love Beau the rest of my life.”
“That’s crazy, Marla.”
“I know. But he’s my true love.”
“Any chance you’ll get back together?”
The tears caught me by surprise as they fell down my cheeks. “No, probably not.”
“Oh, honey. I can’t stand leaving you like this.”
I wiped at my eyes, trying to smile through my tears. “I’ll be all right. Like you said, I’m a strong bitch.”
She laughed as her blue-green eyes glistened. “You’re amazing and I’m going to miss you.”
“I’ll miss you like crazy, too, but we’ll keep in touch.”
“Yeah, we will,” she sighed, getting teary-eyed over our farewell.
“I want you to have the best time. Just keep your heart open and see what happens,” I encouraged softly.
Her eyes pooled with an unfamiliar vulnerability. “I’ve never been very good at that.”
“I know, but you are such an incredible person and I want you to have what I had.”
“So you want me to get my heart ripped out?”
I just shook my head as I laughed. “No, you silly bitch, I want you to experience love that will last a lifetime.”
She grinned. “I’m not making any promises.”
“You don’t have to. I know you’re going to have a fabulous time in college.”
“I’m planning to.”
We talked a little longer and she filled me in on her plans to become a hard-hitting journalist. I admired the fact that her path seemed so clear. Mine was a big, fat question mark with a possible baby on the way.
But I wished her well as we hugged again and said goodbye. She left for college a couple of days later.
The silence was deafening.
I was truly on my own.
No boyfriend and no friends.
What can I say?
It was a truly shitty time in my life.
I honored the appointment Stacy made for me, trying to be brave and face the truth. Sitting in a hot, humid room with the paper of the exam table sticking to my bare legs at the free clinic, I listened to the overworked doctor announce, “You are definitely pregnant. I’d say about two months along.”
I shook my head. “No, no. I can’t be pregnant.”
“Have you been sexually active?”
“Yes.”
“Have you been practicing safe sex?”
“Um...sometimes.”
“Well, there you have it. You’re pregnant,” he answered dismissively, writing something on my chart.
“Oh god,” I breathed out, the reality almost too much to bear.
“You’ll need to make another appointment and start taking some prenatal vitamins, unless you want to schedule an abortion. Do you know what you want to do?” he questioned, as if he were asking if I wanted ketchup or mustard on a burger.
I had thought about the possibility of being pregnant for a week, even as I wanted to deny it.
There wasn’t a question in my mind. “I’m keeping my baby.”
He shut my chart. “Okay, then. Schedule an appointment with Georgia on your way out.”
As I got dressed and left the crowded clinic, I wondered how I was going to handle a baby and a ten-year-old all by myself. It wasn’t going to be easy. That was for sure.
Grief and pregnancy turned out to be a diabolical combination. I cried myself to sleep most nights, at least for the first three months. I would throw up, then cry, then throw up again.
A magical process, I tell you.
Somehow, by the grace of God, I got through the worst of it.
Four months after Beau left, I was awarded full guardianship of Emma, which only brought me a little relief. By then, I was also six months pregnant and scared out of my flippin’ mind Beau’s dad would find out. I didn’t know what he would do if he knew about the baby.
Nothing good, that’s for sure.
He was the grandfather of my child and I didn’t want anything to do with him. But I loved his son desperately, more, it seemed, with each passing day.
The littlest things set me off, like the morning I ate the last of the Shredded Wheat he loved so much. I cried as I tasted the sweet crunch and milk together, remembering how he had touched the box, enjoyed the cereal and laughed at the table as we had breakfast together.
I wrote him a dozen letters, all begging him to come back to me. I never sent them; they just piled up in my dresser drawer, taunting me until I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t give them to Beau, but I could get them one-step closer to him.
With that in mind, I decided to reach out to Beau’s granddad. He was the only one I trusted. He was my last connection to Beau and I knew instinctively he would keep my secret.
He turned out to be a lifesaver.
I showed up one Sunday morning at the big house, following a hunch that James Shepard would be on his way to church. I’d watched him leave and quickly located Charly out back in the garden of their colossal mansion.
He put his spade down and stood up, breaking into a wide grin. “It’s good to see you, Marla.”
He said it so sweetly, I burst into tears.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” he asked, throwing his shovel into the ground.
“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out, patting my growing belly.
“I can see that,” he said kindly. “Whatever are we going to do?”
“I’m going to have this baby,” I said resolutely. “It’s the only thing I have left of Beau.”
“You know Bubba’s daddy didn’t tell me what he did, but I figured he had something to do with the way Bubba left. Beau was heartbroken when he got on that plane for training camp.”
“I know.” Tears slid down my face, the pain still fresh.
“So, you’ve come to me for help, little lady?”
I nodded quickly, too distraught to say anything else.
“You’re having Bubba’s baby and you’re all alone, aren’t you?” he summarized perfectly.
I cried harder. “Yes. I don’t want this baby to grow up and not know
his daddy’s family.”
He patted me on the shoulder. “There, there. You’re not alone. We’ll just have to see how we can get to fixin’ this...”
Oh, how that was music to my ears. He was willing to help me.
Charlie jumped right in, making sure I had everything I needed while I was pregnant, including the best medical care available. He even drove me to and from my appointments.
We got to know each other on our outings together. He was funny and sassy, reminding me of Beau in so many ways with his thoughtful, kind, and noble heart.
I grew so comfortable with him; I even confided to him what Beau’s dad had done. He didn’t say anything as we’d driven along, but he’d gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white.
That’s how I felt too.
I was just bearing it.
Barely.
In early spring of the next year, nine months pregnant and ready to pop, I woke up feeling funny. There was a weird pressure in my back and I knew my body was preparing for the big moment. I kept calm as I fixed some breakfast, but the pain was growing stronger.
I managed to choke down a few eggs as the contractions took on a life of their own. Building in intensity, they felt like a tight fist clamping down on my uterus.
I didn’t know if I was ready to have this baby. I had planned and pinched every penny, but it was still going to be a rough road. I had hoped to get a job to extend the dwindling savings my mom had left us, but with a baby on the way and no one but me to care for two kids, I had thrown my energy into going to massage school.
I was only half-way through my classes, but the school had agreed to let me take six weeks off for the baby. I wasn’t sure how I was going to work it all out, but at that moment, my attention was on what was happening inside my body.
“What’s wrong, Marla? Why do you look like that?” Emma asked as I braced myself against a kitchen table chair.
I put my finger up to signal just a minute, pain tearing through me. She watched me, enthralled, by my silent struggle. She’d been fascinated with my growing belly and pregnancy since I had told her I was having a baby.
