When my fingertip passes over the turgid nub of my arousal, a breathy moan escapes my lips. Somehow I manage to hold back the flesh surrounding my clit so that I can expose more of it to my inexperienced fingers. I know that I am touching myself, but in my head Reid is doing this to me. His large calloused fingers rub furious circles over my trembling, molten core until I’m right on the edge of losing control.
I arch my back again so that the scorching water beats a pulsating rhythm across my aroused and pebbled nipples. The added pressure from the water on my breasts stokes the fire that is burning in my sex.
Emboldened by my need to release this pent up desire, I move my fingers away from my clit and plunge them inside of my tight channel. Even though two of my fingers don’t even come close to the feel of one of Reid’s, I plunge them as deep as I can and curl them into that soft, fleshy spot that feels beyond amazing.
The image of Reid’s face buried in my folds as he licks and devours me, while his fingers are curled into this exact spot unleashes a new flood of desire. My climax is right there within my reach. With my fingers still inside, I manage to rub against my clit with my palm. It’s my hand that I’m grinding into, but in my fantasy it’s Reid’s tongue licking me in one large broad stroke. And it is with that image in my mind that I lose myself to my climax.
My hips buck wildly into my palm and I want to scream so badly. I want to call out his name, but somehow I manage to stifle my cries of pleasure. Thrusting my fingers deeper still, I imagine Reid’s cock sinking into me, disappearing into my dripping wet sex.
My inner walls pulse and flutter, as they tighten around my fingers. Waves of pleasure take over my entire body and even my nipples tingle with my release.
I begin to shiver as my body calms and the water turns cold. I wish that Reid was behind me, enveloping me in his warmth. At this point, the most I can hope for is a text or missed call from him. Much to my disappointment, neither of those things is waiting for me as I return to my room wrapped in a warm, fluffy, purple bath towel.
I dig out one of his T-shirts and lift it to my nose. It still smells like him and it makes my heart long for him even more than it already does.
I crawl into bed and my emotions careen all over the place. Physically, I miss Reid and his touch more than any amount of shower-time touching can replace. But it’s my heart that needs the most healing. I need to know that he still wants me as much as I want him. I need to know that we still have a chance - that I haven’t screwed us up beyond repair. I need to know that we have a future, because I’m not ready to commit us to our past just yet.
Cramped in a supremely uncomfortable waiting room chair, I try to get some sleep, but I fail miserably. I spent the better part of the night pacing in the parking lot. I couldn’t stand to be in the same building that I knew Alex was in. But after a while, it just got too cold to stay out there. Sometime around five in the morning, I came back inside.
Alex was smart – perhaps for the first time in her life – and left me alone. I didn’t see her after our little reunion. I assume that her shift is over, and that I will, in fact, never see her again. Honestly though, I don’t care. All I care about is getting out of here and getting back to Maddy.
Katie is curled up in the chair next to me sleeping peacefully, if somewhat uncomfortably, when Joe comes into the waiting room. The haggard and defeated look on his face suggests that Mom is not doing well. Katie shifts in her chair as Joe approaches us. She’s awake almost instantly and I can tell she sees the same thing on his face that I do – fear.
“How is she?” Katie’s voice shakes with tenuous emotions. She’s already lost her mother. Now, the woman who has come closest to replacing that figure in her life is being taken away from her. I might not ever be able to see things completely from Katie’s point of view, but right here, looking at the fear washing over Katie’s deep brown eyes, I can see some of her rationale.
Joe slinks down into the chair next to Katie. He swipes his hand over his face as it if will erase the worry that’s etched onto his features. “She’s stable now, but it was a heart attack. We knew that the chemo was weakening her heart, but it was worse than we thought apparently.”
Katie wraps her arms around her father and cries softly into his chest. “So what did they say, then? I mean is she going to be okay?” I ask, even though I have a pretty good feeling of what the answer will be.
Katie pulls back from Joe’s arms and wipes her eyes. She looks up at him expectantly. She’s obviously holding out hope for the best.
Joe clears his throat before speaking. “Well, if she remains stable, she might be able to go home in the next few days, but the doctors think …” Joe loses the battle with his emotions and begins sobbing.
When his sobs subside, he continues in a wobbly, uncertain voice. “They think this is the beginning of the end. They have to run a few more tests, but in addition to the heart attack, they’re pretty certain that the cancer is spreading. There isn’t anything that anyone can do at this point. They’re…they’re pretty much sending her home to die.”
Katie squeezes him tightly as he kisses the top of her head. But suddenly, I’m seething with anger and pain.
I shoot up out of my chair, suddenly overwhelmed by all of the sadness.
Maddy’s dead parents. My dead brother. Katie’s dead mom. Five long years of distance and emptiness. My current separation from Maddy. Enough is enough.
Joe stands and walks over to me. He can tell I’m pissed and he’s trying to comfort me, trying to be there for me, but there’s only one person from whom I want comfort. And now more than ever, I am going to get her back.
He claps a hand on my shoulder and I refuse to cry. I promised myself when I left that I would never shed a tear for my family again.
“I’m good, Joe. I just need to get out of here. I’ll be in touch.” Katie is shocked at my words. So am I, honestly. She probably thought everything would be like some happy little sitcom once Mom and I talked. Maybe it could have been. If we had years to heal our wounds, maybe it could have been a happy ending. Right now though, right now I just have to leave.
A tiny nagging voice in the back of my head tells me that I’m being an asshole, that I’m being a coward by always running away from my problems. Right now, that voice can shut the fuck up.
I don’t even look back to see the shock on their faces. I can’t. So instead, I turn my back on Joe and Katie and my dying mother because it’s easier than dealing with everything.
Sitting in the truck, waiting for it to warm up, I pull my phone out of my pocket and turn the power back on. The alerts that I’ve missed a call, a text message and that I have a voicemail all chime in, one after the other. I don’t recognize the number, but I open the text anyway.
When I see that it’s from Maddy, my heart thuds in my chest and my hands start shaking almost to the point that I’m unable to scroll through the message.
Maddy: Hey it’s Maddy. I had to get a new phone so I hope that you’ll get this even though it’s a new number. I miss you and I’m sorry for everything. Please call me. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I love you. I hope you still love me. xx
I call my voicemail and when I hear her soft, sweet voice, my chest constricts. She sounds sad, resigned almost. She hopes I still love her? Is she crazy? I can’t say I’m all that happy with how things went down, but I can get over it.
With now steadier hands, I dial her new number. It rings and rings and rings. When I get the voicemail, I’m beyond disappointed that it’s the standard recording; it’s not even her voice.
I call at least five more times and it all goes to voicemail. What the fuck? She calls me to tell me she wants me back and then she ignores me.
I dial Mel. I’m getting to the bottom of this once and for all. Mel picks up on the second ring.
“Reid? Where are you? Why haven’t you called Maddy? What the hell is going on with you guys?” She’s clearly surprised to hear from me, but
not so surprised that her barrage of questions are kept at bay.
“Yeah, it’s me. Listen, I don’t have the time to get into it all. I had my phone off last night and Maddy called and I just tried calling her back, but she’s not answering. What the fuck is going on?” I know she can tell I’m pissed, but I don’t care. I need some answers.
“Um…I don’t know why she isn’t answering? She’s not here right now…” Her words fade into the background and I hear her moving things around.
“What do you mean she’s not there, Mel? Where the hell is she?” My rage is rising and it’s taking way too much effort to keep it in check right now.
“Ah ha! Here it is!” She sounds victorious. “She’s at work, but she must have left her phone at home. She’s not ignoring you.”
I let out the breath I was holding. I’m both relieved and frustrated. At least she’s not ignoring me.
“Work? She got a job? Already?” I hear Mel laugh at my surprise.
“Yes, she got a job! Babies aren’t cheap, you know.” I hear her chiding tone and right now I just don’t appreciate it.
“Listen, Mel. Think what you will, but I didn’t walk away. She pushed me away. But I’m ready to push back now. When will she be home?” She doesn’t respond right away. Did I just shock Mel into silence?
“Uh, well I’m supposed to pick her up at six.” She’s being a bit more reserved all of a sudden.
“Well, it looks like your schedule just cleared up. I’m coming there today and I’ll pick her up, just don’t tell her. Okay?” She doesn’t really have a choice. It’s what I’m doing and that’s that.
“Sure. Okay. I can do that. But listen, Reid. Take it easy on her. I’m not going to speak for her, but she knows she was wrong. She loves you. You know that, right?”
“Yes, I know that. And if she didn’t doubt me at first, we wouldn’t even be in this situation.” The bitterness of my words is harsh; I know it. I’m just wound a bit too tight dealing with everything and I don’t mean to take it out on Mel, but I just need to see Maddy.
“Look, Mel, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to rip your head off. I know she loves me, and believe me, I love her. That’s why I’m coming there tonight. I’m going to prove to her, beyond any of her crazy doubts, that I love her and that she’s the only woman I want to be with.”
Obviously placated, she breathes a sigh of relief. “Good. I’ll text you the address. I guess I’ll see you later then.” She still sounds uncertain, but it’s not her that I need to convince.
As fucked up as I may be, I can’t stay pissed at Mel. “Thanks, Mel. I mean that. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“Okay, Reid. Bye”
As I end the call, a little bit of the heaviness I’ve been feeling lifts. I can’t deal with my mom right now. I’m not sure that I’ll ever be able to, but no matter what I make of my past, Maddy will be a part of my future. That much is certain.
I spend most of the afternoon driving around to waste time, but now that it’s nearly five forty-five, I’m jittery with nervous energy at the thought of finally seeing Maddy again.
It’s foolish really. We’ve only been apart for less than a week, but with everything that happened in that week, it feels like a lifetime since I’ve seen her.
I pull into a parking spot in the back of the lot. I feel slightly like a stalker, but I don’t want her to see me right away. Time feels like it’s at a standstill as I wait, not so patiently, for Maddy to exit the doctor’s office.
The parking lot has emptied out except for a few cars that are all parked in a reserved section to the side. They must belong to Maddy’s co-workers. There’s one car, however, that’s still parked in the main section of the lot. At about five to six, I see someone get out of the car. He walks to the front of his blue Nissan and leans against the hood. He’s obviously waiting for someone, but other than him there’s no one else in the lot.
A few minutes after six, a gaggle of women burst through the front doors. They’re laughing and chatting animatedly. A tall, slender, older woman, dressed in a business suit, leans in to give Maddy a hug. I can’t hear what she says, but I would imagine that it’s Maddy’s boss.
Maddy breaks apart from the group after saying goodbye and scans the parking lot. She wraps her arms around her chest to keep warm and while I would love to make her stand out there just a bit longer, I don’t want her to freeze. I just want her to think Mel forgot about her.
She looks beautiful. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail and her long, graceful neck is exposed. I can’t really make out much of her figure underneath the puffy, winter coat that she’s wearing and the baggy baby blue scrubs do nothing to showcase her fantastic legs. Just thinking about her strong, lean legs wrapped around my waist makes my cock twitch in anticipation.
Lost in my erotic fantasy, I don’t immediately notice it, but leaning-up-against-his-car guy is approaching Maddy. For a split second, I tense worrying that he’s going to harm her, but when I see her face light up in a huge smile at seeing him, fury takes over.
The fuck? She’s out of my life for less than a week. She’s pregnant with my baby. She calls me to tell me that she loves me and misses me. And then she goes behind my back? Yeah, I don’t think so.
I get out of the truck and walk over towards the two of them. Maddy’s back is to me as I approach her and her date, so she doesn’t see me right away. But once the guy sees me, she spins around to look at what has caught his eye.
Her face is shocked and when our eyes lock, my heart skips a beat. There’s a pull between us. As much as I hate to admit it, she owns me. Her eyes are magical. They dance with light and passion and when she looks at me, they are filled with love.
The love and passion that are sparkling in her emerald green eyes evaporate when she realizes the scene that I’ve just stumbled upon. I can only imagine what’s going through her mind, but I’m sure the images of me kicking Logan’s ass are flashing vividly through her mind.
I’m no more than a few feet from them when the guy pushes Maddy behind him to protect her from what he perceives as a threat. He’s not very far from the truth, but she’s not the one who needs protecting.
Menacingly close now, he pipes up. “Who the fuck are you? What do you want?” Okay, I’ll give the prick a little bit of credit for trying to stand up to me, but he has no clue what he’s competing against here.
The caveman in me wants to deck this guy and drag Maddy into a bed – any bed – and claim her, repeatedly, until she understands that she’s mine and no one else’s. I’m going to do that anyway, but hopefully I can refrain from knocking this guy on his ass. I’d like to have the use of my hands tonight.
My eyes never leave Maddy’s, but my words are directed at him. “Me? I’m the boyfriend, asshole.” Maddy’s eyes widen slightly as I say “boyfriend.” Did she really think we ever broke up?
I avert my gaze from Maddy for a minute to stare this douchebag down. “And who the fuck do you think you are?” He falters, not enough that most people would notice, but I’m in predator mode. I see his throat work hard to swallow past the newly formed fear. His pupils dilate slightly and the pulse beating in his neck picks up as adrenaline surges through him. If he thinks he’s going to win this battle, he is wrong – so fucking wrong.
He puffs out his chest as he says, “I’m Maddy’s date for tonight.” He snickers lightly as he says, “You know? She never mentioned a boyfriend when I asked her out. Must not be much of a boyfriend if she doesn’t even mention you.” He swells with pride at his snarky little quip. In the split second he looks away from me to gauge Maddy’s approval, I lay him flat on the ground as I drop my shoulder into his gut and take his legs out from underneath him with one of my own. I freaking love my takedown skills. I didn’t even have to bust up my hands. I’m definitely going to need them in a little bit.
I straddle over him and pull him up by the collar. “Whether she mentioned me or not, she’s mine, so lay the fuck off. Got it?”
>
Maddy still hasn’t said a word and I haven’t actually spoken directly to her. I’m pretty sure she understands my actions though. Wordlessly, I reach my hand out to her. This is her chance. If she still wants me, then she’ll come with me. This is who I am, who I’ve always been. If she can’t understand that I love her, that I want her more than anything, then it’s not because I haven’t tried as hard as I possibly could to prove it to her.
Hand still outstretched, I look her directly in the eyes, as I try to convey everything that I’m thinking, that I’m feeling. In what feels like an act of God, she understands me and laces her hand in mine.
Electricity fires between us. She’s wrapping her hand around mine, but I feel her touch everywhere on my body- tracing the lines of my chest and toned abs, tickling the trail that descends low on my belly, encasing my hardened length as she brings me to the heights of ecstasy that I’ve only experienced with her.
This is what Maddy does to me. She owns me, but tonight, tonight I’m going to show her that I own her.
As she steps over what’s-his-face, she bends down, without ever letting go of my hand, and says, “Are you alright? I’m sorry, Jay. I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you soon.” He tries to respond to her, but he’s still trying to catch his breath from my takedown.
When we’re a few steps past Jay, whoever the fuck that is, I turn her so that she’s facing me. “You will not talk to him soon. Over my fucking dead body.” She opens her mouth to say something, but I don’t give her the opportunity to form any words.
I wrap my other arm around her waist and pull her up to my mouth. When our lips crash together, my body shudders in delight. I let go of her hand and grab the back of her head to pull her mouth closer to mine. She’s not close enough because in this moment I could devour her. I’m losing myself in her taste, in her fine, perfect mouth. I can’t control myself – biting, licking, savoring – she’s just so fucking sweet that I know I will never be able to get enough.
Let Love Stay Page 9
