by Stella Casey
“I don’t know if I’m strong,” she said. “Maybe just stubborn.”
“Either way, I find it damn impressive,” I whispered in her ear, making her shiver.
Then I moved away before I did something stupid, like kiss her.
Alyssa was an amazing creature, and I was in danger of caring more for her than was wise. But somehow, no matter how foolish it was to spend time with her and get to know her … I couldn’t stop myself.
And I didn’t want to.
The next morning, I was feeling lazy, and after feeding time I went to my favorite spot up on the platform in the tree to take my third nap of the day. It was cool in the shade, and I could see a lot from up here, despite the leaves.
I kept replaying all the time Alyssa and I had spent together. And it was almost like having her there with me.
But not quite.
I had to admit that this life wasn’t working for me anymore. Ever since I had spoken to Alyssa, I needed more than I had had for the past three years. I needed to have someone to interact with.
At this point, I couldn’t believe I had gone for three years without speaking to anyone. It seemed crazy. And I never wanted to spend another three years like that, ever again.
I closed my eyes and was just drifting off when I heard shouts coming from the path where the visitors to the zoo came by our enclosure.
“What’s he doing?”
“Stop! That’s dangerous.”
“Is he drunk?”
There was the sound of the fence rattling, and I moved so I could see. When I saw what was happening, I rolled my eyes — which felt decidedly odd in the tiger head — and tried again to go to sleep.
Another stupid human, trying to get over the fence that was there to keep them safe. Did they not understand what these beasts were capable of?
I watched as Dorcas sauntered towards the man who had just dropped down inside the enclosure. Oh shit. That was her I’m-going-to-kill-you-now walk, for sure.
I could help the guy out, but I’d gotten in a fight with Dorcas once when I first arrived. She was a serious tiger. She nearly killed me, and I was injured and out of the enclosure for three weeks.
I felt bad for this guy — sort of — but I wasn’t going to risk being severely injured and maybe killed. Couldn’t he read the signs, anyway?
I closed my eyes, not wanting to see him mauled, but opened them again when I heard two female voices — one of them Alyssa’s.
“Everyone stay calm. Director, I’ll go in. The rest of you clear the area. Why are all those people still here watching?”
Her voice sounded annoyed.
Alyssa was coming in? Now? When Dorcas was on the prowl? Oh no. That was not a good idea. I would not let her do that.
I jumped down from my perch and stalked over to the keeper door. Alyssa was still outside the cage, putting on protective equipment. She grabbed the tranquilizer gun and tried to enter the enclosure.
I growled at her.
She blinked and tilted her head, studying me.
“Berani, move. I need to get in. The man’s going to get hurt,” she said.
“No, Alyssa,” the woman behind her said. “I can’t allow you to risk your life. Just wait till Dorcas stands down before you go in. You know her behavior suggests she’s going to attack.”
“Just because someone’s stupid doesn’t mean they should die,” Alyssa said to me, though it seemed as though she was addressing the director.
I shook my head back and forth. “Don’t make me tranquilize you too,” she whispered.
I tried to make the tiger face frown at her, and by her freaked-out reaction, I had sort of succeeded. Still, she didn’t give up.
“I know you don’t want me to come in, Lii’thoou, but I have to. I’ll be careful. Now, let me in.”
I thought about it for a moment. She had been serious about tranquilizing me. Fine. But I would stay with her and protect her.
I backed away from the door. The other tigers were slowly approaching the man, who was reciting some sort of poetry to them.
Shit. Maybe the poor guy was crazy?
Dorcas was watching Alyssa. As soon as the tiger knew she was out of Alyssa’s line of sight, she jumped, her claws extended, ready to take Alyssa down.
But I was in motion at the same time, and I cut her off in the air. We landed, tumbling over and over, until she was over me and swatted at my face, gouging deeply across my tiger cheek.
I roared in pain and anger and we fought, clawing and biting. She got the upper hand again — I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not exactly experienced in fighting as a tiger — and before I knew what was happening, she went for my jugular.
Oh fuck. I was in trouble now.
But just when her teeth were about to pierce my throat, she went suddenly limp and collapsed on me. I rolled her off me and got to my feet, or rather paws, to see a tranquilizer dart sticking out of her back.
Oh, thank goodness.
Alyssa was standing there, looking shaken.
“Tranq them all,” the woman from before said. “So we can get that stupid idiot out of here.”
“But Berani didn’t do anything. He was only trying to protect me,” Alyssa protested.
“Tranq them all, Alyssa,” the woman said, in a tone of voice that brooked no opposition.
Alyssa gave me an I’m sorry face, lifted the gun, and shot me.
9
Lii’thoou
“I’m so sorry, Lii’thoou,” Alyssa whispered, lifting my ear to speak into it. She was stroking my head, and it partially made up for the splitting headache that I had from the tranquilizer.
I opened my eyes to see that I was in the same examining room as before, when I had shown Alyssa my true form — maybe it was the one she always used.
“I didn’t want to have to shoot you,” she said, continuing our one-sided conversation. “And thank you for protecting me. I really appreciate it. I probably would have been badly hurt … or worse.”
I still felt kind of out of it, but what she was doing felt so good that I lifted my head and rubbed my cheek against hers, nuzzling her. When I lay back down and opened my eyes to look at her, she seemed … well, I would say flustered, if I didn’t know by now that Alyssa didn’t get flustered, not even when she had to go into an enclosure full of vicious tigers.
“The guy survived. He’s hurt, but is going to live.”
I couldn’t care less what happened to that nut job. He had almost gotten both Alyssa and me killed for nothing.
“Lii’thoou,” she whispered. “I want you to come to dinner. At my house. I feel terrible about this, and I want to make it up to you. I’ll make a special dinner.”
Alyssa seemed to have forgotten that she had also saved my life. She gazed into my eyes. I gave the tiger head a nod, then closed my eyes, the tranquilizer still making me feel sleepy.
“We’re going to bring you back to the enclosure now. I get off at five. See you at my house at six?”
I nodded my head again without opening my eyes.
“Hm. You’ll have to sleep off the effects of the tranquilizer. It usually takes a couple hours. I don’t know. Maybe it’s not a good idea to get together today. Maybe we should do the dinner tomorrow?”
My eyes popped open at that suggestion and I shook my head vehemently. She laughed.
“Okay, today it is. I’ll see you around six-ish.”
I laid my head back down and attempted to pull my tiger mouth into a human smile. She must have seen what I was doing, because she burst out laughing. Then a door opened and she tapped my jaw. I relaxed the smile, which felt really strange in this form, and pretended to still be knocked out while Alyssa and a couple of other keepers took me back to the tiger enclosure.
My heart beat faster at the thought of our next date — if you could call it that. We had been out to supper, to a lot of outdoor movies, and a couple of other places — all with Zoe as our chaperone. But she hadn’t invited me to he
r house, and I had a feeling that it was a big step for her. I knew it was a bad idea for me to keep hanging out with her, but I couldn’t stop myself.
If I was being honest, the past three years had been lonely. Really lonely. I needed some company. Someone to talk to.
I had been playing the tough guy. Or maybe punishing myself, because I didn’t protect my family when I should have. As if the hundred years of prison hadn’t been enough.
I was so sick of feeling terrible over that one day in my life, and all the decisions — both good and bad — that had come from it. Maybe I was finally ready to let go of that, though I found the idea of letting go hard to imagine.
Who would I be without the guilt and regret?
I had no idea.
But maybe I was finally willing to find out.
I rang Alyssa’s doorbell at six, feeling nervous when she opened it. Zoe was in her arms.
“Hey,” she said, with a smile that might have been a little anxious, too. “Come on in.”
“Smells good,” I said, as I entered. “What did you make?”
The house looked different in the daylight. It was painted mostly white, but with bright splashes of color here and there — an orange accent wall, a royal blue cushion, a forest green painting.
The floors were pine. And the whole place was open, airy, and inviting. I had never seen anyplace like it.
“Well, I thought we’d have beef sliders for an appetizer, then a big Greek salad and pork loin, and for dessert — chocolate pudding.”
I put my hand up, palm towards her. “What?” she said, confused.
“You had me at beef sliders. They’re my favorite Earth food,” I said, making reference to one of the movies we had watched — a romantic comedy. “Say no more.”
Alyssa laughed, putting Zoe into her high chair and attempting to give her a spoon of avocado. Zoe grabbed the spoon tightly and Alyssa shook her head, a smile on her face.
She let the spoon go, and I watched in fascination as the baby, with the utmost concentration, dipped the spoon down into the avocado pieces, and using her other hand shoved one onto the spoon. Then she brought the spoon slowly to her face.
With some difficulty, she got it in her mouth. She ate the piece and then gave us a toothy smile.
“Wow,” I said, and Alyssa gave me a rueful look.
“I know. She’s going to be such a handful. If she won’t even let me feed her at fourteen months…”
“That’s not what I meant,” I said, feeling confused by her reaction. “I’m so impressed with her single-mindedness and determination. Those qualities will serve her well in life.”
Alyssa blinked and narrowed her eyes. “You know, I never thought about it like that. But every quality that makes my life difficult as her mother will be what makes her successful and strong as a woman.”
“That’s right. Now you can celebrate those qualities in her.”
I pulled a little at the tie I had wrapped around my human neck to impress her. I felt like I was being strangled.
She eyed me. “You look nice.”
“Thanks, so do you,” I said, trying to act like I loved wearing these strange human clothes and being in this strange human body.
“Those scratches look bad. Do they hurt?”
“Not too much.”
“You don’t seem comfortable,” she said, watching as I stuck a finger between my tie and the human neck and pulled to loosen it.
I sighed, my shoulders sagging. “I’m not.”
She gazed into my eyes for a long moment. “Is it hard to be in a form that’s not your own?”
“Not really,” I said. “What’s difficult is that I have to always have some attention on holding the form. It’s like…” I searched for a good analogy.
“What’s it like?”
“It’s like if your pants were too big, okay?”
“Okay.”
“So that would mean that your pants would be falling down all the time unless you held them up, right?”
“Right.”
“All right, so imagine having to constantly hold your pants up. When you’re walking, when you’re talking, when you’re cooking, when you’re going to the bathroom, when you’re dancing. All the time.”
“Dancing wouldn’t be much fun like that,” she said, thoughtfully, walking over to me and reaching up to undo my tie. “You couldn’t really ever relax.”
“You get used to it. But you’re right. It’s not much fun.”
She nodded, working at the knot until it came loose, and pulled on the tie, sliding it off my neck. I found the act incredibly sexy.
“Other activities aren’t as much fun in a form that’s not my own, either,” I said, catching her eye. She was in the act of giving the tie to me, and she froze with our hands touching.
“What sort of other activities?” she said, sounding a little breathless.
“The kind that require completely losing control,” I said, pinning her with my gaze, the way I wanted to pin her to the floor right now.
“Oh,” she said, not moving.
The spell was broken a second later when Zoe spoke. “Mama,” she said, in her little voice. “Aw dun kado.”
Alyssa pulled her hand away, swallowing hard.
“You’re all done your avocado? Wow, already? Do you want some more?”
I was impressed that she didn’t do any stupid baby talk, like I had heard some people at the zoo doing with their little kids.
Zoe shook her head, her little brown curls bouncing. “Okay,” Alyssa said, wetting a cloth and wiping Zoe’s face. “You want to get down?”
“Dow, dow,” she said, lifting her arms to be picked up.
Alyssa lifted her slowly, until her feet were free, and then gave her a squeeze. She set the baby on the floor with a couple of toys.
“Why don’t you assume your real form?” she said. “I keep the windows covered at this time of day anyway, because of the heat.” She gestured towards the front windows that faced the street. “No one will see you.”
I tilted my head, studying her. “You don’t mind?” I wondered if she was serious.
Alyssa gave a little shrug, turning to face the stove, where she was frying something that smelled delicious. “The doors are locked. The blinds are drawn. Be yourself.”
“You didn’t answer my question,” I pointed out, sorely tempted to shift into my true form. But I wouldn’t do it if it made her uncomfortable. That was the last thing I wanted.
I had been around other humanoid species — as the humans called them — in other parts of the galaxy, and they were generally not comfortable with someone like me, who only vaguely resembled them.
She turned and looked me directly in the eye. “Relax, Lii’thoou. I like your true form. You don’t need to pretend with me.”
And that was the amazing thing. I had never felt like I could simply be the person I really was inside. Even at home, where my form was to be expected, I had been unable to be myself.
Because I was a Gil’nythian — a shapeshifter — people saw us as deceitful and untrustworthy, so from a young age I’d hidden the fact that I could shapeshift. Then, once I was banished, I hid my true form because it made the humanoid species — the dominant life forms in the galaxy — uneasy.
“Okay.” I could not believe I was doing this. I stepped into the bathroom and took off my clothes, so they wouldn’t get wrecked when I shifted. Then I relaxed my grip on the human form and felt myself blur out and back in. I looked down at my blue skin and the right number of arms and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
I could be myself.
Unbelievable.
I put the clothes back on — except the shirt and tie — and stepped into the hall, still feeling a little shocked. Here I was at a human woman’s house, a thousand light years from my planet, and for the first time in my life … I felt like I was home.
10
Alyssa
I glanced over at Lii’thoou, an
d for the twentieth time tonight, I couldn’t believe this was happening. An alien was actually in my house, having dinner. Without a shirt.
While I did the dishes, he carried Zoe around, talking softly to her. He was blue-skinned and bare-chested, wearing only his pants, because the human shirt he’d had on wouldn’t fit over his six arms.
I wondered what a K’nythian shirt looked like. And as I stared at his chest, I wasn’t sure if his wardrobe malfunction was lucky or unlucky.
Maybe it would be easier to focus if he had his shirt on. If he had stayed in his human form. But I had wanted him to be comfortable, so I had suggested he shift into his true form.
I kind of liked his looks. But there were repercussions. Seeing him with his shirt off all night had me thinking about his body. And about how hot this alien was without any clothes on.
On the day we met I had gotten a pretty good look, and the memory of his naked body was burned into my brain.
I suddenly realized that I had been washing the same plate for several minutes, so I ran the rinse water over it and put it in the dish rack. You would think because we were different species that there wouldn’t be any attraction, but that wasn’t true in the least. I was so hot for him at this moment that I could hardly think straight.
He was strong, and smart, and good with Zoe, which I found incredibly attractive. And the weird thing was, it was his true form that got me all wound up. Now, don’t get me wrong — he’s drop dead gorgeous in human form, but not nearly as sexy as when he’s an alien.
I wasn’t sure exactly what attracted me to him. But then, it seemed to me that what attracted human people to one another was just as random. Either you thought someone was sexy, or you didn’t.
Who knew why you thought your partner was handsome, and your friend’s partner was just so-so. Seemed it was the same thing between an alien and a human.
But, I reminded myself, it didn’t matter how interested I was. We weren’t getting involved. We were just friends.
He needed someone to talk to. And I … well, I was just interested as a scientist.
Yeah. Right.
