by Beth Rinyu
I walked toward him, feeling self-conscious like he knew right away that his little girl had done the nasty. “Yeah, I’m not feeling so great. I think I may have eaten too much popcorn.” Okay, now on top of feeling like a whore, I was now a liar. “I’m just going to go lie down.”
“Yeah, your mom’s not feeling so great either. Maybe there’s something going around.”
I shrugged my shoulders. He stood up to give me a kiss. “Good night. Feel better.”
“Thanks, Dad. Love you.”
“Love you too, pumpkin.”
I took the stairs two at time, finally making it into my bedroom. I couldn’t tear my clothes off fast enough and get into the shower to wash away my guilt.
The weeks passed. Jonathan was off to college and I had begun my senior year. I hadn’t heard much from him since he had left. I tried to tell myself that he was just busy with classes. But even the few times that I had called him, it took him days to return the call. I was just finishing up with cheerleading practice and waiting for my little brother Justin to get done with his football practice so I could drive him home. My best friend Donna was sitting on the bleachers with me while I waited for him. It was now mid-September and I was eight days late with my period. I tried my best not to stress about it, telling myself that it was normal to be a little late every now and then. I finally couldn’t keep it to myself anymore.
“Donna, my period is late.”
Donna’s eyes widened. “How late?”
“Eight days.”
“Nicole, why didn’t you make him use something?”
“I-I don’t know. He told me that you couldn’t get pregnant the first time and he even pulled out.”
“Nicole, did you sleep all through health class? You can absolutely get pregnant the first time! And pulling out doesn’t mean anything. You need to take a pregnancy test!”
“What! I can’t buy one of those!”
“Well, that’s the only way you’re going to know for sure. I’ll go buy it. Come over to my house after you drop Justin off and we could do it there. My mother is working late, so there’s no one home.” I took a deep breath. I had a sick feeling in my stomach as I handed Donna the money to make the purchase. “Okay, I’ll see you in a little bit,” Donna said as she made her way down the bleachers. My brother was just finishing up and was being swarmed by a bunch of freshman girls. I headed down the bleachers to hurry him along so I could get to Donna’s and find out my fate.
“Hey, Nicole!” one of my brother’s many female admirers said.
“Hi,” I responded, not much in the mood to make conversation with anyone.
“Are you ready, Justin?”
“Yeah,” he said, finally tearing himself away from the girls.
Justin was fourteen and he and I were super close. He would sometimes get angry at me for being the overprotective big sister, but I couldn’t help myself. I always felt this overwhelming need to watch out for him, whether he liked it or not. I always wished that I could have had that same type of relationship with my sister, but she and I were like fire and gasoline. Renee, my sister, was five years older than I was. She had graduated from college in May, got engaged over the summer, and was now planning out her big, elaborate wedding, not caring that it was going to put my parents in the poor house to pay for it. As long as she was happy, that’s all she cared about. My parents catered to her every whim. My mom, who was a stay-at-home mom her whole life, took a part time job just to help fund Renee’s big fancy shindig that she was planning in the spring. I laughed to myself when she asked me to be the maid of honor. I knew full well that there wasn’t an ounce of sincerity to it. She was only doing it because she felt obligated, since I was her sister. Little did she know, I could have cared less if she had asked someone else.
“Justin, just tell Mom I have to run to Donna’s. She took my history book home with her by accident and I need to get it,” I said as we pulled into the driveway.
“Okay, but you better be home in time for dinner or she’ll freak.”
“I know. I will be.”
I floored it out of the driveway, driving to Donna’s a little faster than I should have. Donna was waiting for me with the front door open as I entered. We wasted no time going into the bathroom. Donna explained to me what I needed to do. I stared at the test strip as it processed, not really knowing what I was supposed be seeing. “Donna what does two lines mean?”
I watched as Donna scoured over the instructions and a look of alarm washed over her face. “Nicole, you’re pregnant.”
Chapter 3
Nicole
I stared down at Ella a little longer before I quietly tiptoed out of her room. I poked my head into Ryan’s room, where he was still fast asleep as well.
I crawled back into my nice comfy bed, unable to resist giving my sexy husband, who was also sound asleep, a kiss on the cheek. He slowly opened his eyes at the touch of my lips, looking like he was trying to get his bearings straight. He flashed me his sexy, crooked smile once he was coherent enough to familiarize himself with his surroundings.
“Ella and Ryan are still asleep,” I said.
He sat up on his elbows and looked at the clock with the same look of alarm that I had, just a few short minutes ago. “She’s fine; I just checked on her,” I said.
“Well, then it looks like we have time for a little you-know-what,” he said with a smile.
I smiled back as Dailan hovered over top of me and pulled the covers over our heads. Dailan and I had a great sex life, but since Ella came along, our time together had dwindled down. We took turns tending to her at night. She was up basically every two hours in the night and by the time we had any opportunity in the bedroom, it was for sleep, not sex. I was hoping that now that she was getting a little bigger, she would be sleeping for longer periods of time. I was keeping my fingers crossed that last night was a sign of things to come. Working full-time and raising two kids was a lot easier said than done. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. My life was perfect.
Ella’s whimpering came over the baby monitor right on cue, just as Dailan and I had finished making love. “Perfect timing,” I said as I started to get up.
“I got her,” Dailan said as he jumped out of bed.
I smiled as I listened to him talking to her through the baby monitor. “Aww, I shoulda let your mommy come in here for this one,” he said. No doubt, he was referring to a situation in her diaper. She began to giggle, something she always did when Dailan was around. There was no doubt that she loved her daddy and vice versa. She was definitely the light of his life.
I finally got up when I could no longer ignore the sound of Dailan gagging through the baby monitor. He was just finishing up with her diaper change when I walked into the bedroom.
“Need some help?”
“Nope, I got it.” He picked up Ella and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She squealed in delight. “How could something so adorable produce something that smells so bad?”
I shook my head and laughed. He carried her out of the room as I followed him out the door.
Ella sat in her high chair, drinking her bottle and patiently waiting for her cereal to be done. Ryan came walking down the steps with his eyes half closed and major bed head.
“Well, it’s about time,” Dailan teased as he took Ella’s cereal out of the microwave.
I had to do a double take; Ryan looked like he had grown overnight. He was getting so tall and it was hard to believe that he would be ten years old in four days.
Dailan handed me the bowl of cereal and I began to feed Ella. Ryan sat down next to me. “Can I do it?” he asked.
“Sure,” I said, handing him the bowl and spoon. Ryan was the perfect big brother and also a tremendous help. I was thankful that Dailan’s new promotion didn’t have him traveling nearly as much as before. But there were still times when he did have to go away on business and those times Ryan would take right over and help out like a pro. I sat and watched as he fed his li
ttle sister. It was clear that he loved her very much and she absolutely adored him as well. I was saddened to think that I had missed out on this part of Ryan’s life, but was so grateful that I had found him and wouldn’t be missing out on anymore. The day that he had first referred to me as “Mom” was one of the happiest days of my life. Even though I wasn’t there for him for the first eight years of his life, I still felt that special mother-child bond with him that could never be taken away. Dailan and Ryan were inseparable. Ryan was starting to get involved in every sport imaginable and Dailan was enjoying every single minute of it.
It was the Friday before Memorial Day weekend. School was closed for the day and I was planning on finally getting around to using my Mother’s Day gift. I was spending the morning getting a facial and pedicure. Dailan had taken the day off as well. We were celebrating Ryan’s birthday tomorrow and we had some last minute things to do.
I placed a plateful of waffles that I had just taken out of the toaster oven in front of Ryan and took over feeding Ella, who was more interested in what Ryan was doing than eating. She began to babble as I tried my best to try and pry another spoonful of cereal into her mouth. I finally gave up. She had eaten half the bowl and if she got hungry later, I knew she would let me know. I moved her high chair closer to Ryan so she could watch what he was doing.
I decided to take a quick shower. Dailan was coming down the steps. His brown wavy hair was still damp from the shower. He pulled his gray t-shirt over his head as I gave him a hug. “Would you mind keeping an eye on Ella so I can take a shower?”
“No problem.”
“Thank you for giving me a ‘me day’ today.”
“You deserve it,” he said as he pulled me toward him and kissed me.
“Well, maybe later on tonight, I will give you what you deserve.”
He raised his eyebrow at me and smiled. “How about if Ryan watches Ella and I get back in the shower with you so you can give it to me now,” he joked.
“Dailan O’Maley, good things come to those who wait,” I said as I kissed him softly on the lips.
“Yuk!” Ryan said as he came from the kitchen and saw us kissing.
“Ah, Ryan don’t be jealous. Just because you want to kiss Katy Carmichael like this,” Dailan teased.
Ryan looked at Dailan and started blushing. “I do not! Big mouth!”
“Ryan, you didn’t tell me that you had a crush on Katy Carmichael.”
“Well, it was supposed to be a secret, but since some people can’t keep them!”
“Well, don’t worry about me. I won’t tell,” I said, sensing his frustration.
“Ella needs her diaper changed; she smells really bad!” Ryan said.
“Again?” Dailan groaned
“See ya!” I laughed as I kissed Dailan on the lips and ran up the steps.
“Serves you right for blabbing your mouth!” I heard Ryan say to Dailan as I reached the top of the steps. I laughed at the two of them and the unbreakable bond that they shared.
Chapter 4
Nicole
I was just coming out of my facial coma and admiring the pretty shade of turquoise that was being put on my toes when my phone beeped with a text message. I quickly pulled it from my purse. It was from Dailan: I had to bring Ryan and Ella into work with me for a few hours. Sorry, there was an emergency. Would you be able to pick them up when you’re done? My “me day” was officially over. Why did it not dawn on him to call my mom or his stepmother to come over and watch them before dragging them into work? I quickly walked out of the salon with my toes still wet and headed to Dailan’s office.
“Nicole! How are you?” Debbie, Dailan’s assistant, said as she gave me a hug.
“I’m good.”
“Oh my goodness, that baby is just the cutest! Sorry Dailan had to get called in on his day off, but there’s a problem with one of the big clients. He’s threatening to sue the company and Mr. Allan is freaking out.”
“Oh boy. Well, I just came to collect Ryan and Ella.”
“Oh yeah, come on back. I was just getting Ryan a lollipop. Dailan’s in his office on a conference call right now. Rachel and I are in the conference room with the kids.”
“Oh, who’s Rachel?” I asked.
“She’s one of the new paralegals. I’m going to be working full time for Mr. Allan in September.” She rolled her eyes as if she wasn’t pleased. “So, I’m training Rachel. She’ll be working for Dailan.”
“Oh.” I nodded. She opened the door to the conference room and the smile that was on my face immediately faded away. I had to do a double take when I saw my baby in the arms of Rachel Wiser, the girl who had made my life an unbearable living hell in high school. I was speechless as our eyes locked. “Nicole Morgan?” She stared at me with her piercing blue eyes, which looked as if they were looking right through you.
“Nicole O’Maley,” I corrected her as I snatched Ella from her arms. “Ryan, are you ready?” I asked, trying my best to get out of there without any further conversation with her. She stood up, revealing her super short skirt and her extra-long legs. Her long blonde hair was blowing from the overhead ceiling fan.
“Oh my God, Nicole, this is your baby? And Ryan is –”
“I have nothing to say to you. You are not my friend, you never were, and you never will be. So, let’s just stop with the nice act because the bottom line is, I will never forget all that you’ve done to me.”
“Ryan, let’s go get another lollipop,” Debbie said, doing her best to remove Ryan from the tension that loomed.
“Really, Nicole, you’re still angry over something that happened in high school?”
“You know what, Rachel? I actually do have a lot to say to you, but out of respect for my husband and not wanting to cause a major scene at his workplace, I’m going to keep my mouth shut. But I will say this; stay the hell away from my kids and my husband.”
I started to walk away. “Well, the second half of that is going to be pretty hard since I’m working for your husband now,” she shouted.
I bit my lip and took a deep breath just as Dailan came out of his office. “Hey, beautiful, I just tried texting you to tell you I was done and you didn’t have –” I whisked past him, totally ignoring him. I felt myself shaking. He finally caught up to me. “Hey, what’s the matter?”
“I’ll talk to you about it later.”
“No, we’ll talk about it now!”
I watched as Rachel made her way out of the conference room and smiled at me with a Cheshire cat grin.
“Please, Dailan. I don’t want to talk about it here.”
“Fine, give me a minute and I’ll be done here.”
I waited for Ryan, who was carefully scouring through the candy bowl on Debbie’s desk. I hurried him along when I saw Rachel walking toward us. She had two files in her hand and began to talk to Debbie as if I weren’t even standing there. “The blue ones are the best,” she said to Ryan as he tried to decide on a lollipop.
“You know what, Debbie? Would you mind telling Dailan that I’ll meet him outside?”
“Sure, no problem. Have a great weekend, Nicole, and you have a very happy birthday, Ryan!” Debbie smiled.
“Oh, it’s your birthday!” Rachel said with a fake grin. “Let me guess; you’re going to be ten?” Ryan nodded as if he was amazed that she knew that. “How in the world did I guess that?” Her fake smile disappeared as she looked at me and raised her eyebrows. I was expressionless. I took Ryan by the hand and gripped Ella tightly as I headed out the door.
I had just gotten Ella into her car seat when Dailan came walking out. “Uncle D, can we still go the batting cages, please?” Ryan begged.
“Yeah, go get in my car.”
“Yes!” Ryan pumped his fist in triumph.
“Okay, what is your problem?” he asked once Ryan was out of earshot.
“That fucking bitch that’s going to be working for you!”
His eyes widened at the language that had just com
e from my mouth. I never dropped the f-bomb unless I was really angry over something and he knew it.
“Who is she?”
“Dailan, you have no idea the hell that girl put me through in high school.”
He laughed as if I were overreacting, which was only making me angrier. “Umm, Nicole, you’re twenty-eight. High school was a long time ago.”
“That doesn’t matter, Dailan! You have no clue what she did to me and I will never forget it. Then I walk in and see her holding my baby! Do me a favor; never bring my kids around any of your co-workers again!”
I opened up the car door to enter. I was angry over the whole situation and how Dailan just acted so nonchalant about it. He pulled me toward him and lifted my chin up to look at him. “Hey, I’m sorry that she got you that upset. I’m going to take Ryan to the batting cages for a little bit and then when I get home, we’ll talk about it, okay?”
I nodded, even though I was still seething inside. He kissed me softly on the lips and stuck his head in the back seat to give Ella a kiss goodbye. I watched as he and Ryan drove off. I sat in my car, waiting for the air conditioner to kick in, trying to settle my nerves, still unable to get Rachel Wiser out of my head.
Chapter 5
Nicole
The past…
I was eight weeks pregnant and still hadn’t told anyone but Donna and Jonathan, who adamantly claimed that it wasn’t his. He stopped taking all my phone calls and wouldn’t respond to any of my emails. I had never felt more alone. I was scared to death, not knowing what to do or how I would ever break this news to my parents. Donna tried to be the best support system that she could to me, but being seventeen herself, there was only so much she could do.
I sat on the bleachers in the gym half listening to Mrs. Bradley, the school nurse, as she began to ramble on about the three cases of measles that had broken out in the school. The school was giving out inoculations as a precaution. My ears finally perked up when I heard her say, “Ladies, if there is any chance that any of you even suspect you may be pregnant, please see me. Everyone else, please line up against the wall.” My stomach dropped as I watched all of the students charge down the bleachers to line up.
