——March 20/2:51 p.m.——
The Green Eggs and Ham girls burst into Phyllis and Brenna’s room. Caught Phyllis STUDYING FOR A CLASS!
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——March 20/2:52 p.m.——
Studying! At a retreat! Shocking. Who are the Green Eggs and Ham girls?
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——March 20/2:52 p.m.——
You really do live under a house-sized rock, don’t you. It’s Dulcie, Joc, Z, Bren, and that gang. Thought everyone knew about that!
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——March 20/2:53 p.m.——
Never knew about it. Why the name?
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——March 20/2:53 p.m.——
Name of private email loop to gripe about YOU. Come on—you really didn’t know? That’s a HOOT! Everyone else knew.
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——March 20/2:54 p.m.——
Just when I thought maybe I really could survive without therapy… Anyway, so what are they doing to Phyllis?
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——March 20/2:55 p.m.——
They dragged her out of room, to the main hall, and r now making her sing ALL the camp songs we can think of! Singing with her, of course. More gals joining in. Getting wild. Bring camera!
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——March 20/2:56 p.m.——
Camp songs? Like Magdalena-Hagdalena?
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——March 20/2:56 p.m.——
Yep. N Smooshing Up My Baby Bumblebee. N Great Green Globs of Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts.
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——March 20/2:57 p.m.——
I LOVE that one!
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——March 20/2:57 p.m.——
Hurry up N get over here. We’ll sing it again for you. I don’t believe it. Phyllis is standing on a table belting out the Chicken Song—complete with the actions. She’s gone totally nuts! It’s like a sorority party gone wild—only no booze. Weirdest thing I ever saw!
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——March 20/2:58 p.m.——
Who needs alcohol? And that’s what Phyllis gets for studying when she should be having fun. Am on my way over! Do they really have their own private loop to gripe about me?
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——March 20/2:58 p.m.——
It’s a private loop and I’m not on it. I was only teasing. I don’t know what they chat about. But who would want a loop just to talk about YOU?
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——March 20/2:59 p.m.——
Gee thanks. Watch it, sis, or I’ll make you sing the Animaniacs states N capitals song with me. Remember we used to be able to do the whole thing?
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——March 20/2:59 p.m.——
So get over here and let’s show them what happens when loop moderators are off duty!
From: Dulcie Huckleberry
To: Thomas Huckleberry
Subject: Update #2
Hi again, Tom,
It’s evening now, and I just had to tell you what just happened. We were all in the recreation room, enjoying the fireplace and snacks. And then Zelia climbed up on the stone hearth of the fireplace and shouted for everyone to be quiet for a second.
She told us all about the problems they’ve had with Lishan and Duri, and thanked us again for praying for Lishan when she was lost. It’s been so discouraging for her—even more than I realized from her e-mails and messaging. You could see the love and fear for those kids in her eyes, and it broke my heart.
She said, “What Lishan and Duri have taught us is how to love no matter what. And it’s that love that makes a family.”
And then she said something amazing, Tom. I couldn’t believe it. She said, “There’s one person here tonight who has especially shown me that kind of love.” Her voice got all husky and we had to lean in to hear. “Two years ago, we had a very public falling-out. But tonight, I’d like to publicly honor a woman who has…” And she couldn’t say any more. She was crying too hard.
Someone— Veronica I think—shoved Rosalyn to the front. She looked really uncomfortable. I had no idea what was going on. None of us did.
Zelia grabbed Rosalyn and held her, just crying and crying. And then, I saw a tear slide down Rosalyn’s cheek. She brushed it away, and then it was like something just broke inside her. She buried her face in Z’s shoulder, and all we could hear is “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” And I think that was from both of them.
Nobody knew what to do. Most of us were crying, too. Then I heard Ros say, “Don’t tell them, okay? Please. I didn’t mean for anyone to know.”
Z nodded. And even though we’ve asked her about it, she won’t say a word.
Finally, Z sniffled and said, “Hey do any of you moms have a tissue?” She got nearly fifty offers. The rest of us were using ours.
I don’t know exactly what happened, but I think it’s safe to say that they’ve managed to patch things up.
Thank you so much for making a way for me to be here for this. I will never forget this night as long as I live.
Dulcie
From: Hannah Farrell
To: Kristina Shaw
Subject: Hi from Hannah
Hi Krissy,
I’m here in CO with all the other moms from my e-mail loop. And they’re SO cool! You know, I felt really jealous of you last year when you went to college. Not really because of the classes— I could have done that if I wanted to. But because you were going to go off and live in a dorm and meet all these new friends. I felt left behind.
But now I feel like I have my own group, too. And even though you’ll always be my BFF, I don’t feel jealous of you anymore. My SAHM friends are really nice. Even Rosalyn’s not quite as crazy as I thought she was. And her sister, Veronica, is as heathen as Rosalyn is pious. But I can’t help but like her anyway. Even Brenna likes me now, I think. And Phyllis makes me think hard about things. It feels good to talk to her.
And I hope that these few days Bradley is spending with Boaz will help him appreciate us more. I think it’s good to have a break. I don’t have to prove I’m a dedicated, skilled mom. I was trying too hard! I didn’t realize how tired I was. I think I’ll go home and just have more fun.
Oh, Krissy! Even though it’s hard, being a mom is really WAY cool, you know?
Gotta go! Love ya the mostest!
Hannah
Text Message From Dulcie Huckleberry: For Zelia Muzuwa
——March 20/11:16 p.m.——
Are u still awake?
Text Message From Zelia Muzuwa: For Dulcie Huckleberry
——March 20/11:16 p.m.——
Yeah, actually. How did u know?
Text Message From Dulcie Huckleberry: For Zelia Muzuwa
——March 20/11:17 p.m.——
Just a feeling. Today was a good day, wasn’t it.
Text Message From Zelia Muzuwa: For Dulcie Huckleberry
——March 20/11:17 p.m.——
One of the best. I don’t want it to end.
Text Message From Dulcie Huckleberry: For Zelia Muzuwa
——March 20/11:18 p.m.——
Me neither. Now that we’re finally all together, I don’t want to let you go. But we have 42 minutes left of this perfect day. Let’s do something!
Text Message
From Zelia Muzuwa: For Dulcie Huckleberry
——March 20/11:19 p.m.——
Like what? By the way, Phyllis is awake, too. I told her she should be sleeping since she has to preach to us in the morning, but she’s not sleepy either.
Text Message From Dulcie Huckleberry: For Zelia Muzuwa
——March 20/11:19 p.m.——
Let’s summon the Eggs. I’ll wake up Marianne. Brenna, Jocelyn, and Iona are right next door so I’ll get them too. You guys bundle up warm and meet us out at the campfire. It’s not that cold, and we can start a fire. Beautiful moon.
Text Message From Zelia Muzuwa: For Dulcie Huckleberry
——March 20/11:20 p.m.——
Ur on!
From: Dulcie Huckleberry
To: Thomas Huckleberry
Subject: One more update
It’s midnight, Sunday morning. I miss having you snuggled beside me. I hope you are dreaming of me.
I’m sitting down by the lake, a clandestine campfire blazing nearby. Brenna, Phyllis, Jocelyn, Marianne, Zelia and Iona are surrounding me. We decided not to waste our precious together time with something as useless as sleeping. So we’ve been having an impromptu slumber party. Jocelyn raided the supply of snacks she and Rosalyn bought before the retreat, so we’re munching on s’mores and drinking hot chocolate.
Giddy and giggly from being so tired, talking faster than our brains can form the words. Huddled together to stay warm, and just to feel each other’s physical presence. Trying to store it all up inside to last until the next time we’re with each other.
Phyllis may have to read straight from her notes tomorrow, but she said she doesn’t care. :)
Online is wonderful, but this moment is perfection. I wish I could hold on to it always.
Love,
Dulcie
P.S. They all told me to say a big hello to the Tiara Man. :)
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM]
From Iona James, For Everyone
Seashells
By Iona James
Commissioned by Zelia Muzuwa in honor of the first annual SAHM I Am retreat
Rising like Venus from
the sea of things
that are mundane,
they come
not with flawless beauty
of skin or soul
but beauty that shines
for having been tested,
worn smooth by tempest waters
of that which is beyond their control,
they survive.
They are only stones,
Shells,
To many, worth nothing,
But to those that truly see,
They are treasure.
I see! I treasure!
I come
To be one with them.
Shaped by the sea,
we shape the world.
Rosalyn Ebberly
SAHM I Am Loop Moderator
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
Dear Reader,
When I started this SAHM I Am journey, my one goal was to tell our story—the story of stay-at-home moms—the way most authors could not and would not. I wanted SAHMs everywhere to know that they were understood and appreciated. I wanted to make you laugh on the days that are hard: to feel a little less alone. From the responses I’ve received from many of you, I dare to hope that I reached my goal.
I never set out to write a series, but thanks to the enthusiasm of my editors and readers, I’ve had the fun opportunity of continuing the story far beyond what I’ve ever envisioned. This third (and final) SAHM book was in direct response to those of you who wrote to me asking for another SAHM story. I hope I did not disappoint.
As with the other two books, this book addresses some serious issues, as well as indulges in just plain fun. The most important issue is the reactive attachment disorder that Zelia’s adopted children struggle with. This disorder affects not just intentionally adopted children, but domestically adopted and even nonadopted children. It is an incredibly difficult disorder, but there are resources and help available. A good Web site to start with is www.mayoclinic.com/health/reactive-attachment-disorder/DS00988.
We always like to include discussion questions in the books for those of you who choose it for your reading group. If your reading group would like me to make a guest appearance by speakerphone or online chat, please contact me at [email protected] to let me know. I’ve done this for other groups and it’s been a lot of fun. I’m also available to speak to your group or do interviews, etc. Just write me to ask!
Thank you so much for becoming part of the SAHM I Am journey. I hope it’s been a blessing to you.
With love,
Meredith Efken
Contact me at [email protected], or by snail mail at 93 S. Jackson Street #77543, Seattle, WA, 98104-2818. I’d love to hear from you!
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
On Parenting
1. Marianne is told by her friends and family to have different expectations of behavior from her son and daughter. What do you think? How much of typical girl/boy behavior is biological and how much is conditioned by our culture and our own expectations?
2. Are you, or is anyone you know, struggling with children who have problems like either Zelia’s or Rosalyn’s or Brenna’s? What can we do to provide support and care for these families as they try to meet their children’s special needs? If you are one of these families, what would be the most help to you?
3. As parents, we are often pressured—as Hannah suggests—to be everything to our children and be available to them 24/7. Do you agree or disagree, and why?
On Forgiveness
4. Zelia struggles with forgiving Rosalyn, to the point that even her closest friends are growing impatient with her persistent grudge. How would you have counseled Z about this issue? What would you have advised her to do? Have you ever struggled with forgiveness? What did you find helped?
5. Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is ourself. Rosalyn experiences this truth. How does she try to make restitution? Is this a good way? Is there another way she could have made things right? How do you go about forgiving yourself when you know you’ve been in the wrong?
6. Several characters have to apologize in this story—the Green Eggs and Ham girls, for being unkind to Hannah; Rosalyn, for the long-standing hurt to Zelia; and Darren, for not accepting his son’s limitations. Are their ways of apologizing effective? What have you found is the best technique for an apology?
On Competition/Comparisons
7. Veronica’s birthday-party competition gets a bit out of hand. What are some other areas in which parents tend to compete against each other? Why do we do that? Is this a good thing or not, and why? What effects does this competition have on ourselves, our children and our relationships with other families?
8. One of Rosalyn’s main difficulties is that she compares herself to everyone around her and then feels like she must compete against them to be “the best.” Where does this drive to be the best come from, and what can we do about it in our own lives? Is this desire wrong, or can it be healthy if kept in balance? If so, what does that balance look like?
9. Brenna’s husband, Darren, struggles to accept his son because he keeps comparing Little Pat to the expectations he had of what a son should be like. In what ways do we do this with our own children? What can we do about this?
On Marriage
10. Several couples in the story (Tom/Dulcie, Iona/Jeremy, Hannah/Bradley) have differences of opinion about who should do what in their marriages and in their families. Iona especially feels as if she is being pressured to give up her art in order to care for the Angel Child, while Jeremy doesn’t think he has to make the same sacrifice. What did you think of their exp
ectations of each other? If you’re married, how have you handled this issue in your own marriage?
11. Hannah married very young, and it’s implied that she may not have been ready for this marriage. Five years down the road, what do you think her marriage is going to look like? What do she and Bradley need to do in order to make their relationship successful? Should she have gotten married or waited until she was older—and why?
12. Bradley wants to have as many children as they can. Hannah has mixed feelings about this. What do you think they should do? How will these solutions affect Hannah’s interest in college? What are the pros and cons of different approaches to family planning? How do you think couples should work together to resolve these differences?
On Culture and Faith
13. Phyllis struggles in the book with the emotional baggage many people have about clergy families. What judgments—both positive and negative—are made about her based on her husband’s job? How would you respond in her situation? What would you advise her to do about this problem?
14. Phyllis is also very frustrated by the combative attitude of some of her Christian students at the college where she teaches. What role do you think faith should play in the classroom? What should the attitude of Christian students be in a campus setting?
15. Hannah makes several judgment calls at the beginning of the story about the other women on the loop. She thinks many of them don’t seem to be very “Christian,” particularly Iona with her incense burning and dreadlocks, and Rosalyn with her emotional issues, etc. If we were to make a list of things we would find hard to accept as Christian, what would that list have on it? Which of those items are only cultural issues? Can a person be a Christian even if they fit something on that list? What should be our response to other Christians who don’t look, act or think the way we expect Christians to?
If your group has additional discussion questions that you found generated lively discussion, please feel free to send them to me. I may post them on my site. If you want a link back to your MOPS groups, reading club or other organization, I will consider that, as well. Send your discussion questions and information to [email protected].
Play It Again, SAHM Page 26
