by Kristy Love
“Yeah.”
His question gave me pause because the idea of true love centered around one perfect person for everyone out there. I wasn’t sure if I believed there was only one person, period. That meant you’d be alone if some tragedy happened. But what if the person who came along was a place filler? Someone to keep you company so you weren’t quite so alone? “I’ve never found true love, so I’m not sure if there’s only one person for everyone or if we just fall in love with someone who fits us.”
“Have you ever been in love before?”
Now it was my turn to fidget, to not meet his eyes. I picked up an onion ring and dragged it through ketchup. “I thought I was, but I wasn’t.”
“Gia’s father?”
“Yeah.”
“Is he . . . around?”
“No. God, no. After the accident, he took off.”
“What an ass.”
I laughed. “If you think David is a douche, you’d really hate Brock.”
“Would I?” He took a bite of his burger.
“Oh, yeah. He was . . . He was . . .” How much did I really want to confess? I was hesitant, but the words wanted to come out. I wanted Roman to know. “He wasn’t very good to me. Or Gia.” I looked at Gia, my heart breaking all over again for what I did to her. “He was . . . abusive.” Saying that word out loud gutted me. I never wanted to be that girl, the one who stayed with a guy who hurt her. I was, though, and I needed to own it. I needed to come to terms with it so I could find healing.
“Abusive.” Roman’s voice was low and kind of scary. His jaw ticked as he clenched his teeth.
“Yeah, he . . . hit me sometimes,” I said, the words getting stuck in my throat and I was afraid I would throw up. I hadn’t said it out loud, not even to David. My stomach churned. “More than sometimes toward the end. It became a regular occurrence.” Roman stared at me, clearly not sure how to handle this conversation. His hands clenched repeatedly on the table. “He never hurt Gia, at least not until the end.”
“What do you mean?” Roman’s eyes were intense, watching every move I made. I was conscious of the way I fidgeted in my seat and my lip caught between my teeth.
“He caused the accident.” Bile coated my throat and my heart pounded. After so many years of protecting Brock, it was scary as hell saying all of this out loud. I felt he might burst into the room and put me in my place.
“Explain,” Roman said, his voice strong. He looked as if he was barely holding on to his rage. For the first time, I was intimidated by him. I didn’t think he’d ever hurt me, but what did I know? I never thought Brock would hurt me either.
And look where that left me.
“He was drunk. I was pregnant . . .” I had to stop because my stomach was in my throat. I had no idea how it was possible for it to relocate to my throat, but it was there, painful and cutting off my airflow. I stood, facing away from Roman and Gia. I couldn’t admit this out loud for the first time while looking at them. I couldn’t admit to Gia just how much I’d failed her.
“I was pregnant and feeling really sick. We were at his parents’ house and I didn’t realize how drunk he was. Maybe he hid it well, maybe I was too sick to notice. I don’t know. But it happened, regardless. He was drunk and driving and yelling at me. He hit me a few times.” Now that the truth was coming out, I couldn’t stop it. The words tumbled out so quickly I could barely keep up with my racing thoughts and tongue. “He slapped me and I hit my head off the window. Before I knew what was happening, we smashed into a tree. Gia wasn’t buckled.” Tears fell down my cheeks. “He was so drunk that he couldn’t even put her in her car seat properly. And my life fell apart. I lost the baby. I lost my ability to have babies. And I very well might lose my child. And he left. He took off and divorced me, left me alone to deal with this.”
“It’s better that he left you,” Roman said. I started, surprised at how close he was. His breath was warm on the back of my neck. His arms came around me, holding my back to his chest and I closed my eyes, absorbing his strength and his warmth. I’d expected him to be disgusted by me. “He didn’t deserve you and he sure as hell doesn’t deserve that little girl.”
“I don’t want him, trust me.” I swallowed, feeling like I was going to choke. “I’m just so alone.” I broke down, turning in his arms and burying my face in his chest, crying. My stomach had been replaced by my heart and I felt sick. I felt sick that this was my life, that I’d opened up to someone else. I just felt sick. I clung to Roman as though he was my life raft. Maybe he was. I hadn’t felt as though I were drowning since he’d come into my life. Maybe he was saving me.
“You aren’t alone, Mia. You have me.” His arms tightened and he held me. I felt so safe, so secure in his arms.
When his shirt was soaked through, I looked up at him, tears still blurring my vision and my cheeks still wet. He gazed down at me, tenderness and something else in his eyes, some emotion I couldn’t place. I pressed up on my toes, bringing my face closer to his. I stared into his eyes, almost as though I was asking for permission, but it took too long. He didn’t give it. I pressed closer to him until our lips met. My eyes fell shut as I melted into him.
His lips felt like home. They erased the past few painful minutes and gave me hope. Hope that maybe he felt it too. His hand fisted in my hair and his other arm tightened around my waist, holding me tightly to him. I felt him walking, carrying me with him. Before I knew it, we were in the bathroom and he yanked the door shut behind him, though it didn’t close all the way. Neither of us cared, we just needed more of each other. My back was pressed against the wall. He kissed me so fiercely, so passionately that I was afraid for it to end. I’d fall apart, shatter all over the floor. He held me together with his hands and his body and his lips. I lifted my legs and wrapped them around his waist, losing myself in him. His hand dropped to my ass, squeezing it and he pressed his hips into me, as though there weren’t two layers of denim separating us. I moaned into his mouth and the kiss became deeper.
We were a frenzy of hands and lips and tongues. I couldn’t get enough of him. I wanted to taste him and feel him and possess him. I never wanted the kiss to end, but I knew it had to at some point. And when we pulled apart, I wanted him to feel the absence of me and want more. I wanted him to never have enough of me because I’d never get enough of him. I’d always need more. He’d become my biggest craving and weakness.
“Mia,” he said against my lips before kissing me harder, almost enough to bruise my lips. It revved up my arousal, made my hips buck into his and I cried out at the sensation. My body was a raw nerve, unable to get enough of everything he was making me feel.
“Don’t stop,” I said into his mouth before burying my hands in his hair and fisting them, holding his face tight to mine, not letting him move away. His tongue was in my mouth, his hands kneading my flesh, his hips pressed into me in a delicious rhythm.
I was swirling. I was falling. I was feeling. I panted into his mouth as my eyes popped open. His opened slowly and met my gaze as I tumbled over a cliff I didn’t realized I’d been so close to. I said his name, though it came out strangled as my eyes widened. My body was flooded with such pleasure, such sweet agony. I pulsed as he kept up the rhythm, his jeans hitting the right spot. It’d been forever since I came apart like this and it just kept coming. The waves seemed never ending. Roman licked his lips as he studied my face, taking it all in.
It ebbed and my head fell forward onto his chest. Roman hadn’t gotten the same relief that I got. And I was suddenly embarrassed. How pathetic was I that this was all it took?
Roman lowered his lips down to my ear. “I love that you just came in my arms with nothing touching you but my hands and my lips. I can’t wait to explore more of you.” He kissed the side of my head.
My arms tightened around him as I groaned. “That was humiliating.”
“What was?”
“That all it took was dry humping.”
“It was hot, Mia.” He tipped
my chin up to look at him, his eyes hot and full of sincerity. “And I mean it. I want to explore you.” His eyes dragged down my body, at least what he could see of it with me still clinging to him. “All of you.”
Fire burst to life inside of me and I kissed him again. His lips were heaven and my body needed more of it. We started to get lost in each other again, pressed up against the hospital wall. I even forgot that Gia was in the adjoining room.
Suddenly, the door swung open and David was there, his eyes wide and his mouth agape. He blinked quickly a few times and his lips moved as he tried to form words. “Uh, hey. What’s going on?” he asked, his eyes moving rapidly between the two of us.
Instead of being embarrassed or upset, I burst out laughing. So did Roman. After squeezing me tighter for a second, Roman lowered me to the floor. He pressed a kiss to my forehead and turned to David. “Absolutely nothing.” Roman brushed past David and went back to his food at the table.
I felt a mess. My hair was surely all over the place and my clothes felt askew. I smoothed my shirt before meeting David’s eyes.
“When did this . . . start?” he asked. Clearly, we caught David off guard.
I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to act nonchalant, though I had a multitude of emotions coursing through me: embarrassment, lingering arousal, and guilt. God, guilt crept up on me. I looked to Roman, hoping he could give me strength the way he seemed to do all the time. He met my eyes and came back over to me, putting his arm around my shoulder.
“It’s a fairly recent development,” Roman said, though he never looked away from me. His eyes scanned my face, trying to figure out how I felt. My eyes stung and I sniffled, feeling as if I was about to cry from the guilt. How had I let myself get caught up in the moment? How could I forget where I was? A hospital, for God’s sake. My daughter is in that bed, struggling to breathe.
Only when I looked up did I notice Roxie. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes were wide, and she fanned her face with her hand. “Holy fuck. That was hot,” she declared. David shot her a look, a mixture of horror and confusion and disgust on his face. Walking in on his sister making out was probably not on his bucket list. And that his girlfriend thought it was hot would throw him even more off balance. “Girl, you need to walk away a minute before the sexual tension between the two of you combusts and we’re all blown to pieces.” She winked and pulled me away from Roman. I looked back at Roman as Roxie guided me out of the room. He stood with a smirk on his face as David gave him a critical eye, taking stock of who he was.
Once outside, Roxie kept us walking. “Tell me the details.”
I sniffled, tears threatening. “How could I let that happen, Roxie? How could I lose my control with Gia right there?”
“Gia had no idea what was going on, Mia. You don’t need to feel guilty. You weren’t right on top of her and she isn’t aware enough to know. You’re allowed to fool around some.”
“But she’s been struggling to breathe, Rox.”
“We checked in with the nurses before we came in. They aren’t sure what’s going on and she seems fine. I promise, you didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t let guilt ruin what seemed like a pretty enjoyable time.” She raised her eyebrows knowingly.
I wiped my eye and smiled slightly. It had felt amazing, all of it. Being held by Roman, being desired, being kissed as though I were the answer to his very existence. “Really? You think it’s okay?”
“Mia, it was. I wouldn’t bullshit you.”
“How much did you guys see?”
“We didn’t really see much. We heard it, though.” She laughed. I felt heat creep up my cheeks.
“That’s embarrassing as hell.”
“We were just surprised. Neither of us knew you were seeing Roman.”
“I’m not, really. I mean, I don’t know what you’d call it.”
“Last time I saw you, you were a mess because he ditched you. Now you’re pressed up against a bathroom wall panting like a dog in heat.”
“I was not!”
“Honey, own it. If I were you, I’d be bragging about it all over the place.” She bumped into my shoulder. “You have a hot fireman all over you. Have you seen his muscles?”
I smiled, my body warming at the memory of his strength pressed up against me. He wasn’t full of bulging muscles, but enough to be super freaking hot. “I’ve felt them.”
“That’s a girl.” She smiled and we continued walking. I spilled all the details, thankful I had her to talk me off the ledge.
CHAPTER 16
Roman
DAVID AND I STOOD IN the room, facing each other. I looked at him, waiting for him to give me some indication as to how things would go. Was he pissed at me for touching his sister? Or was he willing to play it cool? Instead of giving me an idea of what was going through his mind, he stared at me, studying me as though I was the subject of a test. Maybe I was. Maybe he was trying to figure out if I was good enough for his sister. I could tell him the answer really quickly. No. I wasn’t good enough for Mia. That didn’t mean I didn’t want her.
And after what just happened in the bathroom? I sure as fuck wanted her. Desperately.
“I’m not sure what to say,” he said, running his hand through his hair. He did this repeatedly, making me think it was his nervous tell. “I didn’t expect you to start dating my sister, just to keep an eye on her.”
“It started that way.” I shrugged and crossed my arms over my chest. “Things happened.”
He chuckled. “Clearly things happened.” He glanced at the bathroom. “I’m glad, though.”
“Glad?” I asked.
“She needed something to pull her out of her funk. She’s been . . . struggling. And that’s putting it mildly.” I nodded. Maybe he wasn’t such a douche after all. “I’ve felt powerless for so long. No matter what I did, she never felt any better. She never had life in her eyes. Tonight, for the first time in a long time, she had some life in her.” He looked over at Gia. “I know she’ll struggle until Gia wakes up, but it’s nice seeing her with some happiness for once.”
“I’m glad I could be there for her.” I didn’t want to tell him more than that. I didn’t want him to know how much she’d been there for me. Hell, even Mia didn’t know how much she’d been there for me.
“It’s good you two have each other. It seems you both needed someone.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that and, luckily, I didn’t have to. Mia and Roxie came back in, arms twined together, both smiling broadly. The tension I’d felt since Mia left released from my chest. I’d been worried that she’d regret what happened between us and ditch me the way I ditched her before. The smile on her face put me at ease some. The way she looked at me also gave me hope that everything wasn’t completely fucked.
She walked away from Roxie and over to David, giving him a brief hug, then came over to my side, wrapping her arms around my waist and looking up at me. Her eyes shone brightly and she looked happy, even for a very small second. “Hi,” she said, her voice small and only for my ears.
“Hey.” I leaned down and kissed her forehead. I smiled at her, our gazes locked. For a split second, everything felt okay.
Then Gia’s breathing became raspy, as though she were struggling. I looked over at her, confused and concerned. The entire time I’d been here, her breathing had been normal. With my training, I would have noticed her breathing like that. I think anyone would have noticed that.
“Is she okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, she’s fine,” Mia said, her eyes straying to Gia and not leaving. “At least that’s what the doctors say. What do I know?” Anxiety crept into her tone. She went over to Gia’s bedside and sank down into a chair, holding Gia’s hand. Anxiety creased her forehead and she leaned down, kissing Gia’s hand. “It’s okay, baby. Mama’s right here.” David and Roxie went to Gia’s side. Roxie stroked Gia’s hair and David took her other hand.
I stepped out of the room, giving the family some time. I d
idn’t want to tell them that her breathing sounded horrible. If their doctors weren’t saying anything, I didn’t think it was my place. It almost sounded as though she had a respiratory infection. And that was extremely deadly for a comatose patient.
I made my way to a sitting room down the hall. I pulled out my phone, flipping through the pictures I had saved there. I got to the one I was looking for and stared at it, trying to come to terms with what my life had become.
* * *
Sometime later, Mia, Roxie, and David came out of Gia’s room. Mia looked sad and resigned. I stood and went over to her, putting my arm around her waist, wanting to give her support. The walk out of the hospital was somber, everyone lost in their own thoughts. I wondered if a doctor had come in and talked to Mia about Gia’s condition. Hopefully, they were able to do something for her.
“We were thinking of going out to dinner. Would you want to come with us? We didn’t get to eat much of our food before we were . . . interrupted.” Mia asked. Her voice sounded tired and sadder than I’d ever heard her. “I want to go to somewhere close by so I can come back to the hospital.”
“Is everything okay?”
“The doctors say she’s okay, that they’ll keep an eye on her. I trust them and I know they’ll do what’s best for her, but in my gut I feel something is wrong.”
“Instinct is powerful. And usually steers you in the right direction,” I answered vaguely. My gut said something was wrong, too, but I didn’t want to worry her if the doctors weren’t.
“I’m not too hungry, but David thinks I should get out of the hospital.” She stretched her neck to the side. “I slept in the chair last night so my neck is stiff and sore. I think I need a break from those walls for a bit.”
I rubbed her neck, hoping to relieve some of the tension. She groaned and I fought back the urge to kiss her. It had been a tease kissing her that way. I wanted time and privacy so I could get my fill of her. If that was even possible. “I’ll come to dinner with you.”
“I really appreciate it.” She rested her head on my shoulder and I tucked her close to my body.
