“You said, ‘mixing.’ Is that how you really feel?”
Tatum stared at her therapist. She didn’t realize she’d made the mistake of saying her deepest thoughts aloud until the words hung between them like dirty laundry on a line. But it didn’t matter. It was the truth. Her family had taught her not to care about the outside world’s opinion, just theirs.
“It’s true.”
“That sounds like something your aunt or grandmother would say,” Dr. Bev said.
“It’s true.”
Dr. Bev wrote something in the notebook. “Why is it true?”
“Seth’s life is so easy. He doesn’t know about hardship and discrimination. He can’t connect with me.”
“But you said earlier that he connected with you that night.”
Tatum nodded. She couldn’t lie about that. Every time he touched her, she needed more. However, that wasn’t enough. “Passion does not cement a relationship, and that is what it was. A relationship must be more than physical.”
“Isn’t that another way to say rich men are only slumming when they date women without money?”
Damn. She hated when Dr. Bev twisted her words around. Tatum knew she sounded like one of them — the people who had taught her the harsh realities of race. It wasn’t fair.
“Yes, it sounds like it.”
“Is that what you really feel?”
Tatum opened her mouth to speak then stopped. She was going to lie, but she decided she couldn’t. Forget it. I want this over with now.
“I said it because I’m scared. Seth is someone I can see myself with, but at the same time I hear the stupid voices in my head and can’t go through with it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Ever since my parents died, all I’ve heard was how Dad would still be alive if he didn’t meet that uppity, rich… Mom wasn’t terrible just because her family had money. And she didn’t kill him.” She paused. “Dad’s family’s the only family I have left. I just want to make choices that will make them accept and love me.”
“Have you ever considered that you are an adult now? Your life is yours to live without being controlled by someone else, their values and assumptions.”
Dr. Bev sounded like Seth. Tatum knew it was true. She’d been an adult for a long time now. No one was there to run her life, her parents included. If she wanted to be involved with Seth, there was no one to stop her.
“I know I’m not a child, but it feels like I was never allowed to grow up. There was always someone there to tell me I was doing something wrong.”
“Now you have a chance to change that. Do you think you can?”
“I don’t know.”
Dr. Bev looked at the clock. “Time is almost up. Instead of giving you homework, I will encourage you to follow your heart.”
“Why not just give homework?” she whined.
“Sometimes, when people are afraid to take that next step, they want someone else to push them. I’m not going to push you. If you want a relationship with Seth, then do it.”
“Please sit down.” Seth didn’t need to see the woman, her hair short and black, her skin the color of a ripe peach to know she wasn’t fit for the job. One look at her resume and he knew. She had just graduated with her M.B.A. and had little experience. This interview was just a formality. “Why do you want to work for Score?”
“Well,” she enthusiastically answered, “I want to be a part of a company that is going places.” That was a so-so answer he got nine times out of ten.
“I see on your resume that you don’t have a lot of experience. What makes you a good candidate?”
“I know how to do the job.”
“If you had an overrun and high spending on products and other costs of doing business, what would you do? Keep in mind that at Score, we only offer the best.”
“I would eliminate employees.”
Now, he was convinced. She was fired before she was ever hired.
Tatum and Karla met at Karla’s favorite restaurant, an old Mom-and-Pop diner on the west side where children ate free.
Tatum hated the place.
The black and white checkered tiled floor made her dizzy. The cushioned booths were too firm, and the silver, red and black colors didn’t match. But the real reason Tatum hated the place didn’t have anything to do with the décor, but the booths filled with parents and children who happily ate and conversed. It always reminded her that she didn’t have children. She was getting older and her fertility was slipping away.
“So,” Karla began cautiously, “how are things going between you and Seth?”
Tatum wasn’t going to mention whatever was or was not between them, and she certainly had no intention of talking about that night. Besides, she was still bitter at Karla for dragging her to Seth’s house. She felt set up. Although she knew it wasn’t true, she couldn’t help but feel slightly betrayed.
“I know you didn’t mean to take me to Seth’s house that night when we left my place, but I still don’t like the fact that I had no choice in the matter.”
Karla lifted her fork and shoved food in her mouth.
“Anyway, Seth and I had a good time that night.”
“Girl, that’s great,” Karla remarked, overly enthusiastic.
Tatum was confused. “Aren’t you the one who told me to stay away from him?”
Karla shoved more food into her mouth.
She thought about again. “Yeah, yeah, you said he used women. Why are you so thrilled now?”
Karla cleared her throat. “Girl, I know that,” she babbled. “At first I was just thinking of him in a stereotypical way. You know, he owns a nightclub and restaurant and there are all these women around…”
“What changed?”
Karla lifted a heap of mashed potatoes to her mouth then stopped before taking the bite. “He really, really seems attracted to you. I saw how he looked at you and—”
“Really?” Tatum couldn’t help but feel good about the comment. It meant the potential relationship wasn’t all in her mind.
“Yeah, of course girl. I would never lie to you.”
Tatum nodded. “Yeah, I know I can trust you with my life.”
Karla dropped the fork on the plate. “I really think you should give him a chance. He is really, really attracted to you.”
Tatum shrugged. “I told him I would date him.”
“Great.”
“But after the date, I’m planning to tell him I don’t want to see him anymore.”
“No,” Karla said, frantic. “You can’t.”
Tatum was bewildered by her friend’s strange reaction. “Why can’t I?”
“This is a chance at happiness. You can’t keep letting others control your life. So what if he’s white?”
Tatum’s shoulders slumped. “You know how I feel about relationships with rich men.”
“I only know two things about you: you have no problem with the prospect, but you’re letting everyone else’s ideas get in the way.”
“I know, but—”
Karla shook her head. “No excuses, girl. Let yourself live a little. To hell with what others think.”
Tatum nodded. She knew Karla, Seth, and Dr. Bev were right. If she ever wanted to be happy, she had to start now, take a first step. Her mind told her not to do it, but her heart told her differently. When she thought about Seth, her decision grew stronger.
She grinned at Karla. “I’m going to do it.”
All Seth knew was that it was somewhere between dusk and dawn and he was exhausted. He had spent most of the night running from one restaurant to another to fix unnecessary disasters. Now, he wanted to fall in bed and sleep for days.
Seth entered his house and instantly tensed. There was something wrong.
He walked upstairs and into his bedroom. Off to the right, he saw the scene before he heard the loving voice.
“I was done hours ago. What took you so long?”
Seth stiffened, instantly angered. She
was lying on her stomach in his bed, completely naked. It used to sexually excite him unto senselessness. Now, it disgusted him.
“Get up and get out.”
Seth stomped down the stairs and went to the kitchen. He needed a drink before he committed murder. He reached in the cabinet and took out a bottle of vodka. He knew it was only a matter of time before he would be joined by his visitor.
“Why did you do that?” She was sulking. That was going to complicate things.
Dressed in one of his button-up shirts, she folded her arms across her chest and waited for his response. Seth noticed hurt in her voice, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t his problem. She was a big girl. She knew the rules.
“Gabby, you know it’s over.”
“No, it’s not. You’ve never told me that.”
“I told you so when we agreed you’d transfer to a different restaurant.”
Gabby gave a shocked laugh even though she was crying. “You didn’t tell me it was over. You made up this story about my services being needed at the other restaurants.”
“Well, I’m telling you now.”
“Why? Things are going so well between us.”
Seth’s anger bordered on rage. He couldn’t understand how such a smart woman could be so ignorant.
“I love you.”
He remained silent.
“I know you love me.” She walked closer to him.
He shook his head. “I never told you that.”
Gabby pointed at him. “Yes, you did.”
He stared her down. “When?”
“When you let me into your world, gave me a key to your house, and let me take control of the restaurant. I was your wife but without the title.”
“Whoa.” He held up his hands. “Who said anything about marriage here, de facto or otherwise?”
“Tell me,” she challenged. “Tell me that what we had was nothing.”
His stared at her and told her as cruelly as he could, “It was nothing.”
She shook her head, whimpered, “You’re lying.”
“Come on, Gabby. You knew the rules. You knew we had a business relationship with sex on the side.”
“Sex on the side?” she repeated, sounding astonished.
“Listen Gabby, we had an agreement. It was mutual enjoyment until the fun was over. Now the fun’s over, so have a nice life.”
“When did you decide to throw me aside?”
“I never threw you aside, damn it. We had sex. There was no love or romance. I never took you out on a date or…” Seth stopped, frustrated. He didn’t need to tell her what she already knew.
Gabby walked toward him. She grabbed his shirt, balling it up in her clenched fists. “Don’t do this to us.”
He pushed her away from him. “There’s no us!”
“Is it because of that black bitch?”
“Don’t you dare call her that!”
“It is, isn’t it?” Gabby demanded, outraged. “She’s the reason you want to take a break.”
“I don’t want a break. It’s over,” he corrected.
“Damn you! Answer me!”
“It’s over!”
“No!” Gabby screamed.
Seth tried to protect himself, but she was too quick, hitting him with open handed slaps. She slapped him in the face, chest and shoulders. Seth crouched against the counter. He wasn’t going to hit her. He just had to wait and find an opening so he could take control.
“No!” Gabby kept repeating it until it could no longer be understood.
Seth was finally able to grab her wrists and pushed her away. He shook her. “Stop it!”
Heaving, she flung her body toward him. She kissed him wildly, shoving her tongue in his mouth. Seth was shocked for the second time. It took him a short time to react. He cursed himself for not stopping the kiss as soon as it started.
Once he tore his mouth away from hers, Seth shoved her away.
“See, I told you. You can try, but you can’t hide the fact that you love me. You still feel passion for me.”
“No. I feel nothing. You’re fooling yourself.”
“I…”
“Get out!” he yelled.
“No!”
“You have fifteen minutes before I call the police.”
Seth left through the back door of his house. Once outside, he called a locksmith. They would be there in less than two hours to change his locks. He couldn’t wait for Gabby to leave.
He needed to look into a mirror, worried she’d done some visible damage to his face. He wasn’t worried about his appearance; he didn’t want her to make domestic violence claims.
Chapter 7
Today was the first time Tatum had ever been on a date this early, and she didn’t know if it was a good or bad sign. She just thought it was weird. It was Saturday in mid-June and after one o’clock. Seth’s only suggestion was to wear something comfortable.
They didn’t leave her Walnut Hills neighborhood. He parked the car along the tree-lined street in the largest park in the county, Eden Park, a magical place with a large greenhouse, music stages, pools and a water tower. All were nestled between forestry, expensive houses, an art museum and a playhouse. The park overlooked the Ohio River and the neighboring state.
Seth lazily strolled down the winding, hilly street. Tatum tried to appear relaxed, but the dread in her body held her captive. She was scared something bad was going to happen. She imagined one of her family members seeing them together. How would she explain Seth? He’s a business associate. He’s one of Adam’s out-of town-clients.
She would tell them she was showing him around the city. He wanted to go…damn. She shoved her hands into the pocket of her jeans. She didn’t know where they were going.
Tatum stared down at the sidewalk as they walked down the curvy hill. Why couldn’t he take me to some ultra-expensive, ultra-white place in the boonies? She began to pout. Most of her family lived outside of Walnut Hills, which would save her from having to explain. They had no reason to be in Eden Park on a Saturday afternoon.
Tatum’s mind raced with the possibilities of where he was taking her. She hoped they were going to the art museum. Her family didn’t know a Monet from a poster drawing. She would be safe. That was, until she heard the music and loud talking and felt the frenzied excitement.
She realized she’d forgotten the importance of today. It was Juneteenth, the day the slaves in Texas learned slavery was over. They’d been emancipated for a short time before anyone told them they were free. Like most cities, Tatum guessed, Cincinnati held a celebration every year. She was surprised Seth knew about it and embarrassed she’d forgotten. As he walked, Tatum stutter-stepped as if her body didn’t know whether to keep moving or stop.
Seth turned toward her, cocky and self-assured. “Are you surprised?”
“What?” Tatum wasn’t going to admit it. In a huff, she crossed her arms over her breasts and walked past him. “Am I surprised you couldn’t find a parking space closer?”
“Very funny.” Seth pretended to laugh before he became serious. “You know what I mean.”
“Maybe.” Tatum shrugged.
He slowly jogged to catch up with her. “Just admit it. I’ll forgive you.”
She still wasn’t giving in. “Maybe I will if you tell me how you found out about this.” Seth didn’t say anything. “Well?” She didn’t care if he was offended. “Did you find it in a newspaper somewhere?”
Seth shrugged. “I’ve visited this celebration off and on through the years.”
“I imagine one of your black girlfriends brought you here.” Tatum tried to hide her jealousy.
“Do I at least get some points for trying?”
Tatum didn’t understand why she was so jealous. She’d started out this relationship rejecting him because she thought he didn’t take black women seriously. Now, she was envious of them. They’d been where she was terrified to go.
As they turned the last curve, they were greeted with a colo
rful scene and crowds of people. Booths were lined up in a semicircle around a huge, shallow pool. Mirror Lake was the largest non-swimming pool in Cincinnati. It was a couple of feet deep.
Tatum hurriedly walked down concrete and stone steps. Seth placed his hand on the small of her back, protectively following her to make sure she didn’t fall.
“I wanted you to see that I’m not just some oversexed white guy looking for a good time,” he explained. “I know about your culture because I’m interested.”
She shrugged. She didn’t care what he was trying to do. She’d made up her mind. This was going to be their last date. Her family was right. He was a white man first and Seth second. He was going to hurt her.
They began strolling past each booth as children raced past them. Workers excitedly attended to those in attendance, some selling food and wares while others promoted different social issues. Politicians jumped at the chance to gain support for the fall elections. They mingled with the crowd, shaking hands and kissing babies.
Seth grabbed Tatum’s hand as they looked at artwork. Nervously, Tatum looked around. She could swear people were staring at them. She had not seen them, but suddenly she was sure her family was there too. They were burning a hole in her back with their eyes and saying cruel things. She knew they were there somewhere, all of them, cruelly judging her.
“Did you hear me?”
Tatum, confused, looked at him. “What?”
Seth pointed at the artwork in the corner of the booth behind an elderly black man. “I was commenting on the picture.”
She looked at the picture of a black woman with a baby resting its head against the woman’s shoulders, unimpressed. “It’s okay.”
They walked to another booth. Tatum slowed her pace to force their hands apart. Seth, however, merely adjusted his pace, so she ordered herself to enjoy the moment. She was with Seth at an event she wanted to attend.
Don’t think about other people, she told herself, trying to calm her paranoia.
It wasn’t working.
“Are you hungry?”
She didn’t answer. His cellular phone began chiming from the waist of his black jeans. He answered it but couldn’t hear the caller. Seth pointed to an area behind the booths to indicate where he was going. She nodded.
The Score Page 6
