Rayden looked back at her for a long moment, she shook her head slowly. “It’s not the same, Gray.”
“Ray, I don’t understand,” Grayson said, “are you saying I’m not what you want…”
“No, god no…” Rayden said. “I just… I want more than that with you…”
“More than what, Ray?” Grayson asked, trying to understand.
“More than just sex,” Rayden said, surprising herself as much as she could see she’d just surprised Grayson.
“Oh…” Grayson said, her voice trailing off as she blinked a couple of times.
“Is that…” Rayden began. Then she stopped suddenly feeling incredibly stupid and defenseless, and totally hating the feeling.
She got up and strode away from where they’d been sitting. She surprised Grayson with her abrupt departure, so much so that she couldn’t even form a phrase before Rayden’s long legs had carried her half way down the flight line. Grayson had to run to catch up.
“Ray, stop!” she yelled as she caught up and stood in front of Rayden.
Rayden stopped, staring straight ahead over Grayson’s head. Grayson could see that she was gritting her teeth by the way that her jaw jumped. She reached up, touching Rayden’s cheek. Rayden looked down at her then, and Grayson could see vulnerability in the other woman’s eyes.
“I want more than sex with you too,” Grayson said. “I just didn’t think that’s what you’d want… Please Ray, please don’t go…” she said, her voice desperate suddenly. “Please.”
Rayden looked at her for a long moment, then pulled her into her arms. She hugged her close and breathed a sigh of relief.
“Next week, see if you can get leave,” Rayden told her.
“Okay,” Grayson said, her voice muffled because her face was buried against Rayden’s jacket.
Jazmine walked into Rayden’s room later that evening after she’d showered and had dinner. Rayden always left her door open unless she wanted to be alone. Jazmine stood staring down at her; she’d fallen asleep reading on her back with her arm up over her eyes. Jazmine wondered at that, she didn’t remember Rayden sleeping that way years before.
“Ray?” she queried softly.
Rayden moved her arm. “Mmm? What is it Jaz?”
Jazmine hesitated. She knew she was being kind of a pain in the ass. “Come here,” Rayden said, smiling tiredly as she held her arm out.
“Why do you sleep that way?” Jazmine asked, even as she climbed into the bed.
“What way?” Rayden asked.
“With your arm over your eyes, you didn’t use to do that.”
“Well, when you sleep in a tent for a while, and you catch sleep whenever you can, you learn to block the sun out any way that you can. I used my arm. It became a habit.”
“Oh,” Jazmine said, nodding, “makes sense.”
“Yeah,” Rayden said, as she moved to settle more comfortably with Jazmine at her side.
“I’m sorry,” Jazmine said. She looked up at Rayden from where her head rested against Rayden’s shoulder, feeling Rayden’s arm encircle her shoulders. “This whole thing tonight at the gym was just so unsettling…”
“Shit like that happens in the lesbian world, just like it does in the straight one…” Rayden said.
“I know, but it’s just heartbreaking,” Jazmine said, “and I really can’t believe Dakota did that…” She shook her head.
“How well do you know her?” Rayden asked.
“Not really that well. I know she’s a major player. It seems like for her flirting is like breathing, you learn to ignore it most of the time.”
“She’s flirted with you?” Rayden asked. “Isn’t she with someone?”
“She flirts with everyone, Ray, and yeah, she’s supposedly the girlfriend of the woman who’s coming in with half the money for the studio.”
“Dakota looks like a kid,” Rayden said. “What is she early twenties?”
“Yeah,” Jazmine said, “like twenty-four or twenty-five, why?”
“How old is the girlfriend?” Rayden asked.
“Oh, I’d say about forty.”
“Aw,” Rayden said, nodding her look knowing.
“Yeah, I do get the feeling it’s one of those situations where Dakota’s kind of a toy for Cassandra.”
“Might be why Dakota flirts,” Rayden said. “To get back some of her own.”
“Maybe,” Jazmine said, giving Rayden a sidelong glance. “Did you ever do that?”
“Do what?” Rayden asked, sensing they weren’t talking about flirting now.
“Cheat.”
“On…?”
“Grayson?” Jazmine asked, her tone gentle.
“No, never,” Rayden said. “Never even thought about it, she was it for me.”
Jazmine nodded, feeling a stab of jealousy and trying to tamp down on it. “What about when you were with me?”
Rayden looked back at her for a long moment. She’d seen the flash of jealousy in Jazmine’s eyes and she wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Then she remembered Jazmine had asked her a question.
“No, I didn’t cheat on you either,” she said. “If I’m with someone, I’m with them. If I want to be with someone else, I end it with who I’m with first.”
Jazmine nodded, thinking that it definitely sounded like the Rayden she knew.
“You just weren’t with anyone too often, were you?”
“No, not officially, no,” Rayden said.
“Officially?” Jazmine asked, grinning.
“Well, making an actual commitment, like moving the person in…” Rayden said, her look pointed.
“Aw,” Jazmine said, catching her meaning. “But you really didn’t want to do that with me, did you?”
Rayden narrowed her eyes slightly at Jazmine. “It wasn’t my first choice, no,” she said honestly.
Jazmine nodded, grimacing slightly. “And I really need to tell you that I know I kind of emotionally blackmailed you back then…”
Rayden smiled slightly, nodding. “I know.”
“You do?” Jazmine said, surprised.
“At the time I think part of me knew that, but I knew your financial situation was tenuous at best, and I really couldn’t let you do anything stupid like move to the Heights… So…” Her voice trailed off as she shrugged.
Jazmine shook her head. “I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when you disappeared.”
“I could have handled it better,” Rayden said.
“I could have not forced your hand in the first place,” Jazmine said.
“Can we just call it a draw then?” Rayden asked, grinning.
“Yes, I think we can,” Jazmine said, smiling.
“Good,” Rayden said, smiling too.
They both lay silent for a while. Rayden had her left arm up behind her head and Jazmine notice that she was rubbing the right side of her head. It was something Rayden had done years before, and something she recognized. She looked up at Rayden with a humorous grin on her lips. “What?” Rayden asked.
Jazmine licked her lips, smiling. “Can I ask you a really personal question?”
“Uh,” Rayden stammered. “I guess…” she said, her tone unsure.
“How long has it been since…?” Jazmine asked, her voice trailing off as she widened her eyes.
“Since what?” Rayden asked, her look pointed.
“You know… since you… um… got some…” Jazmine said.
Rayden looked contemplative, not sure if she wanted to answer that question. Finally, she figured what the hell and shrugged. “About a year.”
Jazmine’s eyes widened again, this time in surprise. “Really?”
Rayden looked back at Jazmine, her look serious. “My wife died, Jaz. It wasn’t at the top of my list of things to worry about.”
“I know, I’m sorry…” Jazmine said. “It’s just that… Well, the Rayden I remember had a hell of a sex drive…”
Rayden opened her mouth to say something, then shut
it, her look quizzical. “So what made you ask now?”
“Well…” Jazmine cringed. “You kind of have this tell…”
“A tell?” Rayden asked.
“Yeah,” Jazmine said, nodding, her look contrite.
“And what’s that?” Rayden asked, her eyes sparkling with interest.
“That thing you do with your head,” Jazmine said, pointing to where Rayden’s hand was still on the side of her head.
Rayden’s hand stopped moving immediately, and she rolled her eyes comically.
“Didn’t realize I did that,” she said diffidently.
“Yeah, you do,” Jazmine said. “It’s how I always knew when whatever fight we were in was over,” she said, grinning. “And it was safe for me to approach.”
Rayden chuckled. “Living with me was that much fun, huh?”
“Oh I loved living with you Ray,” Jazmine said. “I just had to learn to read you.”
Rayden nodded. “I see…” she said, her voice trailing off as her lips quirked in a grin.
Rayden’s phone buzzed at that moment. She shifted to reach over to the nightstand and felt Jazmine’s quick intake of breath as she brushed against her. She said nothing, she just grinned as she checked her phone. She answered an email and then put her phone back on the nightstand.
“So…” Rayden said after a few minutes. “How long has it been since you got some?” she asked, her tone wry.
Jazmine’s mouth dropped open in surprise, then she closed it, giving Rayden a haughty look. “It’s been a lot less than a year, I can tell you that.”
“Uh-huh,” Rayden said, her tone dubious.
“It has!” Jazmine said, her voice rising on the last syllable.
Rayden chuckled. “Okay, then let me put it this way… How long has it been since you got some that was really good?”
“Who said it wasn’t really good?” Jazmine asked her look arrogant.
“The fact that you just about jumped out of your skin when I brushed up against you a minute ago,” Rayden told her.
“I did not,” Jazmine said.
“Really?” Rayden replied, her look cocky.
Jazmine laughed at the look on Rayden’s face. “Okay, I might have reacted a little…” she conceded.
Rayden nodded slowly. “So answer the question.”
“Which question?”
Rayden gave her a stern look.
“Okay, it’s been a while since it was really good,” Jazmine said, flabbergasted. “But it’s just so much friggin’ work…”
Rayden blinked a couple of times. “Work?” she asked, her tone derisive.
“Yeah, you know…” Jazmine said.
Rayden turned her head, giving her a sidelong glance. “No… I don’t know… What work is it?”
Jazmine hesitated, then blew her breath out, shaking her head. “I just mean… like getting there.”
“There?” Rayden said, her look pointed.
“Yeah,” Jazmine said, her voice strident. “Don’t tell me you’ve never had to… you know, help things along.”
Rayden pressed her lips together, looking a bit puzzled. “We are talking for you to get there, right?”
“Yeah,” Jazmine said, grinning at the incredibly weird conversation they were having suddenly.
Rayden closed her eyes for a second, looking like she was really trying to grasp what Jazmine was talking about, and having a really hard time.
“You have to… help it along… yourself?” Rayden said, trying to use her words.
“Yeah you know… fantasizing and… well, you know…” she said, her voice trailing off as she kind of shrugged.
Rayden’s mouth opened in shock as she shook her head, unable to believe what she was hearing.
“You’re saying they don’t get you off, it’s actually you that gets you off?” Rayden asked finally sure she understood what Jazmine was saying.
“Right,” Jazmine said.
“But they get off at the same time?”
“Well, yeah, they’re guys so…” Jazmine said, grimacing as she said that, knowing how it sounded to Rayden.
Rayden made a “pfft!” sound with her lips. “Yeah, no wonder…”
Jazmine gave her an affronted look. “Geeze… way to be a man hater.”
Rayden pinned her with a look. “A man that can’t get a woman off is no man, honey,” she told her simply.
Jazmine pressed her lips together, then shrugged. “I figure it’s just me.”
A slow grin spread on Rayden’s face. “You never had trouble getting there with me… multiple times if I recall correctly.”
Jazmine cleared her throat. “Yeah, I know.”
“So what makes you think it’s you, and not men?” Rayden asked.
Jazmine pressed her lips together, then she gave Rayden a doubtful look. “Just because it was good with you, doesn’t mean I should be with women. Maybe it was just you.”
“And maybe it wasn’t just me, Jaz,” Rayden said. “Were you ever with another woman? I mean after me,” she clarified.
“Not really, no. Not like that.”
“But like something?”
“Not sexually, just like kissing and stuff…” Jazmine said, her voice trailing off knowing she couldn’t tell Rayden that it was always at some guy’s suggestion.
Rayden looked back at her, seeing that Jazmine didn’t want her to ask too many questions, so she left it alone.
“I think maybe you need to explore the girl thing a bit more, Jaz…” Rayden said.
Jazmine didn’t say anything. She just put her head back down against Rayden’s shoulder, her fingers picking at a loose thread on Rayden’s tank top.
“Jaz?” Rayden queried gently.
“Hmm?” Jazmine answered, not looking up at her.
“Hey, look at me,” Rayden said softly.
Jazmine looked up at her, pressing her lips together as she did.
Rayden’s eyes searched Jazmine’s. “What is it?”
Jazmine shook her head, sighing. “I just don’t want to take that chance again, Ray…”
“What chance?” Rayden asked.
“Falling in love with someone and opening myself up to that kind of hurt again,” Jazmine said, her voice gravelly with emotion.
Rayden grimaced. “Is that what happened with me?”
Jazmine bit her lip, nodding as she looked down.
“Aw, Jaz…” Rayden said, her tone pained.
“I know, I know, I was stupid to fall for you,” Jazmine said, “but I couldn’t help it.”
“I’m sorry,” Rayden said. “I didn’t see it, and I really should have, shouldn’t I?”
Jasmine shrugged.
Rayden sighed, looking up at the ceiling. It was one more reminder of how stupid she’d been ten years before. She’d been living it up, moving from one woman to the next, getting away with murder as it were. She’d been the classic ‘sailor on shore leave,’ loving them and leaving them. She’d never really stopped to think about the wake she was leaving behind her. Now she was seeing it firsthand.
“What can I do?” Rayden asked then.
“What?” Jazmine asked, surprised by the question.
“What can I do to make it up to you?” Jazmine laughed. “You don’t have to make it up to me, Ray. It’s the past.”
“Yeah… but I feel really lousy about it, and I want to put it right,” Rayden said, her look contrite.
“Tell you what,” Jazmine said, smiling. “You can do one thing and make it up to me.”
“Okay, what’s that?” Rayden asked.
“Kiss me,” Jazmine said simply.
Rayden canted her head. “That’s it?”
“Yeah,” Jazmine said, shrugging. “I want to see for myself if I’ve been romanticizing your effect on me over the years.”
Rayden grinned in surprise. “Romanticizing my effect on you, huh?”
“Yeah,” Jazmine said. “Maybe I’ve just been building it up in my head over the ye
ars, and you really weren’t all that great, you know… romanticizing it.”
Rayden nodded, still looking like she thought Jazmine was crazy.
“So you want to see if I can still affect you,” Rayden clarified.
“Right,” Jazmine said.
“Do you think I can still affect you?” Rayden asked, her tone becoming more direct, as her dark eyes looked down into Jazmine’s.
Jazmine’s lips parted, but then she pressed them together.
“I don’t know,” she answered, barely even convincing herself.
Rayden moved her face closer to Jazmine’s and she immediately heard Jazmine’s quick intake of breath. Rayden’s eyes widened slightly, as she grinned. Jazmine felt her entire body become electric in anticipation. When Rayden’s lips touched hers, Jazmine almost orgasmed instantly, as Rayden’s lips moved expertly over hers, demanding and yielding alternately. Jazmine felt her body explode immediately. She gasped and moaned against Rayden’s lips, grasping at her shirt and pressing her body closer.
The kiss didn’t end there, however. Rayden slid her arms around Jazmine’s body, pulling her closer still, pulling her up and over her, her hand going to Jazmine’s face, her thumb stroking her cheek as she continued to kiss her. Before long, Jazmine could feel her body coiling for yet another release. She pressed her body closer to Rayden’s, pressing her pelvis against Rayden’s, wanting desperately to affect Rayden as much as she was affecting her. She was on sensory overload, her body alive with sensations and shaking with need and satisfaction at the same time.
Rayden’s body was experiencing a reawakening as well. She felt Jazmine’s body pressing into her and her body responded with a fervor she hadn’t felt for far too long. She shoved away the guilt that wanted to come crashing in. She needed this and she knew that with certainty.
Rayden reached up and pulled off Jasmine’s shirt, pushing her underwear down as well. Jazmine obliged by kicking them off, then reached out to pull Rayden’s shirt off, pushing at the boy shorts too. Rayden levered herself up to remove them, then pulled Jazmine back down against her, groaning at the sensation of skin on skin. Jazmine’s skin was smooth and soft in all the right places and it was driving her insane. As she positioned Jazmine beneath her, Rayden pulled back for a moment, letting her eyes trail down Jazmine’s perfectly shaped, curvy body. Moving back over her, she explored the expanse of skin with her lips and tongue.
Gray Skies (WeHo Book 8) Page 7
