‘But you’re perfect. What on earth would you need to go on a diet for?’
‘As I said last night, you haven’t met my mother. Nobody’s perfect to her—there’s always room for improvement.’
Seb’s hand teasingly pulled her theatre top. ‘The only improvement you need is to get rid of this,’ he said huskily.
‘I couldn’t agree more, and that’s exactly what I intend to do. But in the shower—alone,’ she added laughingly. ‘Is anyone out there?’ Seb opened the door slightly and peered out.
‘No, the coast is clear.’ She brushed past him but he stopped her in the doorway and pulled her toward him. ‘I’ll see you later.’ As he kissed her, so heady was his embrace she forgot about not brushing teeth and kissed him back.
‘Now I know what they mean when they say, “Take a cold shower,”’ she joked. ‘You’re not very good for my blood pressure, Doctor.’
But she didn’t take a cold shower. Instead, she took her time relishing the warm water on her skin, recalling the tenderness she had felt wrapped in Seb’s arms. Dropping a two-dollar coin in the honesty box, she unwrapped a toothbrush and, after rinsing her mouth, was tempted to go back and kiss him all over again, but common sense won. There would be time for all that later.
After a brief meeting with the professor and Pete, who was looking decidedly seedy, it was decided that Professor Hays would assist Pete in Theatre that morning, leaving Lucinda with the task of catching up on yesterday’s work. Lucinda would also see the patients pre-operatively to assess any changes and answer any last-minute questions that arose.
Despite wanting to see Bianca, Lucinda bypassed the PICU, knowing that once she went in there it would be a long time before she could get away. She arrived on the cardiac ward just as the nursing staff were changing over. Ann was looking more harassed than usual.
‘I’ll be right with you.’ Ann finished checking the controlled drugs with another nurse and joined her. ‘Sorry about that. We’re two nurses down—one’s rung in sick and heaven knows where Ellen is. Apparently we’re over budget with agency staff so Admin has said we’ll have to make do. I wonder if they’d be so pedantic about budgets if it was one of their children having cardiac surgery this morning.’
Her uniform dishevelled, her hair unbrushed, Ellen flew into the ward.
‘Sorry I’m late, Sister.’
Ann gave a tight smile. ‘You look as if you should be going off duty, not coming on, Ellen.’
‘I know. I’m sorry. We had a late night. Pete—’
‘I’m not interested,’ Ann snapped. ‘Go to the staffroom and get a cup of strong coffee, and while you’re there how about you make yourself look a bit more professional?’ She dismissed the young nurse and walked to the nurses’ station with Lucinda. ‘Silly girl,’ she said huffily. ‘She could go far if she put her head down. Too many parties and not enough early nights.’
For her boyfriend, too, Lucinda reflected, but didn’t say anything. No wonder Pete was looking so awful. How could he? she wondered furiously. How could he be out on the tiles the night before his big break? If he carried on like this he might as well kiss his career goodbye. She would have to say something, Lucinda decided. As soon as Theatre was over she would have a strong word or two with Pete.
Bianca was doing incredibly well. After a long discussion with the staff, it was decided to attempt to extubate her that afternoon, a little bit earlier than the ideal, but she had already had an ET tube in since Saturday, and if she needed to be ventilated for much longer she would have to have a tracheostomy.
Lucinda’s anger at Pete abated somewhat throughout the morning. The patients all returned from Theatre with their notes meticulously written up by Pete, and the word going around was that he had operated beautifully. Somewhat mollified and prepared to discuss things rationally, she made her way to the theatres at lunchtime to be told that Pete was in the coffee-room. Her good-will flew out of the window, though, at the site that confronted her. Pale and sweaty, he was hunched over the sink with the taps running.
‘Next time take more water with it.’
Pete splashed his face with water and deliberately turned the taps off before slowly turning around to face her.
‘What exactly do you mean by that?’
‘You know very well. What on earth were you doing out till all hours at a party the night before you operate? The biggest break of your career and you almost blew it.’
‘Ah, but I didn’t blow it. Surgery actually went very well this morning, thank you for asking.’
Lucinda ignored his sarcasm.
‘Thank God it did, Pete. These are children’s lives we’re dealing with. This isn’t a motor repair garage. You make a mistake here and there might not be a chance to fix it.’
‘You think I don’t know that?’ he shouted.
‘Well, act like it, then, Pete. You’ve got a reputation around this hospital and if you want anyone to start taking you seriously you’d better get rid of it.’
‘And you’d know all about reputations, wouldn’t you, Miss Chambers? You unfeeling bitch.’
Lucinda stepped back as if she’d been hit.
‘How dare you?’
‘No, how dare you? You march in here and practically accuse me of being drunk on the job. You’ve had it in for me since Saturday. The great Miss Chambers examines a patient who promptly arrests. It’s not Bianca you’re upset about, just the fact you might have missed something. Well, don’t take it out on me. Anyway, there was nothing to miss, there was nothing to find. Your excellent medical reputation remains unblemished. And just because you don’t have a life outside this hospital doesn’t mean the rest of us have to act like confirmed bachelors and spinsters.’
‘Well, at least it means I can keep my mind on the job,’ she retorted furiously. She was angry with him, of course, but also genuinely concerned. Pete was a good doctor, but he was going to lose everything. She needed to take Seb’s advice and bring him into line. ‘Sometimes you just have to be single-minded to get what you want. I didn’t get to be a consultant by trying to juggle relationships with work. They just don’t mix, and the sooner you see that the better you’ll do.’
Pete shook his head, his eyes narrowing. ‘I almost feel sorry for you. You’re so hell-bent on your career, there’s no room for anyone or anything else. But I tell you this much, I feel sorrier for any guy who tries to get too close to you—he’d need an ice-pick to get through the front door.’
He left smartly and as Lucinda’s eyes followed him angrily she almost jumped out of her skin to see Seb standing at the door.
‘How long have you been there?’ she asked in a shaking voice.
He stared at her for what seemed an age. ‘Long enough. I was down here to check on my annual leave and I could hear you two halfway down the corridor. When you give someone a piece of your mind, you certainly don’t mince your words, do you, Lucinda?’
Lucinda paled. Still shaking with temper, she frantically tried to remember exactly what she had said. ‘I know I sounded harsh but I was just trying to make a point. It has nothing to do—’
But he cut short her pleas. ‘You sounded very convincing to me.’
Before she could argue the point he had gone, leaving Lucinda standing white and thin-lipped. Trembling, she sat on one of the chairs. What a mess, what a sorry mess, and just when things had been going so well, too. But surely when Seb calmed down he would realise what he had overheard had been an argument? That the words she had spoken had been for Pete’s benefit, not his? With a groan she placed her head in her hands. The truth was, it didn’t matter at whom the words had been directed. Seb had heard her innermost fears today. How could she give Seb and Billy what they both needed? How could she juggle a ready-made family with her work? They had already had one career-minded woman in their lives, and look how that had worked out. Why would Seb risk it again?
Reluctantly she replayed the argument in her mind. Pete had been right, she conceded, wel
l, partly. Some of her anger with him did indeed stem from Bianca and her own guilt about Saturday night, but Pete had had no right to speak to her like that, no right at all.
He had every right, she soon found out. Back on the ward she found Ann and asked for a run-down on the post-operative patients.
‘All stable. Ellen’s looking after the high-dependency patients. I think she had a couple of IV orders but the resident’s sorted them out.’
‘Ellen’s on the high-dependency unit?’ Lucinda queried the wisdom behind this decision. But Ann didn’t respond as the young nurse herself came over.
‘All their obs are good. James White is on his second unit of packed cells and when that’s through the resident needs to review him. They want him to have some Lasix before we put up the third unit. I’ve handed over to the late staff. I thought I might go and grab a late lunch, if that’s all right?’
‘Why don’t you go home, Ellen, grab an afternoon nap? I think you’ve more than earned it. We’re pretty up to date and now the late shift are here I’m sure we can cover.’
Lucinda raised her eyebrows at Ann’s maternal tones.
‘Well, if you’re sure…’
‘Off you go, love,’ Ann said kindly, and the young nurse gratefully departed.
‘You’ve changed your tune,’ Lucinda remarked once she was out of earshot.
‘I had to eat a huge slice of humble pie for my morning coffee-break.’ Ann gave an ashamed smile. ‘Apparently, Pete had a bit of stage fright in the night. It would seem he’s not as cool as he makes out. Poor Ellen spent the night “walking” through the operations with him. She said he went into such detail she feels she could have performed the surgery herself. So I let her put her newfound knowledge to the test and she passed with flying colours. Seems I misjudged her—Pete, too, for that matter. By all accounts he did a great job in Theatre this morning.’ She turned and caught sight of Lucinda’s worried frown. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘That humble pie you ate this morning,’ Lucinda said remorsefully. ‘Is there any left?’
Pete, of course, wasn’t anywhere to be seen, so Lucinda had to resort to leaving a message with the switchboard to page him and ask him to come to her office. He entered after a brief knock and his temper obviously hadn’t abated.
‘What’s the problem? Hadn’t you finished turning the knife?’
‘Sit down, please, Pete,’ she said calmly.
He did as he was asked and she took a deep breath. ‘I owe you an apology, Pete—a big one. I just assumed you were out last night, partying. I had no right to infer that you had been drinking. I know now that I was wrong on both counts. You were also right about Bianca Moore. I was trying to somehow lessen the guilt I feel by dragging you into it when the truth is that no one was to blame. I truly am sorry for the things that I said.’
She held her breath, wondering what his reaction would be, and when she finally dared to look up at him she saw that he was smiling.
‘Apology accepted.’ He held out his hand over the table and Lucinda shook it.
‘And now it’s my turn. You were wrong about a lot of things but not all. I feel as guilty as hell about Bianca but, unlike you, I have reason to. Maybe there was nothing to be found but I still should have examined her. And in truth the only reason I was on the ward in the first place was because of Ellen. It’s been a huge wake-up call.’
Lucinda relaxed back in the chair. ‘So I’ve got a reputation as a sour old spinster?’ Pete shifted uncomfortably. ‘It’s OK,’ she said. ‘I did know that was the general consensus of opinion.’
‘You don’t deserve it.’
‘Why not?’
‘Pizza and slushy films with Bianca, and I’ve been going to Suriyan’s for years and never seen a competition running.’
‘Who told you about that?’ Lucinda asked.
‘Janine Stewart has been telling everyone. It did her the world of good, and there’s not been too many light moments in that woman’s life recently, let me tell you.’ He paused for a moment. ‘So what about my reputation?’
‘Pete, it’s just a few things I heard, and from what I can tell now it’s totally unfounded, but it must have started somewhere.’
Pete nodded. ‘I ran a bit wild when I was a medical student and then when I was an intern it went a bit to my head. But, hell, I was only in my twenties. Ellen and I have been together for two years now. We’re deadly serious but everyone just seems to think it’s just another fling. I want to get engaged—that would shut them up—but then I wonder if I would be getting engaged for the right reasons. I don’t want the hospital to come into it. I want it to be about us.’
Lucinda pondered his dilemmas. ‘What I said before about relationships and work not mixing—well, I was referring to the more transient kind. Heaven knows, this job would be a thousand times easier if there was a sympathetic ear to bend at the end of a long day. I’m presuming that’s the case, of course. As you so well pointed out, I don’t have a lot of experience where relationships are concerned.’
Pete squirmed in his seat and Lucinda gave him an amicable smile to show there were no hard feelings before she continued. ‘Pete, you know as well as I do that mud sticks. You have to not only be careful but be seen to be careful. There’s a lot of people watching.’
Pete shrugged. ‘Not any more,’ he said dejectedly. ‘You were right about that as well. I did want this job, but at the end of the day you were the better doctor. I can see that now.’
Lucinda shook her head. ‘Not better, just a bit more experienced. Your time will come.’
‘But when?’ he said gloomily.
‘When you least expect it probably. Something will come up.’
There was a knock at the door and Pete stood up to leave.
‘Friends?’ He offered his hand again and Lucinda stood up and shook it warmly.
‘Friends.’
As he left Seb entered. ‘G’day, Pete, how’s things?’
Pete grinned. ‘Better. How’s your son?’
‘Better, too. I just popped in to pick your boss’s brains about him, actually.’
‘Well, I’ll leave you to it.’
Pete closed the door behind him and as Seb turned to face Lucinda she felt her insides melt. The anger was gone from his eyes and she saw again the man who had gently woken her that morning.
‘I’m sorry I walked out on you earlier,’ he rasped, and as if he couldn’t bear the distance between them he crossed the room and took her in his arms, his mouth fervently searching for hers. For a while their minds concentrated on the moment as their lips mingled sensually, the doubts that plagued them both temporarily a million miles away. But as the kiss slowly ended the world rushed in.
‘You wanted to see me about Billy?’ she asked, pulling away, her voice suddenly concerned. ‘Is there anything wrong?’
Seb shook his head. ‘Just an excuse. Billy’s going great guns this morning. I see you’ve made up with Pete?’ he added.
‘Pete and I are fine now,’ she said with a mischievous glint in her eye. ‘And thanks for your advice by the way—it nearly landed me in court for defamation of character.’
‘I never said you had to go that far,’ he said contritely, but Lucinda just laughed.
‘Enough about Pete. I’m more interested in Billy. How’s he coping without Gemma?’ Lucinda probed, then held her breath, worried she might have intruded too far. But Seb didn’t seem concerned by her question.
‘He’s coping. Hopefully things are going to start picking up for him now, and not just with his health.’ He paused a moment, his eyes narrowing as if he was weighing up whether or not to go any further. Lucinda held her breath until slowly Seb started to open up to her.
‘Gemma and I had a long chat yesterday before she left, and for the first time in ages we actually got somewhere.’
Lucinda listened intently, hoping he would elaborate.
‘I know it’s hard to understand—it’s taken me five years—but I
finally think I’m starting to.’ He sat down and then continued slowly, choosing his words carefully. ‘She’s not a terrible person. She’s just not cut out for motherhood and, being here, she feels as if everyone’s judging her, and for once even I can understand where she’s coming from. I mean, it’s hardly orthodox, a mother walking out on her own child. I was aghast when she decided to move so far away, but now…’ He looked up at Lucinda. ‘She’s actually a better mother. Now the responsibility’s gone, now that she can concentrate on her career and all that, she’s actually got more to give Billy.’
Lucinda sat there quietly for a moment. ‘It must be hard,’ she said finally. ‘She’s made out to be the Wicked Witch of the West just because she’s a woman. Nobody bats an eyelid when a man walks out on his children. I’m not condoning it, for either sex, but I guess it’s just not as clear-cut as it seems.’
‘There is something else I need to talk about, Lucinda.’ He held her hands as he spoke. ‘I know you were only talking in the heat of a row before, but what you said isn’t that far off the mark.’ She opened her mouth to protest but Seb held her hands tightly and shook his head. ‘Let me finish.’
Nodding silently, she watched with growing trepidation as he searched for the right words to say. ‘We’re not going to be able to see much of each other for a while.’
So she had blown it after all. Pulling her hands free, she went and sat down. Picking up a paperweight, Lucinda focussed on the prism of colours in a desperate attempt to keep her composure—there would be time for tears after he had gone. But as Seb continued to speak, hope surged in her again as she realised he wasn’t giving up on them, just voicing the problems they both faced.
‘As sure as I am of my feelings for you, we’ve got a lot to work out before we go public, so to speak. We both have to be sure before I introduce you into Billy’s life. Not just sure of our feelings, but how we’re going to work this. I don’t want to sound chauvinist, and I honestly don’t think I am, but I swore I’d never get involved with another career-minded woman, and look what I’ve gone and done.’ He gave a small smile and Lucinda managed a wobbly one back.
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