Distracted, he shook his head. When he’d decided to take a month-long vacation he’d left the company in good hands, but there were certain decisions that could only be made by the boss. And those were the ones all clamoring for his attention, each request more important than the last.
“Dad?” Carys said, exasperated. “What’s the point of going on vacation if you’re still working? You said you would delegate more,” she reminded him with a dark scowl.
“I know, honey, but if I don’t stay on top of these calls and emails I’ll be buried in them when we return and you won’t see me again until your high school graduation.” Gabe frowned when he saw that his joke had sailed right over his daughter’s head. Either that or she hadn’t found it funny.
“Aren’t you worried about Lindy? She seemed real sad last night.”
At that he looked up and he exhaled softly. Yeah, he was worried, but they were in a weird place. Not quite sure where they fit into one another’s lives, and neither had the time to figure it out. He wanted to be there for her but then, he also didn’t want to crowd her. So, he figured work was a safe bet for his time today. “Well, I’m just trying to give her some space. She’s going through a tough time and I don’t want to get in the way,” he explained.
“That’s crap, Dad,” she said, startling him with her language and her frank assessment.
“Excuse me?”
“Well, it’s like when you thought that not talking about Mom because it was upsetting and sad was the best way to handle our grief. That didn’t make it better, only worse. You know? So maybe Lindy doesn’t need space...she needs her friends. Aren’t you friends?”
Gabe stared, shocked that such insightful advice was coming from an eleven-year-old. A precocious eleven-year-old but a tween nonetheless. “I suppose you’re right,” he allowed. “But it gets a little more complicated than that when you’re an adult.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. It just does.”
“I don’t believe you. I think Lindy needs us, and you’re avoiding her because you don’t want to get your hands dirty emotionally. That’s what Dr. Phil says,” Carys said primly as if she were a thirty-five-year-old therapist from New York and not some kid who often forgot to brush her teeth on weekends. She hopped from the stool and traipsed to her bedroom, leaving Gabe to wonder when his daughter had started watching Dr. Phil and why the hell he wasn’t following her advice.
Because he was scared.
Plain and simple.
He wanted to be there for Lindy but they’d started on this crazy journey, free-falling into a kooky hands-off—unless they were in the bedroom—relationship, and he didn’t know the rules to this game. Should he go to Lindy and just step into the role of supportive boyfriend and let the chips fall where they may? Or should he give her a respectful space like an acquaintance should?
C’mon, Gabe, you’re more than an acquaintance, a voice reasoned. He’d touched and kissed every inch of her body. He’d held her tightly as she’d sobbed. To hell with that acquaintance crap, and he hated the term friends with benefits so he ought to just man up and figure out where the hell he stood.
“I’ll be right back,” he hollered to Carys, then opened the front door to find Lindy. As luck would have it, she was just about to knock on his door. “Never mind,” he told Carys as he stepped aside to let Lindy in.
“Hi,” Lindy said, almost shyly. “I know I shouldn’t just barge in like this but I really needed to talk to you.”
Carys popped her head from her door and seeing Lindy bounded into the room to wrap her arms around her. “How’s Lilah?” she asked when she’d let go. “Is she going to be okay?”
“Well, she has to do some physical therapy and some other stuff but I think she’s going to be all right,” Lindy said, smiling. “Thanks for asking, kiddo.”
“I was real worried about her. Celly was, too. She has a soft spot for Lilah.”
“Yeah, we all do. Lilah is a special person. I can’t imagine my life without her. Hey, Carys,” she said, smoothing a lock of Carys’s hair behind her ear. “Would you mind if I talked with your dad about something in private?”
“No problem,” Carys said. “I’ll just go to my room and listen to my iPod with my earbuds so you can talk about whatever you like.” She smiled at Lindy and then winked at Gabe before going into her room, which made him roll his eyes and Lindy chuckle quizzically.
“Do I want to know what that was all about?” Lindy asked.
“Apparently, unbeknownst to me, my daughter has become an avid Dr. Phil watcher.”
“Kids nowadays. You gotta watch them. You never know what kind of influence they’re getting from the television,” Lindy joked as she took a seat on the sofa.
“Yeah, tell me about it,” he quipped, sitting beside her. “Listen, I’m glad you came by. I wanted to talk to you, too.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah... First off, how’s Lilah really doing?”
Lindy sighed. “Good, I think. She’s checked herself into Dolphin Cove, where she’ll stay for her mandatory seventy-two-hour hold for evaluation and then she’s going to stay for another two weeks to seek treatment for her depression.”
“You still haven’t been able to talk to her, have you?” he surmised by the sadness in her eyes. Lindy shook her head and his heart contracted painfully for her. “She’ll come around when she’s ready and you’ll be there for her when she does.”
“I’m just hurt that she’s shutting me out like this, but I’m trying to keep it in perspective, too. I mean, maybe I’d want some privacy and to be left alone, too, if I’d tried to kill myself. There’s gotta be some kind of emotional roller coaster deal going on for her.” She shook her head and twisted her fingers. “I just want her to get well. I never want to go through that again.”
“Understandable,” he said and risked taking her hand in his. She glanced at him, uncertain, but she squeezed his hand. “Lindy...I want you to know that I wish you’d been able to stay here with me last night. I felt terrible about you leaving. But when you said you had to go...I just let you because...well, I don’t know what we’re doing here. I mean, it was all well and good when it was all superficial, but I gotta tell you, this doesn’t feel superficial to me.”
“I know,” she acknowledged softly. “I feel the same. I was conflicted. I didn’t know what was the right thing, but I know I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t sleep at all last night.”
“I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t fare much better.”
She chuckled, admitting, “A little.”
He laughed and leaned over to kiss her. It felt as natural as breathing to be there with her, sharing this moment. His lips brushed across hers, and she leaned into him, as if needing his support. He deepened the kiss, his hand going around the back of her neck to pull her in, while his tongue gently sought hers.
After a moment, Lindy pulled away with a frustrated groan and he didn’t know in what context the groan was intended. He didn’t have to wait long to find out. “I’m a terrible girlfriend,” she blurted out, seeming distressed by her own admission. “I used to think the problem was with everyone else, but I’ve since realized that the common denominator was me. I mean, I’ve cheated on great guys—I’ve pushed away men who were awesome because of some perceived flaw so I could move on to the next bigger, better deal.... I’m a total commitment-phobe and quite possibly a wretched person!”
That was a lot of information to take in. Gabe pulled away, digesting her admission. He was a smart man, one who knew better than to get involved with a woman who was clearly and succinctly laying on the table the reasons why he ought to run the other way.
“Why are you telling me this?” he asked.
“Because I care about you. And I care about Carys, way more than I want to,
trust me. And I don’t want either of you to get hurt. Aside from Lilah, I’ve never had to really consider the feelings of anyone else. Given the circumstances, I’ve just been doing a lot of introspection, and I’m scared that I will hurt you. It’s what I do! Maybe not even on purpose, but it will happen and I don’t know how to stop it. I’m an actress, for crying out loud. I can kiss another guy without blinking an eye. And that bothers you because it should! I think something is broken inside me that I’ve only just realized needs to be fixed so that puts me in a bad place with you and Carys. You get what I’m saying?”
“Sort of,” he said, shifting against the growing ball of dread in his gut. “You’re saying we should end this...whatever this is.”
“Oh, damn. Yes, probably. That’s the responsible thing but I’ve never done the responsible thing so I don’t have a lot of experience.”
“Yeah...usually the responsible thing is certainly the one that doesn’t feel as good,” Gabe said wryly as he squeezed the bridge of his nose. She made valid points. He’d be stupid to ignore them. “I appreciate your honesty.”
“Sure,” she said, suddenly glum. “This sucks.”
In spite of the situation, he chuckled because he agreed. “Being an adult isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be, right?”
“You’re telling me. But then, I don’t feel like a grown-up most days. Not surprising, given my line of work.” A self-deprecating grin found her mouth and he longed to kiss it away. It took everything in him to keep his impulse in check. Her smile faded and was replaced by a somber expression that seemed completely foreign to the fun-loving Lindy he’d come to know. “I want you to know that this isn’t easy for me. I really care for you, probably more than I’ve ever cared for anyone in my life. To be frank, it scares me. You’re the first person to make me realize that I needed to be a better person in order to be worthy of someone good.”
“Lindy, you’re being too hard on yourself. You are a good person,” he disagreed softly. “You don’t give yourself enough credit.”
“Gabe, I love you for your willingness to see nothing but the good in me but you don’t know my track record. It’s not stellar. I’d rather walk away from you and Carys now than ruin all those wonderful feelings you have about me later. You know?”
“You’re assuming that you would,” he protested, frustrated with her fatalistic opinion. “Recognizing your flaws is the first step to changing them.”
“Nice try, Buddha, but whatever’s broken inside me takes more than just good intentions to fix. I’d never ask you and Carys to come on that ride with me when I don’t even know if my cart is capable of staying on the tracks.”
He sighed, struggling with a deep sense of loss, hating that her argument was solid. But damn it all, he wanted to shout, I think I’m falling in love with you, and then demand that they figure it out together. But he held back. She’d made her case, and if it was just him, he’d say, screw it, let’s go for it, but his little girl had been through enough. She didn’t need more piled on her plate.
“For what it’s worth...when you get it all figured out, you’re going to make someone an amazing partner.”
Lindy’s eyes watered and she jerked a short nod. “I should go,” she said, rising. “I appreciate you listening. My life is a mess right now.... I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do but I want to thank you for everything. From not letting me scare you off that first day, to being there when I needed you the most. I’ll never forget that.”
“Does this have to be goodbye right now?” he said, plainly wanting to squeeze every last moment with her.
“Shouldn’t it be?” she asked, a tear dribbling down her cheek. “Wouldn’t it be cruel to continue our current arrangement given the circumstances?”
“I have two more weeks before we leave,” Gabe said. “Let’s spend it together as friends.” She arched her brow and he clarified, “Just as friends. I promise.”
She laughed at his earnest assurance and he frowned. “What’s so funny?”
Lindy cupped his cheek gently with an impish smile. “I think it’s adorable that you think I’m worried about you trying to taking advantage. Sweetheart, if anyone’s in danger of being thrown down on the nearest bed, it’s you.”
He sucked in a wild breath and laughed shakily. “Okay, I get your point. We’re both attracted to each other and we’ll have to fight it.”
“I don’t know,” Lindy said. “Seems safer to just agree to keep our distance from each other.”
“It won’t be for Carys,” he said. “Frankly, I’m worried about how she’s going to take it when we leave for home. She’s wiggled her way into your family with surprising speed.”
Lindy grinned. “The girl knows a good thing when she sees it.”
“No arguments here, but it will pose a problem when we can’t pack everyone up into our suitcases.”
“All right, for Carys’s sake, I say we go forward as friends and act accordingly. Sound good?”
“It sounds...doable but not optimal,” he said, wondering how he was going to train his thoughts to behave when all he could think of was how beautiful she was on any given day.
Her expression said she agreed. At least he wasn’t alone in this. “One last kiss?” he asked.
“Just one,” she murmured and leaned in eagerly. “And then, it’s strictly friendship....”
“Right.” He grinned. “Then we’d better make it count.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
TWO WEEKS FLEW by and each day, Lindy waited for Lilah to reach out to her but it’d been radio silence. The lack of communication killed her inside but she covered her pain by spending lots of time with Carys and Gabe.
She’d talked Billy into taking them on a boat ride around the island, and Carys was so excited she could barely sit still.
“Do you think we’ll see dolphins?” Carys asked.
“It’s possible,” Lindy answered, smiling. “We’ll just have to wait and see.”
“This is the coolest thing ever!” Carys exclaimed as they climbed onto Billy’s boat.
“Welcome aboard de Jumbie Moon,” Billy said in greeting, as they moved past him to take a seat at the starboard bow. “Today we’s gonna go on a true island excursion around St. John. Hands and feet stay in de boat, cuz I ain’t gonna swim after yah if yah fall in,” he said, winking at Lindy then Carys. “Well, I might go aftah the pretty ones.” He gestured to Gabe, saying, “Yah outta luck. Yah fall in, yah swim on yah own.”
“Good to know,” Gabe said good-naturedly, and Lindy chuckled at Billy.
“All right, who’s ready to see amazing tings that only St. John can provide?”
“Me!” Carys exclaimed, jumping in her seat. “Can we find dolphins, Mr. Janks?”
“First, call me Billy...my no-good father is Mr. Janks, yah hear?” he said with a smile on his dark face and Carys giggled. “And second, we will do our best to find de dolphins for yah.”
“This was a great idea,” Gabe said, smiling. “Although I’m not quite sure I should’ve left my phone at the bungalow.”
“If you’d brought your phone you would’ve been fiddling with it instead of spending quality time with
really cool people,” Lindy said, not feeling the least bit sorry she’d bullied him into leaving his phone behind. Of course, Carys had readily agreed with her and had offered to toss the offending bit of technology down the toilet. Lindy had to remind her that the septic system wasn’t up for another of her disposal antics and opted to just leave the phone on the counter as she pushed Gabe out the door.
“You’re right,” he agreed, his gaze roaming Lindy’s face in a way that made her blush. “I can’t imagine anything I’d rather be doing right now.”
“Excellent, then we’re agreed. I was right. I like the sound of that, by the way,
” Lindy teased.
Billy entertained them with stories—all likely completely made up—about the island and its folklore. By the end of the evening, they’d seen dolphins and turtles and stingrays and all manner of fish, so that by the time they returned to Larimar, Carys was plain tuckered out.
Gabe returned from Carys’s room and closed the door softly behind him, approaching Lindy with a smile. “Out like a light. Would you like a glass of wine?” he asked.
“Tempting, but I remember what happened the last time we shared a glass of wine,” Lindy said, smiling. “And I’m having a hard time remembering why we said we wouldn’t do that anymore.”
“Ah...right,” he said, pulling a frown. “How’s Lilah? Heard any news?”
“Just bits and pieces. She’s doing well in physical therapy. Miraculous actually. The doctor said she might sustain long-term damage to her right side, but she’s nearly gotten all her mobility back, which is amazing. But I still haven’t been able to talk to her.”
“She can’t have visitors?”
“No, she can...she just chooses not to. I’m trying to give her the space she needs to heal but it’s hard. What I want to do is charge in there and demand to see her.”
“You’re a good sister,” he said.
“Yeah, well, sometimes I worry it’s not just for her but for me. I have some unresolved guilt about the situations that led up to her accident.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” he reminded her, and she nodded.
“I know, but it’s hard. She’s my baby sister by one minute and I feel like I let her down.”
“You’re going to need to let that go before it eats you up inside.”
“I’m trying. I really am. It’s just...well, hard.”
“You’ll get it figured out.”
Lindy tried not to lean in but it seemed a natural thing to do, so when she felt herself getting closer to him, she didn’t stop. And he didn’t, either.
It didn’t surprise either of them that they ended up in bed.
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