by Rena Rossner
that glistens with dew.
I feel the pulse
of the land;
it pumps life-blood
into the trees,
the sap of the trees
rushing to fill
the fruit
full to bursting.
I touch my wrist
to a tree, wanting
to feel the throb
against my skin,
wanting it
to fill me up too.
Tendrils of green vine
reach for my wrist
and strap themselves
around my fingers,
I gasp and pull
my hand away.
I turn and see
Fedir, waiting for me.
I run into his arms.
My sister said
terrible things, I tell him.
She said that Jennike
is dead, murdered,
but I saw her here last night.
Sometimes, he says,
our siblings can betray us.
Come, there’s something
I want to show you.
Where are we going? I ask.
He grins. I made us a picnic.
I love picnics, I say.
Fedir kisses me on the nose
and takes my hand.
You are not meant
for life here
in this village, he says.
When we leave this town
you will come with us.
It’s a wonderful way
to live. Never grounded,
never obligated
to anyone
or anything.
I like the sound of that, I say.
He leads me a short way
into the forest
to a blanket.
Golden trays of fruit
and wine are waiting.
Come, sit, he says,
All this for me? I ask.
The world for you, he says.
I blink my eyes
and see the sun
shining down on us,
but then a flap of wings
obscures the light—
a large white bird.
I look down and see
the forest floor,
a threadbare blanket,
a rotten apple,
and a moldy cup.
I look back up
to the sky
but the bird is gone
and everything is
as it was.
Fedir is there
beside me.
He touches
his lips
to the back
of my neck
and brings his arms
around me.
He holds
a wooden goblet
full of wine
in front of me.
I drink.
I close my eyes
and savor it,
feeling alive again.
This may be a sin,
but if so, then
I’m a sinner.
I turn around
and face Fedir.
His lips
meet mine mine mine.
I drink him in.
Sucking at his lips
like I can never
get enough
of the sensation.
More! I say.
He laughs. Is that
your favorite word?
With you it is, I say.
my voice is hoarse.
I feel my body flush
from head to toe.
I lean in for another kiss.
But his finger
is on my lips.
Wait, he whispers.
Let me feed you.
I wish to treat you
like a queen.
I open my mouth.
He places an apricot
between my teeth.
This apricot is sweet
and tart like you, he says.
Juice drips down my chin.
He leans forward
and licks his way up
from my chin
to my lips.
Apricots are my favorite,
I say between kisses.
I take another bite,
and suck the juice
from my fingers.
Fedir stops me.
He takes my hand in his
and licks my fingers.
He feeds me more fruit
and we kiss until our faces
and fingers are sticky
and wet wet wet.
49
Liba
I climb the ladder. I check under the blankets. I go back outside, circle the house three times; I even go down to the stream. I can’t find her.
Where could she have gone? I wonder with rising panic, thinking about the state that she was in—not fit to walk, or run, or fly …
Who took her?
I grab my cloak and tear off into the woods, running. Maybe I can still save her before it’s too late.
I run straight into something large and strong, but it’s not a tree. It’s a man. I open my mouth to scream, but his hand covers half my face.
My blood runs cold. This is it, I think. This is how I meet my end.
“Shhh …” he says. “Don’t be afraid.”
My heart beats so fast I feel like it will burst out of my chest.
I recognize him. The man from the village. Ruven. Is he the one that took Laya? And Jennike? Another man comes up beside him. He’s broader and older, with a gray and white beard. He’s also dressed like Ruven, and he grins when he sees me.
Maybe the townsfolk were right to blame the Jews, I think, and that scares me most of all.
“Who are you?” I say against his hand, my teeth suddenly feeling sharper, wanting to bite him.
“We knew your father,” the older man says. His voice is gruff. “I’m Alter, and this here is Ruven, but I think you met him already.”
I swallow. Should I yell? Can I scream and alert the men patrolling the woods? But I want to know if they took Laya. Where they took her.
“What do you want?” I say against his hand. He’s a Chassid. He shouldn’t be touching me. This is wrong. So wrong.
“Where is he?” Ruven asks. “I’m going to remove my hand. Please don’t scream.”
“Who?” I say, still muffled.
“Your father,” he says.
I spit at him when he removes his hand. “I should scream,” I say. “The kahal is out. It’s only a matter of time before they find you. Tell me what you’ve done with my sister. And Jennike.”
“Your sister?” Ruven huffs. “I didn’t take your sister. But there was a girl with white-blonde hair I saw a little while ago. She was with a goy in the woods. If that’s your sister, you should tell her to watch the company she keeps.”
Nothing makes sense. Are they telling the truth? “Who are you and what do you want?”
“I’ll say it again: we’re looking for your father,” Alter says.
“Is he in trouble?”
“Trouble?” Alter grunts. “I hope not. We just wanted to speak to him. We’re from Kupel.”
“Kupel!” My heart lurches.
“Yes.” Ruven nods. “It’s where he’s from.”
“I know …” I say, and I hear my voice trembling. “My Tati went to Kupel …” I tell them, not sure if I’m saying the right thing. Not sure if I should tell these men anything at all, or admit that Laya and I are alone in the woods, without our parents to protect us …
“Interesting …” Alter says.
“Where are you off to?” Ruven asks. “The woods aren’t safe.”
“Have you been watching me?” I don’t answer his question.
“Like we said, we’ve been looking for Berman,” Alter grunts.
I shrug. “Well, he’s not here right now, so you can stop following me.”
“You didn’t answer my question,” Ruv
en says. “Where are you off to?”
“Es iz nit dayn gesheft,” I say. Nowhere that concerns you. I look away as if I’m ashamed. “To town. To see … my boyfriend.” I’ll deflect their attention.
“Your boyfriend?” Ruven replies.
“Yes,” I say to him. “Actually, he’s supposed to come back here any minute.” I don’t like the way they look at me.
Is Tati in trouble?
“I must be going,” I say.
Alter nudges Ruven, “Der emess iz der bester lign—she must be telling the truth. I can’t imagine her father would approve of a boyfriend—from here no less.”
Ruven narrows his eyes. “You’re not worried about your sister?”
“Have you been following her too?” I bark at him. “Maybe I should just go straight to town and find the leader of the kahal.”
Alter laughs. “The kahal isn’t going to do anything about us, child.”
“Fine. I told you the truth. My father’s not here. Now leave me alone.” I put up my hood. From deep inside my chest I feel a rumbling. There are icy prickles all over my skin. I don’t like these men, and I will definitely say something to a member of the kahal. I walk away from them and take deep breaths as I go. I force the prickles down under my skin. I swallow again and again until my chest feels better. I pull my cloak tight and snug around me and set back off at a brisk pace. Better not run for now, I tell myself. I don’t want them to be suspicious, even though everything inside me feels like I should flee.
50
Laya
I lie back on the blanket, still
sucking on my sticky fingers.
Fedir drops a grape into my
mouth. I gulp it down
but stop the next one.
I don’t think I can eat
another bite, I say.
Fedir pouts. There is
mischief in his eyes.
He lies down beside me
and we kiss some more.
He stares into my eyes
and picks a leaf out of my hair
that looks golden.
I look up and see
a canopy of trees above us
and all the leaves
are silver
and gold.
Come live with me
and be my wife, he says.
I sit up. What?
You heard me, he says.
Be mine forever.
I wrinkle my nose.
But I just met you.
I’ll build us a house,
next to our lodge
a little ways away,
in the forest, he says.
His eyes are crystal
clear and green
and I want so badly
to believe him
but I don’t know
what I want.
You’re meant
for me, he says.
How can you know
for sure? I ask.
He takes my hands in his.
I love you, Laya.
I’ve never felt this way
about anyone before.
You’re as pretty as a swan
and fierce, but kind.
A swan? I think.
How does he know?
I remember
my sister, Liba,
my mother,
and Saint Anna
of the Swans.
I blink my eyes
and up above
the leaves are
brown and green
not gold.
You don’t belong here,
Fedir says, and trails
a finger
down my neck.
You belong with others
like yourself.
He’s right,
I think,
then shake my head.
What does he mean by that?
He places
my hand
on his heart.
Look at me, he says.
I look. And all
is gold again.
I swear it.
Upon my blood.
He bites his thumb
with teeth that suddenly
look sharper
than they should.
Blood pools.
I shudder.
Then think,
That’s how much
he loves me,
so much
that he bites
his own thumb.
Give me yours,
he says.
I stretch out
my hand.
You are pricked
already! How?
I was playing
with a thistle, I say.
Making a crown.
Teach me
the magic
of the trees.
I will, he says,
All that and so much more.
He kisses my thumb
and nips it gently,
pressing my thumb to his
and as our blood mingles.
I feel a rush that goes
straight to my head.
I fall into his arms
and everything goes
black black black.
51
Liba
I run straight to the Heimovitz house, where Dovid said the kahal usually meets, but nobody’s there. Of course. I knew that. Still, I was hoping someone would be home. I go next to Rabbi Borowitz’s house. His wife, Rebbetzin Faygie, answers, but the Rabbi’s not home either. “They’re all off looking for the bear,” she says, wringing her hands.
I find myself in front of the Meisels’ house. I know that Dovid isn’t there and neither is his father. But maybe Mrs. Meisels will know who’s around, who I can tell. I knock on the door.
I hear a voice. The door opens. “Liba? Vos iz mit dir? What happened? Come inside, maydele. Quick. Arein.”
“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Meisels. I didn’t know where else to go …”
“Come sit by the fire, dear.”
I follow her inside and the smell of meat overwhelms me. My stomach rumbles and I feel the cut of sharper teeth in my mouth. I stop in my tracks. Suddenly I don’t trust myself. “I should go … I’m sorry to have bothered you.”
“Narishkeit. Tell me what’s wrong.”
It all tumbles out of me. “My sister came home earlier and found a bear in our house.”
“Oy vey iz mir,” Mrs. Meisels says.
“She’s okay—she climbed a tree, and the bear left, but now she’s shaking and trembling with fever. I ran down to the river to get water to draw her a bath, and when I got back she was gone. I tried to run and follow her trail, but … these men in the woods stopped me—” My voice cracks. “I don’t know who they are. They said they’re looking for my Tati, but they scared me. Maybe they took Laya? They said they saw her walk off into the woods with someone else. Maybe they were lying to me? What if they killed Jennike? I ran straight here to find Donniel Heimovitz or Rabbi Borowitz or someone from the kahal to tell them. But nobody’s around.”
“Hashem yishmor, what kind of men were they?”
“They looked like Chassidim, like my father. But when my sister was shivering with fever, she mumbled something about Jennike. I don’t know what Laya knows. I could be wrong—maybe Laya is out with one of the Hovlin boys—but she was in no state to go out. I know the kahal is out there hunting for a bear. What if they shoot Laya by mistake? What if …?”
“Slow down, slow down. You’re making no sense. Just sit and eat a bit. Essen. Food always makes me feel better. There’s no use going back out there. You’re safe here. The men are out, yes, but they’ll be back, and they can handle some strange men in the woods, nishtgedeiget. They can tell the difference between a girl and a bear, maydele. And perhaps they’ll even find your sister. There’s no better searching you could hope for than all those men out there, combing the woods. Husht now. There’s nothing more you can do.”
“No, but I must!” I stand
up. “She’s my sister! My responsibility! I’ve already failed my parents in so many ways … she’s seeing that goy … I’ve done everything wrong, and she’s all I have left.”
“Liba!” Mrs. Meisels grabs my arm like she means business. “I forbid it. Gott in himmel! How old are you?”
“Nearly eighteen.”
“Seventeen and living all alone in that big forest? And your sister? Just sixteen, isn’t she?”
“Nearly sixteen …”
“I don’t know what your parents thought, leaving you girls, Rebbe or no, but I will tell you something: no seventeen-year-old should ever bear that kind of burden, and they should not have left you alone in the woods, not in times like these.”
I shake my head. “They didn’t know.”
“I know that your parents like to keep themselves apart, and I know that they have their reasons, this town hasn’t been particularly welcoming to them, especially your mother, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t take care of our own. It’s a shunda. What if something happened to you, chas v’shalom! What if one of those men had harmed you?”
I shake my head. “The Glazers were supposed to be …”
She shakes her head. “Gott in himmel, maybe these men are responsible for the Glazers’ disappearance too? Who knows? Desperate times make for all kinds of criminals. I forbid you to go out there again. We are going to lock all the doors and windows right now and huddle down on the sofa in front of the fire with a cup of tea and wait for the men to come back.”
I feel helpless. I can’t believe that Laya’s gone. Why did I leave the house? Why did I go to the river for water? I never should have left her side. I can’t help the tears that come. Nothing feels like it will ever be the same again.
“Sit, maydele. Let me get us something hot to drink, a bowl of soup to eat, and you can tell me everything again, from the beginning. I don’t have a daughter, only sons, and I’m in need of female company tonight.”
She serves me and I can’t help but dig in. I don’t remember the last time I ate. I eat until the hunger fades, but this time, the ache in my gut doesn’t go away.
“I don’t like those Hovlin boys any more than you do,” Mrs. Meisels says, “but I don’t think they’re at fault here. They’re just young men, full of beans and mischief. I don’t know who those strange men from Kupel were, but your sister has her head on right. Sleep here tonight. Let me take care of you. When Dovid comes home, I’ll bed him up with one of his brothers.”
