by Joanne Rock
It was happening. My first kiss.
His breath quickened … or was that mine? It was hard to tell since our chests rose and fell together. My hands ran up his biceps and skimmed across his back, making him shudder. I stilled. Did I affect him that way? What had I done to make this boy, this gorgeous boy I’d dreamed and thought of, watched and imagined, wondered and prayed for, be as much at my mercy as I was at his? Maybe I had a superpower after all.
He pulled away and looked down at me, his eyes wide and full of the same wonder that flooded me.
“Is this okay?”
Beyond words, I could only nod. Had he imagined it wouldn’t be okay? It’d never occurred to me that Seth might feel as insecure as I did. And that made me care even more. Like he’d given me a precious part of himself, one I might break.
“I’m glad,” he murmured against my neck, his mouth avoiding patches of irritated skin in a way that send cooling shivers over me. His hands spread across my back and I felt the heat of him through my tank top. My body melted against his until it seemed like I’d become a part of him. His breath grew ragged when I raked my hands through his hair and then pressed my mouth to his, wanting the incredible feel of his lips again.
His hands slid up the sides of my face and held me where he wanted me, angling his face against mine. When he captured my bottom lip and nibbled, it was my turn to shiver. Head in a whirl, I thought I’d black out.
I clutched his shoulders and he drew back, his face so focused and intense he could have been a stranger. Gone was the carefree, laid-back Seth I’d hung out with for six summers. But I liked this serious side of him even more, the questioning look in his eyes that melted my heart. I remembered that he’d once told me that his mother abandoned him at daycare and hadn’t seen him since. Was he wondering if I would do the same? Would I always be there? His vulnerability made me feel special. Trusted. Close.
Then I remembered my crazy face goop and covered my cheeks. Had I just made out with my dream guy looking like a science experiment gone wrong?
But Seth’s hands gently tugged mine away and I peered into his open, unguarded face, his expression echoing the amazement I felt. The look in his eyes was so intimate it felt like a caress.
“Please don’t hide, Lauren. Not from me.”
“Ugh. I’m gross.” I rubbed off the residual treatment.
The corners of his mouth quirked. “That’s impossible. You make poison oak look good.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Poison Ivy’s got nothing on me,” I said, referring to my favorite Batman nemesis.
“Able to endure a skin rash and look adorable.” His eyes twinkled. “Now that’s a superpower.”
I sighed when his arm pulled me closer. A cool wind swept off Lake Juniper, blowing the romantic fog from my head. The cleared space leaving room for doubt to creep in. I’d done it. Had my first kiss. But what did it mean? It felt like so much more than a dare. Not that Seth knew about that—would never know. How would he ever trust me if he did?
But did Seth want to go out with me or just hang out with me? Huge difference … especially with the camp clock ticking down to the end of summer. It was early in the session, but camp had an expiration date and the sooner I figured things out the faster I could relax and enjoy the rest of the summer with Seth. I sucked in a lungful of courage and burst out with, “Are we a couple now?”
Seth’s golden eyes gleamed in the starlight. “Haven’t we always been?”
My brain searched for the information I needed to solve that puzzle of an answer.
“I mean, are we more than friends?”
He gave me a kiss that was long on promise but short on specifics.
“Does that answer your question?” His pirate smile flashed. He smoothed the hair back from my temples and ran his fingers down the curve of my cheeks, making me tremble. “Lauren, don’t get so caught up in labels. We’re better than that. Right?”
We. We were a WE. That meant something and I should trust him enough not to mislead my heart. So when his lips captured mine once more, I forgot my question altogether. Even forgot my name as I surrendered to the best moment of my life, letting the tide pull me where it would.
Five minutes later we’d returned to my cabin and lingered beneath a pine tree. Its fragrant boughs made it feel like Christmas, their thickness shielding us like a dark mantle. And I loved privacy, the sense that we were alone in our world.
Seth and I held hands and grinned, co-conspirators in our budding romance. It felt natural and strange at the same time. I’d looked into those golden eyes before. Returned his crooked smile. Yet it felt different now that we were together. I couldn’t wait to tell my friends.
A low babble of voices rose on the path, campers returning from the bonfire. Seth’s eyes darted toward the sounds then back to me. He pressed me against the tree and gave me a swift, hard kiss then backed away.
“Lauren.” He waved his fingers in front of my eyes until the rosy cloud lifted from my vision.
“Yes?” I reached for him but grabbed a handful of air instead. What?
Feet thudded, and voices were closer now. Seth’s head swiveled as though looking for an escape route. From me?
“Tonight was awesome,” he said, low and urgent. “But can we keep things private? Just between us. For now. Okay?”
Without thinking, I nodded, not wanting to ruin this amazing night with an argument.
“It’d be easier to get used to being together without our friends involved. At least in the beginning, all right?”
Again I nodded. If he said this was the beginning, that meant he saw a future for us. One that would include our friends. Given Seth’s trust issues, I’d need to be patient. It wasn’t like some girl had let him down. His mother had rejected him and a cut that deep wouldn’t heal easily. My friend at home was adopted. She had great parents, but she once told me she always felt like the card on top of the discard pile. It broke my heart, just as it did now, when I looked at Seth’s anxious expression.
Alex’s laugh in the distance, however, brought home how hard it would be to keep such a big secret. And that hurt. Especially when I wanted to shout it from the treetops, or at least at the dance this coming Friday.
“How long?” I whispered, not wanting to draw the attention of a passing group of girls, their heads bent and arms linked.
“Can we see how it goes?” Seth’s troubled eyes sought mine. He looked so worried that I agreed, wanting to smooth the line forming between his brows. So maybe everything wouldn’t happen at warp speed for us. But at least this was progress.
However, when his mouth lifted in a relieved smile, I struggled to return it. My conflicting thoughts returned when I remembered a question one of my teachers asked last year. If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?
If we kissed and I couldn’t talk about it, had this magic really happened? Were we a couple?
“Don’t frown.” Seth’s quick kiss settled some of my jitters. “It’ll work out. Can you be patient?”
“Sure,” I said, then stared until he blended with the shadows and disappeared, not feeling sure of anything.
Chapter Five
“You have to wear this to the dance tonight.” I passed a dress to Alex and crossed my fingers, hoping she’d take it. She never wore anything trendy that she hadn’t made herself. “It’s your favorite color.”
I’d been looking forward to the dance all week but now that it was here, my stomach tied itself in an undoable knot. Where did things stand with Seth? We’d been meeting secretly. But he’d been adamant—this was just between us.
“For real?! Are you sure?” Alex gaped at the dress I dangled in front of her. The grape shade was her favorite, with enough sequins and sheer panels to make me wonder if my grandmother had worn her glasses when she’d bought it for my birthday. It was a hot dress, but flashy wasn’t my style. I left the shining to the stars.
“My parents
would die if they saw me wear this,” Alex breathed. She held it up to her thin frame and pranced to the mirror. “Wonder if my parents would feature it on their latest ‘Wholesome Home’ blog post: ‘What Not to Let Your Kids Wear.’
I laughed along with the other girls, though we all knew how much it must suck for Alex to have her life dissected in public, required to act like a perfect child so her parents could sell more books.
She handed it back. “You wear it, Laur. It’s so major and Seth will love it.”
I tried not to wince at the mention of my top secret boy-more-than-friend. It was the best non-label label I could come up with. Would he even dance with me tonight? Or would that make things too public? I hated that he didn’t want to claim me as his girlfriend. And I didn’t even look like Swamp Thing anymore now that the rash had mellowed.
“I have this.” I pawed through my suitcase and pulled out a midnight-blue silky tank dress—plainer, but a classic cut. “It’s perfect for me. Besides, the purple doesn’t fit anymore.” I crossed my fingers behind my back.
Alex shot me a level look. “Betcha it fits just fine.” She bit her lip, as if wrestling with a huge moral dilemma. But then she clutched the dress tighter. “But you only live once, right?”
She raced off into the bathroom, dress in hand, and I felt happy to have won this small battle, at least. God knows, I was getting nowhere with Seth.
“Hurry up, girls!” Susannah stuck her head in the cabin. She’d been at the mess hall helping set up for the dance while the Divas’ Den counselor, Victoria, kept a halfhearted eye on us from next door. “I’ll be right outside when you’re ready.” The closing door emitted a burst of pine-scented evening air.
“Come on, Lauren,” Trinity urged, already dressed in a white halter dress that showed off her tan. She’d braided the front of her hair in little cornrows and woven pink and yellow ribbons through them. “Want any help?”
“Um.” I knew waiting for the bathroom mirror would be pointless tonight of all nights. “That’s okay.”
Pulling my dress over my head, I shimmied out of the shirt underneath. Undressing without flashing your friends took serious skill, but all self-respecting campers mastered the trick by the end of their first week.
“Look out, girls.” Alex shoved open the bathroom door and peeked out. “Because here comes the hottest girl at the dance. The Divas will have nothing on me tonight.”
She sashayed into the cabin, dancing and spinning.
Jackie whistled, Piper laughed, and Siobhan pretended to burn her fingers when she touched Alex’s shoulder. They all swarmed her to admire the new dress and Trinity gave me a surprise hug.
“That was really nice of you,” she whispered in my ear. “I think you just bought yourself a whole lot of good karma.”
I smiled in spite of my blue mood.
“Thanks.” I gave one of her braids a tug, grateful to have my friends around me. “I could use some luck tonight.”
“Yeah. You still need to get that kiss from Seth.” Siobhan sprayed her ebony hair and turned, aiming the can at me. “You better go for it.”
“Tick tock.” Alex pointed at her plain black wristband before unlatching it and dropping it onto her bunk. “At this rate, you still won’t have kissed Seth by the end of summer.”
I squirmed, wishing like crazy I could tell them about my unforgettable kiss with Seth … and the ones that had followed.
“Stop. You’re making her blush.” Piper wrapped an arm around me. “Don’t worry, Lauren. It will happen when it’s supposed to.” She turned to the group. “Guys, we should call off the dare.”
A chorus of “No Way”s echoed in the small space, followed by giggles.
“They’ve so got to hook up this summer.” Alex accepted Trinity’s white daisy hair clip and pinned back her bangs. “Seth has been checking her out all week.”
Heat crept up my neck. He’d done a heck of a lot more than that the past few days.
“Are we ready?” Jackie called suddenly, the party around me breaking up. Jackie moved to the front door and peered through the screen. “The other cabins are starting to walk down.”
The sinking feeling in my gut grew worse. I couldn’t believe I’d finally had my first kiss with the boy of my dreams and I wouldn’t be able to sit with him at the dance or hold his hand. Camp dances were the best time to have a boyfriend. It was the only chance you really got to be together, as a couple, and have it be cool with the counselors.
“Don’t worry.” Alex linked an arm through mine on the dark path toward the mess hall. “Seth will be totally into you tonight, even though this dress makes me the sexiest chica at Juniper Point.”
I smiled at her goofy attempt to cheer me up. She might not know exactly why I wasn’t happy, but as my closest friend at camp, she could tell when I was feeling down.
“Do your worst, Hot Stuff,” I teased. “You’ll out-diva the Divas tonight.”
“They totally put me in the wrong cabin, didn’t they?” She tapped her chin and pretended to be deep in thought. “Maybe I’d better put on the Camp Juniper Sorting Hat again. See if I was meant to be a Divas’ Den girl after all.”
We giggled all the way to the mess hall, and as Rob and the guys from Warriors’ Warden arrived at the same time as us, we stopped short.
“Hottie alert,” Alex announced while the boys pushed and jostled for position in line.
“Hmph.” Piper flipped up her hand. “Whatever happened to ‘ladies first’?”
Susannah and Rob flirted while we watched the guys pass by. Cameron and Eli, a couple of Warriors, nudged each other and checked out Alex while she posed and preened, soaking up the attention. As for me … I felt like Invisible Girl this week. A covert agent whose mission impossible was to keep my romance with Seth a secret.
Speaking of which … where was Seth?
“Did you see that?” Alex poked a skinny finger between my ribs, her voice high and excited.
“What?”
“Devon.” She pointed to a tall, dark-haired boy from the Warriors’ cabin. “He totally checked you out. How could you have missed that?”
I wasn’t interested in Devon, the camp flirt. Although I noticed he turned around once we all walked into the mess hall, his eyes darting away after meeting mine. Thank goodness Alex hadn’t seen the second look. I couldn’t deal with more guy drama. First I needed to figure out what was going on with Seth.
Inside, the mess hall had been transformed into a “Secret Garden,” this year’s theme. Huge paper sunflowers hung from the rafters while pots of real flowers were stationed around the perimeter, on loan from the chef’s kitchen garden.
The arts and crafts sessions had worked on decorating trellises with crepe paper vines and morning glories, the network of fake hedges and archways creating mini labyrinths that other campers were exploring.
A fast song thumped hard enough to rattle the window panes. Although the dance floor was half-filled with younger campers, the kids my age still hung out around the edges, checking out the hedge maze and filling drinks from a refreshment station near the kitchen.
“He’s here,” Trinity said from a few feet behind me.
My gaze flew to the door as the Wander Inn boys arrived.
Had she known I’d be waiting for Seth to arrive? I looked her way, but she was busy staring at the guys. Maybe she liked one of them too.
Julian led the way, his knight’s helmet visor tipped up, a Lord of the Rings emblem decorating it. I wished I was more like Julian. Then I could do what I pleased and wouldn’t care about what people thought… especially when it came to Seth. My boy-who-might-be-a-boyfriend followed behind Julian slowly, his amber gaze sweeping the dance floor.
Was he looking for me? My heartbeat sped up.
Our eyes locked. Held. My pulse went wild … right before Seth looked away. He walked toward the opposite corner from where I stood.
Un-freaking-real.
“They’ll probably come over late
r,” Trinity murmured, although I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or someone else. I didn’t have to ask to know that we all hoped a boy would come over and ask for a dance. We’d spent enough time whispering about it past bedtime. I might not be the only one feeling disappointed right now.
“Don’t forget the kiss,” Alex reminded me, the words making me feel even more down. “We are not leaving this dance until you’ve kissed Seth.”
God. Give a girl a freaking break. Back when I’d felt rational—aka, was nowhere near Seth—I would have agreed with her. But now? When I could settle for a few stolen kisses instead of rocking the boat and maybe losing him… I hated to push the issue. Going public. Though a part of me really, really wanted everyone to know we were a couple.
“Right,” I grumbled.
The first slow song came on and the lights dimmed. I tried not to scratch my rash as I waited. Hoped.
Eli—the jokester from Warriors’ Warden—came over to ask Alex to dance. His cheeks were bright red and he looked so embarrassed that I hoped she’d say yes just to put him out of his misery. When she nodded, his face nearly matched her purple dress.
Brittany, the prettiest Diva, danced with Julian of all people. Who would have thought someone so stuck-up would say yes to the kid in a medieval knight suit? Then again, she was always crushing on the heroes from whatever book she happened to be reading. Maybe she was into Tolkien now. I could tell she’d pissed off Hannah. She scowled at them hard enough to make me believe her face just might freeze in that position. Oh wait. It already had.
“Would you like to dance?” The male voice behind me made my breath catch.
Finally. Butterflies flitted around my belly as I took a deep breath and told myself not to leap into his arms, humiliating him completely.
Slowly, I turned around. Devon Masterson stared back at me.
“Oh.” Heat rushed to my face. He couldn’t know that I’d hoped it was Seth, but I felt embarrassed just the same. “Um ….”
