I don’t remember falling asleep. I only know I haven’t woken up feeling this good in…fuck. Forever, maybe?
Feeling Chella’s body tight against mine, her smooth skin brushing against my chest as she shifts closer with a sexy moan, like she’s just been ravaged and is basking in the afterglow.
Oh, yeah.
That happened.
“What are we doing?” she murmurs with a deep sigh.
“I think it’s called spooning, not that I’ve ever done it with anyone before.”
Chella giggles. “Yes, it is called spooning and yes, that is what we’re doing. I wasn’t being that literal, though.”
“I know.”
“So?” she twists her head around to peer at me with heavy, sleepy eyes.
“I like how direct you are,” I murmur.
She shrugs. “If you want an answer, the first step is to ask the question.”
I bury my head in her wavy dark hair, breathing in her scent. Truth be told, I’d forgotten all about the big ass elephant in the room. “I didn’t exactly plan for this to happen.”
“Which part of ‘this’ do you mean? Just so we’re on the same page.”
“All of them.” I stroke the back of her head. “This is wrong on every level. I never should have…shit. The whole thing was a big fucking mistake,” I mutter.
Her eyes widen and she pulls away from me with a stricken look on her face and I let out a groan, realizing I actually spoke those words instead of thinking them.
“No, you’re taking it the wrong way—”
She pulls the sheets around her, putting as much distance between us as she can without rolling off the bed. “I don’t see another way of taking it, but I shouldn’t be so surprised. I mean, I agreed to do things for you as part of my payment, so I guess this falls under my job responsibilities,” she snips, pulling her hand away when I try to grab for it.
“Hey,” I say, pulling her back to me. “Listen to me. Don’t read anything into what I said. Just know this. You’re the only bright spot in this fucking black hole of my life right now, Chella. That night at the restaurant…when I realized who you were, so many feelings came rushing back. I saw something in you, felt something I wanted to grasp onto, something I wasn’t able to touch all those years ago. But I knew I couldn’t. Not ever. You were too good, too high above me. I knew it the second you crashed into me at the bar.”
She lifts an eyebrow. “If memory serves, you crashed into me.”
“Eh, semantics,” I say with a grin. “Maybe I did it on purpose because even though I knew you were out of reach, I still wanted to experience what it would feel like, being touched by that light of yours, even if it was for a split second. And I walked away feeling like I’d lost something huge that night. A second chance, maybe. Then my world got turned upside down and suddenly, the bright spot was within my reach again.” I scrub a hand down the front of my face and fall onto the pillow, the usual heavy weight in my gut dissipating as the words tumble out of my mouth. “Just so you know, I don’t ever talk like this. Hell, I don’t think like this either. I don’t give a damn about things like inner light and crap like that. I’m not a good guy, Chella. I do bad shit to people, and even if they deserve it, it still doesn’t justify my actions.” I let out a frustrated sigh. “I’m not making this any better, am I?”
“I didn’t know you felt that way.” She slowly creeps toward me, her eyes taking on a soft bluish-green tint, whereas only a minute ago, they were dark and heated, like flaming emeralds ready to impale my soul. “I didn’t expect for this to happen either, but like I keep saying, you surprise me. Over and over.”
“I hope that’s not the only thing I’ll get to do over and over,” I murmur, grasping her ass and giving it a squeeze. She lets out a tiny squeal, jumping against me. Then I let out a groan and clap a hand to my forehead. “Christ! What the hell am I doing?”
“Is that supposed to be rhetorical?”
My hand drops to the side of the mattress. “Yeah. I really messed things up. And being with you is only gonna mess them up worse than I already have.”
“Because you’re a bad guy.”
“Yes, because I’m a fucking bad guy!”
“You know what I think?” she asks, tracing a finger over my pecs. I have to grit my teeth to not let out a yelp because, you know, the tickle thing.
My jaw tightens and I shift my arm to knock off her hand.
She snickers. “I think you’re more of a softy than you know.”
“Why? Because I’m ticklish?”
She shakes her head. “No, because I think you have inner battles with yourself pretty often, the guy you really are fighting against is the guy you want the world to see. The push and pull. The constant surprises. If you were consistently a fuckhead, I’d say maybe you’re right. Maybe you really are a bad guy. But you give glimpses of other things, deeper layers.” She lifts an eyebrow. “Am I right?”
“Maybe.”
“So why the constant battle?”
“Because people have certain expectations of me,” I grumble. “I have to meet them or exceed them whenever I can.”
“Or else?”
“Are you serious?”
She nods.
“Or else I get knocked down. Kicked away. Disregarded like I’m some punk ass kid who got his role because of his family name, not because he really deserves it. They’d think I was weak. I’d lose all credibility.”
“Is it hard to live every day feeling like you have something to prove?”
“Yeah, but if I don’t, someone will tear the rug out from under me. This is how I create my power.”
She chuckles. “You sounded like some villainous super hero right then.”
“Yeah, well, you’re starting to look more and more like my kryptonite. In more ways than one,” I say, taking her finger into my mouth and giving it a good suck.
“I’m just saying there’s a lot more to you than meets the eye, and if you want people’s respect, they should know everything you have to offer. You’re a dick, yes. I mean, the other day…in the park, in your office,” She shakes her head. “Total asshole. But then you went to find Bella and risked your car and your neck for her, you showed me a different side. And last night, when we were together…” Chella’s voice trails off and her eyes take on a faraway look. “You were a completely different person. A guy I’d have never guessed was buried behind your thuggy façade. Stop warring against yourself. You want to lead? Then show people that your strength doesn’t just come from your fists. You’re more than that.”
I drag my fingertip over the outline of her lips. “You’re pretty perceptive.”
She giggles. “Nah, I was just searching for some justification for me practically jumping you last night.”
Suddenly, a high-pitched bark jolts me, and Bella climbs on top of us and positions herself right in front of Chella, going to town on her face like it’s a lollipop.
Chella holds her, laughing and sputtering until tears spring to her eyes and I can’t help but join in.
The laughing, not the licking.
I mean, I’d lick Chella like that too. She tastes sweeter than anything else I’ve ever had in my mouth.
I get Bella’s obvious obsession with her flavor.
I’m kind of obsessed myself.
Like I need any more reasons for the battle to rage.
When Bella finally takes a breather and cuddles into her, Chella grazes my arm with her hand. But her expression in no way matches her incessant giggles from only seconds ago. That sober look makes my throat tighten and I can tell there’s something she wants to say.
It’s the ‘what’ that gives me pause.
“Roman,” she murmurs, rubbing the top of Bella’s head. “I need to tell you something.”
“Anything,” I reply.
“We can’t keep Bella,” she whispers, nuzzling the puppy’s neck.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, sitting up. “Why not? I
mean, she’s already christened the place. I’ll get you whatever you need—”
She shakes her head. “It’s not that. Remember what I told you about Princess last night? She ran away and we never found her because she wasn’t chipped. That was on us. But if Bella has some kind of identification, it’s not right to keep her. Her owners must be worried sick about her. We should do the right thing.”
Her voice quivers and even I feel a lump form in the back of my throat.
Some badass enforcer I am.
Guess I’m softer than I thought.
For fuck’s sake!
But as much as I want to keep Bella and Chella…cute…I didn’t catch that until just now…I know she’s right.
“Are you sure that’s what you want to do?”
She shakes her head. “It’s not at all what I want to do. But it’s the right thing to do. I’d be beside myself if I lost this beautiful little girl,” she whispers against Bella’s ear. A second later, she raises her distressed gaze up to me. “I don’t want anyone to be missing her any longer than they already have been.”
I watch her cuddle with Bella, sliding behind her once again, her shoulders quietly quaking.
After all this girl has been through, she’s still worried about everyone else, even people she doesn’t know.
What the hell am I doing to her?
What am I doing to myself?
A loud knock at the door alerts me that Dante is awake and probably pissed off that he won’t be having any eggs for breakfast. I drop a kiss onto Chella’s head and roll out of the bed. I grab my boxer briefs and pull them on before walking out into the hallway.
Dante is waiting for me, lounging against the wall with a smug smile on his face. “So. That’s where you were shacked up last night, yeah?” He chuckles. “Rekindling old flames, yeah?”
I grab him by the wrist and pull him into my bedroom. “Shut the hell up,” I grunt.
“Ooh, so sensitive.” He nudges my shoulder. “Listen, Matteo is looking for you. He said he’s been calling you for hours.”
“My phone is charging,” I say, nodding at my nightstand. “I wasn’t really worried about whose calls I’d miss last night when I left it.”
“Yep, I’m sure you had plenty of other things on your mind. And on your cock,” he says.
I grab a pair of basketball shorts and tug them on. “When did he call?” I ask, ignoring his other comments. “And keep your damn voice down, will ya?”
“He just called now. Said he’s been trying to get you for a while.”
“Shit,” I grumble. “I need to get back to him. Can you order some food for Marchella so I can take care of whatever he needs? We, ah, kind of made a little bit of a mess—”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know all about it,” Dante says with a wicked smile on his face. “There was a fucking egg puddle all over the floor and of course, I cleaned it up because you were too busy screwing your girl. Which, by the way, I had to listen to for hours, you sonofabitch. The screams and groans kept me up for fucking ever. How the hell did the dog sleep through all of that anyway?”
I snicker, running a hand through my hair. “I have no idea. Oh, and speaking of the dog, do me a favor and make sure she doesn’t pee all over my sneakers again.”
“I’ll consider it,” he says, strutting out the door and pulling it closed behind him.
I collapse onto my bed, pressing my fingertips to my temples. How much longer can I keep this whole thing going, this alternate reality I’ve created? The one where I keep ignoring the threats and the danger and play house with the girl I kidnapped?
She saw right through me like I was a pane of freshly washed glass.
She felt the inner turmoil.
She sensed the clash of wills deep inside of me.
When I pick up my laptop and stab Matteo’s number into the keyboard, my gut twists because it’s a sign that war will always rage on.
And I’ll never be the victor.
When his face flashes on the screen, a pang assaults my chest. His eyes spit fire, his lips twisted into a grimace. “Roman, where the hell have you been?” he seethes. “I’ve been trying to call you for fucking hours!” But before I can speak, he holds up a hand. “No, you know what? I don’t really give a shit. But do you know what I give a shit about?”
I rub the back of my neck. I’m sure there is a mile-long list, but I’ll just humor him for now. “Right at this second? Um, breakfast?”
“You’re a real fucking comedian, aren’t you?” he shouts. “So let’s try to find the joke in this one, Roman. You, getting taken for four fucking kilos of blow by fucking Frankie Amante! You, killing Salvatore Giaconne! And you, kidnapping Amante’s sister! What is wrong with you? Is your head completely up your ass right now? Do you have any idea what you’ve done? And do you know what’s worse? I spoke to you yesterday and you told me everything was fucking fine! Fine! You lied to me!”
“I didn’t lie. At the exact time we spoke, everything was fine.” I rub the back of my neck like that alone will relieve the growing stress knot at the base of my skull.
“You asshole!” he roars, and I swear I can see smoke coming out of his ears. “How the hell did you let this happen? All you had to do was keep an eye on things! What exactly were you doing at the club when they boosted that blow? Or maybe the better question is, who were you doing?” He slams his hand on the desk. “Frankie fucking Amante! I knew that slimeball bastard would be back to screw with us at some point! I can’t believe you missed it!”
“Jesus Christ, do you always make the right decisions? Huh? Because I seem to remember one not too long ago where you put yourself and Heaven in the line of fire because of a bad fucking call!” My teeth grind together as I glare at my brother’s face on the laptop screen.
“Don’t talk to me like that!” he thunders, his face beet red. “I’m your fucking boss and you’d better remember that! I gave you that job and I can yank it away just as fast! Goddammit, Roman! Amante fucking robbed you blind! Do you know how that makes our family look? How we’ll look to the syndicate?” Matteo slams his hand on the side of his desk. “I trusted you to keep things under control and you let that asshole ravage our business!”
“But I’m handling it, dammit! That’s why I have Marchella. I needed a bargaining chip so he wouldn’t bolt from the city before getting our drugs back!”
Matteo takes a second to breathe, and it’s a good thing because I feel like his head is damn close to spinning off his shoulders, Exorcist-style.
“Roman,” he says in a calmer voice. Not calm, calmer. “You really messed things up this time.”
My shoulders sag as Matteo continues his verbal lashing, and I’m very happy he’s on the other side of the country right now and not standing in front of me.
But once the immediate shock wears off and Matteo’s tirade reverberates between my ears along with my thoughts, it dawns on me that someone ratted me out. He’d never get this kind of detailed information through the grapevine.
Someone told him what went down.
Someone who knows exactly what happened and who was involved.
Ray.
Motherfucker!
So much for him being my trusted sidekick.
“Well, I’m sure glad Ray alerted you about that one,” I scoff sarcastically.
“At least someone believes in leveling with the boss.” He sighs. “Roman, this is a bad fucking situation. You have no idea what Amante is planning or who he’s planning it with. He came after us after all this time, now that his father is in jail…why? To save face, to make a quick buck, to get revenge since he’s in a black hole and we’re sitting on top of the food chain? All of the above? And you know what? It doesn’t even matter. What matters is that he exposed a weakness. In you. And he’s gonna come back to tear at it some more. He’s always been a selfish prick and right now, I don’t think he gives a damn about his sister. I think he’s out for himself and he’s got nothing to lose.”
&nbs
p; “Look, Matty. I know I didn’t do things the way you would have, but I’ve got Amante’s balls in a vise right now. I’m gonna handle it. He’s gonna make us whole again. I will make sure he pays us for that blow.”
“He’s not gonna give you anything, Roman. No matter what he told you when you beat his ass. You let yourself get tangled up in the Amante net, and now there’s an army out for blood…and money.”
“What are you talking about? Who are you talking about? What goddamn army?”
Matteo lets out a deep sigh. “Frankie’s dad got thrown in the clink for killing a couple of guys six months ago. You hear about that?”
“Yeah, I know. Left his family in shambles. So?”
“He’s not the one who committed the actual murders, Roman. He took the blame for someone else…his son.”
I furrow my brow. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Matteo’s lips stretch into a tight line. “Frankie, as usual, pissed off some people. Badass Russian crew from Brooklyn. The Volkov Bratva. He stole one of their cars…one that had a shipment of uncut blow hidden in the trunk. When one of their guys found him, he panicked and killed him. His father tried to stop him because he knew what Volkov would do to the rest of his family in retaliation. He was too late, but Frankie escaped and his dad still took the fall for it when the cops showed up. They claimed it was second-degree murder because it was self-defense, but it’s still a long fucking time to be put away for something you didn’t do.”
“Pretty noble of him,” I mutter.
“Yeah, well, the Volkovs haven’t forgotten about it. They want their drugs back. Sound familiar?”
“So you think he robbed us because he needed access to…shit,” I mutter.
“He’s not going to get you those drugs or the money,” Matteo grunts. “It’s all long fucking gone, don’t you get it? Frankie’s desperate, Roman. He’s either gonna run to save his ass, or he’s gonna hit you up again, but this time with his pals from the bratva on his heels because he knows he’s dead if he doesn’t pay them back every ounce of what he stole. You killed the wrong fucking guy, Roman. You should’ve killed Frankie because he’s not finished with you. But you didn’t. Instead, you took his sister, who is leverage not only for you, but for the Volkov Bratva. Do you know what that means?”
Savage Beast: A Dark Mafia Enemies to Lovers Romance (Sinfully Savage) Page 17
