by Storm, Sloan
I nodded. “You would.”
“Any potential candidates?”
Even if I brought Maddie here to satisfy his curiosity, what kind of message would that send to her? A pretty goddamn confusing one. In one way or another, I’d all but told her I wasn’t the type to settle down. And in spite of a hiccup or three along the way, it seemed to me as if she’d more or less come to accept the fact. Hell, even if I wanted to bring her, I doubted she’d come. Anyway, it wasn’t worth getting into with him. No good would come of it.
“There’s always potential, Grandfather. Always.”
GREY
I’d slept like utter shit in recent weeks. I hate not sleeping well. Drives me nuts. It’s funny. You’d think with all the headaches I deal with every day, not much would get to me. And most of the time, not much does.
But things weren’t right. And I couldn’t figure out why.
I stood in the kitchen of my condo overlooking downtown Chicago. The sun was just on the rise. I loved this view. There was nothing else like it. It’s one of those things I’d pay almost any amount of money to keep. Like oxygen. Or water.
Sharp angles stabbed skyward off the towering glass and steel structures, creating all sorts of goddamn colors. Of all the shades my eyes detected most days, blood orange was my favorite. It’s a risky color. Like pleasure. Too much is not good and too little, well, it’s not worth discussing.
Yellow is a friendly shade.
Red, dangerous.
But mix the two together and you get the best of both. Go ahead, I dare you to name one thing in the color of blood orange which you’d turn down. No one would. There isn’t anything. It’s the hue of desire, ambition and lust. It’s all of those things we aren’t supposed to want but wouldn’t feel alive if we didn’t.
Bah. Fuck it.
I poured another cup of coffee as I watched the city yawn to life. I lifted the mug to my lips, and the aromatic steam wafted into my nose, awakening my senses. I read somewhere humans love the smell of coffee because the scent of it triggers endorphins, pleasure centers or some such. Who the hell knows? Could be a pile of horseshit. After a hot swallow, I placed the cup down on the counter.
I glanced down at the opaque blackness as it sloshed back and forth in the cup. Maddie was the only woman I ever met who liked her coffee black. And the stronger the better. No idea why the thought occurred to me. But as I took another sip of the bitter black liquid, I did think of her. I always did now, when I had my coffee in the morning. Thinking of her was almost as much of a ritual as any other I had. It puzzled the shit out of me. Bothered me too.
Fuck that also.
Maddie aside, when it came to my grandfather, difficult though it was, that’s life. You know? You’re born, you live, you die. Plain and simple. Of course it was hard and will be even harder when it finally happens but it’s one of those things you just accept. Still, all that talk of his. Not so much the money, dealing with the trust and the like but all the other things he discussed.
I took another thick gulp of the dark heat.
A wife, kids. Jesus Christ.
Intellectually, I understood where he was coming from, but what he wanted for me, well, it sure as shit didn’t seem possible. The closest thing I had to what he described was Maddie.
And damn it to hell, what a mess it was.
Just yesterday, I had a long conversation with the film’s director, Susan. Looked as if Maddie pulled another disappearing act. I pressed her about what she knew. She was cagey. All she’d say was Maddie still wasn’t well. Apparently lingering effects of the food poisoning she got. I wasn’t a doctor, of course, but if she was so goddamn ill, why the hell wouldn’t she go get it taken care of once and for all?
In the process of her recurring flakiness, she cost me tens of thousands in lost production not to mention trying to put a picture together where the lead actress is nowhere to be found. Unbelievable! Of course, I couldn’t mention my situation with Maddie to Susan. I didn’t have any interest in sabotaging Maddie’s chances. She was a damn fine actress. But just like with the escort business, she had difficulty staying focused.
Still, Susan was a pro. She’d kept things together and as much on track as she could. In the end, she left it up to me to sort out with Maddie. While she was sympathetic with Maddie’s health problems, she was deferential to me when it came to the final decision about what to do. And that is exactly what I had to figure out.
What the hell to do.
My hands were tied. I had no choice but, once again, to go handle things with Maddie myself, in person. And the list of people I could call upon was short. Really short. Carmen hadn’t heard a peep from her. So, aside from Susan, there was only one other person who would have any idea of where Maddie might be.
Katy.
When I asked her about it over the phone, at first she brushed off my questions about Maddie, dismissing them. Fed up, I continued to insist she tell me until fucking surprise, surprise, she’d also gone dark. Yet again, I was left with no alternative but to go out there and deal with her. And so later that night when I arrived in LA, I arranged to have Armando drive straight to her travel agency. I lowered the divider between us as he drove across town.
“Drop me off out front, Armando.” I said. “I won’t be long.”
“Yes, sir.”
After another minute or so, we pulled up outside the location. I straightened my tie as Armando exited and opened the door for me. Nodding in his direction, I snapped my jacket and walked towards the front door.
Like an animal on the hunt, my senses heightened as I approached. Tingles of intent shot up my spine. The concrete crunched beneath my shoes as I marched with focus. Nothing was going to keep me from Maddie for another goddamn minute. As luck would have it, the lights inside flickered off, and Katy emerged into the soft orange glow of the streetlight-illuminated night.
She gasped as our eyes met.
On instinct, I moved to grab her by the arm but at the last instant, thought better of it.
Katy’s mouth fell open as she watched me close in on her. She flinched.
“Look,” I began with the last ounce of restraint I could summon. “All I want is a goddamn answer. I know you know where she is and what’s going on with her.”
Katy crossed her arms at her chest.
“Grey,” she began. Katy hesitated for a moment as if she’d been considering what she’d say to me when we got face-to-face. You could always tell by the way someone moved their eyes. Up and to the left was to recall a memory. She tipped her hand as she uttered the rehearsed line. “You know, before you went to get Maddie from her parents’ house, I actually held out a bit of hope for you. I thought I even liked you. But what you’ve done, your callousness. It’s disappointing.”
I’ll tell you. Flying halfway across the country has a way of making a man dour and certainly in no mood for accusations, innuendo or judgment. The fingers of my right hand twitched as she sputtered her speech. I felt my jaw flex as I clenched my teeth.
Stifling rage, I glared down at her. “What. The. Fuck. Is that supposed to mean?”
Katy shifted in place but didn’t change the hard angles of her posture. Instead her face withered with displeasure.
“First of all, don’t cuss at me like that, and secondly, I think you don’t care what happens to Maddie so long as it doesn’t affect your bottom line. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the movie or the concierge business. If she’s doing anything to disrupt your precious cash flow, oh boy, do you ever come running.”
I felt the muscles in my upper back ripple and flex. I slid my tongue between my lips, readying myself for a reply but she thwarted me and instead, continued to ramble.
“But, when have you ever been there for her, Grey? Do you know the first thing about what she wants? Deep inside? Have you ever asked her how she feels about you? What you mean to her?”
I thinned my lips.
“No, you know what, Grey? You haven’t. And do
you know how I know that? Because Maddie told me.”
“Cut the shit, Katy!” I snapped. Heat escaped from between my lips. “Don’t act like you’re a saint here all of a sudden. We had our own arrangement if you’ll recall, so don’t pretend as if you have no role in this.”
“In the business, Grey?” she began. “You’re right. I do. I won’t argue with you on it. That’s something I’ve apologized to Maddie for. We’re working through it. Like friends do. But the two of you, it’s different.”
I scoffed. “You don’t know the first thing about what goes on between Maddie and me. Save the best friend horseshit for someone who buys it. Now tell me where she is.”
“Goddamn you, Grey!” she shouted. “Don’t you see what’s going on here?”
I ran my fingers through my hair as she stalled. I bit my lip so hard, I almost pierced it. “Where is she, Katy? Tell me or… fuck!”
I raised my hand to my face and dragged my palm down across my mouth as I attempted to prevent a full outburst.
“No.” Katy replied as her lips pinched tight. “I’m not betraying her, Grey. You’ve hurt her too much. You need to leave her alone. Having you around is only going to make things worse.”
“Things? What things Katy?” I said as I leaned towards her. “Maddie owes me something. An explanation, for starters. I’ve got the equivalent of millions of dollars invested in us… her. I have a right to protect it.”
“It? Grey?” Katy replied with skepticism. “Is that what Maddie is to you? It? Another chip to be bargained? Contract to be negotiated? World to conquer?”
Katy stepped close and scoffed.
“Go fuck yourself.” She sniffed. “You asshole.”
She glared at me for another moment or two before spinning around and walking in the other direction. I turned my head towards the waiting limo, catching Armando’s glance in the process. His eyes widened for a moment and then he snapped his head back towards the steering wheel in fright. I swallowed hard as I realized the shit show I’d allowed myself to be reduced to in front of a goddamn strip mall in Westlake.
Jesus. Fuck.
“Katy,” I called out, as she turned the corner to walk to her car. “Wait. Please.”
She stopped.
MADDIE
The only place I could keep out of Grey’s reach was at Katy’s apartment. I even considered going home for half a second but uh, there was no way I could figure out how I’d tell my parents why I’d come back again or left without saying goodbye the last time!
So, I was stuck, more or less, and without Katy’s help I didn’t know what I would have done. Grey would be looking for me for sure. And, of all the places I could have chosen to stay, this was the smartest one, simply because he knew nothing about it.
With reluctance, I confessed my condition to Susan. For a period of time afterward, I managed to keep working and get in a good number of key scenes but soon, the sickness worsened just as Dr. Simms predicted. Anyway, Susan agreed to let me recuperate for a couple of weeks. I didn’t tell her about all my complications, including the FAS. I only told her Dr. Simms recommended bed rest as a precaution and I wanted to abide by her instructions.
Still, Susan gave me a deadline to confess to Grey about my condition and it was fast approaching. And, uh, I still had no idea what to tell him. How was it possible I found myself trapped in the middle of a horrible nightmare and a wonderful dream at the same time? What is wrong with the universe? Was I such a terrible person that I deserved this?
The days dragged like a funeral procession as I stalled for time. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. Most days I didn’t do much of anything. Even if I wasn’t on bed rest orders, I still had no energy. I was basically an emotional mess, and I had no idea what to do about it.
But, still. One thing made it all okay.
I loved… our child. Grey’s baby.
I would lie awake at night, rocking and humming, as I held my tummy, cradling the small bump. During the day, I’d find myself preoccupied with anything baby-related. I couldn’t help it. I can’t describe the feeling but it was the closest thing I’d ever experienced to pure joy. Besides, there was still a chance Dr. Simms could be wrong after all.
She said so herself.
And Grey. I missed him. He had a right to know, of course, but I was scared. Afraid he might tell me to get rid of the child and go to hell at the same time. I didn’t want to have the baby alone. Without him. Lying in bed, I touched my stomach as the idea drifted in and out of my awareness. I swallowed hard. I needed to come up with a plan and fast.
Just then, I heard the front door to the apartment open. Katy came home from work pretty early most nights since I’d moved back in with her. The only reason she did was to check up on me, but I never teased her about it. I was grateful and I enjoyed being here with her again. I missed our friendship. It was nice to be able to spend time with her and anyway, I was starving, uh.
“Maddie! I’m home!”
As I slung my feet sideways off the bed, the pads of my heels pressed into the hardness of the wood floor underneath. My bare feet squeaked as I exited the room and headed down the hallway towards the kitchen. Running my fingers through my hair, I shook it as I released my fingers from it and then I stopped, frozen in place.
Grey stood there. Weary rage gathered under his eyes as he glared at me.
“Grey,” Katy warned. “You promised.”
Only half-listening to Katy, I kept my attention on Grey. His dark gaze took my breath away. A nervous swallow lurched down my throat as the instinct to flee took over and sent a jolt of adrenaline through me. Stunned, I staggered back as he began to come towards me. I bumped against the dining room table, turned, and with a shriek I took off running towards the bedroom. As I did, I yanked one of the dining room chairs out from under the table.
I heard it groan against the floor as Grey banged into it. He threw it to the ground and it rattled along the floor, a horrifying indication my efforts had done little to slow him. Moisture wicked from my mouth as I fled, my legs threatening to give way and betray me.
“Maddie!” Katy screamed from the kitchen.
Oh shit, oh no!
Frantic, I ran inside the bedroom and turned, slamming the door behind me. I heard Grey’s footsteps as he closed on me and my hands shook as I grabbed hold of the lock on the door. Moistened by panic, they slipped as I tried to lock it. Just then, Grey twisted the handle and I screamed in fright. With a final lunge, I rammed my shoulder against the door, leaning into it with all my might. Desperate, I pressed my thumb against the lock and at last, it clicked in reassurance.
“Maddie!” Grey yelled as he pounded on the door.
He hit it so hard, I thought it might split open. Shrinking away from it, I covered my ears with my hands and retreated towards my bed.
“No, no, no…” I whispered. “Please no.”
“Open the goddamn door, Maddie!”
“Grey!” I heard Katy shout. “Stop it! You’re going to break the door!”
“Stay out of this, Katy!” Grey roared.
“That’s it!” she exclaimed. “I’m calling the police.”
“Call the goddamn Marines for all I care, Katy! Fuck off!”
I heard her march down the hall as Grey jiggled the knob once again.
“Maddie,” he said with a firm tone. “You’ve got to let me in. We have to talk.”
I scooted across the top of the mattress until my back pressed into the wall. The cool feel of it through my t-shirt caused me to shiver. Gathering two handfuls of my bed sheet, I swept them into a cocoon around my body, leaving only my head above it. One way or another Grey would come through the door.
The only question was how.
“Maddie,” he said as the intensity in his voice drained away. “Please, I only want to see you.”
As I hesitated, I noticed the knob twist the other direction as he released it.
“Katy,” he called out down the hall. “Put
the goddamn phone down. Don’t be ridiculous. I’d never hurt her. Jesus Christ.”
Just then, his knuckles rapped with a ginger cadence against the door.
“Come on, Maddie. Please.”
I pursed my lips and after a few moments, I released my death grip on the sheet and moved it away from my body. I slid off the bed, and a few cautious steps later I arrived at the door.
“Maddie,” he said with a hint of tenderness.
Reaching down, I cupped my hand around the knob and as I twisted it, the lock popped open. Still uncertain, I cracked it a mere fraction and then took several quick steps back, crossing my arms at my chest and tugging my shirt down in an effort to hide my secret.
Just then, Grey swept the door open. With his palm pressed flat against it, he walked inside. I’d never seen him look like he did. Exhaustion defined his expression as he walked towards me, wordless.
My nerves got the better of me and I attempted to turn away from him but as I did, he closed on me and swallowed me with his embrace. My breath hitched my throat. I resisted an urge to cry for fear he’d demand an explanation. Instead, I melted into him. Turning my head into his chest, I wrapped my arms around him.
We stood in complete silence, joined together at last.
The seconds ticked by as he cradled me. Soon, I heard Katy come down the hallway and stop just outside the door. After a moment or two, when she realized Grey wasn’t going to do me any harm, her footsteps squeaked in the other direction.
Grey never acknowledged her presence or my awareness of it. He tightened his hold on me, squeezing me to a point of near discomfort. With a deep exhale, he eased his embrace and lifted one hand to the top of my head. Grey stroked my hair, caressing it from the crown down to my neck, smoothing it as he did.
“Grey,” I whispered into his chest.
“Shh…” he replied as he pressed his lips to the top of my head. “Shh.”
After another moment or so, he repositioned his hands on both sides of my head, turning my face up to meet his. Overwhelmed by my shame and terrified of the confession to come, salty tears at last betrayed me.
