by Kristy Love
Mia pushed away from the table. “I ate way too many of those. I’m going to the restroom. Excuse me a moment.” She went to the bathroom near the front door.
I sat back in my chair, arms crossed over my chest. I hoped she wasn’t throwing up in there. Was that her complication? The reason her life was so hard? An eating disorder? Fuck, so typical. Beautiful woman ruined by her attempt to become a living skeleton. After a few moments, Mia came back out.
“Sorry.” She smiled a little.
“Did you throw up?” I asked.
Her head shot up, her eyes wide in shock. “Excuse me?”
“Were you puking in there?”
“I was not throwing up in the bathroom.”
“Just a little advice—no one likes the stick-thin model look. There is nothing attractive about a bag of bones.”
“I told you, I wasn’t throwing up!”
I stood and moved toward her. “Sweetheart, you must weigh fifty pounds soaking wet. The last thing you need to do is ruin all the work you just did eating those cookies by puking them back up.”
“What is wrong with you? I was not getting sick in there.”
I regarded her for a few seconds. Her face had flushed in anger and there was definitely fire in her eyes. Pissed looked good on her. “That’s fine. You don’t need to tell me. But remember—men like a little cushion for the pushin’, if you catch my drift.”
“I cannot believe you!” She put her hands on her hips and huffed. “You have absolutely no right to come into my house and accuse me of throwing up my own cookies!”
“I call it like I see it.”
“I’d like you to leave now.”
I walked past her and smirked. I’d never seen her angry, but I liked it. It seemed to breathe some kind of life into her that had been lacking moments before. “I’ll see you later.” I nodded and walked out the front door.
CHAPTER 5
Mia
I PACED MY HOUSE, ANNOYED. Who did he think he was? He came over here to my house and accused me of being bulimic. He was so full of himself, demanding that I help him eat the cookies that I made him to thank him for helping me out. I needed to get to the hospital, but I was too angry. Gia didn’t need this energy in her hospital room.
There was only one way to deal with this.
I threw open my front door and stormed over to Roman’s. I pounded on the door and he opened it, cocking a dark eyebrow.
“Yes?”
“You are an asshole,” I raged, my hands clenched into fists.
He smirked, revealing a dimple. He leaned a hip against the doorframe and crossed his arms over his chest. “You came all the way over here to tell me that? I’m well aware of that fact.”
His bravado sucked some of the wind out of my sails. I hadn’t expected him to be upset with me, not in the slightest, but I at least expected him to appear . . . I don’t know. Maybe like he cared. Instead, he was being a cocky bastard. “I’m glad you know,” I responded, floundering for a response. “Now you’re doubly aware.”
He chuckled, the sound warm. Why did I find him sexy? With his dark hair and dark eyes. His skin had a natural tan, so he’d escaped the pasty paleness that usually came after winter. He carried himself with a confidence that was alluring and arousing and I hated him for it. “Is that all you came over here to say?”
I didn’t even bother to answer him, just turned on my heel and stomped a few steps away. Before I got too far, he chuckled and I turned back to him and stabbed him in the chest with my finger. “Normally, when someone does something nice for you, you at least show them some gratitude! You don’t come over to their house and accuse them of . . . of . . . of throwing up! You don’t act like a total ass!” My hands shook as I attempted to contain my anger. It’d been a long time since I’d felt like this. Angry. My default for so long had been numbness or pain, and I wasn’t sure what to do with all this emotion that threatened to swallow me whole.
“Then have dinner with me.”
My eyes widened and my jaw went slack. I wasn’t expecting him to say that, not in the slightest. His dimple taunted me, both making me want to move closer and push him away. I didn’t know how to handle this. How did I handle wanting? I wanted to have dinner with him. He didn’t handle me with kid gloves; he pushed me, and he allowed me to pretend, for even a few minutes. I wasn’t alone with him. I wasn’t reminded every second of the reality I lived in. “Excuse me?”
“Prove to me that you didn’t throw up those cookies. Have a friendly dinner with me. I make a mean cheeseburger.”
“I didn’t throw up the damn cookies!” I yelled, my hands fisted at my side as I shook with anger.
He shrugged. “Then prove it to me. Eat a couple of cheeseburgers and don’t puke afterwards. I think you’re getting the better end of this deal.”
“I don’t have to prove anything to you, Roman! You came to my house! You ate my cookies!”
“And I’m doing my job. I’m supposed to keep an eye on you for your douchebag brother.” He raised an eyebrow. “Before I call him and tell him my latest fear, I want to make sure it’s not a false alarm.”
His words stoked the fire swelling inside me. “You will not tell my brother I am bulimic because I. Am. Not!” I shouted, poking him in the chest with each word.
He laughed. He actually threw his head back and laughed at me as though I’d just told him the funniest joke ever. “God, you’re sexy when you’re pissed.”
First, I was too skinny and unattractive. Next, I was bulimic. Then, I was pissed and sexy? Roman was giving me whiplash. “You don’t get to do that.”
“Do what, sweetheart?”
“Call me sexy after accusing me of throwing up!”
“Stop being so damned dramatic and just agree to have burgers with me.”
I made a noise and threw my hands up in frustration. “What is wrong with you?”
“We don’t have enough time for that conversation. You know when we could have an in-depth conversation about it?” A shit-eating grin spread across his lips. “Over dinnertime burgers.”
“You’re not going to drop it, are you?”
“I need to get you plumped up, sweetheart. The only way I can do that is to feed you.”
I sighed. “Fine. When?”
He smiled in victory. “Wednesday.”
“I don’t get a say? What if I have something going on?” I spent my evenings at the hospital with Gia. It didn’t seem right to miss time with her over whatever this dinner was.
He chuckled and shook his head. “You asked me when. And change your plans. Wednesday is my next free day.”
“Fine.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’ll see you then.” I turned around and stomped toward my house. I’d have to rearrange my time and change when I saw Gia.
“See you at seven-thirty,” he called after me.
I could spend some time with Gia before coming home and meeting up with Roman. “Fine!” I yelled back. I’d make it work for me. This dinner wouldn’t interrupt my life. At least, not much. The door closed behind me. I shook my head.
In one interaction with Roman, he’d made me feel more alive than I had in a long time. I wasn’t sure what to do with that.
Instead of thinking about it, I got ready and went to the hospital. Avoidance had become a superpower of mine.
* * *
“Hey M,” Roxie said, breezing in the room. She glowed and had an easy smile on her face. If we weren’t in a hospital room, she’d look straight out of a magazine ad. Annoyance stabbed through me. Maybe models weren’t attractive. Apparently, they were too thin and ugly. I brushed off my annoyance at my earlier encounter with Roman. “How are you?” Her eyes roamed my face, probably looking for signs that I was slipping away.
“I’m okay. How are you? And David?” I sat in the chair next to Gia. I held her hand, as I always did.
“Good. I wanted to try and catch you here since we haven’t seen you in a while.”
D
avid and Roxie were meddling again. I found out from a nurse that they had talked to the doctor about me not being at the hospital too much. It was because of them that the doctor had that awful talk with me. Even though I understood they wanted what was best for me, at the same time, I was sick of them treating me like a little kid. Instead of coming and talking to me themselves, they decided to involve the doctor. Instead of checking in with me himself, David took it upon himself to involve Roman.
I understood. I really did. I wasn’t always the easiest to be around, plus the garage had gotten some pretty famous clients that were demanding a ton of David. He wasn’t in the shop as much since he was traveling, but it wouldn’t kill him to pick up the phone and call or text me.
Roxie sat on the edge of the bed and ran her fingers through Gia’s hair. Some of my annoyance dissipated when I saw the look on Roxie’s face. All at once, she looked hopeful and distraught. I’d long ago resigned myself that hope was a lethal ally. She built you up, made you dream of a better future, only to tear it all away at a moment’s notice. “You don’t look as pale today,” Roxie said. At first I thought she was talking to Gia until her eyes met mine.
I gazed down at my arms and noticed my skin was a bit sun kissed. “I was gardening this past weekend.”
Roxie attempted to hide her surprise. “Gardening? Really?”
“I figured Gia would appreciate the butterfly bushes when she woke up.”
Roxie turned back to Gia, but I saw the corner of her lip turn up in a smile. “Of course she will. I hope you planted some snapdragons, too. Those are her favorite.” She ran her thumb over Gia’s cheek.
Anger, hot and surprising, coursed through me. What gave her the right to talk about Gia as though she knew her? She didn’t, not really. “Those are going in this weekend.”
“Good. How is work going?”
“Fine.”
I didn’t want to talk to her anymore. Roman awoke emotions in me somehow. For the past year, I’d felt nothing, especially the longer Gia lay unresponsive. Emotions were exhausting and draining. I didn’t have time for them. I lived in comfortable numbness. Suddenly, I felt anger and annoyance. And not just at Roman.
The clock on the wall caught my attention. It was five minutes to seven. It’d take me twenty minutes to get home, so I needed to get going.
I stood, scooping up my purse. I slung it on my shoulder before bending down and kissing Gia’s forehead. “I love you, baby girl. Mommy will be back tomorrow, okay?”
“You’re leaving?” Roxie asked, her eyes narrowed in disbelief.
“Yes. I have plans.”
“With who?”
“No one you know.” I wasn’t ready to tell Roxie anything about Roman. I wanted to keep him to myself, even if it ended up as nothing between us.
Instead of getting another question, Roxie stood and engulfed me in her arms. “Have an amazing night.”
“Thank you.” I left her behind, along with Gia. My heart ached to leave my girl, but I needed a break from these walls. I needed a break from being a prisoner in my life. Having a friend who didn’t know what was going on in my life was nice. That he didn’t treat me like a little kid was even better.
* * *
I laughed loudly as Roman leaned back in his chair and smiled at me. We were eating out on his back patio, enjoying the gorgeous weather. It was warm, but not so hot it was unbearable. A beautiful breeze swept through, making it even more comfortable. “I don’t see what’s so funny.” I couldn’t remember the last time I laughed. A real, true laugh in which my sides hurt and my cheeks ached. Somehow, Roman was able to get a genuine laugh out of me. Clearly, he wasn’t only talented at pissing me off.
I attempted to catch my breath. My ribs hurt. “I can’t imagine big, burly Roman being puked on. And then you went to wipe his mouth and he peed? Like everywhere? Where were his pants?”
Roman’s arms crossed over his chest. “He wasn’t wearing any.”
I threw my head back and laughed, holding my sides as they hurt more. I couldn’t stop laughing as I imagined Roman covered in puke and pee. “For real?”
“When you’re doing drugs, pants aren’t a high priority.”
He was telling me some stories from being a fire medic. It was probably the least glamorous job ever, but he seemed to enjoy it. And even more than that, I was enjoying myself. He was taking the burgers from the grill and putting them on a plate. The rest of his patio table was already set with potato salad, baked beans, and coleslaw. Apparently, Roman’s secret to amazing burgers was putting chopped up bacon into the ground meat. Either way, the smell of them made my stomach rumble. “That should be a bumper sticker. It might persuade people to not do drugs.” He set the platter on the table and sat down. He’d already gotten us each a beer. This was a true dinner. I was almost excited to dig in.
“I’m not sure if you know this, Mia, but most people don’t like wearing pants.” We filled our plates with food as our conversation continued flowing. I wondered if Roman left his assholeness in a drawer so we could have a meal without him pissing me off.
“I like wearing pants.”
A slow grin curved his lips. “You like pants?”
“Yeah, is there an issue with that?”
“Not at all.”
The air held tension between us. I wasn’t sure what it meant, but I shifted uncomfortably. “Was that the worst that happened the other night?”
“Yeah, other than wanting to die from exhaustion at three in the morning.”
“I can’t imagine staying up all night like that.”
He shrugged. “It’s no big deal; you get used to it for the most part.”
“I’m one of those people who needs a lot of sleep or you don’t want to come anywhere near me.”
“I don’t want to come anywhere near you as it is. I can’t imagine it being worse if you didn’t get enough sleep.”
“Shut up.” I threw a crumbled napkin at him. I finally, finally took a bite of the burger and groaned. It was so good. “Roman, this burger is life changing.”
He grinned. “I told you. My burgers are the stuff of wet dreams.”
“Gross!” I exclaimed, though it made me giggle. He laughed, though it was more of a rumble. We antagonized each other, though there was still an ease between us. “I can’t believe you picked up that person and he had no pants on,” I said, changing the subject. I loved hearing his stories from work. They were crazy and so different from anything I’d ever experienced. “I would be so embarrassed.”
“Don’t you ever have people who come into work without pants?” he asked, grinning. “You know, wanting to check out the cars and really feel the leather and horsepower?”
My eyes widened in shock. He threw me off guard. Again. He was so good at it. I never quite knew what he was going to say or do. “No pants, no shoes, no service.”
“Basic McDonalds’ rules.”
“I think basic life rules. Not too many places will allow you to come hang out without pants on.”
He leaned forward on his elbows and smirked, raising his eyebrows at me. “I can think of a few places that pants aren’t welcome.”
“Again, gross.”
“Oh, come on, Mia. Clearly, pants in a swimming pool are frowned upon. You’d probably drown, just from jumping in. Pants absorb a lot of water, you know.”
I groaned in frustration. “You’re too much.”
“I have a feeling you like it.” Somehow, all the food on my plate was gone and my stomach was full. We sat back and I rubbed my belly, feeling entirely too full but not regretting stuffing my face with his amazing food. I was tired and I had stuff to do at home, but I didn’t want the easy friendship we were developing to fade away.
“Why don’t I make dinner next Wednesday?”
“I work Wednesday.” He answered. He didn’t offer another alternative day.
“What about Thursday?”
“I work Thursday, too.”
“Friday?”
/>
“You got it.” He flashed me a smile.
“You could have just said Friday would be a better day.”
“Yeah, but then you wouldn’t have squirmed.” He leaned across the table, closer to me. “I like making you squirm.”
And as though he commanded me, I squirmed. “You’re a jerk.”
“So you keep saying, but you just invited this jerk over for dinner, so I can’t be that bad.”
“You’re so satisfied with yourself.”
“I love the observations you keep making. It isn’t like I haven’t heard them before.”
“Ha ha.” I fought an eye roll. “I’m going to head home.”
“Wait a second.” He went inside and came back out with a piece of paper that he’d scrawled his number on. “Here’s my number, in case something comes up or you need to reach me. Or, you know, if you decide I’m too incorrigible to spend a Friday evening with.”
“I think I’ll manage. Do you want my number? You know, just in case?”
“Just text me and I’ll save it.”
“Thanks for dinner,” I said, lingering.
“Thanks for coming over.”
I nodded and walked back home. When I got to my own back patio, I typed a text.
Me: This is my number. Thanks again for dinner.
I locked the back door behind me and made sure the front door was locked. Even though I hadn’t touched the windows, I made sure they were secure, too, mostly for something to do. Even though my house was fairly big, I felt suffocated by it. Whether it was the quiet, the stillness, or the emptiness that caused this feeling, I had no idea. I didn’t like it.
I climbed the stairs, my eyes lingering on the pictures of Gia lining the walls. There were two empty spots. One had held a picture of Brock, Gia, and me. I burned that picture months ago, when Roxie suggested cleansing my life of all things Brock. The other missing picture was of Gia kissing my pregnant belly. I couldn’t stand to see it, so I took it down and put it in the back of my closet.
Maybe someday the reminder of a time when I had two living, breathing babies wouldn’t gut me. But for now, I couldn’t handle it.
