by Shey Stahl
“Why did you do that?” Sway asked, feeling bad for them.
“I told them twice not to run out of the hauler like that, and they’re not listening.” I set my helmet inside my car as she approached, wrapping her arms around my waist. It was so fucking hot I couldn’t believe she was down here, let alone wearing jeans. “Aren’t you hot? Maybe you should go inside the motorhome for a little bit. I’ll turn on the generator and get it cooled off for you.”
Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed my cheek. “I’m fine, and you’re cranky.”
I was. “I know… I’m sorry.”
The throaty rumble of a sprint car caught my attention on the track. It was Rager breaking the track record like the wheelman he’d become. I’d never regret adding him to the team, even if he had eyes for my daughter.
Sway and I walked hand in hand up to the fence line, the sweet smell of methanol burning our eyes while chunks of clay kicked up from his rear tires as he rode the cushion through turns three and four.
“Man,” Sway whistled. “He’s flying tonight.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, shaking my head. “He’s gonna make me work for it though.”
A giggle beside me drew my attention to her. “I know something you don’t have to work for later.”
“Mmmm.” Kissing the side of her face, I pulled her closer only to have her push away. “Nope, it’s too hot for hugs.”
“You just said you were fine, and I wouldn’t have to work for it later.”
“Yeah, you won’t. I’ll just get on my knees. No touching involved.”
“Wow, you make it sound so romantic.” I snorted with a laugh.
“Oh, it will be.” Her eyes drifted to the pits when Rager was back, everyone around his car congratulating him.
“What’s with him and Arie?” I asked as we walked back over to them.
She leaned in, her voice low. “She and Easton are having problems, and I think she’s turning to him for answers.”
I whistled lowly. “That can’t be any good.”
“He’s a good guy, Jameson.”
“E or Rager?”
“Both.”
“Uh-huh.”
I wasn’t sure what was going on with E these days, but I knew deep down Arie and Easton were never meant to be. I wasn’t stupid either; I’d known for years she had a thing for Rager, as did most girls.
Rager dominated the night, winning his heat and the trophy dash. Once the feature was underway, there was no catching him. I couldn’t even get a peek at an opening to get around him. I ran the top hoping I could find grip up there, but it wasn’t happening, and I could barely see a fucking thing with all the dust. Side-by-side with him in the corners, I just couldn’t make it stick. I also kept bouncing off everything. Could barely keep the car off the wall. No doubt, I was lucky I finished where I did.
When the race was finished, I stayed back until his interview finished and then congratulated him.
“So you couldn’t get past this big guy here, could ya?” the announcer asked me.
“He found the rubber before I did,” I told them, giving Rager a hug with one arm. “I should have moved down sooner than him. I made too many mistakes and bounced off the wall I don’t know how many times.” I shrugged, winking at Sway, who made her way over to us. “Just wasn’t my night.”
Rager leaned forward and took the microphone from the announcer. “This win goes to Sway.” He swung his arm around Sway, kissing her cheek. “You keep this entire operation going, for him, for us.” Leaning in, he whispered to her, “You’re gonna make it through this. You will because we’re all here for you. You can’t win a race without your crew,” Rager told her softly, winking.
Sway smiled and whispered to him, away from the microphone. “I have no doubt I will. Someone has to keep the boys of JAR Racing in line.”
When she leaned into my side, I threw my arm around her, my fingers curling around her chin so she was looking at me. I should have said something. But I didn’t. Words weren’t needed anymore. She knew exactly what I was thinking.
Flash Shield – A device to encompass the air inlet of a carburetor’s sides, top, and rear to protect the drive in case of engine backfire.
I’d dealt with death but never dying. Even though I knew when Charlie had been diagnosed with cancer, I was gone so often it wasn’t like I watched him die. Sway did, though. And when he finally did pass, I was in Daytona racing. When we lost Ryder, I didn’t know until he had already died. The same could be said for the plane crash and even my own dad’s death. So yeah, I had dealt with way too much death, but up until then, I had never faced the possibility of having to stand by and watch someone I loved and cared about die.
While I knew she wasn’t dying, it still felt that way at times. At every doctor appointment, it was if they were preparing us for the possibility. Which was probably why I wasn’t allowed at the appointments any longer. I couldn’t handle the idea of them preparing us for anything other than my wife living through this.
I also hated to be out of control. No race car driver did. But it was all I seemed to know since Sway’s diagnosis. Out of control and dependent on one outcome.
Staring at the track in front of me, its grooves and cushions, my life, our life, resembled it in so many ways. We had ruts. Hell, we had down right ditches in some of our wide sweeping turns, but we made it around the track each lap. When would that end though?
I carried speed for so many years. Had we finally hit the brim and blown a tire?
I wanted to be alone the morning of the concert so I snuck out across the street to our dirt track. I wasn’t out there long and Tommy found me.
Tommy sat beside me on the bleachers, handing me a new bottle of whiskey. “Wouldn’t want you to run out.” And then he motioned to the track. “Remember when you went off turn two and into the pound a couple of years ago?”
“Yeah, I had fish in my helmet.” Glancing at the bottle, I squinted into the sun, my head throbbing. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to say anything to anyone. Hell, I didn’t even want anyone with me.
In fact, I didn’t even want to be doing it at all, but for her, I would. For weeks, Arie and my sister had been bugging me to make the night before Sway’s surgery special for her. And while I agreed it should be special, I didn’t want to do a concert for her. I wanted us to spend the night alone. While that was me, Sway wanted her family around, and I could understand that.
“Where’s Sway?” Tommy asked. “This party’s for her, isn’t it?”
“At the zoo with the kids,” I mumbled, my head pounding with every word. I had a headache that started months earlier, a nagging one that never seemed to ease at all.
When I didn’t say anymore, he eventually asked, “You gonna be okay?”
“I will if you stop fucking talking.” I grunted, leaning back on the bleachers to stare up at the sun. Breathing in deeply, the rays warmed my face, the humidity in the air hovering like dust.
“I’m gonna let that comment slide because I know you’re going through something right now, but I think we both know that you secretly love my ability to talk constantly without any real thought to what I’m saying or what the consequences might be.” He waved his hand around, spilling his drink over the front of him. “But hey, you know, I’m really going to miss Sway’s tits,” he said, nonchalantly glancing over at me.
I raised an eyebrow and he scooted away a few feet. “Are you trying to piss me off?”
“You’re not thinking about the surgery now, are you?”
Groaning, I scrubbed my hands over my face. “I don’t want to talk about the fucking surgery.”
“Okay, well then let’s talk about that summer because you know, those were some of the best memories of my life.”
I knew exactly what he was referring to. That summer. It was the summer that everything else in my life compared to. The one where I lost myself, fell in love and found my passion for a sport that dictated my entire life.
<
br /> “Stay,”
….
“Have you ever thought about this before?” I whispered into the eerie silence of the room knowing she could hear me. My voice soft and soothing as my lips danced across her skin.
“Thought about?”
“This….” My arms tightened around her, kissing her skin once more.
“Yes, and no,” she told me.
…
“Sway Marie Reins… I promise to love you every moment of forever... will you marry me?”
…
I reached the point where I couldn’t sit there any longer with Tommy. Mostly because I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that could go wrong and also, the bottle was empty. When I was back at the house, the girls were back, and my mom was keeping Sway upstairs so she didn’t see anything.
Arie saw me and was immediately in my face, accusingly, telling me not to punch anyone. No way could I agree to that. Walking around to the stage, I noticed Dylan and Grayson had arrived so I decided to go thank them for coming.
“It’s good to see you, man,” Dylan said to me, clasping his hand on my shoulder. He smiled, and I wondered if he remembered me nearly kicking the shit out of him when he was a kid for looking at my wife’s ass. Probably. That kind of shit stayed with you.
“Yeah, it’s been a few years, huh?” I took another drink of my whiskey. No wonder I was feeling pretty good. I’d bypassed the beer completely. “How’re the girls doing?”
Dylan not only married that girl he brought around back in the day but had three girls with her. Immediately, he whipped out his phone to show me pictures. “They’re good. Henley’s in high school now so I spend most of my time chasing the no-good little fuckers away from her.”
“Ah, yes.” Laughing, I leaned into the stage, the whiskey kicking in. “I remember those days.” My eyes drifted to my only daughter, flirting with Rager. Yep. I remember those days all right. Squinting into the setting sun behind his shoulder, I asked, “How’s Bailey?”
“She’s doing good.” He nodded, reaching for his guitar to adjust the strings. “Started her own gallery a few years back. She really wanted to come out too but couldn’t make it. Our youngest is a bit of a handful.”
I waved him off. “No worries. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you guys coming on such short notice.”
Dylan cleared his throat, his eyes dropping to his feet as if he knew what it took for me to say that, and maybe had an idea of what I was going through. “Wouldn’t have missed it for anything.”
As much as I didn’t want to be doing this, parties just weren’t my thing, when I looked around at everyone there to support my wife, I understood the meaning behind the night.
Feeling the emotions rise, I cleared my throat and stood straighter. “Let’s look over the playlists.”
Dylan smiled and handed me the setlist.
JUST AS THE sun set, Sway came downstairs to her favorite song playing. “It’s Time” by Imagine Dragons. I couldn’t imagine what was going through her head when she saw me up on that stage, singing to her. My heart raced, waiting for her to approach, and when she did, it took my breath away. She wore a skirt and a black shirt that reminded me of the night in Charlotte. The way she looked up at me, it was if I was right there again, in the doorway touching her, waiting for her to make the first move.
I smiled widely when I saw her and leaned into the microphone to sing to her. Sure, there were like a hundred people here, but I sang for my wife to show her how much she meant to me.
Immediately I saw the tears in her eyes when she was close enough because she knew the meaning behind this song.
….
“Do you remember that night after the race in Charlotte when this all began?” Her arms wrapped over mine, which were around her as though she was cuddling into a warm blanket or a sweater that was soft to the touch.
“I do, honey,” I smiled, remembering the overpowering anxiety about what I wanted that night, a night I would remember forever. “I remember the exact look in your eyes when I asked you to stay.”
“Me too,” she whispered, pulling my hand to her lips, kissing the promise I made to her.
….
When Sway was at the stage, front, and center and began cheering me on like I was a rock star, I laughed in the middle of the song, which caused everyone else to as well.
“Fucking hot!” she mouthed to me, reaching out to grab my leg. I did kinda feel like a rock star right then.
I did everything I could to make the night special for her, including playing all of her favorites. I knew I needed to include “Purple Rain,” but just like our lives, it needed to be perfectly placed and anticipated through the night. I knew she was waiting for it, too. I could see the disappointment when we started it, and I moved to “Beautiful Ones” instead.
With my head down, staring at my feet as the music faded, a slow drumbeat picked up into “Purple Rain” and everyone started to scream.
I had her on the stage with me when she recognized the beat. Her hand flew to her mouth as she openly gasped, tears falling slowly. “I love you, so much!” she whispered, shaking her head slowly as if she were in complete awe at my performance.
What really got her was when I dropped to my knees before her, to sing the chorus, my voice echoing through the field, as raw and emotional as our love.
When the song ended, the slow drumbeat faded and the stage went quiet and dark with only us illuminated by a spotlight. Memories bombarded me. Well, one memory really, of the first night I sang this song to her as we danced. The night I asked her to stay. It was our true beginning, and suddenly it hit me. I had been contemplating what to do for her that would mean something more than an “I love you.” Spencer mentioned renewing our vows and at first, I didn’t think she’d want to. But then I remembered, this was Sway. She may not like weddings, but she loved what they meant, and this was something she’d surely appreciate, my devotion to her.
I was still on my knees before Sway, tears in my eyes when I took her hand in mine. “This night was for you, honey. Just for you. I hope you see how much we can’t live without you. And I hope that you’ll give me another twenty-five years to show you. Marry me?”
Sway laughed, looking at me like I was insane. “We’re already married, Jameson.”
Shaking my head, I smiled through the emotion. “I mean again. You….” Despite my attempt not to, my voice broke, and my head fell forward, my shoulders shaking. I couldn’t hold it back any longer. It all hit me at once. I couldn’t even look at her.
Her hands ran over my shoulders, went to my head and angled my face to look up at her.
When I found my voice, it was shaking. Reaching up, I took her hand from my shoulder placing it over my heart. “There’s something here… and it’s something nothing else compares to.” She knew what I was referring to, her smile so bright it blinded me. “It’s worth all the tears and aches in the world to believe in. A man and woman in love. Marry me, all over again?”
Yanking me up, she jumped into my arms. “YES!”
Once I was alone with her, and not on stage, I drew her in close, slow dancing away from the rest of the crowd as Dylan and Grayson took over playing for the night.
“Did you enjoy yourself?” I whispered in her ear, placing a kiss right below her ear.
“I did.” She sighed, sinking into my hold on her. “You sounded amazing out there.”
“Oh yeah? Why don’t you show me how good I sounded,” I hinted, waggling my eyebrows.
She gave a nod behind the stage. “Remember that night behind the billboards?”
Fuck, how could I ever forget that night? “Want me to steal your panties and shove them in my pocket?”
Sway threw her head back in laughter. “Who says I’m wearing any?”
Once again, she had the upper hand.
Maybe it was the heat of the night, or just that my husband was so hot, but I had to have him. My theory was if I was going into surgery tom
orrow, so I was going to make the most of this night and what he gave to me.
Jameson’s hands shook, unsure what I was getting at when I shoved him against the side of the stage. Hard I might add.
It seemed crazy and unlike two people who had kids, and grandkids to be fucking against a stage in the middle of a field, but damn it, we were still young at heart. I would prove it.
There was a reason why I fell for Jameson Anthony Riley all those years ago.
There was a reason why I married him.
It was essentially because he was a dirty fucking heathen and about to give me one hell of a night against this stage. I knew it when he flipped me around and pulled my hair. “Is this what you want, dirty girl?”
I remembered words we said to each other back then like it was yesterday, so I decided to play a little.
“Jameson,” I breathed when his mouth went to my shoulder. “We should probably get back,” I teased. I didn’t mean it at all.
He growled against my skin, the roughness of his jaw scraping over my sensitive skin. “No. I want you. Right now. Like this.” His wet, cool mouth moved from my lips to my jaw, down my neck and then bit down on my shoulder. “And you shouldn’t have worn this skirt.” Taking a fist full of the fabric, he pulled it up so it was around my waist and then dropped his hand to my hips to find I wasn’t wearing any panties.
Looking back at him, his grin took over, crooked and captivating. A sense of familiarity seeped into me recalling that night against the billboards at Grays Harbor.
I wasted no time when he turned me around so my ass was seated on the edge of the stage, my legs wrapped around his waist. The base of the song playing behind us amplified my emotions as I brought his lips to mine.
Something happened when he kissed me though. It happened to both of us. Immediately, we were a tangle of hands racing to find each other and breathing heavily, much like we were twenty-some years ago.
What would have made it perfect would have been the sound of sprint cars behind us, but The Eagles’ “Life In The Fast Lane” worked too because we were in the fast lane.
