“I swear it. There has only been you, there will only ever be you.” I got a little closer, looking up to see his face. His eyes were guarded still, his expression wary. “Do you believe me?” I curled my fingers around his and after a moment his hand closed around mine.
“If I didn’t, he would be dead now.” He shook his head, frustrated. “I know you speak the truth but ...” He held up his wrist. “If that is true, what is this?”
I took a breath. “I went to the library.” I looked up, meeting his eyes and he stilled beside me. I knew he understood what had happened.
“Why?" he demanded. "Why did you go there?”
“Sariel sent me to find out about the Ekhidna, to find a way to kill it so I can retrieve his heart from its belly.”
His eyes widened with shock and I laughed bitterly. "Please don't say I told you so. On top of everything else I think that might actually give me a breakdown." I could hear him cursing, harsh words under his breath but thankfully he kept them to himself so I carried on. "Madame Dubarry, your ex, she saw my tattoos and decided she'd found a way to hurt you. She drugged us, cast a spell and ... And you and Corin got those." I gestured to his wrists and I saw his jaw tighten but he said nothing.
He was quiet for a long time and I listened to my heart thudding dully as I wondered what he would say or do. I’d gotten to the point where I was thought I might just drop to my knees and beg for his forgiveness when I felt him sigh. He pulled me against him and I went willingly. I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes, so very grateful to be back here with him, where I belonged.
“Gods, Jéhenne. I don’t know whether to rage at you for ever making this foolish deal with Sariel, to weep that you still belong to me, to punish you for leaving me or to beg your forgiveness for what that woman did to you.”
I clung closer, knowing which one I hoped he'd pick. "What's the verdict?" I asked with a nervous laugh.
"I'm thinking of going with all of them once I figure out which emotion needs venting first," he muttered darkly.
“She loved you very much, Corvus.”
He shrugged. “I know but I warned her from the beginning that I would never love her.”
I snorted. “Don’t tell me you think that works, that it absolves you of your responsibility?”
He shook his head and laughed. “Of course not and the truth is, I didn’t care. I never cared anything for anyone but you.” He held me tighter and I looked up at him. “Loving you is the hardest thing I have ever done. You are the punishment for my sins and my greatest reward.”
“I’m so sorry, Corvus, I can’t begin to tell you.” I hesitated, needing to know but afraid to ask. “Did you mean it?” My voice broke and I looked up to see those cool blue eyes watching me. “That you wished you’d never met me?”
His hand went to my face, his thumb brushing my mouth, and I tried to read his expression but he was too closed off. “At the moment I said it ...” He paused and I felt my heart stop. “Yes. Yes, I meant it when I said it. You hurt me more than I can tell you. My heart died a very long time ago and I believed it was truly dead along with you. You are my heart, my love, you are everything," he said simply. "You gave it all back and then ripped it away again. I wanted to hurt you, to hurt you like you were hurting me."
I felt tears welling in my eyes but before they could spill over he had grasped my chin and forced my head up to look at him. "Hear me, Jéhenne, and have a care in the future, for I will kill anyone who threatens what is mine again without a second thought."
I felt the beating in my chest stutter at the look in his eyes and knew I had still to tell him about the voice in my head, the man who pursued me in my dreams ...the real father of my child.
"Do you understand?" he demanded, his grip on my chin sliding down to rest at the base of my throat, so very gently but with enough power contained within to snap my neck if he wanted. I nodded. I understood alright and I wished more than anything that he could just kill the one who was coming for me but it wasn't that easy. Nothing ever was.
"There's something I need to tell you," I said, feeling my heart smacking frantically against my ribs. I saw his face harden once more and hoped to hell that he wouldn't just give up and walk away from me after all. I could hardly blame him. "I told you there was more, that it was bad," I whispered.
His hand dropped from my throat and he stepped away, putting a little distance between us. From where I stood it felt like a chasm opening up in my heart.
"Don't tell me I have another contender for your attentions?" His voice was laden with sarcasm but I knew it was fear that underlay his words.
"You will never have to compete with another as far as I am concerned, Corvus, but ..."
He laughed, a hard and bitter sound. "But! Gods, Jéhenne there is always something else ... Well, come, my heart, give me the worst. "
I clenched my fists, aware that I was trembling now. "The child was real, it is mine, my son. He was born before I ever met you, before this all began and ... And the father, his father ...”
I faltered as I felt the anger and jealousy rise from him, stumbling over my words but knowing I had to finish. "Oh, God, Corvus, he's a m-monster, and he's coming ... Coming for me. He says I belong to him."
I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his chest, looking up at him, pleading. "I'm afraid, Corvus, I've never been more afraid. I'm afraid he'll take me and I will never see you again." I pressed my face against him, breathing his scent and wishing, praying that he would hold me, tell me that everything would be alright. Even though I would know it was a lie.
I stood leaning into him, trembling against him but he didn't move and I was terribly afraid I had just pushed him too far. Eventually I couldn't bear it any longer and looked up at him. His eyes met mine and he placed his hands either side of my face.
"Who?" It was the only word he spoke but it was so filled with hatred that I drew in a breath.
"I ... I don't know his name, I swear I don't. Sariel said that Cain knows but ... But he's so powerful, Corvus ... You ... You can't imagine."
"I think you'll find I have quite a vivid imagination, Jéhenne. I have spent the past days imagining you with ... With that bastard and all the ways in which I would make him pay and now ... And now!" he snarled and grabbed a hold of me and before I could comprehend what had happened we were standing inside the Chateau.
"Out!" Corvus yelled and shadows flitted at the corners of my eyes as vampires scattered from the building.
Corvus headed to the stairs, towing me behind him as I struggled to keep up. I stumbled on the staircase and was unceremoniously lifted and carried the rest of the way to his bedroom.
The door slammed shut behind him without him ever even touching it and I looked around, wide eyed at the devastation that had once been his room. Everything was smashed or shredded and I gasped, wondering what the hell he had in mind as he strode into the bathroom. He dropped me, none too gently, in the shower and turned on the water full blast.
I squealed as the cold water hit me and lashed out in return as he held me in place under the icy torrent. "What the fuck!" I spluttered and then gasped as he tore at my clothes and I realised I was still wearing Corin's jumper. I decided it was prudent not to mention that fact and submitted as he stripped the rest of my clothes from me.
"I cannot bear the smell of him on you a second longer!" he snarled, and I felt my pulse leap at the flash of fangs as he threw the clothes to the floor in disgust. I stood, naked and shivering, and met his eyes. The water had soaked him too and I looked with longing at the material of his shirt as it stuck to his chest. I wanted to touch him so badly it hurt and I reached out and snatched at his clothes, struggling with his belt but before I could get very far I was slammed against the wall of the shower, his hands pinning mine behind my head.
"Do you want him?" he demanded, and I shook my head vigorously.
"No! No one but you!"
I wasn't quite sure if he meant Corin or the
man whose voice had become the stuff of my nightmares but either way it didn't matter. I didn't want anyone else. I don't know what it was he saw in my eyes when I looked at him, though I had an idea as desire burned in my veins despite the cold water. Whatever it was, it seemed to be enough as his mouth crashed violently against mine. I returned everything he gave, biting at his mouth and savouring the way his breath came fast against my lips as his hands fell from my wrists and he lifted me. I wrapped my legs around him and drew his mouth back to mine, but he tore it away and I gasped as he bit into my neck, the pain making me cry out. The pleasure took away the sting of his teeth piercing my flesh.
What came next had less to do with love than it did of anger and need, of jealousy and possession but neither of us cared to analyse it. We were both too raw, too afraid of what we had almost lost, might yet still lose.
As he released my neck he spoke, his voice harsh. "You are mine and mine alone, Jéhenne. I don't care how powerful he is. He will never have you, I swear it!"
I cried out his name as I clung to him, wanting to believe it, needing to believe it but knowing that no matter how hard I held on to him, not even Corvus could stand against a god.
Later, exhausted and too numb to move, we huddled together, sitting in the shower tray. I was shivering with emotion and cold and too relieved to be back in his arms to suggest moving. I didn't care where we were.
A thin trail of blood snaked across my chest from the wound on my neck and I watched his gaze follow it over my skin. He sighed and put his forehead against mine, his eyes closing for a moment. I had never seen him look so weary. The weight of his years seemed to sit heavy tonight and I knew that was my fault. My heart ached with the longing to put it right. I knew now why I had begged him to leave me when we first met so very many years ago, if I'd had any idea of what I would do to him ... So many centuries to bear alone. I had loved him enough to try and spare him the pain I knew I would bring him. I still did, but he had chosen me, despite my warnings and now ...
Now it was far too late to turn back.
He stood, gathering me in his arms and setting me down gently. He wrapped me in a big towel and then went to fetch another, standing behind me and drying my hair with it, his movements careful and so tender that it just made me feel worse for everything I had put him through and all that was still to come.
"I love you," I said and the words seemed to hang on the air the room was so still. Such tiny words, pathetically small to cover everything they needed to encompass.
"I know, my heart."
He lifted me and carried me into the bedroom and I looked at the wreckage that had once been our bed. "We could sleep in my old room," I suggested with a small smile but he shook his head.
"It's the same."
"Oh."
He kicked the mattress out and glanced at the empty fireplace with a frown. I smiled inwardly and kissed his cheek. "Allow me." I threw a spell and a blaze erupted, throwing a warm glow over the room. "Got to give you a reason to keep me around, don't I?" I said quietly.
He grunted and laid me down on the mattress, pulling out the duvet from bits of broken bed and shaking it off before laying down and covering us both up. I put my head on his chest and felt his arms go around me. We lay like that for a long time, not speaking, though I knew he was awake. I knew his mind was turning with millions of unanswered questions, just like mine was. I knew we would have to address them, face them, eventually but neither of us could bear to, not just yet. The next day would come around soon enough and I would have to speak to Cain and find out what he knew. For now I just wanted to be at peace, with Corvus, and pretend nothing could come between us again.
When he finally spoke he sounded angry, though not with me this time. "I can't be without you, Jéhenne, I won't do it." He turned me onto my back and looked down at me and I knew what he meant. "I will do anything to keep you safe. I will never let him take you from me. No matter what the consequences. Do you understand?"
I nodded though I felt sick with fear. I could see no way of escaping what was coming but I would fight it too, with everything I had. I would never risk losing Corvus again. "I understand," I said, putting my hand to his cheek. "And I swear to you I will never leave you, no matter what. I will always be there for you. I won't let anything come between us again. Not ever."
He sighed and nodded. "Your ... Your son? You will want to find him?"
I bit my lip, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him further but he kissed my forehead and spoke before I had to answer. "It's alright, Jéhenne, I understand that you would need to do that. I will help you ...if you want me to?"
I buried my face in his neck, fighting back tears. "I don't deserve you, Corvus, I really don't." I heard a chuckle rumble through his chest and he made me look up at him.
"Finally she gets it," he murmured before kissing me. This time, as he took me in his arms, he was tender and I knew he had forgiven me, just as I knew it would be a very long time before I could forgive myself.
Chapter 34
To my horror I discovered that sleep had brought me back to the palace. I tried to figure out how I could make myself wake up but decided that was cowardly. This bastard had tried to ruin my life by making me do something so unforgivable Corvus would never see me again. The thought that this man was actually the father of my child made me feel sick to my stomach. That he had been so manipulative as to try to trick me into having another with Corin ... It was clear he didn't give a damn about me; this was about control. He wanted me to obey him, he clearly always had wanted that, and boy had he picked the wrong girl.
I sighed and wished he would just get on with it and turn up. I was in just the right mood for a fight. If only the place itself wasn't so damned beautiful. I wandered into the gardens and found a peaceful corner laid out with rugs and cushions and big swathes of material that were arranged like sails to create a shady corner. Everything from the fabrics and a little, low table bearing a platter that looked suspiciously like gold, screamed wealth and opulence. The platter was overflowing with exotic fruits and a large gold pitcher stood beside it, which appeared to contain wine.
I suppressed a shudder as I realised I had known this secret corner was here and that the wine in the pitcher was my favourite.
I sat down and waited as my temper began to fray. I wasn't so stupid as not to be afraid of him. I was very afraid indeed but my anger usually overrode every other emotion and right now I was more than happy for that to be the case.
I waited and waited and the sun began to make me feel drowsy. Could you even sleep in a dream? Not that this was a dream, I knew that now.
I closed my eyes and immediately wished I hadn’t as a scene appeared in my head. I was looking down at myself lying on the rug in the exact spot. Except it was me a very long time ago. I was dressed in white, with dozens of gold bracelets encircling my arms, and there were large emeralds clasped around my neck and at my ears. My arms were stretched carelessly over my head and I appeared to be asleep.
A man appeared. He was on his hands and knees and he crawled over me until all I could see was an expanse of smooth, deeply tanned skin. Thick black hair tumbled over large muscular shoulders and, with a pounding heart, I urged the me in the dream to wake up and defend herself before it was too late. The figure bent and nuzzled her neck and far from defending myself, I watched in disgust and horror as I giggled and wrapped my arms around his neck, drawing him closer.
“No!” I awoke, still in the underworld and sat up on the rugs, fighting nausea and breathing heavily. “No. Oh God no,” I moaned with my head in my hands.
A mocking laugh behind me made my breath catch in my throat.
“Did you really believe one such as I would need to take you by force, little one?”
I froze, knowing it was pointless turning around as the dizzying scent of him wrapped itself around me, soft and sensual, like fur caressing my skin. I swallowed and focused on answering him.
“Maybe you did
mean something to me once, maybe I even loved you, but now you are nothing to me. It was another lifetime and one I have no intention of repeating so why don’t you just go away and leave me alone?”
“Oh no, sweet Jenny, I know I am not nothing to you and I have waited too long, too many have paid the price of my desire, to leave you alone.”
"You're pathetic, you know that, don't you? You're so bloody desperate to have me that you had to try and trick me into being unfaithful to Corvus!"
Infuriatingly he just laughed. "Oh, you didn't seem to find the Prince so very hard to get close to."
I bit back an angry comment and smiled instead. "He's certainly desirable but nothing happened between us and nothing will ever come between me and Corvus. And you ... I wouldn't choose you if you were the last man in existence," I said sweetly.
"Is that so?" The tone of his voice made me shiver with fear but I didn't move or react. "Oh, I think you will choose me in the end, sweet Jenny."
"Why on earth would I do that?"
"You will see, soon enough."
"Where is my son?" I demanded. "What have you done with him?"
"Aaah, yes, the boy ... Come to me willingly and we will be reunited as one big, happy family." He laughed and his hands slipped around my waist from behind me. I screamed, pulling them away but he just laughed and turned me effortlessly, pinning me to the ground by my wrists.
“Look at the face of your lover, little one, of the father of your child. It is time you remembered the truth.”
I screwed my eyes shut; I knew that I would do anything now, anything not to remember him. If I had loved him, I must have been out of my bloody mind. Instead I struggled and kicked but the power of him was something that made terror chill my blood. I knew when I discovered the truth about him, my life would never be the same, he was like nothing I had ever encountered. He was not an earthly creature in any sense of the word, he was a god and I had no idea how to fight against something so far beyond my understanding. My mind recoiled at the realisation that I couldn't. I could never fight him and instead I called fire with everything I had and burned him until the heat of it burned everything around us and scalded my own flesh, but still he held me down ...
The Heart of Arima. Page 27
